Chapter 16
The loft felt nothing like it had when I’d left hours prior. Though filled with the most extravagant, expensive pieces, it was desolate. An abyss I wanted to fall into and never crawl out of. A dark, black ball of nothingness.
Even the anxiousness and worry I experienced when walking through those doors over the last few months was better than this. Because he was still here. Still around. Still lurking.
I was tasked with gathering my things and preparing my entry into protective custody. I hated the idea of it all, but there wasn’t much I could do at this point. Things had gone haywire quicker than I’d imagined and nothing on my end had been set up to stop the inevitable. There was only one entity I sought protection of and it wasn’t the one I was employed with.
My back pressed against the door, slamming it shut. I removed the black shades and slowly lowered my body to the floor. I pulled my knees up toward my chest and rested my head on them. Darkness surrounded me as I closed my eyes and released a tearful sigh.
The day I’d been dreading had come and the things I felt were far worse than I’d predicted. Unrecognizable sounds erupted from my mouth. Deep and throaty, they made my eyes sting and chills run the length of my spine.
“My God. Help me.”
I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want this guilt. This pain. This anger. This anchor. God, help me, please. I prayed, silently.
I struggled with my phone, momentarily. Getting the screen unlocked through the tears was complicated. It didn’t recognize my face and I barely had the strength to press the numbers. After a few tries, I was successful. I scanned my short list of contacts and placed a call to the woman who knew my heart better than anyone. She picked up on the very first ring as if she were privy to my pain before the call was made.
“Hi, babe,” Art greeted me.
I attempted to spit out a few words, hoping my emotions wouldn’t disable me completely.
“It’s… It’s… he…”
“Where are you?” Cutting to the chase, Art began asking questions. “What’s the address?”
“Chemistry was ar-arrested.”
With all my strength, I pushed out the words.
“Hang up, Egypt. Send me the address. I’m on my way.”
Those four simple words were all I needed to hear. I’m on my way. Breathlessly, I ended the call and began texting the address. It was much easier than trying to speak clearly. Everything I was pushing out was nearly inaudible.
Droplets blurred the contents of the screen, but eventually, I managed to get the address sent. Feeling slightly accomplished, but still incredibly sensitive to the situation at hand, I curled into a ball on the floor next to the door. I was too afraid that if I left my post, Art would never get inside because I’d never get out of bed.
Visions of Chemistry cuffed replayed in my head over and over. The things he’d said. The way he looked. How my name sounded rolling off his tongue.
Hello, Egypt.
His baritone broke me and put me back together twelve hundred and fifty times on the floor. Even as he faced the uncertainty, his confidence never wavered. He looked me square in the eyes when he was ready. And never attempted to garner any sympathy. Still, even at his worst, Chemistry was at his best.
He was unbothered by the presence of the law. Over sixty officials combed through his massive home and it didn’t faze him at all. He sat, patiently, in the backseat as they did what they’d come to do. He was cooperative, never showing resistance.
However, he established his position without mumbling a word. He moved at his own pace, not theirs. And because his presence was so commanding, everyone had fallen in line unintentionally. They’d captured a legend. A myth of the sorts. They were honored to be in his presence and it showed.
It must’ve been a full hour before there was a knock. I’d long ago lost track of time, of anything but Chemistry’s voice for that matter. It looped in my head, condemning me to a life of hell without his gentleness. His tenderness. His hands around my body. His head against my chest. His limbs clinging to me in bed. His lips on mine. His smile. His scent. His hugs. His care. His love.
I scrambled to my feet, slowly and completely void of balance. Nothing was as it should be. My equilibrium was rattled. My head was ringing. My heart was aching.
I unlocked the door and pulled it open to find my best friend with widened arms, a bouquet of flowers in one hand, and two bags of groceries in the other. She walked in, I stepped backward. And, once the door closed, I was engulfed in her love.
She smelled divine. A fragrance lover, she was never too far from a good bottle of something soft, feminine, and long-lasting. I inhaled, trying to stabilize my breathing as more tears erupted from the surface.
“I-I am gutted, Art.”
