Chapter 7
As Chem’s grip around my neck tightened and our kiss deepened, the reality of our situation toyed with the moment. His tongue was down my throat, making my center throb and head spin. One hand was pressing against my trachea and the other was cupping my ass so firmly I thought he’d leave an imprint.
My God, Chem. I ached all over.
He’d primed and punished my flesh for the unknown all weekend long. As if he knew things I hadn’t revealed and was preparing me for the inevitable. It all felt so good, so final. So unfair.
I was severely intoxicated, struggling to keep my eyes open and my mouth closed because he’d soaked me with the sweetest, most pleasurable energy I’d ever experienced. Lust coated my skin. My features. Made both my head and heart heavy, because I knew eventually I’d be forced to break the heart that I wanted so badly.
“Be a good girl, Choc,” he warned with a finger.
“Promise.”
I didn’t recognize my voice as I responded. I swallowed the pain of it all, but he hadn’t missed the crackling. He never missed anything. His attention to detail was appalling.
“Don’t do that to me, baby,” he begged.
Chem didn’t beg. I’d learned this rather quickly. To hear his pleas was unsettling. My eyes welled, but I managed to smile in spite of.
“I ju– I just miss you already.” I lowered my head, swiping my face before he could see the tears fall from my eyes.
Because no matter how amazing he was, how much I’d enjoyed the last thirty-six hours with him, how hard I’d fallen, or how much I loathed his absence, I had a job to do. I had a case to solve. And he’d broken it without me knowing it, expecting it, or wanting it.
“Business calls.”
“What is it you do, Chem?”
Please say you’re into real estate. Own a restaurant. Own laundry mats. Into the oil trading business. Make clothes from scratch. Something. Anything but–
“I’m a Chemist, Eden.”
My chest caved. There was no denying it. The man I’d lost sleep over and had been studying the little we had on was standing in front of me, holding my heart in his hand.
“Wha–”
He wrapped his arms around me. I melted into his chest. He was safe. Felt safe. Safer than any space I’d ever been in. Safer than any person I’d ever encountered. Safer than any love I’d ever known because though we weren’t there yet, I knew people like Chem didn’t love often.
And when they did, they gave it everything and anything they had. That’s what I wanted. That’s exactly what I needed. Exactly what I deserved.
“Don’t worry yourself with my boring ass, very fucking uninteresting occupation. None of that matters. Just wipe those tears and let me go so I can get back to you.”
“Yeah?”
I looked up at him with curious eyes.
“Yes.”
He kissed me deep and then let me go, again. This time, I stepped off, knowing it was time to rip the bandages off and face my reality.
“I’ll see you later, Choc.”
Goodbye, Chem. The finality of the moment gutted me.
Words felt too much like torture, so I saved them, headed toward the entry of my lofts, and started for the elevator. My world was crashing around me. I was completely shattered while simultaneously disappointed.
The second he’d revealed his hand and participated in criminal activity with my knowledge, he was supposed to be reported to the agency. Things would’ve never gotten this far.
But they have.
I pushed the button for the elevator, sick to my core at what I was leaving on the table. Chem wasn’t perfect, but he was the very first person in the world I truly believed was mine. Mine to have. Mine to hold. Mine to love. Mine to live with until my dying day.
I finally exhaled as I stepped onto the elevator, allowing the bottled-up emotions to come tumbling down. I covered my mouth with a hand to prevent the whimpers from spilling into the lobby.
My heart broke one thousand and twelve times for one hundred and twelve reasons. And just before the door of the elevator closed, the number one reason stood in front of me with a stretched arm and anguished eyes.
“You trying to make a nigga say fuck it–”
“Chem–”
“Whatever is happening right now, I don’t like it, Choc.”
Me either.
“Why the tears?”
I gnawed the inside of my lip, drawing blood as I chose my words carefully.
“I asked a question,” he reminded me.
Shifting my weight from one side to the other, I prepared to share things with him that were meant to remain private.
I’m an agent, Chem, hired to bring down your entire empire. Last night, at dinner, more was revealed about the case than we’ve been able to find in years. The women I’ve learned are your sisters, they’re all wanted. You’re wanted. You’re the most sophisticated case we have right now. Almost everyone has been pushed aside for your capture.
I’m not at Roulette because I want to show my ass every weekend. I’m there because my career depends on it. We’ve been hunting you for so fucking long, baby. Obsessing over you. I understand why. You’re as clever as we anticipated. You’re smart. You’re charming. You’re calculated. You’re everything we knew you’d be. Everything The Grey List is.
