CHAPTER 18
---
Later, Phuwin and Gemini were eating together at a quiet table on campus.
The noise around them was soft-plates, chatter, footsteps- but distant enough to ignore.
Gemini was halfway through his food when he spoke casually, like he was just passing along news.
"...I heard Pond got suspended again."
Phuwin paused.
His fork stopped mid-air.
"...Really?"
Gemini nodded.
"Yeah. For a week."
He glanced up at Phuwin.
"...About him ordering his group to beat up a guy in the hallway."
Phuwin's grip on his fork tightened slightly.
His eyes lowered a bit.
Gemini continued, not noticing the shift immediately.
"He just came back from suspension not long ago, right? And now this."
A small exhale.
"...He really doesn't care about getting suspended, huh."
A pause.
Then, more quietly-
"...He must care about you a lot."
That landed differently.
Phuwin froze completely this time.
His expression didn't change at first, but his fingers slowly loosened around the fork.
"...Care about me?"
He repeated softly.
Almost like he didn't understand how to hold the idea.
Gemini nodded again.
"I mean... Most people would try to avoid getting suspended twice in a row."
He shrugged slightly.
"But he didn't even hesitate."
Phuwin looked down at his plate now, silent.
The food suddenly didn't feel important anymore.
Gemini leaned back slightly.
"...That's not nothing."
Phuwin didn't respond right away.
But his thoughts-
Had already drifted somewhere else.
To Pond.
To the hallway.
To silence.
To actions he didn't fully understand yet.
---
The next day, Phuwin was working at the café.
He was behind the counter, focused on his tasks, while Sammy handled the cashier.
The bell above the door rang.
Phuwin didn't look up immediately.
Not until he heard the footsteps.
Slow.
Familiar.
Pond walked in.
Hands in his pockets.
Calm as always.
He stopped at the counter.
Sammy looked up- and immediately, subtly stepped aside.
With a small, almost apologetic glance at Phuwin, she motioned for him to take over.
Phuwin exhaled quietly.
He walked forward.
"...What do you want?" He asked flatly.
Pond met his eyes.
"...Coffee," He said simply. Then added, "with a cherry-"
"On top?"
Phuwin cut in immediately.
Cold.
Precise.
Silence.
Pond froze.
Just for a moment.
His eyes stayed on Phuwin, like he wasn't expecting that tone.
Not from him.
The air between them tightened slightly.
Phuwin didn't blink.
Didn't soften.
Just waited.
Pond recovered after a beat.
"...Yeah," He said quietly.
A pause.
"...On top."
Sammy, still nearby, glanced between them but said nothing.
Phuwin nodded once, turned slightly, and started preparing the order.
Efficient.
Controlled.
No hesitation.
Pond stayed there.
Still watching him.
But now, a little quieter than before.
---
Later that evening, the café was closed.
The lights were dimmer than usual, only a few still on above the counter. The chairs were already flipped or pushed back, the quiet hum of the refrigerator the only sound filling the space.
Phuwin and Sammy sat at one of the small tables near the window, eating leftovers and sipping drinks she had made earlier.
Phuwin wasn't really eating.
He just moved the food around slowly on his plate.
His expression looked tired in a different way now- less overwhelmed, more... Distant.
Sammy tilted her head slightly as she watched him.
"...What's wrong with you?"
She took a sip of her drink, then added carefully,
"You've been acting a little off today. Especially with Pond."
Phuwin paused.
His fingers stopped moving.
He exhaled slowly.
"...I just wanted time," He said quietly.
A pause.
"...For a while."
Sammy didn't interrupt.
She just listened.
Phuwin lowered his gaze.
"...I don't know if I'm really in love," He continued, voice softer now, more uncertain. "Or if I'm just... Influenced by everything that's been happening."
A small pause.
"All the things he did... All the things he said... The way he showed up when everything was falling apart..."
He swallowed.
"...I don't know if that's love."
Sammy leaned back slightly in her chair, still watching him.
Phuwin's grip on his spoon tightened slightly.
"...Or if it's just because I've been so tired and confused that anything that feels like safety... I start attaching to it."
A pause.
"...I don't want to mistake survival for feelings."
His voice grew quieter.
"And I don't want to hurt him either."
Sammy blinked.
"...You're thinking too much again," She said gently.
Phuwin let out a faint, humorless breath.
"...I always think too much."
A silence settled between them.
