Chapter 18
Nine months after the raid…
Please. What is it?
My vibrating phone quickly became a thorn in my side. I opened one eye, peeping at the digital clock beside the bed.
5:06 a.m.
The vibration stopped momentarily. Seconds later, it began again. I’d only been asleep for thirty minutes. I desperately needed more time, more rest. Whoever was calling desperately needed to speak to me. So, rather than letting their insistence keep me awake longer than necessary, I patted the bed in an attempt to locate my phone.
“Johanson!”
Bradford was vexed. I could hear it in his tone. Concerned, I flung the covers from my body and sat at the edge of the bed.
“Is everything okay?”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Bradford. What’s going on?”
“Has no one contacted you this morning? Fuck!”
“No. What’s going on? Talk. I don’t understand.”
“He’s gone, Johanson.”
“Who?”
The thought of Jack losing his life in the line of duty crossed my mind. My heart hurt at the thought of it.
“Jack?”
“No. No. Not Jack. Jack is on his way in.”
“Then, wh–”
“The Chemist.”
I held onto my chest. My lungs deflated along with it. The wind had been knocked right out of me.
“Bradfor—”
“He escaped, Johanson. During the 4:00 a.m. count, they discovered he was not in his cell. Guard charged in, searching for him and there was no sign of him. Neither was there any indication of how he’d escaped, when, or where to. It’s a fucking island. It is the most secure facility in the country. There’s no way he’ll survive the sea even if he succeeds. No one can. That’s why the prison was built there.”
“Air or sea.”
“Sea.”
“Sea?”
“I have arms and legs. I don’t have wings.”
The conversation I’d had with him not long after we’d met replayed in my head. It was a shame just how many layers of Chem the agency hadn’t pulled back. There was so much more to the man they’d captured. They wouldn’t begin to understand even if I wrote it all down for them to study.
He’s a swimmer, Bradford. A damn good one.
“If they don’t find him in the facility, then maybe one day his body will turn up in the water. It’s deadly out there. To know he’d rather face that than be confined just blows my fucking mind. Essentially, he’s suicidal. His mother comm–”
Don’t. Don’t bring her into his.
“Bradford, do you think he would attempt an escape if he didn’t have a complete plan in place? Does that sound like the man we hunted for two years?”
He paused, taking a second to think.
“Do you need an officer to come sit outside your home?”
That’s more logical.
“Johanson. Do you need us to have someone come out?”
“Save yourself, Bradford.”
The hunters had become the hunted. The tables had turned. And unlike the agency, it wouldn’t take two years to scratch the surface.
“I’ve made my bed, Bradford. I’m prepared for whatever Chemistry brings my way.”
With my heart in shackles, I ended the call. The moment I’d been dreading had come. I wrapped my fingers around the handle of the drawer on the side of my bed. At the sight of an empty drawer, my brows furrowed on my forehead.
The unknown became clear. They were searching miles and miles away for a man who was so close I could feel the potency of his presence.
Oh shit.
I tightened my robe around my body and marched through the hallway. My footsteps sounded off like grenades in a field. Anxiously, I pushed open the door that was only two doors down from mine. The simple layout of the new home made the journey a swift one. Yet, it seemed to take forever to reach the knob.
Slowly, carefully, I stepped inside. Fear disabled me. Paralyzed me. Planted my feet and toyed with my feelings. Dressed in a tailored suit and resembling a man who hadn’t spent a day behind bars, there Chemistry sat.
He wasn’t empty-handed. Our child rested on his arms. On his lap was the gun I’d searched for along with another one. The initial shock subsided and my motherly instincts kicked into high gear. I lunged forward and was stopped in my tracks at the sound of muffled fire.
Pausing, I stood still with my eyes closed, waiting for the burn to birth unbearable pain all over my body. Upon realizing it wouldn’t happen, I lowered my arms and opened my eyes. Behind me were two holes in the wall of the nursery.
“Che– Chemistry.”
“Hello, Egypt.”
My name rolled off his tongue so effortlessly.
“I…” Words didn’t find me.
