Chapter 15
Seeing Art’s face after so many months gave me all the feels. I didn’t want to let her go.
“Argh. I wish I could hold on to you all day.”
“Then we’d never have a chance to chat or have anything to drink,” she teased, taking her seat.
The simple denim pants and shirt she wore were as adorable as she was. Art was a minimalist. In her world, less was more. I’d adapted a number of her ways and they made life so much simpler.
“I need something very strong, so I guess it makes sense to let you go, after all.”
“Hiiiiiii,” she exaggerated, grabbing my hands from across the table.
“Right. It feels like forever has passed us by.”
“I love your hair. Is this how you’ve been wearing it for your new gig?”
“Yes, but I’m thinking about adding it to the rotation when it’s all over.”
My heart crumbled at the thought.
Oh Chemistry.
Art dipped a chip into the salsa as her head bounced. She agreed with the decision.
“Yes. I think you should.”
“Yeah.”
Sadness blanketed me. I’d grown anxious over the last twenty-four hours. I spent a full two days with Chem and family, falling head over heels for each and every one of them for different reasons. The girls were the epitome of elegance. Their brains weren’t full of air like most women born into wealth. They were knowledgeable.
In the short period we’d mixed and mingled, they had taught me so much. Chem had put most of them on a plane and sent them on vacation for Roaman and Royce’s birthdays. They’d filter in until everyone arrived. I’d been convinced to join them and would when Chem wrapped up his schedule on Friday evening and could accommodate me.
“Start talking, babe. I don’t like the dread I hear in your voice.”
“I messed up, Art. Royally.”
I palmed my face, groaning as Chem’s handsome face appeared behind my lids.
“Hi, ladies. I’ll be your server this afternoon. Can I get you started with some appetizers or something to drink?”
Though I couldn’t see our waitress, I heard her. The bubbly energy she exuded was such a privilege I wished had been bestowed upon me this morning when I crawled out of bed. Unfortunately, there was too much on my mind, too much on my heart.
“Give me something strong.”
“Give her something strong, preferably fruity. As for me, I’ll have a strawberry martini.”
“Alright. I’m going to put those in and come back in a few to take your orders.”
“Sounds good.”
The vibration in my hand prompted me to view the screen on the phone I waited near on the days Chem and I were apart. It was glued to my skin. When the opportunity to talk to him presented itself, I didn’t want to miss it.
He was calling. His presence surrounded me almost immediately. The guilt made my eyes burn from the tears waiting to fall.
“Hello?”
“Head up, Choc. What’s the matter?”
“Are you near?”
My elevated temperature made me hot all over. As requested, I lifted my head and pierced the arm with the peak of my nose.
“If you need me to, I can be.”
“I am having lunch with a friend I miss dearly. That won’t be necessary.”
“You still haven’t told me what’s wrong.”
“Bad news.”
“I’ll com–”
“No. You don’t have to. I need this.”
“Would you like me to come after?”
“No. I’d like it if you continued preparing for vacation. I’m okay, Chemistry.”
“She’s pretty, by the way.”
I looked over at Art, who was freeing the hand of the waitress who’d brought over our drinks and those who belonged to the table near us.
“She says thanks.”
“No, she didn’t, baby.”
“She will once I tell her.”
“Alright. The meal is covered. Have a ball, Choc. I have to go.”
“Thank you, Mister.”
“I love you.”
“I love you more.”
He ended the call as I began to squeal into my hands and stomp my feet underneath the table.
“Okay, apparently, there’s a lot I’ve missed.”
With remorse sketched across my features, I nodded. “Oh my God, Art. Yes.”
This is what I’d been missing, what I’d been needing. The first taste of community I’d had in the last few months happened to be the night of dinner and the following day when I joined the girls for a shopping trip.
We were all in need of vacation pieces and Chem was paying. Nothing was off limits. They’d made it clear I was entitled to any and everything my heart desired.
“Then start talking.”
“One second.”
I took a massive gulp of the purple concoction. It was better than I’d expected. The alcohol was potent, but not overpowering.
“This is good.”
“Egypt.”
“Okay. Okay. And it’s Eden,” I whispered.
“Sorry.” Remorsefully, she apologized.
“I fell in love–” I sighed, taking another sip.
“Okay, what’s the issue?”
“With the target.”
I peeped around the restaurant which was covered in greenery and bold colors. Art had chosen the location. I would return surely.
