Chapter 15
“I shouldn’t have let you order the fish,” Jensen mumbled as he rubbed Daniel’s back.
Daniel turned his head to glare at him. “If you mention the fish one more time, I’m going to stop being so polite with my aim.”
He rolled his lips between his teeth, feeling entirely awful about himself. This was all Jensen’s fault. He knew better than to ever order seafood where he couldn’t personally oversee its cooking, but apparently Daniel didn’t have the same knowledge.
Now he was leaning over the toilet, pale forehead resting on his crossed arms, and shaking.
Everything had been going so well up until this point, and Jensen feared Daniel would never want to spend time with him again.
He wouldn’t blame him. It had been Jensen’s idea to take him to the little establishment that was only a ten-minute walk from his house.
He’d been there plenty of times in the past, sampling at least half the menu.
Of course, he’d never ordered the house salad with fish.
If Jensen could go on a crusade to ban the menu item in the country, he would.
Especially if it stopped Daniel’s pain. As it was, Jensen would be reporting them to the health department and leaving a very descriptive review.
Lunch at the bistro had been a simple affair Jensen prayed would break up the tense air after Daniel’s confession about his finances.
And to counteract the wine he’d gulped down before said confession.
Jensen hadn’t liked the way Daniel curled in on himself, like he was trying to protect his vital organs from Jensen’s judgment.
He’d figured the best way to reset the afternoon was over a meal.
And it seemed to have worked for a time.
After eating and talking for well over an hour, they’d walked back to Jensen’s house, hand in hand.
It had been a perfect afternoon, one Jensen wished he could re-create every day.
Daniel had finally been given a full tour of the house, and Jensen had been living on a high from all the compliments about the interior decor he’d painstakingly chosen.
It had all been picture perfect, and that was before they’d started kissing in the bedroom, the heat from earlier returning easily.
Just as clothes were being removed, Daniel had excused himself.
Jensen had assumed he was taking a while in the bathroom because he had plans that required preparation.
The thought had gotten his blood running even hotter, anticipation making sweat break out on the back of his neck. Until he’d heard the retching.
Each minute Daniel dry heaved over the toilet felt excruciating, making Jensen sweat for entirely different reasons from before.
God, he was such a horrible boyfriend. He couldn’t believe he’d let Daniel get sick on his watch.
“What can I do?” he asked for the millionth time.
Daniel groaned. “Take me out back. Put me out of my misery.”
Jensen’s heart rate spiked. “Is it that bad?”
Oh God, Daniel was most certainly patient zero of a horrible foodborne illness that would undoubtedly reduce the world’s population to only boring, predictable, fastidious people like Jensen.
Gone would be all the excitement Daniel injected into his life.
There would be no more late-night phone calls booming with whispered jokes and bit-off moans.
All the good feelings and welcome touches he was just getting used to would forever be out of reach because he’d allowed his boyfriend to usher in a new fish-salad-borne plague. Fuck, he had to fix this.
“Okay, get up, we’re going to the hospital.” Jensen stood and started making a mental list of everything he needed to bring, when a hand grabbed his wrist, putting a stop to his increasing panic.
“It’s not that bad. I’m being dramatic because I’m mad.”
Jensen deflated. “I know, I’m so sorry. I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”
“What are you talking about?” He grabbed the wet rag Jensen had supplied him and wiped the sweat off his forehead.
“Babe, I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself for getting sick after you spent like five hundred dollars to fly me out here.
You didn’t sign up for this. I wanted you to get your money’s worth. ”
Now Jensen was getting mad. “My money’s worth? What is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, come on. You flew a hooker out to your house for a week. I’m sure you were expecting to fuck me until your dick hurt, and instead I’m getting intimate with your toilet bowl.”
“That’s not what this is to me. You aren’t just some hooker,” Jensen nearly yelled, the word feeling caustic as it came off his tongue.
He took a deep breath to get himself under control.
“I didn’t invite you here to have sex. You don’t owe me access to your body.
I wanted you here because, well, because I want you here. ”
Daniel slumped against the side of the tub and wiped his mouth on the back of his arm.
