Cheater

29. Chloe

He had that man pull a gun on us and force us to sit in the living room to wait for him. His behavior was that extreme at the sight of the penis pump. And then he strolls in here and just… blows our life apart?

And he wants me to leave with him, marry him. Marry him? Did he really say that and promise Adam a million bucks on our first wedding anniversary? I can’t even form a coherent thought right now.

What was Adam doing with Jeannie the night of his accident? An argument with her made him angry and he… what… drove erratically? I don’t know what any of that means. We ran into her once and she was a bitch, told me she wanted him back and told him when he was ready, she’d be waiting. He laughed it off and told me she was a bunny-boiler ex. Blew it off as no big deal. He certainly never said he was engaged before me.

I close the door behind myself and sit on the bed. Adam’s in front of me. Privacy is an illusion, of course.

“He’s clearly very dangerous, Chloe,” Adam says with a dire expression. “I guess you didn’t know who he was when you decided to sleep with him.”

Anger flares in me.

Adam reads it and raises his hands defensively.

“I know that’s on me. Fuck. Of all the people though…”

“If I could wrap my mind around anything happening right now, I might think you’re blaming me for this.”

“Of course I’m not. I’m sorry. When I wrote that article on his father, I couldn’t find much about Derek Steele. Whole family is secretive, but that one’s the brother that’s most under the radar. Clearly he’s worse than even the worst of them. The shit I dug up about his brothers, though, this isn’t a shocker.”

I don’t know what he’s referring to but I’m not about to ask. I don’t need to know the details to know he’s right about Derek being messed up.

“And he’s obsessed with you.”

I say nothing.

“I’m sorry, Chloe.”

I frown and say nothing again, because I’m in a state of disbelief over this evening’s events. Although maybe I shouldn’t be. If Derek would go to the lengths he’s already gone to, how far will he go?

“I don’t know what to do,” Adam says. “If I say that you should go with him, and he hurts you… I can’t imagine. He had someone hold us at gunpoint for god’s sake. If we deny him, I don’t know what’ll happen. He seems like he’s on a hair trigger, could snap at any moment.”

“Yep,” I whisper, reaching for the box of Kleenex on Adam’s bedside table and blow my nose.

“How much do you know about the Steele family?”

“Not much,” I say, crumpling the Kleenex.

“I don’t know what to do, Chloe. I know his brother Thad was a hot-headed thug. Pulled some major shit before he got murdered. His brother Elijah has a reputation for some dark shit, too. Guy’s practically a mobster. There’s rumblings about Jonah Steele getting compared to Elijah. Asher Steele is a jet-setting typical rich playboy, but doesn’t seem like much of a threat. Nobody talks about Derek Steele. Ever.”

Bile rises in my throat.

“There are stories about the father having things go his way in many situations where they shouldn’t have. Guy keeps getting richer and richer. About how dirty the men in that family will play to get what they want. Clearly the apples don’t fall far from that tree. But if we don’t cooperate, I don’t know what the hell that guy will do. He’s gone to a whole lot of extremes here.”

“Yeah,” I whisper and get a fresh Kleenex to dab wetness off my cheeks.

The look on his face says it all. He thinks I should go with Derek. He’s willing to give me up. I mean, what else can he do, right? Fight for me? Fight against a rich, powerful psychotic man who has no problems making threats and showing he can make good on them, right? So, I should go with the powerful, psychotic man that’s been blackmailing me and leave Adam with all the opportunities Derek has put in his lap.

“I guess it’s a trade-off.” I shrug, dabbing my face with the Kleenex. “Get your books published. Get access to leading edge technology to help you walk. I get to marry a psycho.” I shrug. “And if it lasts a year before he does something terrible to me, I could make sure you get a cool mill. Sounds like a sweet deal for you.”

“Chloe…I…” he lets that hang.

“Don’t bother. No point talking about this.” I let him off the hook. As always.

“I don’t know what to say. I had no idea you were dealing with this. I knew something was wrong. I knew I made a mistake pushing you to use the hall pass when you fell apart afterwards. I just didn’t know it was this bad. I knew you were dealing with your feelings about all that and that’s why I wanted to try tonight. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. You’ve been really closed off since it happened, and I had no idea the guy you slept with was harassing you. You didn’t tell me.”

“There’s a lot of things you didn’t tell me, clearly.” His book. Jeannie. What else?

He says nothing.