My stomach sunk a bit deeper, proving to me it was possible. We both pulled away slowly. Art’s eyes combed my frame before she wrapped her arms around me again.
“Awwww, baby. I’m here to talk if you want to talk. If you want me to listen, I’m here for that, too. Should you choose to be quiet, then I will just hold this space with you. Whatever you need, Egypt. I’ve let my husband know I will not be home tonight. Until you’re better, I’ll be with you. For however long, babe. I’m by your side.”
She released me.
“Thank you.”
“It’s still a bit early. Have you eaten anything?”
As the question left her mouth, my stomach announced its lack of contents.
“How about we get you to bed and I get a late lunch started?”
She headed for my bedroom.
“He took the bed.”
Before I realized it, light chuckles were pouring from me. It almost felt incriminating to smile after the morning I’d had, but considering the things Chemistry did and the way he expressed himself was humorous. He’d taken my bed because he slept better in the queen-sized pillowtop than his custom bed.
“I don’t know if I want to laugh or get a little more context.” Art joined, sniggering. “Is there another bed here?”
It was her first time in the loft. I was quickly reminded.
“Up there.” I tilted my head toward the banister.
“Then let’s get to the loft area unless you prefer the couch.”
“The bed.”
How I’d get up the stairs was a mystery but I’d rather be in solitude than on the couch expelling stale energy where Art was liable to catch strays. I gathered myself as best I could and began the short journey. I knew it would take time to get up to the loft area, but time was about all I had on my side right now. I’d lost everything else, it seemed.
Numb.
Utterly and completelynumb.
Aside from the pain of my heart, I felt little to nothing. My eyes, nose, and lips were swollen beyond recognition. The migraine promised to slit my head wide open at any second. My energy was depleted. I didn’t even have enough to cry anymore.
Darkness sheeted the windows. So much time had passed and I hadn’t budged. Lunch was hours ago and the plate was still sitting next to the bed on the small table. I’d taken two bites from the quesadilla Art prepared and finished the full glass of ice water. Yes, I was hungry, but the stress I was under wouldn’t allow me to consume food.
“Heeeey.”
Art nudged me. Though I wasn’t sleeping, my body was pleading for rest. Because my brain wouldn’t shut off and allow it to recharge with a nap or good night’s sleep, I lie awake with my eyes closed.
“Egypt.
“It hasn’t been a full day and I’m helpless without him. I keep wondering what level of misery I’d reached before he came into my life. Because I can’t fathom going back to being so– so– Whatever I was without him.”
“Maybe you won’t have to,” Art expressed.
She flipped the cover back and slid into bed behind me. With her arms wrapped around me, she sighed.
“I know this is farfetched, but maybe… just maybe when it all settles and he’s had time to think about it, just maybe he’ll make contact. You’ve made it clear he’s a man of many resources. Give him time to clear his head. Maybe you’ll look up and there’s a piece of mail from him or even a phone call.”
“This isn’t a movie, Art. He doesn’t want my love anymore. He wants my head. And, I can’t quite determine whether he’s justified or not. I almost feel as though he is.”
“Hey, let’s think positively.”
“You don’t know them. Believe me when I say I’ve never seen anything like it. They’re something different. They’re not remorseful. They’re brave. They’re confident. They’re wealthy. They’re elegant. Intelligent. Very smart. And zero tolerance.”
“They?”
“Yes. His entire family. It was never just Chemistry. We’ve been after everyone in his operation. We thought it was a group of men.”
“It’s not?”
“No. All women. Everyone. And, they’re his sisters.”
“Oh, wow.”
“Exactly. We have absolutely nothing on them. How they were able to get a number and location on Chem, I’ll never know. We’ve been blind for two years. I lucked up, Art. I just wish he’d never taken me out of that club and let me go into that meeting.”
“Why didn’t he?” she wondered out loud.
She was cringing inside. I could see the change in her facial expression. It matched the contortion of my stomach.
“He hated the idea of anyone else… any other man having access to me.”
“Sounds like any man I know with a love interest, girlfriend, or wife.”
“He’s not like any other man, Art.”
“I can tell.”
“He was obsessed.”