My God. This is all so fucked up. And… and… my name isn’t Eden, for crying out loud. It’s Egypt. Please call me Egypt.
“Eden.”
“I thi– I think I’m falling in love,” I admitted, choosing my battle wisely.
His posture slacked, something that wasn’t witnessed often. The elevator began to buzz, letting us know the doors had grown tired of being parted. Neither of us bothered to adjust our stance.
“Is that what I’m feeling?” He breathed out, running a hand through his facial hair as he looked around, finally relieved to have an understanding of what was happening.
I nodded. “Yes.”
He rushed into the elevator, pressing his palms against my cheeks. “Then what’s with the sadness?”
Seconds passed as we stared back at each other. The doors finally sealed.
“Answer me.”
“You feel so– incapable.”
The confession coiled my stomach. Vomit threatened to spill. I waited for him to tell me I was wrong. I waited for him to demand I take my words back, but he didn’t. Instead, he nodded, keeping my face between his hands.
“I am, Eden. I am incapable. Probably undeserving, too, but–” he explained, pressing his forehead against mine before continuing. “Dammit, I’m not impossible. This is not impossible. We’re not impossible. I have a fucking heart. And that motherfucker beats every time I think of you, see you, hear you, feel you…”
He pulled back, eyes on me, again. “If I never get anything else in my life right, I’ll get this right. I’m loyal to a fault, Eden. Let that be the mustard seed. Our mustard seed.”
When our lips rejoined, the elevator began climbing. I pulled away, unsure of where it was taking us. I pressed the button that would lead us to my place swiftly, knowing if I missed the opportunity there wouldn’t be any telling when we’d make it to my floor.
Anxiety swelled in my throat as we waited for the unknown to reveal itself. Chem never took his eyes off me. I could feel him a few feet away, in the corner of the elevator with his hat pulled down over his face. He was breaking protocol for me. This was completely out of his norm. I was completely out of his norm.
The second he decided to step outside of his comfort zone, it was into the arms of a woman who was employed to apprehend him and everyone he was associated with. I grew dizzy thinking about the pain it would inflict on us both.
Luckily, the doors opened exactly where I needed them to, and with perfect timing. Chem stepped off right behind me. He wasn’t very close, but he wasn’t very far as we strolled down the hallway.
When I made it to my door, I hesitated, waiting for him to catch up. To my surprise, almost immediately after stopping, his hands slid down the front of the black leggings he’d supplied. His index, middle, and ring fingers caressed my pussy, making my head fall backward onto his shoulder.
“Cheeeem.”
“I’ll be back, Choc. And I won’t be long. This shit better stay put until I return. You hear me?”
“Ummm hmmm,” I groaned, grinding against him to increase the friction.
Abruptly, he pulled out, and before I was able to get myself together, he vanished. From one side to the other, I turned, trying to figure out where he’d gone. The pinging of the elevator shifted my line of vision. Just as the doors closed, I noticed the black jacket of his suit. The hat he wore covered half the back of his head.
Incognito. A ghost. I’d known him all along. Studied him. Searched for him. And there he was, taking off with pieces of me I’d never get back.
I stormed inside of my place with the heaviest heart one could bear. I didn’t make it past the threshold. The door slammed behind me and my back slammed against it.
My body sunk deeper and deeper until my bottom was on the floor and my heart was beside it. Pulling my legs up to my chest, I laid my head against my knees. And for the first time in almost three years, I wept.
Not because of the task at hand but because the precious soul was at stake. One who’d seen awful things. Though I didn’t know exactly what, he was proof. His demeanor. His reservations. His tone. His boundaries. His barriers. His walls were slowly coming down, exposing uncharted territory that was so damn warm and welcoming. The monster he could be was nothing in comparison to the man I knew he was deep, deep down inside.
Pull yourself together, Egypt.
I remained. Tearful cheeks soiled the fabric against my body. The leggings caught the discarded saltiness that fell from my eyes. Wishing I could blink and it all made sense, I joined my lids and rocked from one side to the other.
Two hours later the floor was still my resting place. The sound of the blaring cell pulled me out of the dump I’d crawled into. I found it hard to catch my footing as I stood and fought to balance myself.
