Chapter 9 Daisy
I left the hospital after visiting hours were done. I was too frustrated to head back to Janie’s family, as wonderful as it was. Instead, I stopped at a reliable diner in town. My small car looked out of place amongst the big pickups and occasional minivan.
I slid into a booth in the corner. I just needed a moment to think.
My Dad was slowly drowning on dry land, and my mother was unaware…or more accurately ignoring all the signs because they didn’t align with her world view of rainbows and sunshine and Dad. Most likely the latter. I ordered a burger and fries, and rested my head on my hands with a sigh.
The most frustrating thing to watch was Mom taking Dad outside for some fresh air, and multiple smokes. He was still smoking a pack a day, obviously, and they were clearly not following a treatment plan.
They also blocked my questions about said treatment plan at every moment.
Apparently, ‘it’s not as bad as it looks Daisy love.
Now tell us how you’re going to reconcile with Blaze.
That will fix everything!’ Bull fucking shit!
I shouldn’t have come down. I just wanted to know what was going on, and how long he had.
I would have to organize more leave. Some tears squeezed through my eyes.
I didn’t have much leave even though I’d never taken any.
“Need company?” a vaguely familiar voice asked. I lifted my head.
Jim, also known as Midwife, stood beside the table.
“I was just over there and saw you. Janie mentioned you’d been at the hospital today.
” He smiled softly as he spoke. This was different.
No one was supposed to speak to another man’s ol’lady without good reason.
But right now, I wasn’t going to question it.
I already felt better with him standing nearby.
I nodded and indicated the seat on the other side. He slid in.
“You okay?” he asked quietly.
I closed my eyes. “No,” I whispered.
“It must be a shock,” he rumbled. I remembered that tone.
It had vibrated through me when he comforted me four years ago.
Calm, supportive, safe. Exactly what I needed…
wanted. I felt myself yearning for his touch.
But as far as I knew, I was still a married woman, so off limits, and depending on how Blaze felt about me, I was probably still considered his ol’lady, so doubly off limits.
I kept my hands clasped together on top of the table.
“Yes and no,” I answered. “My dad has COPD, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. It’s a lung disease where your lungs basically fill up with fluid. He had it when I left…it just wasn’t this bad.”
“Will he recover?”
I toyed with a salt shaker as he asked the question, then responded with a shake of my head. “He’s terminal,” I finally answered. ”And they’re doing everything they can to kill him.” I glanced up at his shocked face.
“My parents,” I clarified. “They’re doing everything they can to make his condition worse.
The smoking, the welding fumes from when he worked, and the smoke from those fires he volunteered at.
They all contributed to the initial problem, but he’s still smoking.
” I stared at the condiments in the middle of the table and sighed.
“Apparently the only cure that they’ll consider is me getting back with Blaze… which is useless and fucking unlikely.”
He reached over and put a warm hand over mine. I gripped a finger that had drifted between mine. We sat in silence for a few minutes.
“What happened with Baby James?” I blurted.
“Who?”
“My baby. I remember him as Baby James.”
Midwife smiled softly and replied, “His ashes are buried in the clubhouse garden, with a plaque. I also planted a tree nearby. Did you want to see?”
No, no I really didn’t. I’d said my goodbyes 4 years ago. I shook my head again.
“I’m not in the right headspace to go into the clubhouse,” I explained.
“It’s okay.” He squeezed my hand. The gesture was so warm and comforting, I was tempted to move seats so I could crawl into his arms like I had four years ago. I sighed and pulled my hand away.
“I need to not feel right now,” I forced the words out. The emotions were getting overwhelming.
I looked up at his face. Those grey eyes felt like they were looking into my soul. I felt my shell breaking, the professional barrier I’d erected to keep people out. To keep my heart from getting trampled on.
“Please don’t look at me like that,” I whispered. “I just need to get through this, say goodbye, and go home.”
