Chapter 38
"You."
Even as I said the words my heart trembled and fear engulfed me. Did I really mean it? Was I ready for Ivan to have me completely?
"This is not a game Ivan. I do want you. I'm sorry that you think every single time I say I want you. You believe it to be in the heat of the moment or an intoxication. That is not the case I'm telling you this. I want you,"I repeated.
"Williams I do not find this funny and I do want to believe you.
Yet there is always something holding you back.
I see the fear in your eyes, the guilt and I do not want to be an experiment to you.
I ask you again one last time detective.
What is it that you want from me?" He questioned.
His eyes never left mine. I could see the resolve in them and I could tell if I wasn't honest or clear with him this is the last time he would tolerate any of my antics.
"I want you to give me all of you," I answered. He sat on the bed a bit rigid with his posture. I could see the battle of will in his mind. He was still unsure.
"His name was Ryan. We were sixteen and we had just closed school for the summer.
My father had me do a program to prepare for military school after high school.
I liked him we were both in football together and he was also in the program.
We had fooled around so much that year but never at home.
One evening after practice we came home to get ready for a party together.
He was all over me. I kept asking him to stop and wait till we got to the party but he wasn't having any of it.
You know how it is when you are just teens and you can't wait to make out.
I didn't know my father would drop by to pick some documents.
He caught us and he started attacking Ryan and I intervened thinking he'd stop but he didn't. He just went at it and kept hitting me till I passed out.
Ryan's father filed a lawsuit that we barely got by since my father was the chief inspector of police back then.
He called my father a homo yet his son wasn't straight.
He denied it and he swore he'd kill me if I said anything contrary to what he said.
I had to lie that Ryan came on to me and that I wasn't gay.
Ever since then I was scared. I don't want him to come after you.
He'll kill you Ivan. I can't let that happen. You mean so much to me."
I hadn't realized I was crying when his hands were on my face.
"Look at me. I want you to look at me and know that nothing will ever happen to me.
I am not sixteen and neither are you. I can handle myself and no one will ever lay a finger on you again as long as I'm alive.
I don't care if it's that son of a bitch you call a father.
You are mine Williams to love and to destroy," he promised pulling me into his chest.
His hands on my hair were soothing lulling me to sleep. It must have been the cold or his presence which made me feel safe.
I woke up to darkness outside and the scent of broth. Along the way Ivan must have helped me into a different change of clothes since they were more comfortable and lighter. I made my way downstairs trying to locate him in the cosy cabin.
I heard his footsteps before I saw him. His confession earlier did something to my heart that made me fiercely protective of him.
I wanted him to be comfortable with himself with us if there was ever going to be an us.
I loved him. That much I knew. I hadn't said to him directly but I knew that I would give up everything for him even my empire.
"Detective, you are awake. I hope you don't mind the wardrobe choice. You were sweating so much I thought something lighter would help" I said.
His hands wrapped around my waist and he whispered,"You can call me Kayde.
Remember it's just Kayde and Ivan." His words should have comforted me yet I still had doubts.
This is what I wanted right. To have him belong to me and I to him.
What about when he got well and we had to go back to work would he still show me affection in the ways he did.
In front of his father would he cower in fear or stand by me.
What about Valentina, I hated the woman yes but still it wasn't fair.
Yet this might be the only opportunity I had with Kayde just the two of us.
No one telling us what to do maybe he was right.
If he was ready to abandon his coat of duty just to be with me this once maybe I should also think about him and only him.
"What's wrong you don't sound so happy or enthusiastic about any of this," he hesitated. I turned making sure I cornered him on the counter. What could I have said to him. That I wanted him there and then on top of that counter screaming my name his legs wrapped around me.
"Nothing I'm just worried about you. Has your fever gone down. How are you feeling now?"I switched the subject.
"Better now but I would feel better if your mouth was on mine," he teased.
"Don't say things like that Kayde I'm almost losing it. I think you should eat first. I can't have you fainting on me. Look I made you some chicken soup." My hands caressing his lips.
"Really. Is that code for I like it rough you may want to brace yourself for what is to come." His eyes glittered with mischief.
"No detective I'd like to cherish this moment for however long it takes. It just doesn't seem real. I want to savour it. I'd like you to have something to eat and gain strength then we can see where all this leads to,"I answered.
"You are here, I am here and that is what matters. Enough of the talking Ivan. Make me yours," he whispered biting my ear.