Aimlessly, I ambled through the flat, immediately forgetting where I was headed and why. I flopped onto my bed, allowing the silence to overcome me. It was welcomed. My thoughts had eaten me alive already. Unfortunately, it was contaminated with the annoying sounds of the cell I remembered coming into the room for.
Shit. I shuffled around the bed, reaching over and pulling the desk drawer out. I retrieved the cell and pressed it against my face after answering. Resentment thickened the air around me.
Swollen eyes tightened as I spoke, greeting the caller on the other end. For the first time since he’d been introduced as my partner, I had no interest in talking to him.
“Yes?”
I tucked my chin and lowered my head, sighing as I patted the soreness around my eyes.
“Yes?” Bradford scoffed. “We’ve been worried sick about you, ready to round up the troops.”
“You know the rules, Bradford.”
Forty-eight. If I was obviously compromised and didn’t make contact within forty-eight hours, the team was to come searching for me. Even if they had, I doubted they’d find me. Chem was much too smart for us. He’d evaded us for years. I was the only thing that could change that and knowing I had made me crumble inside.
“And they were the only reason we didn’t comb the city looking for you.”
“We’ve combed the city for years and found nothing. I doubt you would’ve found me.”
“Jack has been calling you all fucking day, man. Even Macy was worried. God, Johanson. Do you know what the hell you’ve done for us? I have been trying to wrap my head around this shit for nearly two days. Crack it wide open!”
“I know.”
Sighing, I laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. I couldn’t get comfortable, so I found myself sitting up, again, staring out of the window.
“We’re all getting online at three. He wants you there.”
“I’ll be there. I missed the meeting at Roulette and there’s no telling when there will be another one. I had–”
“Roulette? Roulette?” Bradford chuckled in disbelief. “We’re not worried about Roulette, Johanson. We have the big man himself. Jack is pulling you out of that club, effective immediately. He wants you to give Mr. Childers your undivided attention.”
Chemistry Childers. I’ll never forget that name.
“How much did you hear?” I wondered aloud.
“Enough. Enough to do some digging and discover every single name on The Grey List happens to be a Childers. They’re all fucking siblings. We were so fucking off. Way left field, partner. This family is fuc– just brilliant. And they’re all women. Every one of them except The Chemist. You couldn’t have paid me to believe this shit if I hadn’t heard it for myself. Women? This powerful? This clever?”
“You say that like men aren’t the dumbest creatures on earth.”
“I’m not saying that, but what I am saying is, is that who you’d expect to be running a criminal empire of this caliber and under the radar, nonetheless.”
“Well, it seems to me as though it’s the reason why the empire is so successful. Women.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
“Maybe.”
“You sound like you’re ready to hit the sack, so I won’t keep you. See you at three. We have so much ground to cover. It’s all starting to make sense. The pieces are falling in place. The puzzle is almost complete.”
The puzzle will never be completed.I’d marked Chem’s words.
“See you at three. I look forward to seeing what you all have put together. I’m happy I could contribute to the success of this case. It only took forever.” I yawned, feeling the restlessness catching up with me.
“Later.”
“Later.”
My energy has depleted. I waited until Bradford hung up because I simply didn’t have the strength. When the call ended, I tossed the phone where it had been resting and scooted closer to the head of the bed. Pillows gave me something soft to land on.
Still lying down, I began to strip my body of the clothing I wore. A big shirt he’d pulled over my head before helping me get my leggings up as if I was disabled. I appreciated the gesture and the kiss that followed our success.
I closed my eyes, prayerful the tears that began to sting my orbs retreated. When it was safe to open them, I did. Simultaneously, the phone I’d just put away began beeping.
Frustrated with the progression of the case, suddenly, I retrieved it again. A text with an address and the three o’clock timestamp. The phone rang as I concluded its reading. I answered immediately, sitting upright in bed.
“Yes?”
“Jack wants you to meet us there.”
“Bradford, we all know I can’t just meet you there. He has eyes on me. I know it. And he’s no fool. He’ll know something is up.”
“He won’t know anything other than you’re going to tell a friend named Chrissy all about dinner and the time you spent with a man you just met. Women do it all the time, Johanson.”
Nodding, I agreed, silently. “Tell Jack I’ll see him at three.”
“Will do.”
“Don’t call back. I’m cutting this thing off. I don’t know what happens next, but I refuse to let an outdated Android blow my cover.”
“I’m with you on that. Tuck it away nicely.”
“Later, Bradford.”
