Chapter Twenty-Six
Chasm
“Remember what you promised, Jude,” Morgan said as she toed off her sandals and unfastened her jeans. I watched her as she folded her pants and set them on the chair in the corner.
She pulled her shirt over her head and set it on the jeans, then removed her bra. I was momentarily distracted by her tits. Her tits were magnificent and already looked bigger than they were in Virginia.
When she slid her underwear off, I stared at her. “Why are you getting naked?” I asked again.
She tucked her panties inside the fold of her jeans and pulled the gown on. Turning her back to me, she ordered, “Tie this, please.”
“Morgan,” I growled as I tied the gown in place. She ignored my growl as she climbed onto the bed. She arranged the paper sheet to cover her legs and looked at me.
“I tried to tell you out there. I have to have an exam. That means everything gets checked, inside and out. The doctor is going to rub my breasts and slide his fingers inside me to feel around. Then he’s going to sit on his stool with my legs spread while he looks at my vagina.
And you are going to stand in the corner and say nothing. ”
“He?” I growled.
Like hell I heard her correctly. There is no fucking way she’d let another man touch her while I sat quietly in the corner of the fucking room.
“Yes, he.”
“Fuck no,” I snarled as someone knocked before the door opened, and in walked the doctor.
The doctor looked to be about my age. His hair was short, in a military-style cut. He was an inch shorter than me and lean.
“Hello, I’m Dr. Adams,” he said as he held one hand under the sanitizer and then rubbed them together.
My hands clenched into fists at my sides, and it took everything in me not to lash out and hit him. If he thought he was putting his hands anywhere near my wife, he was out of his fucking mind.
The door opened again, and a nurse stepped in. Looking between me and the doctor, she whispered, “Should I call security?”
“That won’t be necessary. I’m sure Mr...” He left the end open for me to answer.
“Chasm,” I hissed.
He looked at my cut and nodded. “I’m sure Chasm understands what is about to happen.”
The doctor studied me, waiting for me to make a move. Morgan reached over and grabbed my hand.
“Jude, you promised.”
I looked down at her. “You didn’t say shit about this.”
“You have one chance here, Jude. Use it wisely,” she said, then let go of my hand and pointed to the corner of the room.
I stood in my spot next to her head. I wasn’t fucking moving. No fucking way would I sit in the corner of the room like some weak-ass cuck. I cleared my throat and placed one hand on the bed behind her head. “Go ahead.”
Adams nodded as if everything was settled. Nothing was fucking settled. I was on the edge of my control, and one wrong move by this fucker would cause it to snap.
“How are you, Morgan?”
“I’m holding on,” she said. She spoke as if she knew him. As if they had history.
“I’ve looked over the ultrasound from Louisiana, but when we’re done here, I’d like to do another one just to verify all is well.”
“Thank you,” she rasped.
“Let’s start with a listen.”
Morgan leaned forward as the doctor listened to her lungs, then her heart. He laid the bed back and moved the gown aside before putting his hands on her tits.
The growl was unintentional.
Morgan’s eyes snapped to mine. “Jude,” she warned.
“It’s okay, Morgan,” the doctor said. “Chasm, I assure you everything I’m doing is clinical. Right now, I am feeling for lumps. Women need to check themselves at least once a week, though daily in the shower is better. Partners can check as well.”
He never looked down at what he was doing. When he finished the side he was on, he pulled the gown toward him and did the same on the other side.
“Early lump detection can mean all the difference,” he explained.
“Any pain in the breasts?” he asked as he covered her up again.
He looked her in the eye and was professional. I wished I could say that helped, but it didn’t.
“A little,” she said.
“As they grow, it can pull on the muscles inside the breast as well as the muscles along your collarbone that hold them up.”
He moved down her body and lifted the gown to reveal her stomach. He felt around, causing her to wince. My eyes snapped up, and he nodded.
“Mostly like ligament pain. But we’ll take a look.”
He pulled the sheet up so it bunched at her hips.
He held his hand out with two fingers extended, while the nurse squirted what looked like lube on them.
Then he rubbed it around with his thumb, coating those two fucking fingers before he stuck them inside her as he pressed down with his other hand.
“What exactly are you looking for?” I asked, my voice coarse with the rage I was trying desperately to hold back.
“Abnormalities. I’m checking the size and shape of her uterus to make sure it’s as it should be for how far along she is. I am also feeling for any growths that shouldn’t be there.”
When he was done, he removed the glove and replaced it with another one. He pulled the stool over and, just like Morgan said, sat down between her spread legs.
I looked at my wife; her eyes stared at the ceiling as a tear slipped from the corner of her eye. I focused all my attention on her as I wiped the tear away.
“Give me the word, and I’ll knock him out.”
She choked out a laugh, and I swore I heard the fucking doctor do the same, but I never took my eyes off her.
