Chapter Fifteen
VANESSA
I FORCE MYSELF to take a deep, calming breath before peering back through the tiny peephole in my front door. I regret every decision that’s led me here.
Chev stands beside my golf cart, his hands clasped behind his back. He promised to be early, and he meant it. In his hand are the keys I typically leave on the dashboard, and I watch with a gaping mouth as he swings them around his finger. He’s wearing his leathers, and the large muscles in his thighs flex as he idly wanders around my golf cart.
He wasn’t anywhere to be seen when I left work last night, and he didn’t come when I called out to him. It left me experiencing an odd sense of loneliness, and I hardly got any sleep.
Was he giving me space? The thought has my heart thumping, and a soft crack emerges in my need to keep him at arm’s length. A shifter giving his mate distance? I didn’t think that was possible. Charlie said she’d talk to him, but I didn’t actually think anything would come from it.
Chev sighs and kicks a rock. How long has he been standing out there?
I shouldn’t keep him waiting, and my hand shakes as I work up the strength to open my front door. Chev’s head snaps up as I step outside, his lips curling into a wide grin as I shut the door behind me.
“Good morning, my mate,” he says by way of greeting.
The title has me stumbling, my feet tripping over themselves. Chev’s hands flex by his sides as he watches me straighten myself out. He’s probably fighting against his instinct to run forward and catch me.
This must be Charlie’s doing. I confided in her, sharing my fears and issues regarding Chev. She listened to every word, and she promised to talk with him. I assumed it would be a lost cause.
“Did Charlie speak to you?” I ask.
Chev nods. “Yes. She said you felt suffocated and I should give you space.” He kicks another rock. “I’ll no longer watch you from the woods, and I’ll make my presence known when I’m near.”
His chest puffs up as he speaks. He looks so proud to tell me this, which makes my heart do backflips. Nobody’s ever cared so much about how I feel. My comfort came last when I was a purchased female. The ogres liked it when I was scared, and the cruelest even enjoyed placing bets on who could make me scream the loudest.
“Thank you,” I whisper, unsure what else to say. “You shouldn’t have been watching me in the first place.”
Chev lowers his gaze. “I know. I didn’t—” He pauses and shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”
I walk down my porch steps. I’m not wearing anything special—jeans and a plain, black shirt—but Chev looks at me like I’m in the most elegant dress he’s ever seen. Or naked. He waits until I’m almost to him before speaking again.
“Would you like me to kiss your mark again?”
I trip over my feet, but Chev catches me this time. Our body explodes with warmth whenever we touch, and I instinctively lean against his chest before thinking better of it and pulling away. I need to stop letting him get this close to me. It will only make it hurt more when he inevitably leaves and finds somebody who can give him what he wants.
The thought of him with another fills me with a rage I don’t want to think too deeply about. My possessiveness is growing, and I’m beginning to understand why blessed breeds are adamant about saving themselves. I hate violence, but I want to kill every female Chev has ever touched.
“Does my past upset you?” I blurt out.
I wish to swallow up the question the second it emerges.
Chev furrows his brow. “No.” His answer is firm.
He hesitates momentarily before cupping my cheeks, his thumbs brushing over my cheekbones and his fingers burying into the hair behind my ears. He’s careful not to accidentally touch the mark on the back of my neck.
“Does my past upset you?” He repeats my question.
I shake my head.
Chev looks me over, probably trying to see if I’m telling the truth. I am. I know all about his interactions with Gray during the Lust ceremony, and I believe he did what he did out of duty and dedication to the females. Unless something more happened that wasn’t discussed in the news.
“Did anything else happen?” I ask. “Anything not reported on?”
“No,” Chev says. “The Lust demons were liberal with the details they shared.” He shifts his weight from foot to foot. “Can I put my mouth on your mark again?”
His eyelids lower as he waits for my response, a look of need spreading over his features. It does more to me than I’d care to admit. I’m so fucking weak.
“No,” I say. “But you can look at it.”
I think he’s going to be pleased with what he sees.
He runs his thumbs over my cheeks, his touch soft and gentle until I have no choice but to relax. I believe him, which is a dangerous thing to do. Despite knowing that, though, I turn around and drop my head. Chev takes his sweet time bundling up my hair and moving it away from my neck.
“Your marking has darkened,” he says.
I hum, pretending I don’t already know that. I was in my bathroom looking at it the second I got home last night. The color has transitioned from flesh-toned to a light blush, and the small dot has already begun elongating down my spine.