“Take another step and the next bullet will pierce your skull, not the wall. My aim is perfection, Egypt. I missed because I wanted to. I don’t have much more restraint in me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You are.” He sighed, taking a look at the precious child in his arms. “She’s beautiful.”
The brown blanket I’d managed to confiscate from his home during the raid was wrapped snuggly around her body. I’d learned why it was so significant to him the evening of Roaman’s dinner. Losing his father had him clinging to it a little more often.
“Chemistry Jru Childers,” he whispered as he leaned down and kissed her forehead.
The son he wanted wasn’t in God’s plans. I’d birthed a baby girl four and a half weeks ago with my mother and Art at my side. It had only been a few days since my mother had gone home. Art stuck around for a week before she had to get back to her world. Still, we talked every day, just as we did whenever I wasn’t on a case.
“For what it’s worth, I– I had no idea who you were.”
“It’s not worth shit to me, Egypt.”
“Chem. Please. I–”
“Did your fucking job.”
He stood, forcing me backward. He tucked both guns in his waistline. I watched as he lowered our daughter into her crib, gently.
Springing into action, I removed the one closest to me. Chem never flinched when he rose to find the gun pointing in his direction. Slowly, he took a step. Then, two. By the third step, his shirt was against the barrel.
“Handle your business, Egypt. Pull the trigger. End it all and prove to me I was wrong about you all along. Prove to me it was the voices convincing me what we have is unconditional. Prove to me everything we ever said was all bullshit. Prove to me, Choc. Prove to me my life means nothing to you. Prove to me you’d be happy and at ease without me in your world. Prove to me I’m not the nigga for you. Prove to me I’m in far over my head.
“Prove to me how foolish I was to tread those waters while thinking I’d rather die than not make it back to you. Prove to me you were never worthy of me. Prove to me you never loved me the same as I love you. Prove to me I belong with my mother and father. Prove to me loving you bad was all bad. Prove it to me, Choc. Right in the center. Hit me right in my heart. Prove it.”
Tears spilled from my eyes as I held onto the weapon. Bricks weighed my heart down. The heaviness was unbearable. Sweat beads seeped through my skin, staining my forehead and underarms.
Forcefully, Chemistry smacked the gun from my hand and pushed me backward until my back slammed against the wall. My head bounced off the surface. The pain caused my mouth to part. His hand was around my neck. His eyes penetrated my skin, all three layers, in seek of my soul.
“Chemistry.”
“I’m a man of my word.” He choked. “When I said unconditional, I meant through whatever!”
The conviction in his tone gutted me.
“I have not come because of my hatred for you, Egypt. I have come because the love I harbor is bigger, wider, tougher. And it wouldn’t let me get on that fucking plane and leave without you or our daughter. Fuck the choices you’ve made. Fuck the consequences. The choice you make right now is the only one that matters. You did your fucking job.
“I have seven sisters, all with very important responsibilities in my family’s operation. The day one doesn’t perform is the day everything goes to shit. Everyone matters. You were a piece to a much bigger puzzle, a much bigger plot. I will not fault you for abiding by the rules and honoring the oath you took. But, today, you have to make a choice.”
“The choice was already made for me.” I wept. “It’s been you. It’ll always be you.”
His hands moved upward, cupping my chin and lifting my head simultaneously. His lips were on mine in an instant. His tongue was down my throat thereafter. Butterflies flocked in my stomach. Because, for the first time, I wasn’t encountering Chem under a false identity.
I was no longer Eden. I’d become Egypt. Egypt Johanson. And despite the trail of flames Eden had left behind, Egypt still had a future with Chemistry.
He lifted me into his arms, holding onto me as if I’d vanish into thin air. I wouldn’t. Not this time. I was his, forevermore.
“I’m indebted to you. I love you.” I breathed against his lips.
Submission was most natural under Chem’s watchful eye. The wind beneath me was followed by an easy entry.
“In this lifetime and the others.”
His thrusts filled me continuously. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, deeper.
“Yesssssssss.”
Everything is well. I promised myself. Though fearful I’d be giving up my enter life to begin one with Chemistry, regret eluded me.