“Why do you want me here? I’m a two-bit hooker who is nearly two hundred thousand dollars in debt with no options.
I have nothing to offer you except a good time, and you have—” He cut off with a wave of his hand, gesturing to the room around them.
Jensen’s face felt hot, and his fingers curled into fists at his sides.
He hated that Daniel talked about himself like that.
Like he couldn’t see how amazing he was.
Like he thought his job defined who he was and what he deserved.
If that was the case, then Jensen was nothing but a rusted cog in the corporate wheel, churning out meaningless work for a direct deposit.
They were both so much more than their occupations or their flaws.
Besides, Jensen undoubtedly had way more inefficiencies than Daniel could wrongly accuse himself of having.
And Jensen liked Daniel with all his flaws, not in spite of them.
He wouldn’t admit it aloud, but Jensen liked that he wasn’t perfect for entirely selfish reasons.
If Daniel didn’t have any failings, then there wouldn’t be any space for Jensen to support him.
Just like a joist needed support beams and screws and plates to hold up the floor in a house, every person needed someone else’s strengths to boost them up.
Each strength and flaw held them together and molded them into one stable home.
He’d seen and envied the home that his parents had created his entire life, with his mother handling all the required socializing and his father balancing the checkbook.
She made sure he ate, and he kept the house clean.
Before that symbiotic give and take, his dad had covered all the bills with his union job while putting his mom through medical school and residency to be a podiatrist. Jensen wanted to be that for Daniel.
If they were both perfect, then they would be two straight, concrete pieces that had no room to mold and flex to fit together.
Jensen needed a place to fuse in with Daniel, to show he was necessary for his survival.
And Jensen needed someone to lean on as well.
He needed someone to fill his hollows and let his strengths be used.
But maybe he’d somehow bamboozled Daniel into thinking he was a flawless person with a steady career and a couple dozen book sales under his belt.
Maybe he’d been playing it too cool, too suave, and needed to lay out all his issues just like Daniel did.
“I have chronic anxiety, an inability to relate to people, and I’m complacent in my own misery because change gives me indigestion.
And you’re funny, strong, can hold a conversation, are kind, and don’t make me feel self-conscious about all my issues.
” Jensen reached out and pushed a piece of hair off Daniel’s forehead, continuing undeterred when he ducked away.
“Yeah, but you have your shit managed. You have a career and a house. You can function like an actual adult unlike me.”
“And it took me a long time to get where I’m at, not to mention all the support I’ve had along the way. Support that I still need because I still have hard days,” Jensen said. “You’re allowed to have flaws and need help from others. You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of love.”
Daniel licked his dry lower lip. “Is that what this is? Love?”
“It could be, though the internet said it’s too early for grand declarations. But I’m certainly hoping it’s moving that way, since I’ve been telling my parents you’re my boyfriend for the last few weeks.”
Daniel chuckled softly, shaking his head. “Okay, handsome, I’ll be your boyfriend. No need for grand declarations or parades or matching cock rings.”
“Weren’t we already? We talk every day and—”
“I think I’m done in here,” Daniel said, putting a hand on the ceramic tub behind him and leveraging himself up with a groan. “I need ten gallons of water. And I need to become acquainted with that bed of yours.”
“But we are partners, right?” Jensen wrapped his hand around Daniel’s waist to steady him.
Daniel looked up at him, a fond smile on his face. “Yeah, Jensen, we’re boyfriends.”
Jensen let out a breath. “My mother is going to be thrilled about this.”
The rich aroma of coffee swirled around Jensen and Daniel the next morning.
The high sun tried to beat around the embroidered curtains Jensen had tugged shut the moment he entered the kitchen, an unsuccessful attempt at keeping his tired eyes safe.
A smattering of toast crumbs across their plates were all that was left of their simple breakfast. Daniel had promised his stomach was feeling better, but that didn’t stop Jensen keeping it light.
It also didn’t stop him checking the expiration date of every ingredient he’d used to make breakfast. Or from sniffing everything and taking the first bite to make sure he wouldn’t unintentionally poison Daniel again.