CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
In his hotel room, Luke tossed the candy and snacks in his suitcase, stripped down to boxers and a tee, then sprawled on the bed.
He pulled up his phone and dialed Sebastian’s number. When the call connected, he blurted out, “What if I can’t—can’t do the relationship thing?”
“Luke?” Sebastian rasped. “What? Is everything okay?”
It hit Luke how late it was in Boston right now. “Fuck,” he said. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you. Just, uh, forget I called. We can talk tomorrow.”
“Wait! No. I’m awake now.” Luke heard a rustling sound like Sebastian was sitting up in bed. “What do you mean about not being able to do the relationship thing?”
Luke huffed and got up to pace around the room. “I don’t—I don’t fuckin’ like labels, okay? They feel … itchy to me. Like someone’s trying to stuff me into a too small hockey sweater made of burlap or somethin’. That’s what relationships do to me too.”
“Okay?”
Luke sighed. “But the guys were talking a while ago and uh, one of them was saying they were aromantic. I think that’s me too. You know what that means?”
“Yeah,” Sebastian said slowly. “Although it can mean a lot of things for different people. What does it mean for you?”
“I don’t fuckin’ know,” Luke admitted, still pacing. He tugged at the collar of his T-shirt. Fuck, he wished he could crack open a window or something. “That’s the thing, it’s been years since I’ve met someone I’ve wanted anything like this with.”
“So it’s not that you never want a romantic relationship,” Sebastian said slowly. “It’s just not very often.”
“You’d be the second person ever.” Luke’s tone was dry. “And before … there was a lot of shit that didn’t feel right.”
“Okay, so do you know what doesn’t work for you?” Sebastian asked.
“Some,” he said. “I’m not … I don’t want to be with someone 24/7. I need my space.”
“So you want something less traditional,” Sebastian said. “Well, that seems reasonable. You’re gone a lot with the team anyway, right?”
“Yeah.” Luke scuffed his toe on the carpet. “I won’t always be though. I’ll retire eventually.”
Maybe sooner rather than later, he thought a little bitterly, because he’d talked to his agent yesterday and they were still making no fucking progress on contract negotiations.
Sebastian hummed. “True. Well, maybe you’ll have a job where you travel after. Have you decided what you want to do?”
“I’m opening a bar in Boston. Or, that’s the plan anyway.”
“Oh right, I remember now. You’re planning to open Cheers. Well, yeah, you probably wouldn’t travel much then, huh?”
“No.” Luke tugged at his collar again. “And I don’t know that I can live with someone. At least, not all the time.”
“Okay.”
“Just okay? You don’t have any fuckin’ thoughts on that?”
“Well, I don’t know. Are we talking about this hypothetically with you and someone else in some vague future?” Sebastian sounded annoyed. “Or are we talking about what it would look like for you and me if we were together now? I need to know what you’re asking me here. I just woke up.”
Luke cleared his throat. “You and me.”
“You want to know if I’d ever be able to be in a relationship with you even if we never lived together?”
Luke rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. I guess. Don’t want to start something if it’s doomed to fail because we want totally different things, you know?”
Sebastian was silent and Luke paced, trying to be patient and give him the space to think. He’d probably done this all wrong. Should have waited until he was back home in Boston and talking face-to-face.
“Do you think you could do part-time?”
“Part-time what?” Luke asked.
“Part-time living together. Like … what if in this hypothetical future we could have, I kept my apartment over the shop and sometimes I stayed there but sometimes I stayed at your place. Our place. However we handled that part.”
Luke blinked, surprised by the response and the relief that flooded through him at the idea, easing the tight constriction around his throat. “You’d want to do that?”
“When I’ve been up all night doing florals for a wedding, the thought of walking upstairs to sleep instead of driving all the way across Boston sounds fucking amazing,” Sebastian said with a soft laugh. “Especially when I’ve got to get up in the morning to get those flowers to the wedding.”
“Sure,” Luke said doubtfully. “But how often does that happen?”
“More than you’d think.” Sebastian’s tone was dry. “Especially as we get into wedding season. Look, I get why you’re probably skeptical. A lot of people have an idea of what a relationship should look like. But so what if ours doesn’t look that way?”
“You wouldn’t feel like you’re missing out?”
The soft huff of Sebastian’s laugh was all he got for a moment.
“No,” he finally said. “No, I wouldn’t. Dude, I don’t want to live in anyone’s pocket either. Are you okay with me not being at your beck and call?”
