CHAPTER 19
---
Gemini exhaled, putting his spoon down.
"...What's wrong with you, Phu?" He asked, studying him now. "You've been acting weird lately."
Phuwin didn't answer immediately.
His gaze stayed forward.
Then, quietly-
"...It's not wrong to love a troublemaker who always fights, right?"
Both Gemini and Book frowned at the same time.
"...What?" Book blinked.
Gemini leaned forward slightly.
"...Why are you asking that?"
Phuwin's fingers tightened around his spoon.
"...Just answer me."
They exchanged a glance.
Gemini spoke first, more careful now.
"...It's not about whether he fights or not," He said slowly. "People aren't just one thing. Someone can be a troublemaker and still care deeply about someone."
Book nodded slightly.
"Yeah... I mean, just because someone has issues or gets into fights doesn't automatically make them bad."
A pause.
"It depends on why they do those things... And how they treat the people they care about."
Silence.
Phuwin didn't respond.
Book tilted his head slightly.
"...Wait."
Gemini's eyes narrowed just a little.
"...Are you talking about Pond?" Gemini asked.
Phuwin froze.
Completely.
"...No-" he said quickly, too quickly. "I'm not-"
Gemini and Book looked at each other.
Then back at him.
"...You're lying," Gemini said flatly.
Book leaned in slightly.
"Phi..."
Gemini crossed his arms.
"Just admit it."
Phuwin's heart started beating faster again.
His eyes flickered between them.
"...I'm not-"
"You are," Gemini cut in.
A pause.
His voice softened just a little.
"...You like him. Or... More than that."
Book nodded slowly.
"...You wouldn't ask something like that if it wasn't about him, Phi Phu."
Phuwin's lips parted slightly.
But no words came out.
Gemini leaned back, watching him closely.
"...You actually love Pond, don't you?"
And this time-
Phuwin didn't deny it right away.
Which already said enough.
Phuwin swallowed.
His grip on the spoon loosened slightly.
"...It's hard to admit it," He said quietly.
A pause.
His voice softened even more.
"...But I think I do."
Silence.
Gemini and Book both froze.
Eyes widening at the same time.
"...Wait-"
"-You actually-?"
Phuwin didn't look at them.
But he didn't take it back either.
Gemini suddenly leaned back, letting out a breath.
"...For two months," He muttered, half in disbelief.
"Two whole months of you spiraling..."
Book broke into a small smile.
"...And you finally found your answer."
Gemini huffed a short laugh.
"About time."
Book nudged Phuwin lightly.
"I'm happy for you, Phi."
Gemini nodded.
"...Yeah. Seriously."
A pause.
"Now you just have to tell him."
Phuwin immediately shook his head.
Fast.
"No."
Both of them blinked.
"No?" Gemini repeated.
Phuwin looked down, ears slightly red now.
"I-I can't."
Book tilted his head.
"...Why not?"
Phuwin fidgeted slightly with his fingers.
"...I'm too shy."
A pause.
"...And scared."
Gemini raised a brow.
"Scared of what?"
Phuwin hesitated.
Then admitted quietly-
"...I've never confessed to someone before. And I've been perfect for too long-"
He paused.
Gemini leaned back again, staring at him.
"...You're in love with a guy who literally beat people up for you..."
A pause.
"...And you're scared to tell him you like him?"
Phuwin frowned slightly.
"...That's different."
Book shrugged.
"Not really."
Gemini smirked faintly.
"...He's probably been waiting for you for a really long time, you know."
Phuwin's chest tightened slightly at that.
"...That's why I'm scared," He admitted quietly.
A pause.
"...What if I say it wrong?"
Silence fell between them again.
Book softened.
"You don't have to say it perfectly."
Gemini added,
"...You just have to say it honestly."
Phuwin looked down at his hands again.
Still unsure.
Still nervous.
He had been perfect for so long that he wasn't even sure how to confess to someone for the first time- or if he had truly let go of that "perfect Phuwin" yet.
Gemini suddenly changed the topic.
"...Ah, by the way, Phu," He said, chewing slowly. "Derek's back at university after staying in the hospital for a while."
Book immediately crossed his arms.
"Bet he only stayed there longer so people wouldn't see his broken face."
Gemini snorted.
"Pond literally beat him up badly that time. He even got nose surgery because his nose was completely broken."
Phuwin rolled his eyes.
His expression darkened slightly.
"...Serves him right," He muttered under his breath.
Then, quieter- but sharper-
"...That bastard."
Book blinked.
Gemini tilted his head.
"...Huh?"
Phuwin clicked his tongue softly.
"...He's disgusting."
A pause.
"...He doesn't know how to respect people. Always acting like he can just touch whoever he wants."
Gemini frowned now.
"Wait- what did he even do to you?"
Phuwin hesitated.
Just for a second.