Warm, but heavy.
Phuwin looked out the window.
The streets were darker now.
Less crowded.
"...He keeps showing up," He said after a moment. "Even when I push him away. Even when I don't understand myself."
A pause.
"...And that makes it harder."
Sammy hummed softly.
"...Because it feels real?"
Phuwin didn't answer immediately.
His eyes stayed on the glass.
"...I don't know," He admitted finally.
A small pause.
"...That's the problem."
Sammy gave a small sigh, softer now.
"...Then maybe don't force yourself to decide yet."
Phuwin's shoulders lowered slightly.
Just a little.
"...Just take your time," She added.
"And don't let your fear make the decision for you."
---
Pond had gone back home late.
The house was quiet, except for the faint night wind slipping through the open balcony doors.
And there-
Force was standing by the railing.
Leaning slightly forward.
A cigarette between his fingers.
Smoke drifting into the air like nothing mattered.
Pond stopped in the doorway for a second.
Then walked over.
Hands still in his pockets.
Calm steps.
Controlled expression.
He stopped right beside Force.
Without a word, he reached out and took the cigarette straight from his hand.
Force blinked.
But he didn't really protest.
Just watched.
Pond didn't hesitate.
He flicked it down, watching it fall and die out below.
Silence.
Then Pond spoke.
"...Stop smoking."
His voice was flat.
But there was something sharp under it.
Force let out a small breath, leaning back slightly.
"Relax."
Pond turned his head slightly toward him.
"...No."
A pause.
"...You think you're cool doing this?"
Force raised a brow.
Pond continued anyway, voice getting more firm.
"...You've already got a boyfriend who nags you about your habits, and you're still acting like this?"
He scoffed faintly.
"...What, you want him to worry about your lungs too now? Or are you just trying to look rebellious?"
Force didn't respond immediately.
Just stared at him.
Pond clicked his tongue softly.
"...You act like nothing affects you, but you're the first one to complain when things actually go wrong."
A pause.
"...Stop pretending you're untouchable."
He glanced briefly at the balcony railing.
"...You're not."
Then back at Force.
"...And don't bring that smell into the house. It's disgusting."
Force exhaled slowly, almost amused now.
"...You done?"
Pond didn't move.
"...Yeah."
A beat.
Then, quieter but still firm-
"...Don't let me catch you doing it again."
He turned slightly, already about to walk away.
Then added, without looking back-
"...Or next time I'm telling Book myself."
Force watched Pond for a moment after his last warning, then spoke more softly this time.
"...What's wrong with you?"
Pond stopped.
For a second, he didn't answer.
Didn't move.
Then slowly, he turned back.
His hands stayed in his pockets, but his expression shifted- less sharp now, more tired.
"...Phuwin," He said quietly.
A pause.
"...He's been distancing himself from me."
Force's gaze sharpened slightly, but he didn't interrupt.
Pond exhaled through his nose, looking away toward the night sky.
"...He acts like I'm... Something he needs to be careful with now."
His jaw tightened a little.
"...Like if he gets too close, something will go wrong."
A pause.
His voice lowered.
"...It's making me hurt."
Silence settled between them.
Force leaned slightly on the railing.
"...So?"
Pond looked at him again.
Force continued, calmer but direct.
"...You really think he's just pushing you away for no reason?"
A pause.
"...Did you ever think maybe he's confused?"
Pond didn't answer immediately.
His eyes flickered slightly.
Force exhaled.
"...You don't get to just decide what it means when someone pulls back, bro."
A small pause.
"...Especially not him. Not after everything he's been through."
Pond's expression tightened again- but this time, it wasn't anger.
It was frustration.
At himself.
At not understanding.
"...I'm not forcing him," Pond said quietly.
A pause.
"...I just don't know what to do when he looks at me like that."
Force glanced at him.
"...Then stop trying to chase him for answers he doesn't even have yet."
Pond went quiet.
Force straightened slightly.
"...If he's distancing himself, it's probably because he's scared of what he feels."
A pause.
"...Not because you're the problem."
Pond's gaze lowered slightly.
The tension in his shoulders eased, just a little.
But the hurt didn't leave.
"...That doesn't make it easier," He muttered.
Force shrugged faintly.
"...Yeah."
A beat.
"...Love rarely is."
Then-
He exhaled softly.
He reached out and patted Pond's shoulder once- firm, but not heavy.
"...Give him some time alone," He said quietly.
