Chapter 6
She was struggling. The lack of oxygen that had her short of breath reminded me of the way I felt when I saw another man in her presence. That darkness that shaded my orbs had formed a cast over hers. I reached behind me, removing my tool.
She flinched, causing irreparable damage to my heart. I’d never hurt Eden. The fact she considered it had my head ringing.
Address it later.
“I’ll make sure to clean the mess you make,” I assured her, holding the Glock out for her to grab.
“Chem–”
“I know what that feels like, Eden. That jealousy. That anger. It’ll swallow you if you let it. If I refuse to let there be a nigga on this earth who can make me feel that way about you, then I’m not the exception and no one is exempt.”
She gasped, mouth slacked and eyes wide with shock.
“They won’t ever know you were here.”
“Are you telling me to k–”
“I’m telling you to do whatever it is your heart is telling you to do. I’ll clean the mess if it comes to it.”
“I am not that person. I–I am not that woman,” she claimed, taken aback by my admission.
“Then, so be it.” I shrugged, adjusting my Glock on my waist.
I felt the need to ease her heartache. It was possible she wouldn’t admit it, but I knew the places her mind had traveled seeing and hearing Taylor. It made me want to stuff her big ass mouth with something that would shut her up for good.
I cradled her face between my palms and inhaled deeply. I exhaled shortly after. I employed her, wanting her to follow the same steps Rather had forced me to time and time again. When she began inhaling and exhaling, I could see the weights being lifted from her shoulders.
“She couldn’t handle me, Eden. Not even if I gave her an instruction manual and read that motherfucker to her like a bedtime story. It’s only you. It’ll only ever be you.”
My words composed her. With a nod, she put my worries to rest.
They could never be you.
Her silence was disheartening. I needed to hear her to know all was well. The look on her face made it hard to believe.
“A penny for your thoughts.”
“I don’t want to be here.” She sighed. “I’m sorry.”
It felt as though those words ran so much deeper than the surface. Instead of responding, I took her by the hand and led her out of the door in which we’d come. The valet was close, but my car was closer and I was certain the key was inside. It was one of the reasons I loved Charred.
Their clientele wasn’t the average Joe. At any second, hell could break loose, and waiting for the valet to hand you keys and pull your car around shaved off precious seconds that could mean life or death.
Within seconds of stepping out into the brisk air, Eden was in the passenger seat and I was whipping off the parking lot, burning rubber to put distance between us. My appetite had intensified, but it wasn’t for food. It was Eden I craved, mentally, physically, and surprisingly, emotionally.
I wouldn’t stop digging into her until tears streamed down her face and she felt me deep, deep in that soul of hers I wanted for myself. Selfish, I was, but only when it came to her. She’d become the prize I didn’t think I needed in my possession. But, now that she was here, I’d do anything and everything to keep her.
My phone vibrated. I hesitated to answer the call, but it was rather hard ignoring the baby boy. He was persistent. He’d only retry until he got an answer.
“Yes,” I greeted him.
“Yes?”
Because I refused to feed into his apparent ignorance, I remained silent.
“What’s up? What are you doing?” Milo asked, making small talk. It led me to believe the call was pointless, but I couldn’t end it. It wasn’t often he or the others wanted anything much, but their calls let me know my presence was missed. If nothing else in life felt good, that did.
“I’ll be there soon,” I informed him.
It was news to me, too, but when their hearts grew heavy with my absence, it was my duty to lighten their load.
“Say no more. One love.”
He ended the call without a response.
Spoiled fuckers.
He wasn’t the only one. Makai was the leader of the duo. It didn’t matter that they were grown-ass men. Even distance couldn’t deny our bond. It hadn’t been very long since Mercer had been behind bars, but every day I contemplated setting his ass free. He didn’t want to live his life on the run, which was the only reason I hadn’t.
My eyes wandered, landing on the woman who made everything and nothing make sense, simultaneously. Her hands were tucked between her legs. The furnace was keeping her fingers warm. It wouldn’t be long before I replaced them with my head and then my dick.
The night sky was as breathtaking as she was. Clarke was such a beautiful city, but at night, she was something straight out of a magazine.
Catherine.
Catherine.
Just like Catherine.
I blinked away the images of her casket. It was only a few inches away from Maurice’s. They were buried side by side.
