Chapter 36
NINE YEARS AGO
DELANEY
Soft chatter fills the library, keeping me from falling asleep reading. It’s only noon, but it feels like I’ve been awake all day already. In reality, I didn’t get out of bed until ten.
I missed my morning class again after turning my phone off when the alarm wouldn’t stop ringing. If I hadn’t stayed up so late, I’d have been up far before seven, but over the last six months, long nights have become the norm around here.
At least I’m not sharing a room with anyone this year. Well, I share a bathroom, but considering my first two years here, I was roommates with Brooklyn, I’m grateful for my single room. I’ll take a connected bathroom any day.
I blink down at the textbook spread in front of me and sigh. The words are blurring together, and the notes I’ve been writing are sloppy at best. I’ll have to spend more time dissecting each word than I’ve spent writing them.
Shoving my hands through my hair, I lean back in my seat and stare at the ceiling.
Maybe if I look at it long enough, all of the information I’ve missed from my abandoned classes will appear.
It would make it easier to hunt down the information I need, and yeah, I’m going crazy.
Is that why I was switched into a single room this year?
For the well-being of any potential roommate?
If this were Cherry Peak, I’d have no problem convincing myself of that.
Six months isn’t anywhere near long enough for the news of Darren and me to blow through that town and be a memory.
It’s why I didn’t go home for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year.
He can have the town and the drama that comes with it.
My grandmother is the only one whom I’ve kept in touch with since . . . the breakup. If you can even call it that.
She flew here for Christmas and even stayed a few extra days afterward to visit the campus and guilt my parents for missing out.
I think the lack of nipple-freezing weather here even had her considering moving just to escape the winters back home.
For a few minutes, at least. There was no way she’d actually do that, though.
Being Albertan is a part of who she is, and no mild winter or beautiful ocean views will change that, even if I wish it could.
If things don’t go the way I’m hoping after graduation.
My phone vibrates on the table, and I swipe it before the guy at the table across the way can glare at me again.
“Hey.”
“Hey? That’s all I get? How very college girl of you,” Grandma croons.
I cross my legs beneath the table and set an elbow on the table. “What a coincidence, I was just thinking about you. Are you using your juju on me again?”
“Did you feel me prodding around in your brain?”
“Thankfully, no.”
“How disappointing. Oh well. Tell me what you’re up to.”
“I’m rereading the same paragraph I’ve read three times already in hopes I actually digest something this time.”
“Are you tired?”
“I’m always tired, Grams.”
Her concern strikes through the phone, feeling just as intense as if I were there beside her. “It’s not good for your body to be so drowsy. Maybe you should make an appointment at a clinic.”
“I don’t need a doctor to tell me what’s wrong. I’m just not sleeping well,” I explain.
“Still? It’s not normal to have such problems sleeping. There could be something wrong.”
“My head is overloaded. That’s all. I just need to stop thinking so much in bed.”
That’s a simple way of putting it.
I can’t fall asleep because I’m too busy stalking Darren’s social media accounts in hopes that he’ll post some sappy quote about missing me or that maybe he’ll avoid that altogether and just fucking call me.
It’s been six months. Six. The longest we’d ever gone without speaking before this was zero . It hadn’t happened since before we met. From the moment we exchanged names, we became inseparable. Even during our “break,” we were in constant contact.
Everything about this has felt wrong in a million different ways. I’ve had to convince myself too many times to admit not to buy a last-minute plane ticket to Calgary and fly to see him. I thought the risk of him seeing me and telling me to get lost was worth it, until suddenly, it wasn’t.
I can’t hear him tell me we can’t be together again. I just can’t.
So instead, I’ve been here, miserable, alone, and awake until the birds start chirping because I can’t get this guy out of my goddamn head.
“I’ll send you some of my sleeping pills. They’ll have you sleeping right after supper,” Grandma declares.
“You’re not sending me contraband.”
“Oh, it’s not illegal to take sleeping pills, Delaney.”
“You never know. Campus security is pretty strict. They could be screening our call as we speak,” I tease.
“Oh, how I miss you, my girl. ”
A hollow sensation grows in the pit of my stomach. “I miss you too.”
“I know you don’t want to come back here, but I would really appreciate if you came to see me. Not just for a day, but a few of them, if you can swing it,” she says, suddenly serious despite the easy conversation we were just having.
I straighten in my chair. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m okay. I wouldn’t ask unless it was important. You know how much I miss you, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. I’ll come, Grams. Let me just head back to my place so I can check the calendar. Give me like ten minutes.”
I’m already up and shoving my shit into the oversized book bag she got me for my birthday by the time she says, “Don’t rush on my account. I can wait for a text.”
“No, I’ll get you an answer while we’re already talking.”
“Delaney, take a breath,” she soothes.
I do that, feeling my lungs suck in the air greedily. “Sorry.”
“You make me one hell of a lucky grandmother to have a granddaughter like you.”
My throat clogs as I toss my bag over my shoulder and leave the table. Maybe I hit the shoulder of the rude guy from earlier on purpose, or maybe . . . yeah, it was on purpose.
“Are Mom and Dad okay? Grayson?”
She scoffs. “Yes, they’re fine. I was serious when I said everything was okay.”