The people I loved and cherished most understood the magnitude of his arrest and absence. Devastation nearly ended my life. But, the discovery of the tiny being growing inside of me gave me a reason to live. If I couldn’t have Chemistry, having a piece of him would suffice.
“My God, I’ve missed you. Uhhhhh.”
He fucked me with intention. With vengeance. With care. With love. And with grief for all we’d lost in the midst of our troubles. Passion rested on the tips of our roaming fingers. I familiarized myself with every reachable inch of his body, of my body. Because undoubtedly, Chem belonged to me and I to him.
In another lifetime, we’d been lovers. In this lifetime, we’d remain lovers. In the next lifetime, we’d become lovers, again.
His strokes filled me with so many good things, so many good memories, and so much good energy. I closed my eyes as my orgasm mounted.
“Che—”
Silently, he continued plowing into me. With his right hand, he squeezed my left nipple between his fingers.
“Oh fucccccck.”
“Don’t wake my daughter, Choc,” he warned, barely above a whisper.
His request was felt impossible as the moon and stars exploded in the darkness. My center began to contract, attempting to deplete Chemistry of his semen.
He ejected himself. “Shit.”
His muscles tensed as he sunk his teeth into my shoulder. The worry that had begun to creep up my spine dissipated. I was a mere four and a half weeks postpartum. Until I fully embraced motherhood and truly experienced Chemistry in her essence, I wouldn’t bring another child into this world.
“Thank you,” I mumbled.
“Not until we’re better, Choc.”
I nodded, understanding his logic. It was parallel to mine.
“We should be going.”
I nodded, again, suddenly feeling like I was walking on pins and needles. Chemistry’s attention to detail didn’t allow him to see past it.
“Don’t do that, Egypt.”
With raised brows, I questioned, “What, Chem?”
“We start anew. Today, we say fuck everything that happened before this moment. Right here. Right now. You won’t walk around me moping with your head low and your heart heavy. I’m a grown-ass man, Choc. All has been forgiven.”
“Every day I wondered if it would be the day you found out. In a way, I was hoping you did, so I could stop pretending.”
Chuckling, he tossed his head back. “What kind of fool do you take me for, Choc? I’d be lying through my teeth if I told you I didn’t know who you were.”
“Ho– how?”
His confession was baffling. He took me by the hand and down the hall toward the bathroom. He twisted the knob to start the shower.
“I wasn’t born yesterday, my love. And, for that particular day, I’d been preparing my entire adulthood. My addiction to water didn’t form until I became a Chemist for people the law wouldn’t approve of. I discovered the only facility that would house my level of ignorance and it was built in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by the blue shit I bathe my troubles in every chance I get.
“From that moment on, I began preparing. My body quickly adapted. I can reach depths other human can’t. My arms don’t grow tired for hours. I can hold my breath for minutes at a time. I embrace tides. Waves fuel me. You didn’t push me off the ledge, Egypt. I jumped. I knew. My father knew. My driver… he knew as well.”
“But, how?”
“The agency’s payments on your lease,” he explained. “They made me curious, but not enough to start digging. The call to your mother was the one. She never called you by name. Not once. She was protecting her daughter. I have seven sisters and four brothers.
“I’ve made a habit out of never saying their name at any point of any conversation, unless I’m alone with them. Then there was Adonis. He’s mouthy. Vomited at the mouth from the second Aden put him in the truck until we dropped his pissy ass off at the airport where his car was waiting.”
He began to undress. Stunned silent, I marveled at the enormous tattoo covering his entire back. I knew those eyes. Those ears. That face. It stared back at me daily. A beautiful, colorful mural mimicking the renowned image of the Virgin Mary holding her child inked his skin. I, too, was holding a child. Our child.
“Che– Chemistry.”
With my finger, I began to trace the intricate details.
“After everything he’d said got back to me, I retraced your steps. The home you’d visited your old friend at wasn’t just any home, Choc. There was a passageway that led to another home, two houses down the block. There, I found bits and pieces of the case that was being built against my family.”
My head grew lighter. The room began spinning. At any second, I was bound to collapse. Both undressed, we climbed into the shower. I didn’t know how long my legs would last. I didn’t know how long I’d last.