Then exhaled.
"...He tried to kiss me."
Silence.
Both Gemini and Book froze.
"...What?" Book said slowly.
Gemini straightened.
"...He what?"
Phuwin continued, voice tighter now.
"...That's why Pond beat him up."
Gemini's expression hardened.
"...And you didn't tell us this?"
Book sat forward immediately.
"Phi- why didn't you say anything?!"
Phuwin looked away.
"...It already happened."
A pause.
"...And it was over."
Gemini frowned deeply.
"That's not the point."
Book shook his head.
"No wonder Pond reacted like that..."
Gemini clicked his tongue.
"...He didn't just 'beat someone up for no reason' then."
A pause.
"...He was protecting you."
Phuwin didn't answer.
Book looked frustrated now.
"You should've told us."
Phuwin sighed quietly.
"...I didn't want to make it a big deal."
A pause.
"...I just wanted to forget it."
Gemini leaned back, shaking his head.
"...You really have a habit of carrying everything alone."
Book softened slightly, but still looked upset.
"...That's not fair to you."
Phuwin stayed silent.
But inside-
The realization settled again.
Pond hadn't just acted out of anger.
Or chaos.
He had protected him.
Even when Phuwin never asked him to.
Book tapped his chin.
"So that's why he shouted, 'what's mine is MINE' in that video."
Gemini tilted his head.
"You're saying he meant Phuwin?"
Book nodded.
Phuwin stayed quiet.
He exhaled slowly, resting his chin in his hand while his elbow leaned on the table.
---
The next morning, Phuwin yawned as he walked down the hallway.
Whispers followed him like usual- low, constant, annoying- but this time he barely reacted. His eyes stayed forward, his steps steady, like he'd gotten used to ignoring them.
Then someone stepped into his path.
Derek.
Phuwin slowed.
Stopped.
And looked up.
Derek had a visible black eye, the bruise still fresh around his face. His expression was tense, sharp.
He clicked his tongue.
"...We're not done yet."
A pause.
Then, more quietly- but clearly-
"...And I actually did like you. All this time."
Phuwin blinked.
Once.
Then let out a short, disbelieving laugh.
"...You?"
His expression turned colder.
"...You bullied me for years."
A pause.
"...And now you're saying you like me?"
Derek's jaw tightened.
"...That's not-"
Phuwin cut him off immediately.
His voice sharpened.
"...Do you even hear yourself?"
He stepped forward slightly, eyes narrowing.
A pause.
"...What, you break people first and then expect them to fall for you later?"
Derek's face darkened.
"Watch your mouth."
Phuwin scoffed.
"...Or what?"
His gaze flicked over Derek's bruised face.
"...Look at you. Acting all tough when you already got your ass handed to you."
A pause.
"...Maybe stay away from people instead of embarrassing yourself more."
Derek's expression twisted in anger.
"You think you're better than me now?"
Phuwin tilted his head slightly.
"...No."
A pause.
"...But I'm definitely not as pathetic as you."
Derek's expression twisted further, anger flashing across his face.
"...I heard you're into guys now," He sneered. "So what, you're just gonna pretend you're not interested in me?"
Phuwin let out a short, cold laugh.
"...You?" He repeated.
His eyes narrowed.
"...Don't flatter yourself."
A pause.
"...You're a piece of a bastard. Why the hell would I like you back?"
Derek's jaw tightened.
"...So it's him, huh?"
His gaze sharpened.
"...Pond."
Phuwin's expression changed instantly.
"...Don't drag his name into this."
Derek scoffed.
"Don't tell me he didn't steal you from me."
Phuwin stepped forward slightly, voice colder now.
"...Steal me?"
A pause.
His tone sharpened.
"...You never had me. You bullied me for years, acted like I was nothing, and now you think you own me?"
A beat.
"...Get real."
Derek's face darkened.
"Then why him?"
He took a step closer.
"What do you even like about Pond?"
A pause.
"...He's a monster. A psychopath who beats people up whenever he feels like it."
Phuwin's eyes narrowed sharply.
"...Don't talk about him like that."
His voice dropped, firmer now.
"...You don't get to say anything about him."
Derek scoffed again.
"Why are you defending him so much?"
Phuwin didn't hesitate.
"...Because I know what he did and why he did it."
A pause.
"...And I'll never like someone like you. Not even close."
His gaze stayed locked on Derek.
Cold.
Final.
"...So stop wasting your time."
Phuwin turned to leave.
But before he could take another step-
Derek grabbed his wrist.
Phuwin froze.
His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked down at the hand holding him.
Derek's voice dropped, sharper now.
"...Your dad's a politician," He said. "Maybe he's disappointed that his son is gay."
A pause.
His grip tightened.
"...And he doesn't even say anything about those rumors of you and Pond kissing in the finals."
A faint sneer.
