Chapter 19
BEN
Madness: Hiii. Any hotels let you have
Iread the text three times before responding. It’s after seven in the evening and I just got home from an early dinner at Beth and Foster’s.
Ben: You okay Madness?
The bubbles appear and then stop. Then they start again.
Madness: Sorry! I thought I was texting Beth. Your names are a lucky.
Madness: a Lucky
Madness: a Lucky! Lolllll Similar. Your names are similar.
What is happening right now? Why is she texting like she’s drunk at seven o’clock on a Thursday?
Ben: Are you okay?
Madness: I’m perfect! How are you?
Ben: I’m good. Why are you looking for a hotel that lets you have cats?
Madness: Because the one I’m at now doesn’t but the bartender is super cool and said I could stay here until I find one but Cheshire is getting cranky and I’m sleepy
I’m putting my coat back on, grabbing my keys and moving towards my condo door while my fingers fly over the phone.
Ben: Where are you?
Madness: a hotel
Ben: Which hotel?
Madness: the big one with the beach bar
Beach bar? I wrack my brain as I ride the elevator back down to the ground level. There’s an upscale hotel with a restaurant called The Shore Club in it.
Ben: The Westin?
The text bubbles appear and disappear. They appear once more before stopping entirely.
I jog to my car, climb into the driver’s side and switch to hands free.
“Call Madness.” I say out loud.
“Calling Madness,” the robotic voice responds.
The phone rings for what feels like hours, then she finally picks up.
“Hey!” she says with a laugh that borders on hysterical. “Cheshire and I were just talking about you!”
“Oh yeah?” Why did Maddy bring her cat to a hotel? And why is she having a conversation with him?
“Yeah.” Her voice lowers to a whisper. “I think he misses you.”
Yup. She’s drunk.
“Well, tell him I’ll see him soon. I’m on my way to get you.”
“You are?!”
“I am. But I need you to listen to me, okay? Are you at The Westin?”
“Yessss. That’s the one. You’re so smart!”
“Okay, good. I’ll be there in five minutes. Maybe ten. Just stay put and don’t talk to anyone.”
“What about Killian?”
I grip the steering wheel tighter.
“Who’s Killian?”
“My bartender friend!”
“You can talk to him. Actually, Mads—can I talk to him?”
I hear her call to her new friend and a moment later a deep male voice comes across the line.
“Hello?”
“Killian?”
“Yeah…”
“Hey, man. I’m Ben. You’ve got my friend, Madelyn, with you?”
His voice pitches lower like he doesn’t want to be overheard. “I only served her two drinks, man, I swear. One minute, she was fine, and the next, she was slurring her words, raging about some guy named Derek, and introducing me to her gigantic pissed-off cat.”
My heart stutters in my chest. Raging about some guy named Derek?
It’s probably just a fight. All couples fight. They argue, work through it, and eventually make up. But what if it’s more than that?
“You still there?”
Shit. In my spiral over Maddy’s questionable relationship status, I forgot I was on the phone with someone.
“I’m here. She’s always had a low tolerance for alcohol, but she’ll be fine.
I’ll be there in–” I check the time on my dashboard– “six minutes. Can you please just keep an eye on her? Make sure she’s okay until I get there? ”
“No problem.”
“Thank you.” I disconnect the call and try my best to focus on the road, instead of the thoughts and feelings threatening to overwhelm me. Of all the emotions I’m feeling, one feels far more dangerous than the rest.
Hope.
I park illegally in front of The Westin and hop out of the car so fast, I almost forget to kill the ignition.
I’ve been here before for team events and I know that the bar is located to the right of the entrance.
I spot Maddy the moment I cross the entryway.
She’s sitting at the bar, her back to me.
Her legs dangle from the tall stool she’s perched on.
I approach her slowly, working up my courage. My normally steady hands are trembling slightly, with either nerves or just anticipation.
“Excuse me,” I say as I lean against the bar next to her, “Can you tell me how to get to advanced Chemistry?”
The grin that takes over her face as her eyes meet mine knocks the air from my lungs. She looks unabashedly happy to see me. It’s like she’s radiating joy from every pore and it’s almost enough to make my heart fracture in my chest.
“You came!”
Of course I did. There is not a place, time, dimension this woman could wander that I would not follow her to.
I shrug my shoulders with a casualness I definitely don’t feel. “It’s not every day I get drunk-dialed by a director of operations and events.”
“I’m not drunk, I’m just blowing off a little steam.”
I scan her face, looking for any signs of distress, but find none. No red or puffy eyes, though they are a bit glassy from alcohol. No tension in her freckled brow. No indication that anything is amiss except that she’s drinking in a hotel bar. With a cat.
I dip my head down to peek into the carrier.
“Hey, big guy,” I say, suddenly choked up at seeing him after all this time. He lets out a disgruntled mew and I add, “I know. Let’s get you out of here.”
“Where are we going?” Maddy asks as she stands. She’s not falling over, but I wouldn’t call her steady.
Great fucking question, I think. “That depends on you, Mads. Do you want me to take you home?”
For the first time since I arrived, her expression clouds and her face falls. “I don’t have a home anymore.”
I wet my bottom lip. “What do you mean?”
“The condo is Derek’s and we broke up.”
Externally, I appear calm and concerned. I give her what I hope is a reassuring nod.
Internally?
Holy fucking shit this is the greatest thing that’s ever happened. This is Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and my birthday combined. I want to drop to my knees and thank God, the Universe, the dinosaurs, the Academy—anyone who will listen, for this gift I’ve been given.
Instead, I ask, “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” she answers without thought or hesitation. “I just need to find a place for us to stay.”
“Would you feel comfortable staying with me?”
