Chapter 27 Melanie
MELANIE
NOW
I slam the notebook closed and let out a sigh.
Ever since Josh dug out our old notebooks when I was sick, I read them any time he isn’t around.
I’m trying to build up the courage to have the conversation I don’t want to have.
But when I read through them, instead of feeling empowered, I feel sick.
The past should stay buried where it belongs.
If I dig it up, the beautiful future we’re building now will be in jeopardy.
I just don’t know if I can go on like this.
Building a relationship based on lies. It doesn’t sit well with me. Either way, it’s a lose-lose.
We’re nearing the end of July, and Josh and I have both been so busy.
He has picked up two nights a week playing music for the tourists.
For the first couple of weeks, I’d go and watch, but as people recognized him, I grew more and more uncomfortable.
He told me he wanted to lay low here but now it feels like he’s some kind of local celebrity.
I’ve never been fully comfortable in the limelight, and he does it with such ease.
It feels like a reminder of why we’re fooling ourselves—we could never actually be together.
To top it all off, I feel as if we’ve hardly spent any meaningful time together.
It’s just as well because the longer this goes on, the harder it gets to face him and the truth.
I sigh, scooping up the notebooks before Josh gets back from the store.
Out of the one on top slides a letter in an envelope.
It’s worn at the edges, and it’s still sealed.
Nothing is written on the front except Josh scribbled quickly in my handwriting.
A letter I never gave him and never intend to.
He’s been so into reading our old letters lately, I know I have to get rid of this before he sees it.
I should throw it away, but I can’t bring myself to do that either.
That would erase the truth for good, and I have a lot of complicated feelings surrounding that too.
I put the notebooks back in the corner cabinet of the TV stand, the place they’ve been in since I moved in.
I let myself finger the envelope for a moment longer, debating where it should go when Josh opens the front door, startling me.
“Hey,” he calls.
I quickly shove the narrow envelope into my back pocket.
Josh eyes me suspiciously. “What’s that?”
“Oh, just a bill.” I wave my hand and dart into my room, shoving it into the drawer of my nightstand.
There’s a pause, then I hear the doubt in his reply. “A bill…right.” His tone is edged with suspicion. By the time I return to the kitchen, he’s already shaking his head and unloading groceries onto the counter.
I told him when he first got here, he doesn’t need to pay me any rent but if he wanted to help by keeping our fridge stocked, that would be awesome. He’s taken that job very seriously.
“That’s…a lot of fruit,” I say, my lips quirking.
“I have been feeling like we’re eating too much takeout.” He pats his flat stomach. “I thought we could start our mornings with fruit smoothies. I might’ve gotten a little overzealous.”
I let out a low whistle as I scan the items on the counter. Josh got oranges, apples, bananas, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, peaches, and fresh cherries. I walk over and pick a cherry off the bunch, popping it in my mouth and removing the pit with my tongue.
Josh watches, amused.
“I love cherries,” I say, my lips seductively curving around the words.
“I remember.” Josh’s eyes lock with mine.
“I used to be able to—"
“Tie the stem in a knot with your tongue.” Josh and I finish the sentence simultaneously, and my neck heats instinctively.
“I was really proud of that,” I say wistfully.
“Oh, I know you were.” Josh chuckles, stepping closer to me. He tugs my hips closer to his and wraps me in a hug. “Someone has a birthday coming up this weekend,” he murmurs in my ear.
I groan. “Don’t remind me. I don’t want to turn forty-two.” I lean into his chest and take a deep breath.
“Why?” Josh pulls back to look at me, concern etched in his features. “You used to love your birthday.”
I let out a defeated sigh. “Yeah, but the older I get, the more I’m reminded of everything I don’t have—haven’t achieved. I’d rather treat it like any other day.” I pull away from him and move into the living room, plopping on the couch.
“Hey now,” Josh says from his spot in the kitchen. “You have done a lot in your forty-two years. Don’t discount yourself.”
I shift so I’m lying on the couch and cover my eyes with my forearm. “Whatever.”
Josh chuckles as he passes me on his way to the bathroom. “Well, don’t make any plans for Saturday night.”
* * *
By four o’clock on Saturday, I have still not acknowledged my birthday.
I ignored my dad’s phone call and couldn’t bring myself to listen to him singing “Happy Birthday” on my voicemail, instead settling for reading the transcription.
I’m sitting on the couch, scrolling TikTok when Josh comes out of the bathroom, a towel around his trim waist and toweling off his honey blond hair with a hand towel.