“I couldn’t tell you,” I defend. “He had a recording of me bitching to Alannah about you. Just venting about things. And the things I said… some of them weren’t that nice. It was just venting, Adam. Girls do that sometimes when they’re frustrated.”

“I get it.”

“Lan said some stupid shit too, and… I’m not blaming her. It was girl talk. He eavesdropped on girl talk.”

“I get it.”

“But I worried about how you’d react to my venting after you told me about the dark thoughts you’ve been having. He knew how to play me. I wasn’t going to use the hall pass on him, but he played me. Heard me talking to Alannah and… and then afterward I used the hall pass, he was stalking me. I knew he was having me followed by that guy. I just… I didn’t know what to do about any of it, I was trying to protect you. Maybe I should’ve gone to the cops, but I was threatened against that.”

He shakes his head. “No. That would’ve been a bad idea. Not the least of which is the fact that the Steele family is rumored to have cops in their pocket. A cop friend of mine,” he gives me an extreme expression, “knows a lot about them.”

I sigh. He’s talking about Craig and doesn’t want to name him. Derek already knows about Craig, made that clear tonight already in talking about Adam springing boners. In fact, Alannah mentioned Craig’s name today on the phone with me.

“I know I’ve been hard to live with. I don’t blame you for venting. I vent to Paul and Craig about you, too. I wouldn’t want you hearing those things either.”

“What’s he holding over your head?” I ask. “You can tell me.” Though clearly he’s keeping a lot of secrets from me. Publisher rejections. Seeing Jeannie the night he had the accident. The forty grand he has. That he’s been getting erections.

“I can’t talk about it. It’ll kill me. It’s something from my childhood. It’s… ugly. I can’t talk about it just on the fly like this, especially with him out there listening, watching.” He shakes his head.

He doesn’t trust me. It’s sobering, to say the least.

“It’s not something I wanna talk about with anyone, Chloe. You don’t have to take that on as if it’s your burden. You always do that. Like this … trying to deal with it by yourself. Clearly this guy charmed you and then showed his true colors and you didn’t know what to do about it, but I wish you would’ve told me and then we could’ve talked about what to do.”

I sigh. “By the time I knew how dangerous he was, he was following me, put cameras in the house. He was clearly determined we’d break every one of your rules. I couldn’t tell you or he’d find out because he was watching us. It’s bent. This whole thing.”

He sighs. “I just… don’t know what to do.” Adam rakes his hands through his hair.

“He bought Cavalier and finagled me working on that campaign full-time. He’s now my only client. He threatened to buy my company. I don’t know how far he’s willing to go. I don’t know why he’s so fixated on me. Why he pursued me. I really just don’t get it.”

“You’re beautiful, Chloe. You’re sensitive and caring. Nurturing. Loyal. You’re also sexy as hell. What guy wouldn’t want that?”

The way he says it doesn’t feel nice. It doesn’t feel like a compliment.

“And above you being the whole package that you are, you’re my best friend in the whole world. I know I sucked at being your fiancé. I know I pushed you to sleep with someone because I thought it’d help me feel like I was doing the right thing. It didn’t feel like the right thing when I found you in your office that night crying about what I made you do. I hated myself for it. I’m sorry. I… I hope you wind up with a big fat bank account when all this is over. Maybe he’ll do a generous prenup and it’ll end well. Be great if it lasted longer than a year so we’d both get paid. If I find out he hurt you, I don’t care about me, I will do something about it. I mean that.”

I gawk at him as it sinks in. This is him saying goodbye. Saying goodbye while paying lip service about doing something about me getting hurt. Reacting after the fact instead of protecting and preventing. He’s wishing me well. He’s ready for me to go jump into Derek’s arms. And stay for at least a year so he can be a millionaire. Derek went to extremes at the notion of Adam fucking me. Adam is giving up without any sort of fight at the idea of me being forced to marry a psychopath.

This is surreal.

He’s afraid of Derek. I suspect he’s also thinking about the sweet deal he gets out of this. I just don’t know what the bigger motivator is.

“You never told me about Jeannie, either.”

“She was trying to talk me into getting back together. There was no point. I’ve never been unfaithful to you. I swear it. The engagement wasn’t even… she talked my gran into giving her the ring. I think she and my mother put their heads together. It didn’t mean what it meant with us. She and I grew up together. It was just… she thinks that old history should’ve kept us connected.”

“And he told me you’re hiding money from me,” I say.