Her already large eyes grew bigger. “Eg–Eden!”
“I knoooow. And it’s bad. It’s big. It’s bold. It’s breathtaking. He’s– he’s breathtaking. I’m letting my team down, Art. I’m letting myself down. I’m le–”
“Woah. Woah. Let’s stop there. What do you mean, you’re letting yourself down? I’m a lover, Eden. I know what that feels like and why it feels that way. Maybe you have let your team down, but yourself, you haven’t and it’s exactly why I won’t agree you’ve messed up, babe.
“You’ve decided to live. And as you should. It’s just a job, Eden. It’s not your entire life. Whenever you’re gone, they’ll have someone to replace you before the dirt hardens over your casket. Don’t let them choose how you live. Shed your unhealthy commitment to the clock, to your career. Let down your hair. Free yourself, friend.”
Her logic had me reevaluating every doubt I had about Chem and me.
“I didn’t know he was the target when we met.”
“So? Even if you did. You have control of a lot of things, babe, but the thing in your chest… you don’t.”
“I was already gone by the time I discovered it. And nothing changed. Nothing. I think I was even more intrigued.”
“I would’ve been.”
“Ugh. It’s just frustrating because the reality of us being together is… it just doesn’t exist after everything comes to the forefront.”
“Then you have two options. Choose yourself or choose your career.”
“What are– I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
“You understand exactly what I’m saying, babe. Put in your notice or bring him in. It’s simple, Eden.”
Her directness was startling. Art was the more reserved of our duet. However, her discourse on love as it pertained to life always unleashed something within her that was buried.
“It’s not.”
“Yes, it is, because we both know the obvious solution. There’s no amount of promotions to convince me to ignore my heart if I am confident the man I’ve fallen in love with is for me.”
“I know.”
“Does he check every box?”
I nodded. “Even boxes I didn’t have before him. He’s added so many to the list of expectations. He exceeds them all. Advance in every way.”
“How many boxes does your career check?”
She squinted, waiting for me to give her the answer.
“One,” I murmured.
“One.” She chortled. “So, please spare us both the unnecessary conversation and tell me about this man of yours. He sounds like a dream.”
“Art, you have no idea. He is the dream.”
She took a final sip of her drink as the server appeared.
“We’re going to need more of these. We’ll be here a while.”
Flushed with excitement, I quickly finished my drink and began ordering appetizers.
I’d taken Art’s advice.
Sleep on it, Egypt. When you wake up, your heart will tell you what is best for you… if it lets you rest.
My eyes darted across the living room where the digital clock displayed the time of the morning.
5:28 a.m.
I’d worn down the first layer of polish on the floor. A full hour ago, my pacing began and hadn’t stopped. A hundred scenarios played through my head at once. The phone I’d been issued was in my hand with Jack’s number on the screen. I planned to press send the second I correctly configured my words.
I wasn’t ready to give up everything I’d worked so hard to obtain in my field. Simultaneously, I wasn’t ready to give up Chem. Asking to be removed from the operation was the only solution.
I’ll never have them together.
Tossing caution to the wind, I plopped down on the couch and pressed send. Jack’s phone rang twice before he picked up. It was five-thirty in the morning, almost. The commotion in his background was least expected. We weren’t in the office until around seven each morning. Baffled, I began to stutter. I was expecting to catch him while he was home and able to hold a conversation. With the chatter and movement happening, I knew that wasn’t possible.
“Morning, Johanson. Got something for me?”
“Actually, Jack, I was calling for something else.”
“Talk to me. What’s going on?”
Pausing, I filled my lungs with oxygen before exhaling.
“Johanson. You there?”
“Yes. Just needed a second.”
“Is everything okay?”
“It’s the case, Jack. Things have gone far beyond my control. Prior to knowing who he was, Chemistry and I had begun forming a personal bond. I’d already gotten too close to the subject to be very effective in this case. My reason for calling this morning is to ask to be absolved from the–”
“Johanson.” He sighed. “We’re agents, my friend. We’re not fools. We’ve known for some time now your feelings were affecting your judgment and ability to help us close this case. I would’ve pulled you out two months ago, but we were afraid you’d blow the whistle before we got to him. We needed more time to build a case on our own with the little we did have.”