"...The fact that you're into a psycho guy too."
Something snapped.
Phuwin yanked his wrist back hard.
So hard Derek staggered slightly.
Before Derek could react-
SLAP.
The sound echoed down the hallway.
Derek's head turned slightly from the impact.
A red mark forming on his cheek.
Phuwin stood there, breathing heavier now.
Eyes cold.
Voice shaking- but controlled.
"...Don't you ever," He said lowly, "bring my father into this."
A pause.
"...You don't get to talk about him."
His jaw tightened.
"...I don't even consider him my father anymore."
Silence.
Derek stared at him, stunned for a moment.
Phuwin stepped closer slightly.
Voice sharper now.
"...And if you touch me again-"
A pause.
His eyes darkened.
"...Let's see how fast Pond comes to break your face again."
Derek's expression tightened immediately at the mention.
But Phuwin didn't wait for a response.
He turned.
And walked away.
---
The next day, Phuwin was working at the café, exhausted.
Everything felt loud in a way he couldn't filter anymore- the clinking cups, the low conversations, the chair legs scraping against the floor.
But inside his head, it was worse.
Then the bell rang.
Pond walked in.
Silent.
Eyes slightly tired.
Expression closed off like he hadn't been sleeping properly either.
He went straight to the counter.
And the moment Phuwin saw him-
His heart jumped.
Too fast.
Too strong.
Like it skipped logic entirely.
Why is it doing that again...?
Phuwin panicked.
Immediately.
His brain scrambled to find something- anything normal.
"...You want chocolate cake?"
He said it too fast.
Too suddenly.
Pond didn't even ordered yet.
Phuwin already moved.
He rushed to the display, grabbed a plate, almost shaking slightly as he placed a slice down.
His hands moved on instinct now.
He picked up a cherry-
Carefully placed it on top.
Then slid it over the counter.
Silence.
Pond didn't touch it.
Just looked at him.
Phuwin avoided his gaze.
His fingers tightened at the edge of the counter.
Then Pond spoke.
Quiet.
"...Why do you keep pretending?"
Phuwin froze.
Pond leaned closer slightly.
"...Why do you keep distancing yourself from me?"
His voice cracked a little at the edges.
His eyes were different now.
Glossy.
Like he was holding too much in for too long.
Phuwin's eyes widened.
Pond continued, softer but heavier now.
"...If you don't like me back, just say it."
A pause.
"...It hurts more than not knowing why you keep pushing me away."
Phuwin couldn't breathe properly.
Pond's hand moved slowly.
He picked up the cherry from the cake.
Staring at it for a second.
"...I don't want a cherry on top."
Then-
He crushed it.
Between his fingers.
A few customers turned their heads.
Whispers started instantly.
Even Sammy froze behind the counter.
Phuwin's eyes stayed wide.
Unmoving.
Pond didn't look at anyone else.
Only him.
"...I want what's underneath," He said.
A pause.
His voice shook slightly.
"...Your feelings."
Silence dropped over the café.
Heavy.
Complete.
Phuwin stood there.
Still.
Eyes wide.
Heart racing.
And for the first time-
He couldn't find a way to pretend anymore.
Pond exhaled deeply.
His shoulders dropped slightly, like something inside him had finally given up holding itself together.
And then- his tears fell.
Quietly.
No dramatic movement.
No breaking down.
Just silent, steady tears sliding down his face while his expression stayed almost blank.
"...Maybe I didn't come here every day because of the cherry," He said softly.
A pause.
His voice came out thinner than before.
"...Or the coffee. Or the cake."
He swallowed.
His fingers curled slightly at his side.
"...Maybe I just told myself it was those things."
A faint, almost humorless breath.
"...So I wouldn't have to admit the real reason."
His eyes lifted slowly to Phuwin.
Still glossy.
Still fixed.
"...And maybe I actually came back here every day..."
A pause.
His voice dropped lower.
More honest.
More exposed.
"...Because of you."
Silence.
The café felt too big suddenly.
Too quiet.
Like even the air had stopped moving.
Phuwin didn't speak.
He couldn't.
His mouth was slightly open, but nothing came out.
His chest tightened painfully, like something inside him had been squeezed too hard.
Pond continued, softer now- but deeper, like every word cost him something.
"...I don't even think I realized it at first."
A pause.
"...I just kept finding reasons to come. Small ones. Stupid ones."
His gaze flickered slightly.
"...A cherry. A drink. A place to sit."
He shook his head faintly.
"...But it was never really about any of that."
His voice cracked just a little.
"...It was about seeing you."
A breath.
"...Even when you weren't looking at me."
Silence again.
He let it sit.
Let it sink.
"...And then you started looking at me differently."
A pause.
His eyes darkened slightly- not angry, just hurt.
"...Like I was something you had to avoid."
His throat tightened.