“You need to get dressed,” he tells me, walking into the kitchen and pulling a cold water bottle out of the fridge. “We have plans.”
“Josh.” I give him a pointed look. “I told you, this is just any other Saturday.”
Josh lets out a slow puff of air. “Well, are you going to call all your friends and cancel or am I? Because we’ve got a very special birthday dinner to attend, and it won’t make much sense without the birthday girl.”
I groan, standing. “You really didn’t have to do this.” I fight back the grin that threatens to spill the gratitude I can’t quite say out loud.
“I wanted to,” Josh says, walking around the couch to meet me. He pulls me close and plants a soft kiss on my lips. Then, turning serious, “You mean so much to me, Mel.”
I sigh. “You mean a lot to me too, Josh,” I admit, ignoring the nagging in my chest reminding me that we still haven’t talked about what happens after August. And since August is tomorrow, I’d really like to have a conversation about it.
Yet, in true Melanie fashion, I haven’t had the courage to bring it up.
“What should I be wearing to this thing?”
Josh grins. “That’s my girl. I made reservations at Harpoons. Everyone is coming so… whatever you’d wear there?”
I step on my tiptoes and plant a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll go get ready.”
* * *
Two hours later, we’re walking into Harpoons.
I settled on a long tie-dye linen maxi dress that matches my pink hibiscus tattoo.
I am wearing my copper hair in soft waves around my shoulders and gold hoop earrings.
Josh looks incredible in a pair of gray hybrid shorts that hug his ass and a tight-fitting seafoam T-shirt with Cape May sprawled across the front.
He grabs my hand as we walk up the steps to find our friends.
Gathered around the bar on the back deck, overlooking the bay with a little beach you can hang out on, are all of my nearest and dearest: Sophie, Liam, Jenna, Miles, Danny, Kristen, Steph, and Jack.
Even Ellie and Robert are here. When they spot me, they all shout “Surprise,” confusing me and the other patrons around us.
“Why don’t you look surprised?” Sophie whines, stomping a foot. “We thought we had you.”
Josh laughs, then shoots me a wry look. “I had to tell her, or she wasn’t going to come.”
“You guys know how I feel about my birthday.” I shrug unapologetically. “Let’s pretend this is just a regular night out.”
“So, I should cancel the cake?” Jenna asks with a mischievous grin.
“Well, I didn’t say that.” We all laugh.
* * *
Hours later, after a delicious dinner, complete with a sentimental toast from Josh that made me cry, we’re hanging out in Sophie and Liam’s backyard.
Liam has taken the guys into his workshop, and they’ve left us ladies with several bottles of wine around the outdoor table.
Remnants of my delicious cake are scattered about, and I start to move to clean up when Sophie grabs my arm.
“No way, birthday girl. Sit down and relax,” she scolds with a teasing grin.
“I was just trying to help.” I set the pile down in the center of the table as Stephanie, Jack’s wife, tops off my glass of rosé.
“Not tonight you’re not,” Kristen says from her end of the table. “We want the scoop on your man in there before he comes back out here.”
Leave it to Kristen to cut right to the chase. I roll my eyes, but I’m smiling as I take a seat next to Jenna. She slings an arm over my shoulder and gives me a squeeze.
“I don’t know if I’d call him that,” I say with a small, uncertain lift of my shoulders. “We haven’t even talked about it.”
Steph’s eyes go wide. “You wouldn’t call him your man? After that toast? After this whole night that he planned?”
“Oh my god, the toast,” Sophie swoons. “I teared up.”
“Me too!” Kristen agrees, vigorously shaking her head.
“It was so romantic,” Jenna sighs.
“He’s a keeper,” Steph agrees.
It’s true. Josh’s toast was extremely sentimental. I close my eyes and take a breath, remembering his words. “To our birthday girl, Melanie. Thank you for showing me that I wasn’t really living. For bringing light back into my life and for seeing me exactly as I am. You mean the world to me, baby.”
I sniffle, as tears brim in my eyes.
Sophie sees it first and her expression falters. “What’s wrong, Mel?”
I shake my head, wiping away a stray tear. “It’s the wine,” I deflect, waving my hand.
Steph and Kristen look at each other, frowning.
“Are you sure, sweetie?” Jenna puts her hand on mine, squeezing.
I shake my head no but for some reason, I can’t find the words.
“Oh, Mel,” Sophie whispers, scooting closer to me. “Don’t cry, sweetheart.” She drapes her arm around my shoulders, pulling me into a hug.