This time, I ended the call, curling up in bed and flipping the cover over me. I closed my eyes, wondering if sleep would find me. With so much going on in my head, I wasn’t counting on it.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
A knock at the door alarmed me. I was up and on my feet within seconds, pulling the leggings back on while rushing toward the door. I hopped on one foot as I pushed the other through the last hole.
“Who is it?”
“Delivery for Eden Reid.”
Delivery?I thought, peeping outside. Michael from concierge stood on the other side of my door. The familiar face prompted me to open it.
“For you,” he said, handing over a bag and a phone with a fully lit screen.
“Thank you, Michael. Who do I thank–”
“I have the slightest idea but someone is waiting on the line, adamant I keep it open until the phone is in your possession.”
“Thank you so much.”
“My pleasure.”
I stepped inside with the phone and black bag. Chanel was written in a simple, yet captivating font. It held the least of my interest. The cell, however, had nearly every ounce. I pressed it against my ear, finding my way to the window in the living room where I peered down toward the street in search of my suitor. I wasn’t psychic, but I didn’t need to be to know who was on the other end.
Silence coated the line for seconds, dragging on for what felt like minutes. And then, when he was absolutely ready, he spoke.
“Get off the phone, Eden, and get some rest. Pick it up again and it’s going to lead me to believe whoever on that line doesn’t cherish their life.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“Addictive. Interesting. Even a bit concerning, but insufferable? Not anymore, Choc.”
“I was talking to a friend.”
“With balls and a dick. Don’t insult me.”
Chuckling, I said, “Maybe once upon a time, but she’s transitioned.”
“Let me find out otherwise and she’s going to transition again. To her final resting place.”
The dull silence on the line made it clear he’d hung up. With worried eyes, I searched the busy street for signs of Chem. There were none.
Where are you?I wanted to know. I needed to know. The phone vibrated in my hand. I answered instantly, not waiting for it to ring a second or third time.
“Don’t worry yourself. If I wanted you to find me, I’d be at your door and not on your phone.”
“Where are you?”
“Wherever I’m at,” he teased. “You need rest. You’ve hardly slept a wink.”
“I miss you,” honestly, I breathed out.
So much it hurts. And it would keep hurting because no matter how far we’d come, we’d taken a hundred steps back at dinner the other night.
“I miss you more, Eden. I miss you more,” he rattled off, sucking the skin of his teeth. Afraid he’d hang up, again, I rushed more words from my mouth though they came out calmly, slowly.
“I can’t sleep.”
“I’m aware. Inside your bag, you’ll find a very special tea. Have a cup and you’ll sleep for hours. Only a cup.”
Or half. Three o’clock is not very far away.
“Tea?”
“Get some rest, Choc.”
The line died without any more words exchanged.
Goodbye. With a groan, I made my way into the kitchen where I’d set the bag on the counter. Just as Chem had mentioned, there was a small tin of loose tea. I masked my excitement for the newest gift, prioritizing my health instead.
Without sleep, I’d be delirious. I needed the rest before I stepped foot outside of my door in anticipation of meeting my team. Their lives depended on my sharpness and so did mine.
I stared at the brand-new phone I’d placed on the counter beside the sink. It was then I realized the last phone he’d given me was no longer in my possession. He’d obviously gotten hold of it. Where it was now, I had no clue. Frankly, I didn’t care, either.
Save yourself while you can, I begged him, internally. Run.
The smell of fresh tea made my tastebuds tingle and my mouth moist. I heated water in the kettle on the stove and waited for it to begin steaming while I grabbed my favorite clear mug and a tea strainer. With both situated, I moved along my new list of things to do.
The black bag made a ruckus but eventually settled once I’d lifted the large black box from it. I loosened the bow around it, allowing it to fall onto the counter as I removed the top of the box. Paper and a dust bag covered a black, quilted bag with interlocking Cs on the flap.
I brushed my hand across the leather. The quality was impeccable. So was the man who’d purchased it. I removed the medium-sized bag and held it against my body. It was the perfect size.
The squealing kettle jarred me from whatever daydream I was in, prompting me to complete the task I’d started. I filled the tea strainer almost halfway and did the same for the cup. Honey was piled at the bottom of the glass before giving me a chance to stir it into the mixture. The purple mixture made it clear lavender was a key ingredient.
What am I going to do with you, Chem?I placed the warm glass to my lips and sipped slowly.