"...That hurt more than I thought it would."
He looked down at his hand briefly.
Still stained faintly from the crushed cherry.
"...So I stopped asking for too much."
A pause.
"...I just stayed close enough to see you."
He looked back up.
Eyes steady again, but softer now.
"...But I can't do that anymore."
A beat.
"...Not when I don't even know if you feel anything at all."
Silence crashed down again.
Then- he turned.
Phuwin stood frozen for a split second, eyes still wide, as Pond turned and walked out of the café.
No hesitation.
No looking back.
Just leaving.
Then it hit him.
"Pond-!"
Phuwin rushed out from behind the counter.
Chairs scraped.
Customers turned and whispered.
Sammy called something after him, but it blurred into noise.
Phuwin pushed through the door, breath unsteady.
Outside, the street was bright and loud again- but everything felt distant, unreal.
"Pond!" He called again.
"...I-!"
He stopped abruptly.
Pond was already farther down the street.
Walking away.
Getting smaller with every step.
Phuwin's hand lifted slightly, like he was going to reach for him.
But the distance swallowed it whole.
"Like you..."
Phuwin's voice came out as a whisper.
Broken at the edges.
His throat tightened painfully.
His chest felt like it caved in on itself, pressure building too fast, too deep.
I like you.
The words stayed inside him.
Unspoken.
Stuck.
Pond turned a corner.
And disappeared.
Phuwin stood there in the middle of the street, hand still half-raised, staring at nothing now.
The sound of the city came back slowly.
But it didn't reach him properly.
His breathing shook slightly.
His fingers curled faintly in the air where Pond used to be.
"...I like you..."
He finally whispered.
Too late.
Barely audible.
And his chest tightened even more-
Like his body had realized it before his courage did.
---
Later that evening, Phuwin went home feeling heavy.
Each step up to the house felt slower than usual, like his body was moving but his mind wasn't catching up.
When he stepped inside, he saw Book in the living room.
Watching TV.
Relaxed.
Normal.
Book glanced over and smiled softly.
"...Welcome home, Phi Phu."
Phuwin didn't answer.
He just dropped his bag near the couch and sat down beside him.
Not too close.
Not too far.
Just... There.
Book noticed immediately.
The silence.
The tension.
The way Phuwin wasn't looking at anything in particular.
"...What's wrong?" Book asked gently.
Phuwin stayed quiet for a moment.
His hands rested loosely in his lap.
Then, slowly-
"...I saw him today," He said.
Book didn't interrupt.
Just listened.
Phuwin exhaled.
"...And he said things."
A pause.
His eyes stayed on the TV, but he wasn't watching it.
"...Things I didn't know how to answer."
His fingers curled slightly.
"...And when he left," He continued softly, "I tried to say something."
A pause.
"...But I was too late."
Book's expression softened.
"...Pond?" He asked carefully.
Phuwin didn't confirm.
He didn't deny it either.
Silence settled again.
Then Phuwin spoke again, quieter this time.
"...It feels like... Every time I understand something..."
A pause.
"...I lose the moment to say it."
His throat tightened slightly.
"...And now it's just stuck."
Book shifted a little closer, still calm, still patient.
Phuwin finally lowered his gaze.
"...It hurts," He admitted softly.
Not dramatic.
Not loud.
Just honest.
A pause.
Then, more quietly-
"...Because I think I know what I want now."
He swallowed.
"...But I don't know how to get it back."
Book shifted more closer to him without thinking twice.
He didn't interrupt.
Just let the silence sit there for a moment, then spoke gently.
"...I've been there too, you know."
Phuwin's eyes flicked slightly toward him, but he didn't respond.
He just listened.
Book leaned back against the couch, staring at the TV that neither of them were really watching anymore.
"...With my boyfriend," He continued softly. "Before we even started dating."
A pause.
"...It was messy. I kept overthinking everything. Every small moment, every word."
He let out a small breath, almost amused at himself.
"...I'd want to say something, then I'd talk myself out of it. Or I'd say it too late and pretend it didn't matter."
Phuwin stayed quiet.
But his shoulders eased slightly, just a little.
Book glanced at him.
"...And I remember thinking I'd lost my chance every single time I hesitated."
A pause.
"...Like I ruined everything just by not being brave enough at the right moment."
He shook his head slightly.
"...But it didn't actually end there."
Phuwin blinked once.
Still listening.
Book's voice softened more.
"...Sometimes, the other person is also waiting. Confused. Patient. Just as scared as you are."
A pause.
"...You don't always miss your chance forever, Phi."
Phuwin's fingers twitched slightly in his lap.
Book continued quietly.
"...But you do need to stop punishing yourself for not being perfect at something you're doing for the first time."
Silence settled again.
Not heavy this time.
Just calm.
Phuwin finally exhaled slowly.
Still not speaking.
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