“Just hold my hand.”
The nurse slid another stool over to me and I sat down; her hand cradled in mine as my other hand cupped her head.
She winced and squeezed my hand.
“I’m sorry, Morgan, I know this part is the worst.”
“He’s a fucking man; what the fuck does he know?” I muttered.
Morgan turned her head and smiled at me. “Thank you.”
“What are you thanking me for?” I asked, running my fingers through her hair.
“For keeping your promise.”
“I haven’t exactly been quiet,” I said.
“No, but you haven’t hit the doctor, so I’ll take that as a win.”
I glanced at the end of the table. “The appointment’s not over. Better wait before you start thanking me.”
“Okay, everything looks good, Morgan.”
I fucking hated that he used her first name; like he had some kind of relationship with her.
“So we’re out of the woods?” she asked, and my heart broke with the fear I heard in her voice.
The doctor gave her a sad smile. “As you know, any number of things can happen during pregnancy. I won’t lie to you. But as for what happened last time. Once I see the ultrasound, I’ll feel better about making that certainty.”
I looked between Morgan and the doctor. “What happened last time?” I asked.
“We’ll talk about it later,” Morgan whispered.
I let it go for now, knowing she wouldn’t tell me. I should have asked before now, but I’d made an assumption. Women miscarried all the time without knowing why.
“What the fuck is that?” I asked, standing up, breaking my promise once again and ready to make it worse. I stared as the doctor rolled a fucking condom onto a long stick. He rubbed more lube on it and smiled.
“This is a transvaginal transducer. This is how we look inside and see your baby.”
I opened my mouth to protest as he slid the fucking thing inside Morgan. The sound of the thumping caught my attention immediately, and I forgot everything that had happened over the past forty-five minutes.
Morgan squeezed my hand. “That’s the baby’s heartbeat,” she whispered.
The steady, rhythmic sound was like nothing I’d ever heard in my life. I watched the monitor on the wall, my eyes glued to the screen, as the doctor moved the wand around, looking for the baby.
“What’s taking so long?” I asked.
“I’m checking her tube to make sure everything looks good,” the doctor replied.
A few more minutes and a space opened up on the screen. A black oval, with a little bean similar to the picture she’d given me, flashed before my eyes.
“There he is,” I whispered.
I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. Not even when I heard Morgan sniffle. It was suddenly so real. I placed my hand on her belly and looked at her.
“I’m a dad.”
“You were already a dad, Jude.”
She was right. I was already a dad, but this was different. We never got to see the first baby. Never got to hear his heartbeat. We had a few short weeks with him inside her before our lives went to shit.
This time would be different. This time I would protect him. Protect them both.
The doctor printed off a few more pictures and handed them to me.
“Everything looks good, Morgan. Mom and baby are both healthy as far as I can see. You can get dressed and stop at the front desk to make your next appointment.”
“Thank you, Dr. Adams.”
“Congratulations, Chasm.”
I looked up at the doctor’s smile and nodded. “Thanks,” I said, not offering him my hand. Though I appeared even-keeled after seeing my son on the screen, if I shook his hand, I might just rip his arm from his body.
Morgan got dressed without my help as I stared at the pictures in my hand. I was happy the first time, once the initial shock wore off. But this time... being able to see him and hear his little heartbeat set something off inside me.
I looked up at Morgan. “Marry me.”
“Jude,” she cautioned.
“I mean it, Morgan. Marry me again. I can’t let you go. Either of you.”
“I’m not discussing this here.” She grabbed her purse and walked out the door. I followed behind her, the pictures in the pocket of my cut. She made another appointment for three weeks. The woman explained that normally it would be four, but the doctor wanted to see her again in three.
“Why does he want to see you sooner? What’s his deal?” I asked, following her to the truck. I opened the door, and she climbed in but didn’t answer my question. When I got behind the wheel, I asked a second time.
“Why three weeks instead of four?” She stared straight ahead. “I’ll sit here all fucking night, Morgan. Why three weeks?”
“Because I am considered high risk.”
“What does that mean?”
“Can we go?” she asked, looking out the window.
“Not until you explain. Why are you high risk? What happened last time?”
Morgan swiped at a tear and blew out a breath. “I don’t want to do this in the car.”
“Then give me the short version and you can expand on it later.”
“I had an ectopic pregnancy.”
“What is that?”
“It means the baby attached inside the fallopian tube, instead of the uterus where it belongs.”
“Do they know why?” I asked, still not understanding why she would be high risk now. We saw the baby; he was right where he needed to be.
Morgan shrugged. “There is no answer as to why it happens. It could be that conception happens too early, the embryo moves too slowly through the tube, or gets stuck behind scar tissue, or a malformation in the tube.”
“How did they find it last time?”
“They didn’t. Not until King found me.”