“Jac–”
“We got his phone number and were able to obtain a warrant to search his records and data. We narrowed his home and lab down to one of the three locations he frequented most. One was your place. The other two we discovered were his lab and his home, which we are preparing to raid as we speak. The lab looks promising. We got him, Johanson.”
My mouth descended so low it nearly swept the floor.
“What do you mean, you’re preparing to ra–”
As the revelation hit me, I sprouted from the couch in search of the phone Chem and I used to communicate. My heart hammered against my chest, so close to leaping out, I held it inside with my palm. The loft began to spin. Every inch of me felt the pain of my future. I grew anxious waiting for a response from Jack.
“Jack! What do you mean raid?”
“I’m sorry, Johanson. You were compromised. It happens. The raid is happening.”
I ended the call without my heart in my hand. My feet were moving faster than my brain. By the time I made it to the room, I’d forgotten what I had come for. But, the pain, it was clear. It knocked me to my knees. The air from my chest evaporated.
Underneath the bed, the rectangular device lay on top of the sheet that had fallen off the bed when my anxiety crept in this morning. My memory was jarred, instantly. I grabbed the phone, cradled it in my palm, and unlocked it. Chem’s number was the only one on the contact list. I tapped the screen to initiate the call.
“Pick up!”
Pick up.
Pick up.
Pick up.
“Please, baby. Pick up.”
Tears cascade down my cheeks. The wind was expunged from my lungs with each ring.
“Chemistry. Please!”
I redialed his number.
“Wake up, baby. Please.”
Chem was a man who hardly slept, so it was hard to believe he was still asleep. However, it was the only possibility that kept my sanity intact.
Pick up.
Please.
Chem.
When the voicemail came on again, I sprang into action. Panic-stricken, I pulled on a pair of sweats as quickly as possible and paired them with shades to conceal the tears still running from my eyes. The T-shirt I’d worn to bed was freshly washed. There was no need to change it.
With only one shoe on my foot, I bolted out the door. Continuously, I called Chem, hoping he’d answer. He’d never ignore the barrage of calls I’d placed, so the chance that I was too late was heavy on my mind. Persistence pushed me further faster, it didn’t matter if the chances were slim, I didn’t let it stop me from eagerly shuffling my way through the hallway and trying my hardest to make it to him before my team did.
Baby.
Pick up.
“Please, baby. Pick up for me.”
I had already made it to the expressway before I realized I didn’t have a clue where I was going. Each time I’d been to Chem’s home, my vision was obstructed, his head was between my legs, or mine was between his. However, there were very distinctive characteristics I remembered with each trip.
The voicemail came on again. Finally, I concluded I wouldn’t be getting an answer. It was time to focus on the task ahead.
Fuck.
I swerved into the line beside the one I was in. A loud horn startled me as I tried merging into the next one.
“Oh shit.”
I waited until it passed to make the switch. From there, I accessed the second and then last lane. The obnoxious sound that erupted upon entry into the emergency lane made every inch of my flesh crawl.
“Think, Egypt. Think. Think.”
Closing my eyes, I jogged my memory.
Expressway.
Northbound.
Twenty-four.
No.
No.
Twenty-two, maybe.
Yes.
Twenty-two.
No, maybe twenty-five minutes.
Oh God. I can’t fucking remember.
Twenty–
I’ll never make it
“Come on, Egypt. Come on.”
Elevation.
Trees. Lots of trees.
My ears.
My ears pop.
The mountains.
Mount Clarke!
He lives on Mount Clarke.
“Fuck, that area is massive.”
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
“I need help,” I cried out. “I need… I have to… My God, Chem. Pick up the fucking phone, baby. Please.”
With trembling hands, I dialed the number that had sent a text confirming my date and time of arrival on the island. On the very first ring, Rugger’s voice appeared on the line.
“Eden.”
Quietly, I wiped the tears on my face, attempting to gather my bearings. It was pointless. They just continued to fall. My heart had finally escaped my chest and was bleeding out on the floor, right under my feet.
“Where is my brother, Eden? Is Chemistry well? Is he breathing?”
I couldn’t speak. There was a large, immobile lump in my throat. It wasn’t letting anything through. I struggled to catch my breath. The oxygen levels in the car were fleeting. Everything around me blurred. I couldn’t see through the tears that fell over and over again.
“Eden!”
“I’m so… I’m sorry. I didn’t kn-know.”
