Epilogue
“Despite the circumstances, your father would be happy to have you. Happy to hold you in his arms. And, one day, I pray that’s possible. In a perfect world, it would be.” I sighed. “So ideal.”
The video ended abruptly. Every emotion I felt in that moment resurfaced. But, Chemistry’s hand on my knee gave me the reassurance I needed at that very moment, soothing the pain of his absence and my guilt during his incarceration. I swiped, starting another video from the collection I’d started to share with our daughter when she was older.
“No more, Egypt,” Chemistry pleaded.
The bitterness and pain in his voice forced me to shut the entire phone down. The videos were in an online album I’d been building and storing the documentary of my pregnancy. There were nearly two hundred videos and over five hundred photos.
Day by day, Chemistry and I were making our way through them. He was experiencing the pregnancy through my eyes. Even the birth was documented, but we hadn’t gotten that far yet. We were still in the second trimester and cruising along slowly.
“A walk?” I proposed, placing my hand over his.
“I’d love that.”
Twice a week, we promised time to each other. No CJ, no family, no disruptions. After so much transpired, we found it difficult to get back to us, back to our roots.
Having a newborn, a host of family members around, learning a new culture, growing comfortable with new territory, the mess we’d left in the States, the guilt, the absence, the grief, and so many other factors made the journey hard.
But, we quickly learned it was necessary to separate ourselves from it all to rebuild and restore. I looked forward to Wednesday and Friday nights. There was only silence and me and Chemistry and the love we shared.
Chemistry took me by the hand after finishing his drink. I sipped the last of my wine and joined him standing. The empty dinner plates and bowls would be handled. There was no need to worry about those, but I still found myself stacking plates to make the jobs of the staff easier. Chem had two Catanian women staffed inside our home and a flock of men keeping the land secure.
“Choc.”
Butterflies swarmed. It was so hard keeping them at bay when that name surfaced. CJ had even adopted the name Baby Choc. Her complexion resembled mine. She had all my features and was truly a Momma’s girl.
She and her father had the most adorable relationship. They napped together. Watched sports together. Swam together, because even at her young age he’d already taught her. She’d gotten in the water at only five weeks old. We hadn’t settled in before Chemistry was tossing her into the deep end, promising me she’d survive because it was in her nature.
She’d just come out of the womb. I panicked. It took all seven of his sisters to pin me down and keep me from going in after her. As if she’d acquired her father’s water tolerance, my five-week-old baby managed to land on and remain on her back until he swam to her from the other end. I kept silent and didn’t speak to Chemistry for two days after the incident. Meanwhile, every chance he got, he was sneaking off with our daughter to get her more acquainted with the water. I hated it and loved it at the same time.
I was the most beneficial to Chemistry Jru Childers, which was the only reason she was a Momma’s girl. I wasn’t her pick of the litter though. That title was reserved for someone else. And, out of seven aunts, I think it was Rome she adored most. Roaman soothed her better than them all.
Rugger showed her no mercy. She was trying to teach her how to crawl before she was able to hold her head up. If it was left to her, the baby would be walking by her seventh month of life. Rather and Royce and Roulette and Range were all in love with their niece, but were still trying to clean the mess we’d left back home. Their time was divided. So was their attention.
“Sorry. It’s a habit.”
We began on the east of the water’s edge. In a comfortable silence, we trekked at a slow, steady pace. I was still in disbelief at the beauty of the land, our story, and our future.
This is my life.
Chemistry’s unconditional love had gotten us here and I knew it would take us so much further. My faith would keep us grounded and make sure we always believe our love can withstand the impossible. Because it could.
There was no person on earth I’d rather love. There was no place on earth I’d rather be. Chemistry was my destination. A long life with him was my goal.
“Is this what heaven feels like?”
Sand nestled between my toes as we walked along the beachside, hand in hand.
“I fear I’ll never be able to confirm.”
“A perfect world, at least?”
“This world is far from perfect, Choc. In a perfect world, I could pull up to my mother’s crib and kiss her cheek any time I wanted. In a perfect world, my father would be on this island somewhere with his feet up. In a perfect world, I would be closer to my brothers. In a perfect world, you’d be my wife already. In a perfect world, I would’ve met you so many years ago.”
His idea of perfection wasn’t too farfetched. Though I couldn’t give him everything he desired, there were a few I could make happen. And for the last three months on the island, I’d been using all my free time to do so.
I stared at the ring he’d placed on my finger after asking for my hand in marriage the night we’d made it to St. Catana, one of three islands he owned. It was one of two that were full of civilization.
“I can’t bring your parents back,” I began as we approached the path of seashells.
“Neither can I get you any closer to your brothers without raising any red flags.”
The path widened to accommodate thirteen and a half people. Eight women stood on the left. Four men stood on the right. The island’s spiritual leader stood between them all. The last guest held our daughter tightly, keeping her from catching so much of the night air.
Chemistry couldn’t go any further at the sight of three men who shared almost all of his features, waiting for him down the aisle. He hadn’t seen their faces in months. Each time he mentioned them, I witnessed the abyss their absence created grow bigger and bigger.
“Anna?” he whispered, turning to me for confirmation.
“She helped me pull it all together.”
“Milo. Malachi? Makai.” His nostrils flared, revealing the true nature of his emotions.
I learned Mercer was serving time the week we’d visited Berkeley. If I had a crystal ball that granted my wishes, he’d be standing beside the others. But, I didn’t and he wasn’t.
“I never doubted it. Not even once. I never doubted you. I never doubted us. I never doubted the love we shared, no matter how fucking complicated it was. I’m a giver, Choc. I give and I give and I give and I give.
“That’s my job. That’s what I was born to do. That’s what makes me feel good in here,” he exclaimed, pointing to his chest. “When something is given to a giver, you don’t know what that shit means. What it does. Nobody has ever given me a fucking thing. I wouldn’t let them. But you have been giving and giving since the night I met you, Choc.
“You’ve given me life. You’ve given me your heart. You’ve given me your body. You’ve given me your time and attention. You’ve given me your trust. You’ve given me your career. You’ve given me your future. You’ve given me your hand.
“You’ve given me the greatest gift a man could ever ask for. A child. A daughter, nonetheless. And I thought that was the end of the giving, but you… you just had to give me a little more, huh?”
Smiling, I lifted a hand to swipe the tear that had yet to fall. “And I won’t stop giving until I take my last breath. No one deserves it more than you, Mister.”
Chem leaned down, taking my lips into my mouth as he gripped my butt through the linen dress I wore. I melted against him, fitting perfectly in his contours. Our puzzle was far from finished, but it was coming along nicely and I was enjoying the process.
“Hey! It’s not that time yet. You have to actually get married before you can kiss the bride.”
Chuckling, we pulled ourselves apart and ran toward the others. I grabbed the beautiful bouquet Rhea had spent two days making and took my place in front of the man I loved. Peering in those dark eyes, I prayed I never spent another day without him.
The end