“And then there was Art. She was the final evidence.”
He stopped, momentarily, but continued almost immediately after.
“Even with all I knew, I found solace in the fact you had been most honest with me about everything else. You didn’t feed me the bullshit profile they’d designed for your cover. You gave me you, Egypt.
“And, you included everyone you loved, putting them in harms way so you could sleep well knowing they’d had a glimpse of or even heard about the man in your world. Though it was against protocol, you exposed yourself to me. Without regret. That let me know just how deep you were in. How those three words you said to me over and over again weren’t a lie.
“They were gems in my discovery. But, the house was the golden ticket. I waited patiently for you to do what needed to be done, but you were taking your precious time. To protect those girls, I was willing to do anything, even leak my cell number.”
“It was you!”
“It was you, Choc. All I did was speed up the process because I was so fucking tired of waiting.”
Bradford came to mine, immediately.
“... when we entered, he was sitting at the table. Fully suited. Un-fucking-bother. I’ve never seen anything like that before and I’ve been on this fucking job for twenty years, Johanson. Our presence didn’t disturb him, not one bit. I almost turned my ass around when I saw him. Something about this man says he means business, man. Shit. He’s been cooperative, dictating our moves without saying a fucking word. This shit is– I don’t know. Just take the fucking protection.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“What would it have changed?”
“You led them right to you.”
“You led them right to me.” He chuckled. “I made them reveal their hand.”
“Chemistry.”
His mind was such a complex place. His wisdom was far beyond his years.
“Yes, Choc.”
“I thi– fain–”
The low lights of the cabin brought me comfort. An hour ago, I’d stirred awake in unfamiliar airspace with the two people who meant the world to me nearby. I wasn’t sure when we’d left my home or how Chem managed to get us both out and onto the plane. Completely overwhelmed with all that was happening, I’d collapsed in his arms.
A few feet away, Chem rocked our daughter, trying to get her to settle after a full, eventful feeding. Shit fit so perfectly in his arms. The view was nothing like I’d imagined. It was better. The fussing had finally subsided and she was resting peacefully in her father’s arms.
“How much longer?” I yawned.
“Four hours.”
“She’ll be ready to eat in two.”
“Then, go to sleep until then. I’ll wake you when she’s ready.”
He was so good with her, so patient and so loving.
“Holding her will spoil her.”
I snuggled up in the seat with a long blanket draped over me. The warning rolled off his shoulders.
“She won’t be the first one I’ve spoiled. I have seven more.”
The heaviness returned. Thinking of Chem’s sisters filled me with gloom.
My brows pulled together as my thoughts surfaced. “They hate me.”
Chem’s lack of response was all the confirmation I needed.
“They’re here, aren’t they?”
“Where?”
“Where we’re headed.”
He nodded. “They are.”
Nine months later we were finally on the plane headed to his sisters. This time, though, there was nothing festive about my mood. I’d just given birth to a child I’d carried for nine months. The newborn stage was a battle in itself. Breastfeeding was an entirely different beast. I didn’t have the bandwidth to defend my honor or my choices against seven women with chips on their shoulders.
“It doesn’t matter whether they hate you or not, Egypt. As long as they respect you, each and every one of them. Now, get some rest. The baby will be fine.”
Trusting him, I closed my eyes and began drifting, again. I’d need the rest to face the mob of women waiting for our arrival.
I fell in and out of consciousness. Each time my eyes unglued themselves, I got a glimpse of Chemistry and her father sleeping peacefully beside me. My blessings were plentiful. A man whom I’d thought I’d lost for good had come back to me. The child we’d created didn’t have to grow up fatherless. And I didn’t have to spend the rest of my life alone, blaming myself for the downfall of an entire family.
I’d connected many of the dots the agency had failed to. I’d unknowingly seduced the head of the operation. And I’d fed my team intel in hopes it would lead to the closing of the case. But, even with all I’d done, Chem had the smoking gun.
The pain and anger he experienced weren’t forgotten, although I’d been forgiven. It rested in his eyes. In his words. In his smile. Finding out I was an agent, at whatever point he’d made the discovery hurt him to the core.
