Chapter Fourteen
Running Wolf settled in a cross legged position on the forest floor.
He needed the calm that meditation provided him.
Meditating there, amidst the animals, the trees, the grass, it always helped him gain clarity.
He had not done this in a long time. Just like with everything else he had been depriving himself of, he thought he did not deserve the peace that came with meditation after all his losses.
He sighed. He blamed himself for a lot. So much had happened to those he cared about.
Of course it was only logical that he, the linking thread was the reason behind it all.
Did the universe agree with him? Or was he wrong to think that it was all his fault? Everyone is equal after death and they were all gone back to the earth. The universe made it that way.
He laid on his back and stared up at the pinkish sky. The sun was about to set, signifying the end of the day and reminding them that a new day was only a short way away.
He sighed again and his mind ran over the Chief's words: "Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do, even if it's a long way from here.
Hold on to your life, even if it's easier to let go".
He shut his eyes as he dwelt on them. Immediately, Elaina's face popped into his head. Beautiful and kind Elaina. He sighed.
She did not deserve the meanness he showed her earlier. She had looked so excited to see him and he had muffled it with just one sentence. His head began to pound as he tried to reflect. He had to focus.
Hold on to what is good, hold on to what you believe, hold on to what you must do, hold on to your life…
. Fala flashed before him just then and he sighed.
He ran a hand through his hair tiredly. Hold on to your life, hold on to what you must do, hold on to what you believe.
He groaned as he thought of his beliefs.
I believe I only hurt those around me, but am I right to believe that? I really do not know.
Hold on to what you must do, hold on to what is good, Running Wolf jerked up.
He was not sure of what he believed. He had been so sure months ago but recently, ever since meeting Elaina, he had begun to doubt his belief that he would always hurt those around him.
Yes, now he knew when the doubts started.
He might not be sure of what he believed in but he was sure of what was good and he knew what he had to do.
Elaina was good and he had to help her. He had to continue helping her.
That was the only thing he was sure of right now.
Not hesitating any longer, he jumped to his feet and ran out of the forest, making a beeline to his shack for Elaina.
His strides shortened as he got closer to the open of the yard.
Anxiety was settling in as he realized the gravity of the words, he had said to her.
He got to the opening of the yard and stood mesmerized, watching her.
She was bending over the fire pit, blowing at the flames.
One hand was tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
Running Wolf stood there, oblivious to the world around him.
There was just him and there was her. Running Wolf’s eyes narrowed and they darted around.
There was something in the bushes. He could sense it.
It was someone that should not be there.
He moved toward the bush slowly. Hearing his name, he stopped short and turned to Elaina.
She was looking in his direction and she was no longer smiling. Keeping a reminder to check the bushes at the back of his head, he walked to her. Elaina approached him slowly. Before he could speak, she said,
“I promise we will be out of here soon. Just give us a few days, Running Wolf. That is all I ask.”
She turned around but he caught her hand, shocking himself and her. Her eyes wide, she looked up at him, “I am sorry, Elaina. You don’t have to leave. Please don’t leave when you aren’t ready.”
She tilted her head, “What are you talking about? Just this morning, you were so adamant about me leaving. You were cold and now...”
She drifted off and averted her gaze. He knew she was trying to hide how much he hurt her.
There was a pang in his chest. That was the last thing he ever wanted to do, hurt her.
He touched her face gently and slowly turned her to face him, “And for that, I am sorry. I should not have hurt you. I really cannot explain it. It’s just…
Look, I don’t want you to leave. It won’t happen again, so you don’t have to worry that I will come here again and say all that.
Take your time and leave when you are comfortable to do so. ”
As he said the last words, Running Wolf felt the pang again.
He really could not understand his heart.
He found himself not looking forward to the day that she would have to leave.
He stroked her cheek as he looked deeply into her eyes.
She leaned into his touch and he gently wiped away the tears that were spilling from her eyes.
“Forgive me, Elaina.”
For a moment, they were both frozen in place, staring deeply at each other, his hands caressing her face.
And then, she suddenly backed out of his hold.