He has the decency to look remorseful.

“I…” He blows out a breath. “I have some money aside for a bug-out fund. It’s something my father preached to us as kids. Being prepared for an emergency. I wasn’t trying to hide it, I just… it was there in case we needed it. In case things come out in the press about… the stuff I’m trying to keep under wraps.”

“All we’ve been through and you’re gonna let this end just like this without me really understanding what he’s holding over your head?”

Adam stares at me for a long moment.

“Maybe he’ll tell you anyway.” He shrugs. “I don’t want to talk about this, I really don’t, but let’s just say that my uncle is a pedophile and child killer. He’s in prison. I put him there. I can’t talk about it. We changed our name to get away from the press. It can’t get out. Can’t, Chloe. It’ll kill my grandmother. My folks. My siblings. We were hounded relentlessly. I knew you were willing to clear your account out for us to have this place. I didn’t want to leave us with nothing in case it leaked and we needed to get away. It’d be a circus. I took the stand, Chloe. I helped put him in prison because he did shit to me when I was a kid and then he did shit to other kids and a little girl died, so I spoke up.”

“Oh,” I whisper. “That’s terrible.”

“I can’t talk about it. Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t. Of course I won’t.”

But reality is sinking in. Adam and I were never on the same page about what it takes to build a life together with an unshakeable foundation. Honesty. Transparency.

I slip my engagement ring off and set it on the nightstand.

I watch Adam’s face transform from sorrow to anger. And then sorrow again. Sitting in his wheelchair but still looking so handsome, so healthy, and maybe he’ll get even healthier now that he’ll have everything that he wants. A publishing contract. He never even told me he had almost a whole series of books finished already. I don’t understand why. Because he got rejection letters? But he’ll get them published now. He’ll have an exciting new career. Technology that’ll give him even more mobility than what that van gave him. Financial security with new job opportunities. His dreams will come true. Without pressure for intimacy, equality in the household, for children. Two suits that help him walk.

And what about me? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

I feel hollow inside. Empty. And raw. I’ve been hollowed out with a rusty coat hanger.

“I’ll just pack a small bag for now. Figure the rest out later I guess.”

I don’t even know Adam’s real name.

I get to my feet.

Derek’s having him take the blame. Derek thinks we’re getting married.

Adam frowns. He’s having trouble believing this drastic turn of events. I can relate.

He didn’t even tell me the whole truth about the accident. That’s why I saw her twice at the hospital. His mother said it was a coincidence. Did his mother know the truth? Did his mother want them back together because she preferred Jeannie to me for Adam?

“I’ll always love you, Chloe. I’m so, so sorry. I-”

Springing erections and maintaining that his dick doesn’t work.

“I’ll figure it out,” I say. I can’t give him the I love you back. It’s just not in me. Because what does loving someone matter if you’re saying goodbye? If they’re willing to say goodbye without a fight?

He doesn’t say anything else. Of course he doesn’t try to touch me. He didn’t try to fight for me. It’s just… over.

And it hurts.

I’ve been fighting for him and he’s not remotely willing to fight for me. He’s not just biding time here. Placating Derek with plans to fight for me. He’s done. He’s accepting this.

I don’t want anything to happen to him. I don’t want him to hurt. I don’t want him afraid. I just want him happy. But I now know, deep down, that marrying Adam would’ve left me unfulfilled in so many more ways than just sexually. And would I have stayed so that I can hold my head high about sticking by him through it all? For better, for worse? Wearing the white dress just once? Being married to a man who can keep so many secrets from me? Taking a last name that’s a fabrication instead of becoming part of a family. His mom is always tepid with me. Because why? Because she wishes he’d married Jeannie instead of getting engaged to me?

I could really use some time with the feelings these revelations are bringing. But I can’t have that. Because realizing Adam Hallman isn’t my happily ever after is just part of the problem. Derek Steele is taking me home with him. With plans to marry me. With floating hearts in his eyes like a cartoon character.

He says he wants to focus on me, on making me feel appreciated. On making my dreams and my sexual fantasies come true. He’s the whole package. The whole package plus psychological issues up the wazoo. Sexy. Skilled in bed. Rich. Doting. Extremely possessive. Scratch that: insanely possessive. I gave Derek one night and now he’s demanding that I vow forever.

Adam stays put while I haul my weekender bag out of the closet, then quickly shove some clothes in before I grab my phone charger and wrap it into a figure eight bunch on my way into the bathroom to toss toiletries into the bag.