“It’s beautiful,” he whispers.
His lips meet the back of my head, but he remains true to his word and leaves my mark alone. I’m not ready for him to touch it again—maybe not ever. I wouldn’t have let him do it yesterday if I’d known how it would feel.
I don’t regret it, though.
Several long seconds of silence stretch between us. I want to know what Chev’s thinking, but I don’t ask. I’m afraid of his answer.
He clears his throat and releases my hair. “Thank you for letting me see.”
I nod, unsure what else to say, and lower myself into my golf cart. I take the passenger seat, and I do my best to hide my quickened breathing as Chev takes a seat beside me.
The fabric of his leather skirt is lifted as his erection pushes against it, but he ignores it. I stare, unable to look away as he sticks the key in the ignition. Chev begins driving. I continue eyeing his bare thighs and the covered length above them.
Chev breaks the silence. “You’re staring,” he says. “Would you like to see?”
I lick my lips, knowing this is a stupid idea, before nodding. I need to see.
“I’m not going to touch you,” I say, needing to make that clear.
Chev nods. “I don’t expect you to.”
He sucks in a shaky breath before grabbing the edge of his skirt and pulling it up. His animal mark is exposed first, the red bear unchanged. Immediately following it is his mate mark, the skin now a dark gray. It’s the skin he exposes last that captures my attention, though.
His cock lies heavy between his thighs, the thick length so hard, it looks painful. It pulsates with every beat of his heart, and the veins running along his shaft are prominent as they fill with blood. It’s the first time I’ve ever voluntarily looked at a penis, and I’m surprised by my lack of disgust.
I thought I’d hate it. Chev seems to enjoy my attention as he groans and shifts in his seat.
“Do you like it?” he asks.
I debate saying no, but we’d both know it’d be a lie.
“Yes.”
Our bond is working overtime to soothe me, keeping me calm despite being faced with an object that’s never brought me anything but pain. The bond is growing stronger each day, making my desperation and desire for Chev to grow along with it.
“It’s yours,” Chev declares.
I gulp. Hearing him say that does things to me. Things I’m not prepared for. Chev always makes me feel things I don’t expect, though, so I suppose I should get used to it.
Despite his clear desire, Chev doesn’t push for us to go further. A small part of me expects him to, at a minimum, touch himself, but he keeps his hands planted firmly on the steering wheel. It must be painful to do so.
He eventually releases the steering wheel so he can pull his leathers back down as we near the facility. He’s hiding himself from the wandering eyes of the women inside, which I appreciate. I don’t want anybody seeing him, and I scan the windows in search of any watchers.
“Would you like to go on a date with me?” Chev asks, breaking the silence.
It’s not the first time he’s asked that, but it is the first time I debate saying yes. Chev’s been accommodating to my requests, and I’m coming to accept that our bond isn’t going to disappear as I hoped.
I’m nervous to be alone with Chev, but I’m hopeful that if something went wrong, Charlie and her males would be effective in separating us. Charlie’s apologies yesterday felt genuine, and my therapist used to say trusting isn’t inherently bad.
“If I said yes…” I start. “I’d want to stay in Wrath, and I’d want a chaperone.”
There’s so much we need to discuss, and the short ride to the facility isn’t long enough for serious conversations. Chev might call it a date, but I will consider it a meeting. A meeting with a chaperone who can step in should anything get out of hand.
Chev beams. “Deal.”
His skirt is still tented around his erection, and I continually glance at it as he pulls up to the back doors of the facility. We sit beside one another in silence. I ran inside yesterday, but today, I’m hesitant to leave. Several seconds pass until I give in and spin to hug him.
I hate how much I want to feel his arms around me.
Chev immediately returns the hug, and his bear begins making noises as I bury my face against his chest. It’s more endearing than it should be. This is the first time we’ve ever truly hugged, even if we’re doing it while sitting side by side, and it’s nice.
I breathe in his scent before pulling away. Chev quickly releases me, which I appreciate. I hate when men make me feel trapped.
“Does tonight work for you?” Chev asks. I nod, and he quickly continues. “Then I will secure us a chaperone.”
He looks excited—too excited—which makes me nervous. I’ve never been on a date before, and I have no idea what to expect. His hands find mine, and I gulp as he raises them between us and kisses my knuckles. His lips are soft, and they rob me of coherent thought.
Are mates supposed to turn your mind into a jumbled, confusing mess?
“I will see you tonight,” he promises.
I nod, still dazed as I fumble to grab all my things and hurry inside the facility.