A fucking love story tragic enough to make you despise the idea, the feeling. I hated it. My mother had made me.
Though I tried thinking less of her, she stuck with me. Day by day, thoughts of her plagued me. Catherine was as stunning as Eden.
As sure. As thought-provoking. As breathtaking. As fierce. As striking. There were similarities I wished I hadn’t noticed but were there.
And just like my father had explained to me time and time again, she was addictive. She owned me the second I laid eyes on her. I hadn’t shaken her ass yet.
When the city lights disappeared and we began traveling north, I removed the new eye mask from the armrest and handed it to Eden. She accepted it without hesitation, pulling it over her eyes and reclining her seat, slightly. Her level of comfort stretched my lips across my face. I felt my head as it nodded, approving her state of contentment.
“Are you staring at me?” she broke her silence to ask.
“I am,” I admitted with a tilt of my head.
She said nothing more, but I was reminded of the restroom incident.
Where was her comfort? Her contentment? Her satisfaction?
“Eden.”
“Yes?”
“I need you to understand something,” I explained, readjusting myself in the driver”s seat.
“Okay.”
“I’d never hurt you.”
I was short but I was honest.
“I– I– I know.”
Her uncertainty was baffling.
“Don’t make yourself out to be a liar, Eden. You don’t know that. I can hear it in your voice you’re unsure. But, my word is one you can trust.”
“I know, Chem.”
That’s what I was in search of. That vote of confidence she had when she responded then. She knew I’d stand on my word. She didn’t know she was safest with me, more than with any motherfucker on the planet.
It’s all good.
I’d make her a believer before it was all said and done.
“Don’t ever be afraid of what I’d do to you. Be afraid of what I wouldn’t do for you.”
Burn the city.
Fight a bull.
Shoot anything moving.
Open up.
Entertain the possibilities of love.
Consider the rest of my life with you.
Admit what’s mine has become yours.
Fall.
And fall swiftly.
Kill.
Conquer.
Destroy.
Die… preciously.
Anything.
I’d do whatever for those lips to form a smile in the end.
Instead of dwelling with words, I decided to rely on my actions. Choc would understand that it wasn’t me against her. It was us against everything and everyone if it ever came to it.
We rode quietly for some time. Eden’s hand roamed, in search of mine. I curled my fingers around hers and brought the back of her hand to my cheek where it rested.
“Can you play something soft?” Her voice was riddled with sadness.
It hacked away at my resolve. Discomfort lingered.
“What’s wrong?” I needed to know.
“Nothing,” she lied.
“If you’re dishonest, I can’t fix it.”
Pushing out warm air, she exhaled. “Not everything can be fixed, baby.”
That last word, I clung to it. It clung to me. A new height had summoned us. We weren’t all bad, it seemed. We were on our way. To where, I wasn’t sure, but it had to be somewhere good.
“Then, you don’t know me, Choc.”
She turned in my direction as if she could see through the eye mask on her face. Her mouth opened, ready to spill, but then it closed shortly after. Whatever was going on in that head of hers, she wanted to divulge but simply wasn’t ready.
I granted her request. Gentle, voiceless music flowed through the speakers. I watched as she melted into the seat, softening against my hand.
We reached my home by the time the eighth song ended. I helped Choc out of the car and into the house where she shed her blindfold. Distressed eyes stared back at me, forcing a smile.
What’s the matter, baby?
Her beauty was present, but it was overshadowed by the despair that radiated from her. It was silent but obnoxious. Invisible but holding more space than it deserved. Until we both felt better, I’d plant my head between her legs. Maybe that would strip away her stress.
“I’ll be in the kitchen,” she announced, catching me off guard.
“For what?”
“You were very clear when you said you were hungry, Chem. It’s my fault we didn’t have dinner. I’m taking my rightful place in the kitchen so I can feed you.”
Stunned by her declaration, I scratched the hair of my chin. Words swirled in my head. I chose the correct ones carefully and stepped closer to Eden. I tipped her chin upward, wanting to make sure she understood every word I spoke.
“Your rightful place is wherever the fuck your heart desires. I’m not a man who believes a woman has certain duties and certain areas of the home where she belongs. I’ve got staff for that shit. I’d rather peel my eyes from my skull than watch you slave over a stove if that’s not where your heart is.