She cleared her throat as she dabbed at her wet cheeks.
Running Wolf realized that he missed her warmth and closeness.
His eyes followed her every action as she said,
“It’s fine, Running Wolf. I forgive you. And thanks for giving us a… uh… a chance to stay here longer. I really appreciate it. And you have my word that we won’t be a bother to you.”
He smiled softly, “I am not worried about that.”
“Thanks again,” she nodded slowly. She turned and he watched her as she walked away. She stopped in her tracks and turned to him.
He looked at her eagerly and she smiled softly as she said, “Do you want some beef stew? It’s…”
“Yes!” he told her eagerly.
She chuckled and motioned that he follow her. Running Wolf went after her, without a second thought. The only thing he was sure of was her, and wanting to help her. That was all that mattered to him at that moment.
“Aren’t you coming?” Elaina called out to him.
Running Wolf blinked as he realized that he had been frozen to the spot, staring at her. He had to be going crazy. He shook his head and followed her. Running Wolf settled in the shed and sighed, “That smells amazing.”
She chuckled, “Well, you still have to try it to give a final verdict.”
“I highly doubt that anything you make will be bad. I mean, look at Jessica.”
Elaina threw her head back and laughed. Running Wolf smiled, staring at her.
Just when he thought she could not get any more beautiful, she laughed.
It sounded like music to him. Beautiful?
! Since when did you start using those words on her?
What’s happening to you, Running Wolf? A voice was screaming in his head.
He shook his head, shoving the voice aside.
She tilted her head and watched him try the stew. As soon as he took the first bite, his eyes went wide, “This is amazing! What did you put in it?”
She grinned, “There is a secret ingredient, but I was able to find most of what I needed at the outskirts of the forest over there.”
Running Wolf took her hand gently, alarm on his face, “Please, don’t go into the forest, all right?
Several animals reside in there. Now, while most of us here have no problem with them as we are one with the earth, they aren’t the friendliest to strangers.
I would even prefer it if you don’t go over the stone fence at all. Just tell me all that you need.”
He still could not get rid of the feeling that something had been lurking in the bushes. He had to check it out before he left.
She leaned her head against her free hand and said, “That means my secret ingredient will no longer be a secret.”
Running Wolf chuckled and stroked her palm. He felt her shudder just as warmth ran through him. She pulled her hand away and cleared her throat as she brushed a curl off her face. “Uh… I need to… uh… check on Jess… yes… I think she’s been too quiet.”
Running Wolf nodded, “Meanwhile, I will enjoy this stew.”
She was backing away as she said, “Uh… sure. Feel free to take more if you want. I’ll be back. Just make yourself at home, I guess. Or not. Just eat, yes. That’s what I mean.”
Elaina turned and ran off. Running Wolf grinned as he leaned his head against the shed’s wall.
Being with her always pleased his heart.
He had no idea what it was yet but he knew for a fact that he loved the warmth he felt when he was with her.
Was he wrong thinking that she felt a little bit of it too?
He shook his head. She had probably felt a chill then.
The air was quite cold. It was nothing more than the weather.
He sighed as he looked up at the sky. The moon was already out.
He really did not want to leave now. He wanted to spend more time with her because he just loved being with her, talking to her, staring at her.
He shook his head. He had no idea what he was feeling.
He had never felt it before. And he did not know if he should accept it or not.
One thing at a time, Running Wolf. First things first, more beef stew. He filled his dish with some more and he looked toward the living shed, anticipating her arrival.
She emerged a short while later just as he was cleaning up his dish, holding Jessica. Running Wolf’s heart swelled with affection when he set his eyes on the sleeping baby.
“May I hold her?” he stretched his hands out.
“Uh… if you are sure,” she was obviously surprised as she gently gave the baby to him.
“She is very beautiful, just like her mother,” Running Wolf cooed at the baby, cradling her in his arms.
Elaina chuckled and settled beside him, “I bet you’ll make a good father. You are a good man with a good heart.”