"...Don't rush it."
A pause.
Then he turned and walked back inside, leaving the balcony door to swing gently shut behind him.
Pond stayed where he was.
The night air felt colder now.
Quieter.
For a long moment, he didn't move.
Just stood there, staring out into the dark city below.
Then he exhaled slowly.
"...Force is right."
His voice was barely above a whisper.
His gaze lowered slightly.
"...I was the one who told Phuwin to take his time."
A pause.
His jaw tightened faintly.
"...So I should've expected this."
He looked down at his hand resting in his pocket.
Empty.
Still.
"...But getting pushed away hurts more than I thought."
A quiet breath.
"...More than before."
Silence lingered again.
He closed his eyes for a second.
Then opened them.
"...But I'll wait."
His voice steadied.
Not forceful.
Just certain.
He lifted his gaze back toward the night sky.
"...If he needs space... I'll give it."
A pause.
"...Until he's ready."
And for the first time that night-
He didn't move forward.
Just stayed.
And waited.
---
Two months later, Phuwin and Pond's lives had drifted apart.
Not completely gone.
Just... Distant.
Like something left unfinished between them, neither of them knowing how to reach it again.
Phuwin spent most nights in his room.
Lying on his bed.
Staring at the ceiling.
Thinking.
About Pond.
About everything that happened.
About everything he couldn't name yet.
And every time he tried to convince himself he was better off like this-
There was still that quiet feeling underneath it all.
Like something was missing.
Like the space beside him wasn't supposed to be empty.
He would turn slightly in bed sometimes.
As if expecting something.
Someone.
But there was nothing.
Just silence.
Meanwhile, Pond gave him space.
Just like he promised.
But space didn't mean peace.
Sometimes he would catch himself staring at his phone longer than he should.
Sometimes he'd stop mid-step when he thought he saw Phuwin somewhere in the distance.
Sometimes patience felt less like strength-
And more like something slowly wearing thin.
Because waiting hurt in ways he didn't expect.
---
One evening, Phuwin sat on the couch at home.
The TV was on.
His father's image appeared on the screen- talking, speaking confidently, like always.
Words about politics.
Control.
Image.
Phuwin stared at it.
Quiet.
Still.
Then his father said something again- something sharp, something that reminded him of everything he had been trying to escape.
About reputation.
About appearances.
About how people "should" be.
Something inside Phuwin snapped.
He stood up abruptly.
His breathing quickened.
Before he even fully realized it-
He grabbed a nearby vase.
And threw it straight at the television.
The crash echoed through the room.
Glass shattered.
The screen went dark.
Silence fell immediately.
Phuwin stood there, chest rising and falling sharply, eyes fixed on the broken screen.
His hand trembled slightly.
Not from fear.
From everything he had been holding in.
From everything he never said.
"Phi...?"
Book's voice came from few steps away.
Careful.
Small.
Phuwin didn't move right away.
He was still standing in front of the broken TV, glass scattered across the floor, the screen dark and lifeless.
"...Phi Phu?"
Book stepped closer, stopping a few feet behind him.
His eyes widened slightly when he saw the mess.
"...This is the second time," He said quietly.
A pause.
"...You broke the TV again."
Phuwin blinked.
Slowly, he turned his head.
For a moment, he didn't answer.
Then he gave a small, awkward smile.
"...Ah."
It was soft.
Polite.
Almost automatic.
But it didn't reach his eyes.
Book stared at him, worried now.
"...Are you okay?"
Phuwin's smile stayed for a second longer.
Then faded slightly at the edges.
"...Yeah," He said.
A pause.
"...I'm fine."
His gaze drifted back to the broken screen.
The silence between them stretched.
Book didn't look convinced.
But he didn't push either.
Just stayed there.
Watching his brother stand in the aftermath of something he couldn't fully explain anymore.
---
Two weeks later, Phuwin was walking along the street on his way to the university.
Head slightly lowered.
Steps steady.
Still trying to keep everything inside him in place.
Then-
He saw him.
Pond.
Walking from the opposite direction.
They both froze.
Like the world had suddenly paused just for them.
Phuwin's breath caught without permission.
His heart jumped- then started beating too fast, too loud, like it was trying to escape his chest.
He didn't understand it.
Not fully.
What's going on?
His fingers tightened slightly around the strap of his bag.
Why am I like this?
His eyes stayed on Pond without meaning to.