“Answer me, bitch!” Rugger’s cold, icy tone sent chills up my spine. Though she remained calm, the shuffling assured me she was up and headed out.
“Please don’t come.”
“Where the fuck is my brother? You’d better start talking.”
Her voice cracked. The pain that rested in the crevices turned my stomach. I’d only known her for a few days, but I understood a few things about her. Everything we’d gathered and created her profile with was accurate.
Cold.
Calculated.
Apathetic.
Ghostly.
Emotionless.
Collected.
Detached.
Distant.
The tears I couldn’t see rolling down her face were felt. Wholeheartedly. Every emotion she felt, I did a hundred times over. The guilt wasn’t going to let me forget how I’d betrayed Chemistry, neither was the sound of Rugger’s heartbreaking on the other line.
“I need his address, Rugger. Pl— I– Please.”
“Tell me where Teddy is at this moment.”
“Ho– Home. He’s home. Please. I need his address.”
“Eden, if–”
“My name is Egypt Johanson. I am an agent who has been studying your family’s empire for the last two years. The Chemist. The Madam. The Huntress. The Cleaner. The Handler. The Therapist. And we just learned of The Ballerina and The Surgeon. My job was to infiltrate through Roulette.
“The first night of my employment, Chemistry pulled me off stage and the rest was history. I’d been hunting him for years and still have no idea what he looked like, where he was, or how he operated his business. We assumed everyone was a man. It wasn’t until I’d fallen for him that I learned his true identity.
“It all happened so– I didn’t– I have spent the last five and a half months trying to do my job but the love I have for Chem made that hard. My team is aware I am in far too deep and took it upon themselves to close the case with the little information I have provided.
“It wasn’t much. It was never much. But, this is what we do. All we needed was a little. This morning they’re headed to his home to raid–”
She cut me off, mid-sentence.
“When I find you, I’m going to slit you from one ear to the other. I will not show you any remorse, and I will leave you in front steps of your precinct so the pigs won’t have to come looking for you. You’ll serve as a warning that the game has started and it won’t end until everyone involved in my brother’s demise is in hell, waiting for me to join them just so I can kill them again. 8237 Mt. Catherine.”
His mother. I ached all over. With every detail, the pain intensified a little more.
The call ended and though my life had been threatened, I was relieved to have the address where Chem rested. Traffic was still light when I merged into the first lane. I accelerated the gas, attempting to cut the drive down by several minutes.
Come on.
Come on.
Time seemed to creep in as I put my home further and further behind me. The air pressure punished my ears as my car elevated. What felt like a lifetime was only twenty-four minutes. I typed the address into the GPS system and was happy to learn I was only seven minutes from his home. I could get there in five.
I disobeyed the traffic signs and laws set by the city for residential streets. Every few seconds, I used the shirt on my body to clean my eyes. The waterfall of tears made it impossible to see.
Houses became more sparse the closer I got to the address until I finally pulled onto the secluded street where Chem’s home and approximately fifty government-issued cars were parked.
“Fuuuuuuuck!”
Defeated, I pulled close to the curb and snatched the shades from my face. Sobbing, I released the tears I’d been holding onto since the night I discovered who I was completely obsessed with –mentally, physically, emotionally, and soulfully.
The phone I’d tossed in the passenger seat began ringing. I didn’t recognize the number calling. Regardless, I answered the call, hoping Chem wasn’t inside and had found a way to contact me.
“Hello.”
“It’s Rome.”
They’d all hate me. My time with Chem had ended. His sisters were his entire world. And after this day, neither of them had any reason not to despise the very ground I walk on.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know. I felt it the night I met you.”
Her response halted the tears. I wasn’t expecting it.
“This isn’t a friendly call, Eden. This is a warning. If you value your life, find a far, far away place and pray to God every day my family doesn’t find you. They will not spare you.”
“I–”
Another call ended before I could say another word. I look up, catching a glimpse of the long, slim figure I’d laid with a hundred times more. It belonged to the man I loved, unconditionally and without reservation. It belonged to the man I’d betrayed. The man I had crossed.
In an instant, I was out of the car, rushing toward Bradford and Jack, who were both escorting him to their car. The shades were back on my face, masking the emotional turmoil I found myself in.
In Chem-fashion, he strolled slowly, refusing to increase his speed under the silent demands of the agents. The defeat I’d imagined I’d witness on his face was nowhere to be found. In an immaculately tailored suit, his usual attire, he was dressed. Baffled, I tried making sense of his attire at six o’clock in the morning.