“As a man should be, Egypt.”
“His obsession ran deep. Really deep.”
“Unfortunately, it cost him his freedom.”
“I cost him his freedom.”
“Don’t blame yourself. You had a job to do and you did the best you could with the feelings that were already circulating before your discovery. You’ve made that clear. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You did what you had to. If the team had been better at their jobs, they wouldn’t have sent you in blind.”
“I was a part of the team, Art.”
“And willing to risk more than any of them. Big risk, big reward, babe. You deserved the love Chemistry bestowed upon you, despite everything else. And I will still hold hope it isn’t the end of such a beautiful beginning.”
“Please don’t. Use that hope for something else. Something worthy. I’ve made my bed.”
“You’re worthy. Your heart is worthy. Your love is worthy. Your happiness is worthy.”
A knock at the door startled me. I sprung from the bed in pursuit of my service weapon. I wasn’t expecting anyone. If there was someone at the door, they weren’t here for laughs and giggles. The thought of my best friend becoming a casualty of a war she wasn’t directly involved in had my palms sweaty and my nerves rattled. I flushed with heat.
“Stay up here. Whatever you do, don’t make a sound, and do not come downstairs. No matter what happens, no matter what you hear. Do not come downstairs. Tonight is not the night to be my hero, Art. Save yourself. Make it back home to your husband,” I explained with my hands on both sides of her face. “Understand.”
The knocking began again, this time louder and harder. I dashed from the bed, ready to put distance between Art and me.
“Egypt.”
I hadn’t gotten far from the bed when she called out to me. I whipped my body around, wondering if she was trying to make this her last night on earth.
“Art,” I whispered, chastising her with my eyes. I placed my index finger on my lips, reminding her of the need for silence I’d explained seconds earlier.
“It’s your mother.”
She lifted her vibrating phone, showing me the face on her screen. My mother’s smile quickly eased my thunderous heartbeat. She was the eye of the storm tearing through my body and making a mess of me.
“She shouldn’t be here,” I admitted.
As much comfort as she brought me, her safety was my top priority. Protecting one asset in my world was much easier than protecting two of them.
“You need her, Egypt.”
“I do.” Nodding, I agreed. “But not at this cost. Having you here wasn’t the best decision, either. But, we’ve built an entirely new identity for you. To them, she’s Ellen Johanson. No alias.”
“I didn’t consider– I apologize.”
“It’ll be okay.”
“I can have her leave.”
“Please. Please don’t. I doubt she will, anyone. She’s here now.”
“She brought over dinner. She’s not staying long.”
The next few words from my mouth pained me but were necessary.
“When she leaves, Art, I think it’s best if you do the same. For your safety and hers. Did valet take your car?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Hopefully, they have hers as well. I don’t want either of you walking alone or in a dark garage. I need you to walk together. I’ll have your cars ready before you make it down. I’ll make the call sooner so there won’t be a wait.”
“Are you sure?”
“My life is on the line, Art. Yes, I’m sure.”
I moved to go down the stairs to open the door, but she grabbed my hands.
“When my time comes, it comes, babe. I’m not afraid of dying, especially on your behalf.”
“I’m afraid of you not living, especially on my behalf. I’m going to get the door.”
“I’ll get it.”
“I should, Art.”
“I’ll come down and set the table.”
“Alright.”
I descended the stairs and took a few seconds to retrieve my weapon from the kitchen counter where I’d forgotten I’d left it. When I pulled the door open, my mother”s flustered face bandaged every wound the day had opened.
I wrapped her in my arms, pulling her forward and into the loft. It had been months since I’d had the chance to see her, touch her, or feel her presence. It was soft and gentle just like the woman I’d become the best of friends with.
“Egypt, honey, you’re shaking.”
My nerves were irreparable at this point. Having both her and Art in one place, a place they didn’t belong had me on edge. The sooner I got them out of here, the better I’d be. I locked the door and made my way into the kitchen behind her.
“Hey, baby,” she greeted Art, hugging her.
“Hey.”