I storm past Adam and down the hall where I toss the bag on the floor in front of Derek who’s standing by the front door with his hand on the doorknob.

My throat is clogged. My body is numb. My chest and sinuses feel like they’re on fire.

I spin around and storm to my office where I stuff my laptop, tablet, and day planner into my briefcase. I stomp back out and hand that to Derek, then grab my phone and purse, put shoes on and grab a coat.

Adam hasn’t come out of the bedroom.

From my periphery, I see Derek zip up my weekender bag, so I blow my hair out of my eyes while I grab my keys and storm outside, breathing hard.

Derek catches my hand as I get to my Cherokee.

“I’ll drive. Get someone to bring your car over tomorrow,” he says softly.

I whirl around to face him, on the verge of something. Crying. Screaming. Using my nails on his face? I don’t know.

But he senses something is about to blow and gives me a dark look. “Into the truck, Chloe. We’ll talk about this when we get home.”

Home?

I stare, taking big breaths, fighting warring urges in me to do something, I don’t know what… scream? Run? I don’t know.

He takes my keys from me, hits the lock button on my Cherokee, walks to his SUV and opens the passenger door for me before he opens the back door and puts my stuff inside, including the donut shop bag from earlier with the soup and the pastries. He must have taken it out of my fridge.

I climb in and pull the seatbelt on.

I should run out into the street. Cause a scene. Make the neighbors call the police.

But Adam is in there with his future hinging on all this.

And I’m here with my insides hollowed out by the rusty coat hanger.

As he backs out, I stare at the townhome. The townhome I didn’t want to buy. The townhome I cleaned my savings out for in order to give Adam the right environment to heal in. I stare at the van Derek helped buy him and then my eyes bounce up to the sky and I stare at that while I pull in air before slowing letting it out.

Adam’s in there by himself. By himself without me but with a whole lot of opportunity ahead of him.

Adam has bared his secrets to me as part of our ending.

And tonight, he’ll be sleeping in the sheets Derek fucked me in. Just like Derek wants. I had planned to change them, to defy him, but I didn’t get the chance.

I dash the tears off my face with my sleeves and pull out my phone.

I start typing into my text string with Adam.

Change the sheets before you

Derek grabs my phone out of my hand before I finish. He eyeballs the screen and then shoots me a dark look before I watch him backspace the letters away and pocket my phone.

I have no words. Thankfully, he doesn’t try to make me use any for the drive back to his apartment.

The parking lot is pretty full, not a surprise for a Friday night with his other club here.

When he parks, he says, “Wait there.”

He comes around to the passenger side and opens the door, leans in to click the seatbelt and then he plucks me out of the seat and sets me on my feet in front of him.

He looks into my eyes as he caresses my face.

I swallow down a lump of emotion and say nothing.

“I’ll make it all better,” he vows, then opens the back door, grabs my bag, my laptop bag, my purse, and the bag of food and carries them all to the door, still managing to hold it open for me.

I step inside and woodenly walk to the elevator.

When I get there, him behind me, the door opens and the blonde I ran into the last time I was here steps out and takes us in with surprise. His sister, Grace.

“Hey. What’s goin’ on?” she asks, eyes bouncing between me and Derek.

“Not now,” he grinds out. “Go ahead, baby,” he tells me.

I step into the elevator.

“Derek?” she inquires.

“Grace, this is Chloe. My girlfriend.” Derek looks at me and his face transforms from annoyed, splitting into a wide smile with his eyes lit with excitement. “Chloe, my sister, Grace. Later, Grace.” He loses the smile and presses the button.

“Your what?” Grace looks absolutely stunned.

I sag against the back wall of the elevator. Grace eyeballs me with concern.

The doors begin to close.

“Derek?” she tries.

“Not tonight. I’ll phone you tomorrow,” he states. “I mean it, Grace. Not. Tonight.”

The doors close on her, so I stare at the rising lights. Before we get to the top floor, my eyes bounce his way and he’s staring at me with that big smile on his face. Those cartoon hearts in his eyes.

Of course he’s happy. Quite a coup tonight.

I stare at him with what must be an absolutely dumbfounded expression, I don’t know, but the ding of our arrival to his floor breaks the spell and I’m the first to depart the little box.

When I get to his apartment door, I press my thumb to the small screen and the door clicks.