He noticed everything in that split second.
The way Pond's expression shifted slightly when he saw him too.
The way the distance between them suddenly felt smaller than it actually was.
Why does it feel like I can't breathe properly?
Phuwin swallowed.
Hard.
It's just him.
But his body didn't agree.
His chest felt tight.
Warm.
Confused.
Why does my heart feel like it's about to break out of my ribs just from seeing him?
Time felt strange.
Slower.
Thicker.
Like the street, the cars, the people-
Everything faded into the background.
Until there was only Pond.
And him.
I thought I was getting used to this... Distance.
But he wasn't.
Not really.
Why does it hurt and feel good at the same time?
His throat tightened slightly.
He forced himself not to move.
Across from him, Pond hadn't moved either.
Just watching.
Quiet.
And in that frozen moment between them-
Phuwin realized something he didn't want to admit yet.
I didn't stop feeling anything.
I just stopped knowing what to do with it.
Then-
He ran.
His feet moved before his mind could catch up.
Behind him, he saw Pond step forward- like he was about to reach out.
But it was too late.
Phuwin turned a corner quickly, stopping behind a quiet wall where no one could see him.
His chest rose and fell too fast.
His hand shook as he pulled out his phone.
What is happening to me...?
He unlocked it.
His fingers trembled as he typed:
"What does it mean when my heart beats faster when I see him?"
He pressed search.
Results loaded immediately.
"It can be a sign of strong emotional attachment."
"You may be experiencing romantic attraction."
"Your body reacts this way when you are in love or deeply emotionally connected to someone."
"Increased heart rate can happen when you see someone you care about intensely."
Phuwin stared at the screen.
Blinking once.
Then again.
"...Love?"
He whispered it under his breath.
Like the word didn't belong to him.
His grip on the phone tightened.
"No..."
His fingers moved again, faster now.
Almost desperate.
He typed:
"How do I stop it?"
He hit search.
The results appeared.
"You usually can't fully stop romantic feelings on command."
"Love develops naturally and is not easily controlled."
"Trying to suppress it may make it feel stronger over time."
"If you truly love someone, it is not something you can simply turn off."
Phuwin froze completely.
His eyes widened.
Slowly.
Like everything inside him had just shifted at once.
"...I can't stop it..."
His phone slipped slightly in his hand.
But he didn't notice.
His thoughts turned quiet.
Too quiet.
So this is what it is?
All this time... I wasn't confused... I was just denying it?
His breathing shook slightly.
I tried to push him away...
I tried to ignore it...
I tried to make it go away...
But the truth stayed anyway.
His eyes lowered slowly.
"...I love him..."
The words came out barely audible.
Like he was testing them.
And when he said it-
Nothing changed outside.
But inside him-
everything did.
---
Two days later, the cafeteria was loud as usual- students talking, trays clattering, chairs scraping across the floor.
Phuwin sat with Gemini and Book at their usual table.
Food in front of him.
Untouched.
His gaze was fixed ahead.
Not really looking at anything.
Just... There.
Gemini took a bite of his food, then spoke casually,
"Hey, the food fair's coming up soon."
Book immediately lit up.
"Really?!" He said, eyes bright. "Like the one last year? With all the stalls and games?"
Gemini nodded.
"Yeah. They're already setting it up near the open grounds."
Book grinned widely.
"Oh, I'm definitely going. The desserts there are insane."
Gemini chuckled lightly.
"Of course you'd care about the desserts."
They kept talking.
Easy.
Normal.
But Phuwin-
Wasn't there.
His fingers rested loosely on his spoon.
His mind somewhere else entirely.
I love him.
The words echoed again.
Uninvited.
Unavoidable.
His chest tightened slightly.
Then what do I do now?
Voices around him blurred together.
Gemini's voice.
Book's laughter.
The noise of the cafeteria.
All of it faded into the background.
Because no matter how much he tried to focus-
His thoughts kept going back.
To Pond.
To that moment on the street.
To the way his heart reacted without asking permission.
Phuwin blinked slowly.
Still staring ahead.
Still silent.
Book glanced at him for a second.
"...Phi?"
No response.
Gemini followed his gaze, then nudged him lightly.
"Hey. Earth to Phuwin."
Phuwin blinked.
Finally snapping out of it slightly.
"...Huh?"
But even then-
His mind wasn't fully back.
Still caught somewhere between realization-
And what came after.
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