It was so good seeing my mother. I wished the circumstances were different. However, I was in a scope. I wasn’t sure where it was or when it would fire, but keeping my two favorite people alive would remain my goal until I took my last breath.
Absentmindedly, I ventured over to the window and peered out into the evening crowd of downtown Clarke. Chem’s overwhelming presence didn’t greet me. The phone he’d given me didn’t begin chiming in the distance. He wasn’t on the other line demanding I lift my head and fix my face. Neither was his asking how he could fix whatever problem I had.
It’s over.
The air in my lungs pushed through my body and out of my mouth, deflating my chest.
It’s really over.
The vibration of a cellular device had me combing the room for it. Unsure of where the vibrations were coming from or who had the device, I stalked the room for the source. To my dismay, the phone I’d been issued by the agency was dancing on the hardwood countertop.
Whatever was waiting for me on the other end, whoever was waiting for me on the other end, I wasn’t prepared for. The bit of solace Art and my mother offered hadn’t yet performed its magic, but a little conversation, laughter, and reassurance would do the trick.
I needed more time with them. More time to process my thoughts. More time to face my reality. More time with my very small community.
I watched until the buzzing stopped. Almost instantly, it began ringing again. With flared nostrils and an inflated chest, I answered.
“Hello?”
“We’re on our way up, Johanson.”
Silently, I closed my eyes and began releasing an exhausted sigh. Instead of responding, I ended the call. I hadn’t packed a single thing. I didn’t have the strength. They’d hauled my lover off to a black site where he wasn’t accessible to me or anyone else for that matter as he awaited a transfer. I’d never see him again a day in my life. I was still trying to comprehend the nature of the situation, yet they were here to haul me off to protective custody.
“Everything okay?” my mother asked, sensing my frustration.
“The team is here.”
“Protective custody?”
“Yes, Mom, and I haven’t put a single item in a bag. I need more time.”
“Don’t worry, Egypt. That’s what Art and I are here for. We’ll get started instead of sitting down for dinner. I’ve made your plate. Get something on your stomach.”
“Thank you.”
“No need to thank me, baby.”
She scurried toward the bedroom where Art had already taken off to. The knock at my door left me with so many unresolved feelings. I slid my feet across the floor, hating how swiftly they’d made it to my door. I removed the latch, twisted the lock, and opened the door.
“Hello, Egypt.”
Thunderous coughs followed the introduction. My body stilled, my bowels threatened to move, and my bladder began to release small droplets of urine in my underwear. Chemistry’s father stood in front of me with Aden at his side.
“I… Uh… I… sor…”
The scrutiny was written all over his aging face. As if I had some sort of superpower, I heard the pinging of the elevator. Closing my eyes, I waited for my fate, but secretly prayed it was the team I’d let down for the man I loved rounding the corner.
My body ached, strangely yearning for the hot rounds to cut through my flesh. Death had to feel better than this. I’d rather my heart stopped than be in the amount of pain I was in.
Footsteps grew louder as they closed in. I could hear Bradford’s baritone but couldn’t make out what he was saying. The lack of urgency in his voice made me wonder if I’d reached his line of vision. Rooted in place, I tried silencing the hammering of my heart.
I’m sorry. My final thought ruptured my beating heart.
Sorry, Chemistry.
Sorry, Richie.
Sorry, Rhea.
Sorry, Roulette.
Sorry, Range.
Sorry, Roaman.
Sorry, Rugger.
Sorry, Royce.
Sorry, Rather.
Sorry, Rome.
Sorry, Aden.
Sorry, Mother.
Sorry, Art.
Sorry, Bradford.
Sorry, Macy.
Sorry, Jack.
Sorry… sorry, Dad.
“Johanson!” With glee, Bradford chanted. “You don’t know how fucking proud we are of you, partner!”
Feeling his arms around me had me stumped. I opened my eyes, and it was his face I saw instead of the man responsible for Chemistry’s presence on Earth. I scanned the hallway, eyes traveling in every direction possible. It wasn’t until I followed Bradford’s trail that I noticed the sleek, unbothered figure. With one hand in the air, his index and middle fingers pointed in my direction, and his thumb upright, he winked.
Fuck.