Running Wolf’s smile faltered. He cleared his throat and turned back to the child. Elaina said, “Oh, I’m sorry. Here I am jumping into conclusions. I have no idea if you are even married or have children. I should not be presuming. I’m sorry.”
“I was married,” Running Wolf heard himself say.
“Oh. Was? What happened? If you don’t mind me asking, that is,” she said cautiously.
“She died...” Running Wolf said quietly. He felt like he could confide in her.
“Oh no,” her hand flew to her mouth, “I’m so sorry, Running Wolf. I should not be asking so many questions. I really hope I’ve not opened up old wounds.”
Running Wolf shook his head and sadly, he said, “Most days, they feel like fresh and open wounds.”
Elaina covered his free hand with hers and squeezed his, “I am so sorry, Running Wolf. I know exactly how you feel. I too...”
Her mouth clamped shut. Running Wolf looked at her face searchingly. There was pain in her eyes. Someone had hurt and scared her badly. He could see it and sense it coming from her. She tried to pull her hand away but he turned his around, interlocking their fingers.
“Let’s stay like this a little bit longer,” Running Wolf said softly, “We both need the comfort.”
She nodded and leaned against the wall so they were seated side by side and their shoulders were next to each other. They sat in silence for a moment, then Elaina broke it.
“Are you sure she is not too much? I can take her and...” Elaina was saying but he squeezed her hand.
“I am fine holding your little one, Elaina. You might not know but I am very strong. I am the head warrior of the Northern Choctaw Tribe, you know.”
“Really? That sounds so fascinating. What do you do as the head warrior? Go around lifting babies?”
“Hey….” he protested. He saw the mischievous twinkle in her eyes and chuckled. “It’s really nice talking to you. It’s always so fulfilling. And I should know. I have spoken to a lot of people.”
Her smile deepened, “Oh, I have no doubt. You are the head warrior after all. You have to be in contact with a whole lot of people, right? Being the head warrior has to be a lot of work...”
Running Wolf threw his head back and laughed. When he finally settled, he saw that she was staring at him intently, her head tilted. “What?”
She shook her head and averted her gaze. Since their hands were still interlocked, he turned her to him gently, “Hey, what is it?”
“It’s just… it’s stupid, it’s...” Running Wolf let go of her hand and stroked her chin.
“Nothing you think or say or do is stupid to me, Elaina. Believe me.”
She smiled shyly, “It’s just you laughing. I’ve never seen you laugh so heartily, and it was very satisfying seeing you laugh without restraint. It warmed and pleased my heart. I know it’s silly and...”
“It’s not silly, no, it’s not. Seeing you laugh, seeing you smile, it pleases my heart too,” Running Wolf told her honestly, unable to break their gaze.
Jessica chose that moment to let out a cry as she stirred awake. Elaina pulled away from his touch and gently took her baby. She cleared her throat, and not meeting his eyes, she said, “I should feed her now.”
Running Wolf nodded, “Yes. And I should leave. It’s quite late. Why don’t you head in? I will leave once you are safely inside.”
She stood up. Still not meeting his eyes, she said softly, “Thanks for today, Running Wolf, for always.”
Before he could respond, she hurried in.
When she had shut the door behind her, Running Wolf headed out of the small yard that surround the little shack.
He headed to the bushes immediately. Whatever it was, it was long gone.
He crouched low and saw an impression in the red dirt.
Someone had been there. He had been right.
His eyes flashed with anger. If anyone dared hurt her, they would see blood.
He would have to be more alert, he decided.
At intervals during his walk home, he stopped to look back and in the direction of the house.
Running Wolf arrived at his tepee and sighed.
He really could not stop thinking about Elaina.
He could not understand why but he knew enough to know that she had become an important person in his life. The ‘why’ was what he did not know yet.
As much as he had wanted to stay longer, he had known at that moment that she had started feeling overwhelmed. Running Wolf settled for the night, countless of thoughts going through his head, at the top of them was the question: What was it about Elaina that made him want to be with her always?
She had a story. She had gotten hurt. He could only hope that one day she would be comfortable enough to tell him. He sighed as he drifted off. He never wanted to see her cry again.