“I’m not around this motherfucker building engines and making home repairs. You won’t ever see me get my hands dirty. Not in that sense. It’s loathsome. We delegate, Choc, so we can spend our time and energy on progression.
“That’s all that ever matters. Progression! Leave the inconveniences to the others. They’re compensated well and love their jobs. I can think of a few ways you can feed me right now without stepping foot in that kitchen unless that’s what you truly want to do.” I paused. “Is it?”
She shook her head from one side to the other.
“Well, then. That’s settled.”
I leaned down, tapping my shoulder. She placed her hands on both and lifted her right leg. I slid a shoe off one foot and followed up with the other. She shrunk a few inches but was still a considerable height.
By the hand, I guided her up the stairs and toward the master suite. When we arrived, I wasn’t in the mood for small talk. Eden was too fucking remarkable in that two-piece. My dick was growing rapidly, tenting my pants and causing discomfort.
As I unbuttoned my shirt, taking her all in, my requests began. I needed her stripped down to nothing much sooner than later.
“Take them clothes off, Choc. And stretch out. I want to see that pussy.”
There was an immediate shift in the atmosphere. Her eyes grew lazy. Delayed blinks and lingering stares were evidence I wasn’t a fool. She was covered in lust. Her entire demeanor had changed. Sex oozed from her body.
She shed one piece of clothing at a time. I didn’t miss a second of her disrobing. Her dark nipples pierced the air. Her arousal coated the room, fondling the hairs of my nose. She smelled divine.
Ovulation was on the horizon. My heir would soon be more than an unfertilized egg in her womb. Sperm could survive for days. With my luck, it would. Just in case it didn’t, I’d refill her in two days, when I was sure her body was ready for reproduction.
Eden rendered me speechless as she climbed on the bed on all fours, turned around, and spread her legs. She grabbed her ankles, stretching them as far as they would go. Her pussy glistened with moisture, the bright pinkness of her insides exposing itself slightly.
Definitely burn down the fucking city, I concluded, lowering to my knees in front of her. Kill some shit. Empty my fucking accounts.
My tongue lapped her pussy, ready to help her reach the finish line.
“Cheeeeeeeem.”
Her pearl had hardened and was peeping from underneath her hood so I didn’t have to search for it. Eden’s fingers gripped the sheets beneath her. Though I wanted to stay awhile, from the convulsions of her body, I knew she wouldn’t last long. She had been deprived. Her orgasm wouldn’t wait. Couldn’t wait.
I apologize, I wanted to tell her, but the thought of her flesh slipping from my mouth wouldn’t allow me to.
“Oh fuuuu– Yesssss!” she squealed, barely above a whisper.
My fingers pushed through her barriers and were immediately drenched in her creaminess. The lubrication allowed me to slide my hand up and down my dick as my fingers wrapped around it. As I massaged her pussy with my tongue, I massaged my dick.
Up and down. I kept a steady pace and applied pressure, knowing it was the key to a successful, intense orgasm. Eden began gyrating her hips beneath me, matching my rhythm. Her body was moving involuntarily, preparing to reach new heights.
“Yessss. Please don– don’t stop.”
I won’t.
Her walls came crashing down. She released the built tension onto my tongue.
“I’m cumming. Ummmmmm,” she moaned, completely stilling before sudden jerks prevailed.
“Oh fuck. Oh fuck.”
Her legs tightened around me. Even at her peak, I knew she could climb higher. I sucked her clit until she was reaching for the stars. Her body went limp as her core stiffened. And then, the floodgates of her personal heaven opened and poured out a blessing so plentiful that I thought I’d drown.
“Chem. Cheeeeem. Fuuuuu–”
My dick had stretched to the point of pain. It was hard as a fucking brick. I was up on my feet as Choc fought to come down. She wouldn’t. That mission was pointless. I wanted her mounted where she belonged until I was finished with her fine ass.
I buried myself inside her. Those plush, inviting walls quilted around me. My eyes went to the back of my head. My toes curled, and my spine followed. The tips of my fingers dug into her skin as I wrapped a hand around her neck and squeezed. Lips pressed against Eden’s ear, I began to mumble the secrets of my heart.
Secrets that weren’t meant to be shared.
Not yet.
They put my life and my vulnerability on the line.
They softened me.
They weakened me.
They haunted me –day and night.