“Absolutely,” Luke said.
“The thing is, I’ve gotten a lot of shit from people I’ve dated about not being ‘all there’ in the relationship myself.
They wanted more time, more … energy than I have to give.
My career is a big part of my life. So are Harper and Brie.
I don’t—I can’t be the guy who’s there all the fucking time anyway. ”
Luke sat with that for a moment. “Really?”
“Really. I have two shops in New York in addition to the one in Boston, Luke. The New York ones are running fine without me having too much hands-on input these days, but I do want to spend more time there. I want to be able to head to New York for a few weeks and not worry that the person I’m with is going to feel abandoned or neglected.
I want to fucking … grow my business, which is going to mean more travel.
Are you up for being with a guy who’s gone a lot? ”
“Of course,” Luke said because, honestly? That sounded kinda perfect.
He’d never been with anyone who was gone more than him. Who had their own life that they were busy with. Who didn’t demand more from him than he was able to give.
They were both silent for a moment before Luke quietly asked, “You really think we could do this?”
“I think we can do anything we want. I think our relationship could look any way we want it to as well. I think the only limitations are how creative we can be about it.”
“I’d—I’d introduce you to my family,” Luke offered. “The team too, if you wanted. I wouldn’t ask you to be a secret but I don’t want—I don’t want to make a big announcement about it.”
“I’m not asking you to,” Sebastian said with a laugh. “Look, just because I care about you doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep showing up to your games and chirping you. So get that right out of your head. I’m not gonna become a Harriers fan for you or anything crazy.”
Luke chuckled, the reminder that Sebastian was his own person, that he would push back when he needed to, easing the last of his worries. “You’re not gonna write me love poems?”
“Fuck no,” Sebastian said. “I might give you flowers though, whether you like it or not. They’re kinda my thing.”
“I like cactus,” Luke offered, taking a seat on the bed.
Sebastian chuckled. “You are a cactus. All prickly on the outside.”
“Yeah,” Luke agreed, because fuck, he couldn’t argue with that one.
“Are we doing this then?” Sebastian asked.
“Yeah,” Luke said and he was surprised by how thick his voice was. “I think we are.”
Sebastian was silent, and for a few moments they just sat there with only the sound of their breaths between them.
“You know, life’s a real bitch,” Luke said with a huff as he lay back, tucking his hand under his head and staring at the ceiling. The bed suddenly felt a little too big. A little too empty on the other side.
“How’s that?”
“Right now’s one time I’d really like to have you around.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” It sounded like Sebastian was smiling.
Luke smiled too. “You fuckin’ should, Flower Boy.”
Sebastian smiled at the sound of heavy feet on the steps leading up to his apartment.
Luke was back.
The team had gotten home from their western road trip late last night and Luke had needed to do some stuff around the house after practice today.
But he was here at Sebastian’s place now and Sebastian had even managed to throw together a halfway decent dinner for the two of them.
Okay, so it mostly consisted of tossing some things in his slow cooker and rice cooker, but he was trying. He’d even made sure it fit pretty well with Luke’s nutrition plan. Because apparently, he was dating a pro hockey player now.
Sebastian took off his headphones and idly wondered what his teenage self would think of that.
The door opened to reveal Luke, who carried a plastic bag in one hand.
Sebastian sat up, intending to stand, but Luke strode over, dropped the bag in his lap, then bent over to give him a slow, lingering kiss.
Sebastian let out a sigh of disappointment when Luke pulled away. The man was a damn good kisser.
“I could have gotten up, you know,” Sebastian pointed out with a smile as he stared up at him.
“Nah, you look comfortable. It’s nice to see you relax.”
Sebastian stretched out again and Luke took a seat on the ottoman, lifting Sebastian’s legs to rest in his lap.
“How was the flight home?” Sebastian asked, because they’d both been too busy today to catch up much.
“Not too bad. Some turbulence from the storms but we didn’t run into any major issues.”
In the past month, Boston had gone from bitter cold to heavy snow, then to drenching rain and thunderstorms. All the snow had melted and everything was gray and soggy. It wasn’t Sebastian’s favorite time of year.
“Glad to hear it,” Sebastian said.
Luke nodded at the bag in Sebastian’s lap. “Open it.”
Amused, Sebastian glanced down. “Okay.”
Although it wasn’t prettily wrapped, Sebastian’s smile widened as he pulled out bags of treats. “You bought me candy?”
“Yeah. Hope you have a sweet tooth.”