Chapter Sixteen
VANESSA
TONIGHT COMES TOO quickly.
I try to distract myself with work, desperate to think of anything other than Chev. I continually catch myself daydreaming about him, which startles and unnerves me every time. I don’t think anybody has noticed, but I fear my obsession is becoming obvious.
I sneak my phone everywhere I go, and I scour through the several Chev-focused groups I’ve joined to see if there’s any new news about him. There rarely is. He’s been staying out of the public eye these past several weeks, and the topic of his mate is dying down. People are losing interest, which is a relief.
I’m afraid it will resume once people discover who I am, though. I can feel it already beginning. Charlie can barely contain her giggles whenever he’s brought up in a meeting, and the women inside the facility are starting to put two and two together. I think somebody saw him driving me to work and told others.
My nerves are at an all-time high when I finally go home for the day, and I spend way too long trying to style my hair just the right way. I don’t know why I’m trying so hard to look good for this date, but I don’t think I could stop if I tried. I try on several outfits before settling on my usual jeans and plain shirt. It’s my comfort clothing.
Chev didn’t give me a time, and I pace my living room while I wait. Where’s he going to take me? I should’ve asked. I want to know what to expect.
I’m moments away from calling this entire thing off when somebody knocks on my door. I assume it’s Chev, and I smooth down my hair before hurrying over and pulling it open. As predicted, Chev stands on my porch.
He’s wearing his leathers, and his torso flexes as he clasps his hands behind his back and smiles wildly at me. I clear my throat, too nervous to speak. Agreeing to this date was a mistake, but it’s too late to take it back. I’d feel like a monster if I canceled on him now.
Our bond was easy to ignore when I hardly knew Chev, but the more time I spend with him, the stronger it grows. I wonder if he feels the same way, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for his answer. He’s not fighting this as I am, and he’d probably jump on the opportunity to tell me just how the bond makes him feel.
Not that I can’t already guess.
Chev always looks giddy around me.
“Silas will be our chaperone tonight,” he says, gesturing behind him.
The fate stands beside my golf cart, his shoulder leaning against it as he watches Chev and me interact. I wonder what he thinks when he sees us. Does Chev talk about me to them? I’m not sure how I feel about that thought. I don’t enjoy being a topic of discussion, but I can’t lie and say the idea of Chev bragging about me to his friends doesn’t make my blood warm.
Unless he’s saying bad things.
Silas’s gaze is unnerving. Only a fate could look at somebody with such intensity. I turn back toward Chev.
“Silas doesn’t like me much,” he says. “But he’s agreed to teleport us to the lava pits. The best ones are far from here, so we won’t be able to travel by vehicle.”
I don’t love teleporting. It’s how Aziel brought me to Wrath, and it made me nauseous. Plus, I’ve heard horror stories about demons getting trapped in the in-between, and I’m sure the odds of that are increased when they’re bringing others. Chev is large and probably hard to teleport.
Silas is said to be a strong demon, though, and I doubt Chev would let him teleport us if he didn’t think the demon was capable. Charlie jokes that her males are older than dirt, and while I know she’s being sarcastic, a small part of me wonders just how much truth there is to her statement.
How old is Chev?
“I read that nymphs have affinities to nature,” Chev says, drawing my attention.
Can he tell how distracted I am?
“We do,” I confirm.
“What do they feel like?”
I suck on my teeth, unsure how to describe how affinities feel. It’s like asking somebody how to explain what a color looks like. It just is.
“It’s hard to explain,” I admit. “I can connect with nature and feel the life force that emanates from it.”
Chev hums. “Do you have one toward lava?”
I’ve never been asked about my affinities before, and my cheeks grow warm as Chev voices his questions. His interest is flattering, and I wish I had better answers. I don’t know much about myself, and there are significant gaps of information I never learned.
The nymph lands were almost entirely destroyed when the Seekers came and kidnapped the fertile women, and what used to be my home is now a wasteland. Most nymph males chose to take their lives after their mates and children were stolen, and the few who remained are no longer friendly. They’re shells of their former selves.
Both my parents are dead.
Would Chev take me home if I asked? It’s no longer safe, as the area is full of bandits and men in hiding, but I’d love to see it one more time. There’s a chance my childhood home is still standing.
“I’m not sure,” I admit. “I’ve never been around lava before.”
I’ve been meaning to go, but I haven’t found the time. I’ve always wanted to visit the lava pits within Wrath. It’s home to some of the largest ones, and I’ve heard they’re beautiful.
Chev absolutely beams. “Wonderful!”
He’s cute when you get past the fact that he’s a wall of muscle who transforms into a literal bear.
Silas steps onto the porch, and Chev immediately clings to his arm. I hesitate, eyeing the demon, before carefully grabbing his other arm. His stoic expression softens.
“Are you ready?” he asks.
“Yes.”
The world around me vanishes, and my stomach tightens as it materializes again. The stifling air is the first thing I notice, and I swallow past the lump in my throat as I release Silas and plant my hands on my knees.
I most definitely have an affinity for lava. The air feels incredible, its energy vastly different from anything I’ve ever encountered. I’m sure I look like a child in the way I stare wide-eyed at the fields.
Massive pools of magma spread out in every direction for as far as the eye can see. It’s incredible.