His chalky skin made it clear he’d lapped the swimming pool this morning. His face was the last to be moisturized and it was usually after he was fully dressed. Eagerly, I cut through the sea of cars.
“Johanson,” Bradford called out once he’d noticed me.
Jack and Chemistry turned simultaneously. “Johanson.”
“Can I… I need a minute with him, Jack.”
“Can’t do that, Johanson,” Jack stated firmly.
“Jack. Please. A few seconds. I–”
“Johans–”
“Jack!” Singer yelled, waving him back into the house. “You might want to see this.”
“Get him in the car and don’t take your eyes off him.”
“Got it, Boss,” Bradford assured Jack.
He took off in the opposite direction as Chem lowered his head and sat in the backseat. The sight was terrifying. Though he’d committed countless crimes, he didn’t belong there. He was better than that… better than this all.
“Brad–”
“Don’t beg, Johanson. I always hated when you did that.”
“A few seconds.”
“Thirty,” he agreed, nodding toward Chem. “Just crouch down. I don’t want Macy or Jack seeing you.”
“Thank you so much.”
I rounded him, coming into close contact with Chemistry. I’d expected the pain residing in his eyes. I’d expected the look of disappointment. What I hadn’t expected was the smile on his face. The same way he’d looked at me since the day he’d demanded I meet him outside in five minutes was the same way he was looking at me now. Only this time, there was so much regret, emotion, and love in those eyes.
“Hello, Egypt.”
“I’m sorry,” I claimed, lowering my body so Bradford wouldn’t get the fire that would come from his disobedience.
“You are,” he disclosed.
There was so much hidden in those words. Of course, I was, but hearing him say it made it so much worse.
“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
I felt around in my hair, in search of the thin, black bobby pin. It wasn’t long before I located it. I was responsible for his capture. I felt equally inclined to assist in his escape.
It didn’t matter how much I was putting on the line, my heart was hurting and it wouldn’t beat properly again until Chemistry was free. At the moment, he was my priority. Not the force. Not my friend. And not my boss.
“I’m sorry. I can fix th–”
“The damage is done, Choc. Save yourself.”
“Chemistry.” I cried, moving closer because I needed access to the cuffs.
My chest ached as I watched him scoot further away.
“Do your job.”
“This is my– this is my job.”
My words were useless. Chemistry had ended communication with his last statement. My thirty seconds were over, and Bradford was headed toward us. I shoved the bobby pin back in my hair and placed my hands on my knees in front of me.
“Chemistry.”
I was met with silence.
“Alright, Johanson.”
He wouldn’t even look at me.
“I’m sorry.”
Silence.
“Chem– Please. Say something. Anything.”
“Fuck you,” he said, calm and collected. “Disrespectfully, my love.”
Bradford ushered me away from the car. The door slammed with a thud and a gust of wind that took my heart away with it.
“You should get home and pack, Johanson.”
“Pack?” Low whimpers accompanied more tears. The pain of losing my father was nothing in comparison to what I was feeling. Everything hurt.
“Jack is setting you up in protective custody. This is– this is big. You’re not safe, Johanson. Their money is long and their reach is deep. Hell, you shouldn’t even be here right now. For your safety, we didn’t tell you.”
“Bradford, I can’t go into protective custody. That’s no life for me. I–”
“Will die if you don’t.”
“I’ll die if I do.”
“You have a better chance at life, though, Johanson. We didn’t just come to his home. Simultaneously, we busted every address listed for his siblings. No one– I mean, no one has been found except The Chemist.”
They’re not here. I doubt you’ll ever find any of them.
“Everyone else has disappeared without a fucking trace. It’s almost as if he was expecting us.”
“I didn’t,” I told him.
“I’m aware. You didn’t know, either. But, when we entered, he was sitting at the table. Fully suited. Un-fucking-bothered. I’ve never seen anything like that before and I’ve been on this fucking job for twenty years, Johanson. Our presence didn’t disturb him, not one bit. I almost turned my ass around when I saw him.
“Something about this man says he means business, man. Shit. He’s been cooperative, dictating our moves without saying a fucking word. This shit is– I don’t know. Just take the fucking protection.”
He was right. The agency was the only chance for survival.
“I will.”