He held my gaze and then dropped his eyes. “I understand.”
I had a feeling he meant it.
I took a breath and looked around at the people in the diner. There were a few families, some couples, a few men catching up after work. There were also a few club members taking over some booths.
“This place seems busier than I remember,” I commented.
Midwife smiled. “Yeah, we helped them out a while ago and they look after us now, which means that it’s safer for outside families to come. Club members also use it as a meeting place.”
Our food came, interrupting our conversation.
“So why don’t they go to the clubhouse?” I asked, indicating the members.
Midwife smiled.“Too many kids. Bull and several of the other boys have made it so the kids can enjoy the clubhouse too. There are rooms set up for kids to sleep in if the nights get too late. There’s a huge bike track for the kids to ride around in, and a playground.
The club is looking at a pool for next summer. ”
He chuckled at my look of amazement. “Most of the members are now married with one or two kids. The dynamics have changed.”
A queasy, jealous feeling went through me. I pushed through the discomfort.
“So, how many kids do you have?” I asked, looking down at my plate.
“None yet. I’m not even dating.”
I looked up at him. “Why not?” Who would pass on him? Even with my wall firmly up now, I acknowledged he was gorgeous. His body wasn’t gym fit, it was working fit. But his grey eyes and calm, steady demeanor would catch anyone’s eye.
“I’m waiting for her to realize I’m here,” he admitted, taking a big bite of his burger.
I smiled dryly. “Just having fun until she arrives, hey?”
He glared at me, the storm that suddenly appeared in his eyes was scary.
“No.” He shifted the burger around. “I’m no fuckboy. She’s it. No one else touches what’s hers.” He bit viciously.
My jealousy flared. I wanted that. I wanted to be his girl.
“What’s she like?” I blurted out.
Jim paused, his burger halfway to his mouth. I don’t know why he smiled and put it down. He licked his lips before reaching for his drink.
“Why do you ask?” He smirked.
I shrugged and picked up a fry. “Just wondering,” I replied, concentrating on dipping it into the sauce.
“She’s beautiful and doesn’t even realize it,” he whispered. “She’s smart, and so, so strong, and tough, and takes on challenges like a hero every day. She’s making the world a better place one person at a time.”
I looked up at the way he was talking. Soft and gentle, and his voice was so low. It was almost intimate.
I swallowed. “Does she know how you feel?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.
He snorted and picked his burger up again. “Doesn’t seem like it.”
He took a deep breath in through his nostrils and chewed to clear his mouth before he said his next piece.
I got caught on the way his tongue flicked out to clean his lips before he spoke.
“Besides, she needs to divorce an asshole before I can make my move. But I’ll wait until she’s ready to make my claim.
” He hunched down to take the next bite, before leaving me with a conversation ending comment. “She’s worth it.” He winked.
I had to catch my breath. Did he mean…? No…we only met once 4 years ago. There was no way he wouldn’t have met anyone else in those 4 years. I pushed that hope down hard. I shoved the drowned fry onto my plate and picked up my own burger.
“I’ve got to do the same.” I sighed. Jim lifted an eyebrow.
“I’ve got to start organizing the divorce. Although I don’t know why. I mean, he moved on and got a kid. I’m guessing he has stopped doing all that playing around that he did on me. He always said he’d stop once we had kids,” I clarified bitterly.
Jim snorted as his last bite of burger disappeared. “Fuck no. He’s slowed down now that he has to go home and play at being a single dad, but he’s still hitting the town clubs when he can,” he grumbled. He raised his eyebrows and nodded to me. “You deserve better.”
I chuckled sarcastically. “Really.” I sighed. “I don’t know if it makes it better that I wasn’t the reason he cheated, or worse because he’s likely going to train up a new generation to do the same selfish shit.”
“It’s better. We’re taking care of the kid and teaching him right from wrong. He’s a good kid.” Jim nodded to my burger. “Eat up, you need your strength.”