“I’m falling.”
Shit, I’d fallen. Past tense.
The ponytail she wore was on the other side of the room. Her natural hair was wild and untamed, obscuring my vision and covering parts of her face I needed to see. I thumbed the thick strands, pushing them out of the way to reveal her beauty.
Though fucked and flushed, I was still in awe of her. The disoriented, bewildered image was as fascinating as the well-groomed, polished Eden.
She can do no fucking wrong. My wires were crossing. The lines were blurring.
Weary lines creased her forehead. She stared back at me, absentmindedly, obviously in a place far away.
“What’s wrong, Choc?”
A single blink brought her back to me. She scooted closer, pursing her lips to kiss mine. Then, she slid backward, reconnecting with eyes that made me wonder if this was what heaven felt like. I’d never know, because I’d never get there. But, this must’ve been the closest thing to it.
“Why are you always looking at me that way?”
“Because.” I sighed, regretful of the words forming before they left my mouth.
“Because–” she stressed.
“You remind me of someone I used to know.”
Her eyebrows gathered near the center of her forehead as she inhaled deeply. Mixed feelings engulfed her, showing on every inch of her face.
“Did you love her?”
With a nod, I admitted, “I did.”
“You still do,” she posed, pain ripping through her pretty features.
Closing my eyes, I brushed aside the intrusive thoughts, fighting to stay in the moment. Confidently, I reopened them.
“She broke my heart.”
Her eyes softened. So did her resolve. Long, slim fingers stroked the side of my face as she looked down on me with pity. I wouldn’t stand for it.
“No sympathy for a soldier, Eden.”
“Is she still breathing?” she mustered as her body grew rigid.
With a titter, I shook my head. “Am I rubbing off on you, baby?”
“Is she?”
“No. She isn’t.”
“Fair enough.”
“She was my mother, Eden.”
A gasp filled her lungs with oxygen and swelled her eyes twice their normal size.
“I’m so sorry. I– I thought you mea– like an ex or–”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not. I’m sorry. I had no ide– Oh my God. I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. It was her decision. There’s no need to be sorry.”
“Her decision? I don’t understand.”
“And I don’t care to explain. I have other things in mind.”
“Che–”
“Come on, Choc.”
I was up and on my feet before she could protest. She was in my arms and we were headed down the hall before she could digest all that had been revealed. Down the stairs, through the common areas, and into the pool area, I carried her as she continued to apologize.
“Please,” I groaned, lowering our naked bodies into the water.
“I have been wondering what happened to you. What made you this way? What sealed your heart? What hardened your edges? And it’s all beginning to make sense. I wouldn’t wish that amount of pain on anyone.”
She spoke from experience. I wasn’t sure who she’d lost but it was apparent parts of her were missing, too.
“I’m this way because I’m this way, Eden. Don’t try to figure me out. I’m no puzzle you can put together. There will always be missing pieces. You’ll drive yourself mad trying to finish.”
“I don’t want to finish. Ever. That means the experience has come to an end and I don’t want that, Chem. Can your mystique last forever or is that asking too much?”
Her words were grounding. I planted my feet where they were, not taking another step. The crystal-colored water reflected on her dark skin.
Paradise.
Eden was hammering at my walls. The way she broke them down with such ease was baffling and demanded a study on the ability alone. I tilted my chin in her direction, wondering if she knew what she meant for me, to me. She couldn’t have, because I’d never be able to put that shit into words.
“Nothing you desire will ever be too much.”
“Well, then.” She chuckled, exposing those fluffy cheeks. “That’s settled.”
“Definitely fucking rubbing off on you.”
Laughter knotted my stomach and twisted my heart. With a shake of the head, I pulled Eden closer as I pushed toward the deeper end.
“Let’s see just how much.”
“Baby, this is too far out,” she whined.
“Sink or swim. Those are your only options. Whining isn’t.”
“I can’t swim very we–”
“You will before the day ends.”
I silenced her, wanting nothing more than to enjoy the two things that made me feel my best. Made all the voices disappear. Made me forget the demons I fought on a daily basis. Made everything okay.
Her arms rested on my shoulders as her hands gathered behind my head, pulling me closer to her. Legs wrapped around my waist. I used every ounce of resistance I could muster to keep from sliding into her. If I did, she’d never learn the lesson I sat out to teach.