I was awoken by a small, bright light above our seats. Chemistry’s fingers patted my leg, stirring me from my sleep.
“Hmm?”
“We have arrived, Egypt.”
“Hmmm? Where is the baby?”
Nervously, I searched for her seat, wondering where she was and why she was no longer in her father’s arms.
“She’s fine. She’s sleeping in the bed, strapped down in her seat, and ready to go.”
“We’ve landed?” I questioned, lifting the small window to take a peek.
“I’ve said that already, Choc.”
“Sor– sorry. I didn’t hear you.”
I didn’t hear anything after noticing the baby wasn’t in his arms.
“I have something for you.”
He held up a gold, dainty necklace with a diamond pendant. It had been unfastened and was ready to wear.
“Baby.” I sighed.
How quickly I’d forgotten gift-giving was one of his love languages.
“Turn around.”
I complied, turning in the chair, anticipating the moment my fingers would graze the beautiful diamond.
“Lift your hair, Choc.”
The sound of his voice made my blood rush. My heart pumped loudly and dramatically. So much it hurt. I swept my hair up and placed a hand on my chest.
Still.
Closing my eyes, I waited for the gold to touch my skin. The cold metal never landed. It was a full minute before I came to the conclusion.
“Baby?”
His fingers traced the ink on the back of my neck. Right in the center, in bold, black letters, was a name. His name. The name I’d given to his daughter so I was reminded of the love I once shared with him. Reminded that he existed. Reminded I’d experienced something so precious. Reminded I’d lost it all.
CHEMISTRY.
Finally, the gold fell against my skin. I flattered it with my right hand imagining how beautiful it must’ve been around my neck. The jewelry Chem had collected for me over the time span of our relationship was the only thing I’d managed to bring with me from the loft.
Everything else, I’d left with my mother for safekeeping. The shoes. The purses. The clothes. Everything was waiting for my return. But, it was possible the day would never come. I’d chosen my future and it didn’t include visits home.
“We should be going.”
Time began to move uncomfortably fast after those words left Chem’s mouth. We went from the plane to a truck. From the truck to a car. And from the car inside of a home that was surrounded by marksmen of every size and almost every color. The intense melanin was evidence they’d been in the sun for days on end.
Chem opened the door of a beautiful home and stepped aside so a breastfeeding Chemistry and I could enter. The massiveness was overwhelming. I held my daughter tighter while scanning the home for the unknown. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for exactly, but when I found it, I’d know.
“Relax, Choc.”
Chemistry’s hands caressed me, settling me at once. I followed him down the hallway until we reached a set of doors. The chatter halted my stride. I clammed, immediately, recognizing each and every voice. The happiness that radiated behind those doors was medicinal. I’d been crying for nine months straight. However, I knew that joy wasn’t a result of my presence.
“I can’t.”
Low and barely audible, I admitted to Chem.
“Yes, you can.”
“I’ve wronged them all. Uprooted their lives. Took you away from them.”
“You’ve loved their brother despite it all. You’ve kept your mouth shut about his extra-curricular activities that weren’t pleasing to the law. I have an entire fucking body that never surfaced in the evidence they had against me. You’ve proven yourself to me time and time, again, risking everything to fix what was fucked up from the start.
“If it wasn’t you, Choc, it would’ve been somebody else, and that’s what you’re failing to realize. You’ve made me a better person. You’ve made me a better man. You’ve given me every reason to love you, including the child you’re holding in your hand. I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about you, about us. All that matters is they respect you. I’ve made my choice. There’s nothing to worry about.
“I give you my word. It’s us, Choc, against everything and everybody. My sisters are not exempt. If they found something like we have, they’d be giving the same fucking speech. What I say would hardly even matter. That’s how love works. No one understands it but you and the person you have the pleasure of loving every single day. Do you understand?”
A nod wouldn’t suffice.
“I need words, Egypt.”
“Yes.”
“Good, then.”
The doors swung open under the pressure of his hands. Instantly, the room grew silent with wonder. I could feel the daggers tossed in my direction as Chem led me to the very end of the table where we stood.
The scrutiny.
The anger.
The disgust.
The devastation.
The disbelief.