“Just triple-checking.”
“You know, I saw Poppy the other day. She stopped me and told me about the studio she’s wanting to open. You’ll never believe it,” she says, segueing into another topic I’d rather avoid.
It’s spring, but it feels like summer already. Unfortunately for me, the heat doesn’t stand a chance against the cold rush coming that follows the sound of Poppy’s name.
“Let me guess,” I mutter, hurrying down the main path through campus. “A pole studio.”
“She told you about it, then? You’ve started speaking again? ”
“No. That was just her plan for a while now. I figured it was only a matter of time before she went for it.”
“This is ridiculous. A boy should not get between you, even if it is Darren,” Grandma says with a huff.
“He was always going to get between us. They’re siblings. I’m just the ex-girlfriend. I knew she wouldn’t stay in contact.”
“That doesn’t sound any less ridiculous.”
“Let it go, Grandma.”
There isn’t anything to do now but hope that when I finally do come back home, I get not only my best girl friend back but her brother too. That was always the plan, even if things have gotten more complicated than expected.
“Fine. But we’re talking about it again once you get home.”
“In that case, I’m actually busy for the foreseeable future.”
Grandma laughs. “We both know you’d miss me too much to stay away much longer.”
She’s right. I miss Cherry Peak more than I’ll ever admit.
DARREN
“Get the fuck up, Darren. You’re lying on my sweater.”
I drape an arm over my eyes and ignore the hand slapping at my back. Exhaustion barks at me, reminding me that it’s probably still the middle of the night.
“Get. Up. It’s under your stomach.”
Rolling onto my side, I expect to fall onto a cool mattress. The immediate jolt of pain in my shoulder as it rolls over hardwood is the opposite of that.
“The hell?” I grunt, my voice sounding like it belongs to someone else .
The backs of my eyes burn when I open them completely and get blinded with the sun. I close them again and manage to lift a numb arm behind me to shove the person bugging me away.
“You look like shit.”
“Thanks.”
“I mean it. And you stink. Shower and get some breakfast before your sister comes to get you.”
“Poppy?”
“Do you have another sister I don’t know about?”
“You’re an asshole in the morning, B.”
“Yeah, I am. And you’re an asshole all the time lately. Including last night.”
I ignore that, too tired and hungover to dig into it. Instead, I force myself into a sitting position and hiss as my stomach rolls. “Why am I here?”
“You showed up at two in the morning. Drunk, might I add. Again.”
“I don’t remember that,” I admit.
“I doubt you remember much of anything with how drunk you were. Hell, you’re still probably drunk. It’s only eight.”
“In the morning?”
Bryce crouches in front of me and pushes out a breath that smacks me in the face. She shakes her head while pinching my hair between her fingers and tugging.
“You need a haircut. And to shave your face.”
“I’ll get right on that.”
“And cut it out with the sarcasm. It makes you sound like a prick.”
I swat her hand away and pull my knees up. “I didn’t come here to get chastised. Poppy would have done that for you if I’d gone home.”
“You’ve been avoiding her, and it’s making her upset,” she says, standing and disappearing into her kitchen.
The property she’s renting from her parents is big enough for her and maybe a cat. I’m only lying on the floor, and it feels like the place has shrunk. I don’t know how long she plans to live here, but as long as she’s happy, what the fuck does what I think matter?
“All Poppy wants to do is ask me about her. If she’s so curious, she can text her herself,” I snap.
“You can say her name, D.”
“I’m good.”
“Alright. Or you could just cut this entire thing out and fly to Vancouver to get her back. This is downright pathetic.”
I whip out a cold laugh and struggle to my feet. The world tilts and spins as I swallow the throw up trying to find its way to Bryce’s floor.
“I’m not talking about this,” I manage to say on the way to her bathroom.
Bryce follows. “And what good is that doing? You’re not in Calgary at school, and instead, there’s a mould of your ass on a stool at Peakside. Everyone’s worried about you.”
“Let it go, Bryce. I said I didn’t want to talk.”
The bathroom is hardly big enough for me, let alone the both of us. That doesn’t stop Bryce from forcing her way in after me and leaning against the sink to watch me heave over the toilet.
“Is this what you want to do instead? You want to drink yourself to death every night and flunk out of school? A school that you worked hard to get into, by the way. You were almost at the top of your class, and now you’re close to flunking out.
I know for a fact that Delaney wouldn’t want that for you.
Nobody does. Not me, or your sister, or Brody either.
You need to get yourself together before you do something you regret. ”
I palm my knees and look up at her with a glare that would have anyone other than her running for the hills. The tightness in my throat garbles my words, but I don’t give a shit.
“When I want your input on my terrible life choices, I’ll ask for it. Until then, butt out.”
Her smile is dark and angry. “Alright, tough guy. If you want to ruin your life, you go ahead and do that. But my door isn’t going to be open for you to crash through when you’re too scared to go home and deal with the other people who care about you. You can find a park bench to sleep on.”
“Fucking fantastic,” I spit.
Bryce scoffs a single laugh before leaving, slamming the door behind her. The nausea gets worse following her exit, but when I finally lose the battle and have to heave into the toilet, it isn’t the alcohol’s fault.