Her eyes widen the slightest bit and her top teeth sink into her lower lip. She nods and I nearly pass out with relief.
I thank the bartender and leave him two hundred dollar bills on the bar before picking up Maddy’s bag in one hand and Cheshire’s carrier in the other. As we walk out of the hotel, Maddy hooks her arm in mine, leaning against me slightly for balance or maybe just for comfort?
We stop at a grocery store on the way back to my place. I run in and grab a litter box, cat litter, and some wet and dry food for Cheshire. When I get back to the car, I find Maddy fast asleep in the passenger seat. She doesn’t wake when I climb in.
I sit there for a moment staring at her.
I always loved watching Maddy sleep and to be honest, I never thought I’d get to again.
She stirs when I start the car again but doesn’t wake up.
A strand of her hair falls across her face, causing her to crinkle her nose adorably.
I brush the soft strands away, tucking them gently behind her ear.
“Wow,” Maddy breathes as she walks into my living room. “Your place is gorgeous.”
Her nap appears to have sobered her, at least somewhat.
“Thanks,” I tell her, placing the cat carrier down in front of her. She drops to her knees to open it and a huge, pissed-off cat stalks out.
“Cheshire,” I laugh as I crouch down. The miniature tiger gives me a long, assessing look before slowly strutting over to me. As soon as he’s within arms length, I reach for him, stroking his head firmly. He closes his eyes when I scratch under his chin, purring so loudly my hand vibrates.
“He always loved you,” she says softly, watching us together.
“I’m very lovable.” I flash a grin, trying to lighten the moment.
“I remember.”
My hand stills in Cheshire’s thick fur. I look up, expecting to find her smiling, maybe even rolling her eyes at me. Instead, she won’t meet my gaze. Her eyes flicker around the room like she’s suddenly unsure what she’s doing here.
The need to fix it, to make her feel okay, rises up fast. “Can I get you anything?” My voice is gentle, careful. “Something to eat, maybe?”
She shakes her head. “I think I just want to go to bed.”
I swallow hard. “Of course.”
“I forgot to pack something to sleep in.”
Motherfucker.
“Not a problem. Why don’t you start getting ready for bed. The bathroom is down the hall and on your left and there’s new toothbrushes in the drawer. I’ll grab you a t-shirt and sweats to wear?”
She nods, and I step away, promising I’ll be right back. But as I head down the hall, the walls feel narrower, the air heavier. This uncertainty is new for me. I feel awkward, nervous, and completely out of my depth.
In my room, I rifle through my dresser, my fingers skimming over fabric until they land on a well-worn pair of pajama pants and an old Otters t-shirt.
By the time I return, Maddy is in the bathroom. I set the clothes just outside the door and let her know they’re there.
While she gets ready for bed, I focus on getting Cheshire settled.
I fill the litter box with fresh litter, setting it in the corner of the living room for now—I’ll figure out a better spot in the morning.
Next, I pour water into a glass bowl and set out a plate of food.
Cheshire rubs against my leg before sniffing at his meal and I scratch behind his ears, grateful for the distraction.
And then she reappears.
She’s taken her hair down and loose waves curling slightly at the ends fall past her shoulders. My t-shirt and sweats swim on her frame. And somehow I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen her look more beautiful.
I don’t know how it’s possible for anyone to look that good in a t-shirt and sweats. Maybe it’s because they’re mine—and for the first time in ten years there’s a sliver of hope that someday she might be mine again, too.
“Hey.” My voice sounds like plywood against sandpaper.
“Hey.”
“Do you need anything else?”
Anything? Like, an-y-thing? Anything at all?
“Maybe some Advil?” She laughs in a self-deprecating way.
“Of course,” I huff a laugh and head for the kitchen. Maddy trails close behind me. I grab the Advil from the top shelf of my cupboard and hand it to her before pouring her a glass of water.
She pops two pills into her mouth and washes them down. Then she lifts on her tiptoes to put the Advil back but she can’t quite reach.
“I’ve got you,” I say, stepping in behind her and helping her push the bottle the last few inches onto the shelf. Our fingers brush and I expect her to pull away, but she doesn’t.
Maddy shocks me instead by linking them as they come down. She turns so she’s facing me, eyes downcast on our joined hands. She studies mine like she’s never seen it before, holding it gently, turning it over in hers. I stop breathing altogether.
Slowly, her face tilts up and her eyes meet mine. Our faces are inches apart, so close I feel her breath against my lips. Her mouth is open slightly and my eyes drop to it, hungrily.
We don’t speak. We don’t move. We just stand there and stare. Maddy’s expression is not only longing, it’s an invitation. She’s looking at me like she wants me to kiss her.
And God do I want to. My blood roars in my ears and my cock hardens at the mere thought of it. She’s right here. Open, ready, and willing. All I need to do is lean forward and taste her. Reclaim what was once mine.
But even as much as I want her, I know deep down that she’s not mine. And kissing her now, when she’s just uprooted her life and left another man, wouldn’t only be wrong, it could ruin any shot I have with her.
She places her hand on my abdomen as she steps closer, her touch light but electrifying. My muscles tense instinctively, a sharp inhale betraying the effect she still has on me.
I force myself to pull back.
Maddy’s hand drops, her fingers curling slightly as if she can still feel me beneath them. Her eyes flicker downward, avoiding mine, and she sinks back.
“You should get some sleep.” My voice sounds distant, like someone else spoke the words.
“Okay.” Her response is hesitant but she doesn’t linger. She’s already moving away, putting more space between us.
And I let her go. Because I have to.
“Goodnight, Madness.”
She doesn’t respond. I hear the door to the spare bedroom close and I sink to the floor, putting my head between my knees. Not only am I not sure how I got here, I have absolutely no clue what the hell to do next.