I felt it all, even though no one said a word. I fixed my eyes on the exit, straight ahead where we’d come from, in the event I needed to retrace my steps.
“It’s been a while,” Chemistry started.
“Far too long,” Rhea chimed in.
“Hello, Chemistry.” Roulette was the first of the sisters to speak up.
“Hello Roulette. Roaman. Royce. Rather. Range. Rugger. And Rome.”
“Hello,” they responded one after the other.
A titter fell from Chem’s lips. “Rugger,” he called out. “Are you not happy to see me? It’s been nine long months.”
“I am happy to see you, but I’d be dishonest if I told you I was happy to see the person standing beside you.”
“I’m sorry Egypt’s presence upset you, but I’ve made my choice. I bear no regrets. If there’s anyone who feels slighted by the decision I’ve made, feel free to walk right out of that door. But, understand you’re choosing a life without me.
“One day you’ll all make choices of your own and they won’t be based upon my preference, but those of your own. And I’ll have no choice but to respect it. I expect that from each and every one of you. Even if you don’t like her, respect her. And remember, you don’t choose love. It chooses you.”
I waited with bated breath for footsteps to sound in the silence. No one stood. No one moved.
“Then, all is well.”
I placed my hand on Chemistry’s arm, stopping him from continuing. This wasn’t his battle alone. It was mine, too.
“I won’t spend all of our time together apologizing for the harm I’ve done. But, right here, right now, I’m inclined to tell each and every one of you how sorry I truly am. Chemistry and I happened, and as much as I’d like to think it was, it wasn’t on accident.
“Despite what I’ve done in the past, I love you brother dearly. Sometimes it feels like I love him more than my-myself. And as scary as that can be, I feel safe knowing I’m not alone. He, too, loves me more than life itself. We aren’t perfect, neither of us.
“But, we work. We work well. We work so well I’ve decided to give up everything to join him. I don’t know where we’re headed or what we’re doing, but I’m here for the ride… wherever it takes us. I’ve abandoned the small support system my daughter and I had to be surrounded by Chemistry’s village.
“If not for me, please find it in your heart to forgive me for this child. Not only does she need you, but so do I. You’re the closest thing to family I have, now.”
Tears welled in my eyes. My lips quivered as I tried my hardest not to cry. One blink and the waterworks began. There was too much silence. Too much stillness. I wanted to run for the hills. Run to a faraway place, until three words landed right on top of me and wrapped me in tenderness and grace.
“We are family!” Rome yelled across the room.
“We’re far from perfect, ourselves,” Roaman added.
“We’ve done things we regret,” Royce admitted.
“Made messes that felt too big, too clean,” Range chimed in.
“It’s life, Egypt.” Rhea sighed. “Don’t keep punishing yourself for it.”
I shook my head, wiping the tears from my eyes with the hand I wasn’t holding Chemistry in. “I won’t.”
“Good,” she responded.
“Rugger,” I whimpered. The pain resided in me without signs of fleeing.
She didn’t respond, but her eyes were on me, assuring me I had her attention.
“Thank you.”
If no one else in the room understood why she had given thanks, she and I did. The visit to my home when I was five months pregnant could’ve ended much differently. But, the sight of my belly didn’t allow her to make good on her promise.
“My brother would never forgive me. His love is worth more to me than your life. Goodbye, Egypt.”
I didn’t sleep for a week after she’d left, afraid she’d have a change of heart and return to finish the job.
“All is forgiven, Egypt. Under one circumstance.”
“Anything.”
“I am the first to hold my niece.”
Hell broke loose. The well-poised, collected family was in disarray at once. Everyone lost their composure, racing toward me with the idea of being the first to get their hands on Chemistry. But, for my heart’s sake, I honored Rugger’s request and handed Chemistry off to her once she was close enough.
My smile split the corners of my lips. This was the reunion I was too afraid to hope for. Its fruition doubled my tears and widened my heart eight times.
For Rhea.
For Rome.
For Range.
For Roulette.
For Royce.
For Roman.
For Rather.
For Rugger.
“And you’re worried about me spoiling her.” Chem chuckled, pulling me into his side.