Somebody rubs my back, and I peek to the side to see Chev. Silas is already gone, but I quickly find him leaning against a black tree several feet away. He’s watching. Chev continues rubbing my back, and when his bear begins making its noises, I take a calm step away. A meeting. I need to treat this as a meeting.
There have got to be hundreds of lava pits surrounding us. It’s stunning, and I struggle to take it all in. I doubt I’d ever be able to see this particular view if it weren’t for Silas teleporting us. There’s no way we could get this deep into the fields without getting hurt.
The spot they found is perfect, too. It’s large enough that I can feel the heat from the lava, but there’s little risk of tripping and falling into scalding magma. That would be a sure way to ruin a day.
Chev leads me to a nearby picnic table. There’s only one, and it’s decorated with candles and food. My heart pounds when I notice it, and I chew at my bottom lip to remain calm. This is romantic.
I wasn’t expecting it.
“It’s beautiful,” I admit.
I sit at the table, and Chev quickly takes the spot opposite me. He’s brought quite a spread, and I eye the dishes with excitement. I’m hungry, and Chev even brought foods native to the nymphs’ homeland. His thoughtfulness has my heart doing backflips, and I struggle not to tear up as I look at a few dishes I haven’t eaten since childhood. Chev put a lot of effort into this.
“I’m happy you like it,” he says, a small smile toying at the corners of his lips. “Do you feel connected to the lava?”
“Yes,” I say. “It’s amazing.”
Chev beams. “Do you feel the same way toward forests?”
I have a feeling I know where this question is leading, but I take the bait.
“I do,” I admit.
That seems to excite Chev, and he bobs his head before pushing back his hair and reaching for the food. He doesn’t say anything further, but I know what he’s thinking. The shifter lands are covered in forests. He’s thinking about me at his home, in his pack. It’s a thought I’m not ready to entertain.
Chev serves me a plate of food, and I find great pleasure in explaining the dishes we’re eating. He listens to every word like it’s a confession of love, which encourages me to share the few memories I have of each dish.
It’s surprisingly enjoyable, but as we finish eating and the conversation dwindles, my nerves emerge with a vengeance. I have a feeling we both know what’s coming. We can’t prolong the inevitable, and we need to discuss what’s happening between us.
I glance at Silas. He’s still sitting by the black tree, seemingly not paying attention as he flips the page of the book he’s reading. I hope he isn’t listening, and I stare a bit longer before turning back to Chev.
The shifter is already looking at me, his head cocked slightly to the side. He’s waiting.
“Do you want to sit near the pool?” I ask, gesturing to the large pit of magma to our left.
I really want to get closer.
Chev hesitates, his eyes darting toward it. Is he scared of the lava? I want to ask, but I don’t think he’d ever admit to being afraid. After several seconds, he nods and stands. I follow, letting him take my hand and lead me to the spot he’s deemed is most safe.
It’s a ways away from Silas, and when I cast a nervous glance back at the fate, I’m happy to see he’s still reading his book.
The lava is quiet, but occasionally, I’ll hear a low, deep gurgling. It serves as good background noise to the uncomfortable air that’s grown between Chev and me. We sit beside one another, and Chev wordlessly touches my ankle. I let him rub the bone with the back of his knuckles. It’s soothing, and it makes the bond between us happy.
I clear my throat as I work up the courage to speak. “What do you want from me?” I ask. “If we were to give this a try, what would you want our relationship to look like?”
I avoid looking directly at Chev, but I peek at him from the corner of my eye. His chest expands as he sucks in a slow breath, the shifter thinking through my question before answering.
“I want everything,” he admits. “But I’m happy with whatever you can give. I know you’ve had a hard life.” Chev clears his throat before continuing. “I just want to be a part of your future.”
He continues running his knuckles along my ankle, and I stare at where we connect before prying further.
“And children?” I ask. Chev stills. “If you’d be willing to forego sex, I’d be willing to have your children through artificial insemination,” I continue to explain. “I want a family and children, but making one is not something I think I’ll ever be comfortable with.”
Chev doesn’t immediately respond, and the silence is deafening.
“I’d be honored to have a family with you, with or without sex,” he eventually says.
Despite Chev’s words, I can tell our bond is unhappy. It wants me to give myself entirely to him, but I can’t see myself doing that. Maybe we can work our way there over time, but that wouldn’t be for a long time. I don’t want to suggest it and get his hopes up.
“Where do you draw the line on intimacy?” Chev asks. “You don’t seem to mind when I hold your hand or kiss you.”
I shrug, not having a good answer. My lines seem to be continually changing, and I’m having trouble finding where they are.
“I don’t mind those things,” I say.
I turn to face Chev entirely. He spins to match my position, the lava next to us long forgotten as he stares at me with so much hope. I’ve given him more than enough opportunity to leave, but he’s made it clear he has no intentions to do so. If I’m honest with myself, I think I’d be crushed if he did.
I’d never ask him to stay, but it would ruin me if he left.
“I don’t know where my limits are,” I admit.
Chev grabs my hands before leaning in and bringing his lips to mine. The kiss is quick, and when he pulls away, he brings my palms to his chest and presses them against it.
“That’s okay,” he says. “We’ll learn what works best for us.”