Chapter 35 #2
I shiver when her hand falls from my shoulder to my arm and then curls around my back.
Fingers slipping free, she brings her second arm around to hold me with a strength that hits me straight on, like a blast from an explosion only a few feet away.
It’s a desperate hold, a plea for strength delivered without words.
“I’m never leaving you again,” I declare, loud enough only for her to hear.
She rubs her cheek against my chest and curls her fingers into my shirt, clutching me as if she doesn’t believe me.
Desperation bubbles my blood, demanding I prove myself to her before I lose her again. I can’t. Not before I even get a chance to have her.
“Come with me,” I urge.
She blinks up at me, those grassy green eyes unfocused from the alcohol in her system, yet still so vibrant. “Where?”
“Somewhere we can be alone.”
The football field is deserted.
It’s cold, and the grass is still damp from the rain that’s just stopped. I haven’t been back here since my last high school game, and it hasn’t changed a bit. There are old, rusty metal bleachers, a score tower with a burnt-out clock, and yard lines in desperate need of a touch-up.
“They could have replaced the bleachers, at least,” I note.
Delaney walks ahead of me with her arms slightly extended for balance. “The budget’s too tight. They’re still wearing the same jerseys you did.”
“I can’t imagine how they smell, then.”
“I’ve never been close enough to one of the players to take a whiff.”
I laugh lowly, following behind her, letting her lead us wherever it is she wants to go .
“It looks different without the snow.”
“Just wait a week or so. It’s supposed to start soon.”
“Already?”
She hums. “It’s October.”
“Are you cold?”
“Right now?”
“Right now.”
The sound of her uneven footsteps in the browning grass is all there is. It’s almost eerie how silent it is here. Other than the school, there are only a few houses nearby, none with their lights on. We’re completely alone.
“I’m okay,” Delaney says.
“It’s all the booze.”
“Are you going to lecture me about how much I drank? I was waiting to see if you were.”
I slide my hands in the back pockets of my jeans, hanging back further. “No. We’re not kids anymore.”
She stops, standing still. The breeze runs through her hair, making it fly over her shoulders. I force myself to stay where I am when she turns around, eyes guarded as they focus on me.
“You’re right. We’re not kids anymore. Our decisions aren’t . . . fleeting. Every one we make now has a consequence that we can’t forget about and move on from. I don’t want to make any more mistakes.”
“Neither do I. Everything I do now is with a purpose. From the moment I found out about Abbie, I’ve been making choices for the good of everyone else.
First with Abbie, then Sasha. One choice I made led to eight years of decisions that have never felt like mine to make.
I lost you, and suddenly, my life was someone else’s.
You are the only thing I want to decide on right now, and I’ve already made up my mind.
All I need is one chance to prove to you that this is the best decision for both of us. ”
“What happens if I say yes to you right now, Darren? We just, what? Continue where we left off?” she asks, the doubt in her voice cutting through me .
I take a generous step forward, shrinking the distance between us. She watches me, pinching the top of her ear anxiously.
“No. Too much time has passed. We’d start over.”
“It’s not possible to start over. Not when we already know so much about each other. Time has passed, but not enough for me to forget you or the way I loved you.”
“So, don’t forget. There are no rules with this.”
“You make it sound easier than it would be,” she says, brushing it off.
“What are you most afraid of?”
She blinks rapidly, face blank. “What am I most afraid of? How about everything?”
“Break it down for me.”
“What if there’s too much history? Or we dive into this only to realize that what we had back then can’t be replicated now? We’re so different from who we used to be. There’s no guarantee that we would be able to do this again.”
“Impossible,” I declare.
“What is?”
The ball in my throat threatens to choke me completely when I drop to my knees in the wet grass. Her surprised inhale falls between us. I reach for her hands and clutch them like they’re the only thing keeping me tethered to the ground.
“All of it. We may be different people now, but I’ve been in love with you since before I knew what love even was.
I know we’re meant to be together. It’s always been you and me, Elle.
No number of years could change that. And if you gave it a chance, you’ll be sure of it too.
I’ll stay here on my knees for weeks begging you if I have to.
All you have to do is give me one chance. That’s it.”
“What about Abbie?” she asks, emotion swelling so fiercely in her eyes that she has to look away, palms growing slick in my hold.
I see her walls crumbling. I’m chipping at the fortress in her mind one brick at a time until finally, the entire thing collapses. Delaney sighs, and I swear I can almost see the weight of it hitting the ground.
“She adores you.”
“And Sasha?” she asks, almost too quiet for me to hear.
“She hasn’t had a say in my personal life for a long time now.”
“She’ll always be in your life. You were married, and she’s the mother of your daughter.”
“And if you say yes, so will you. You’ll be everything to me that she never was. I’ll give you more than I could have ever given her. Just say yes.”
“You make everything sound so easy. So simple. Like there’s no risk with a jump this big.”
I shake my head, bringing her hands to my mouth and resting them there.
“There is a risk. One that scares the shit out of me. What I’m trying to say is that it’s worth it.
I’ve had a decade to grow without you, and I didn’t like who I saw in the mirror.
But then . . . there you were again, and even beneath your anger and blunt words, you were still you.
I woke up beneath that fury, Elle, and I’ve been chasing more of it ever since then.
“We went too long without each other, but that didn’t stop me from dreaming of you or the life we had before everything went to shit.
I’ve been chasing a love like ours, and the only thing I’ve learned is that it’s impossible to replicate.
A yes doesn’t mean everything will go back to how it was.
It just means you’ll give me a chance to make up for what I’ve done. ”
Her throat bulges with the force of her swallow. “And if I decide that I can’t do this anymore? That your chance is over? Do you expect me to believe that you’ll just walk away as if nothing happened?”
“If that’s what you wanted, then yeah, Elle. I’ll walk away. For good this time.”
“I don’t want Abbie to know yet. Not until we know if it’s worth telling her. She’s my student as well as your daughter. ”
I push to my feet and eliminate the distance between us until we’re so close I can smell her shampoo on the breeze. Her cheek is warm as I cup her chin and guide it back to rub our noses together. My heart is frantic, adrenaline pumping through it now.
“Okay. We don’t have to tell anyone yet. Not until you’re ready.”
Delaney presses two hands to my chest and holds my gaze. “Slow, Darren. We need to take it slow until I know what we’re doing.”
“You can have anything you want.”
And I mean it. She can have absolutely anything because the thought of not giving it to her upsets me more than denying her in the first place. I’ve recognized it from the moment we met.
Delaney Brooks deserves a king, but she’ll have to settle for me, and fuck , I’ve missed having to work hard to keep her.