Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
“Henry!”
Elijah’s boots thundered through the corridors as he made his way to the stables.
Dawn was just breaking over the horizon, painting the sky in shades of gold and pink that he barely noticed.
He’d spent the entire night pacing his chambers, the crumpled letter clutched in his fist, before finally accepting what he had to do.
He had to go after her.
Pride be damned. Fear be damned. He couldn’t let her go without at least trying to fix what he’d broken.
“Henry!” He burst into the stable yard to find his friend already there, inspecting one of the horses. “Saddle Thunder. Now.”
Henry looked up, taking in Elijah’s disheveled appearance with raised eyebrows. “Good mornin’ to ye too. What’s the rush?”
“Iris left yesterday. I’m going after her.”
“About damn time.” Henry moved immediately toward Thunder’s stall. “I was wonderin’ how long it would take ye to pull yer head out of yer arse.”
“Just saddle the bloody horse.”
“Already on it.” Henry led the massive black stallion out, beginning the process of tacking him up. “How far ahead is she?”
“Left yesterday afternoon. Probably stopped at an inn for the night which means if I ride hard, I might catch them soon.” Elijah began checking the supplies of water skin, food, and coin purse Henry handed him. “They’re headin’ back to their father’s clan.”
“And ye’re just going to ride up and demand she come back with ye?”
“I’m going to apologize. Properly. And then I’m going to beg if I have to.” The admission tasted bitter but necessary. “I was wrong, Henry. About all of it.”
“I ken.” Henry finished with the saddle, turning to face him. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad ye finally realized it. That lass is the best thing that’s happened to ye.”
“I ken that too. Now.” Elijah swung up onto Thunder’s back. “Watch over Codie while I’m gone. And if I’m nae back within a week…”
“Ye’ll be back.” Henry’s voice was confident. “And ye’ll have yer wife with ye. Now go, before ye lose any more time.”
Elijah nodded once then wheeled Thunder toward the gates. But before he could spur the horse forward, a small voice stopped him cold.
“Faither!”
He turned to see Codie running across the yard, still in his nightshirt, his face streaked with tears. The boy had clearly been crying for some time, his eyes red and swollen.
“Codie, what are ye doing out here, lad? Ye should be in bed.”
“Ye’re leavin’!” The accusation came out as a wail. “Just like Maither did! Just like Lady Iris did! Everyone leaves me!”
The words were enough to cause Elijah to dismount immediately, dropping to one knee so he was at eye level with his son.
“Lad, that’s nae what’s happenin’.”
“It is! I heard the servants talkin’. They said Lady Iris left because she was unhappy. And now, ye’re leavin’ too!” Codie’s small hands grabbed fistfuls of Elijah’s shirt. “Please daenae leave me, Faither. Please. I’ll be good, I promise. I’ll be so good ye willnae want to leave.”
“Codie.” Elijah’s voice was firm but gentle. “Look at me.”
The boy’s tear-filled eyes met his.
“I’m nae leavin’ ye. Ever. Do ye understand? I’m nae going away like yer maither did.”
“But ye’re gettin’ on yer horse. Ye’re ridin’ away.”
“Because I’m going to bring Lady Iris back.” Elijah pulled his son into his arms, holding him tight. “That’s why I’m leavin’. To find her and convince her to come home. To us.”
Codie pulled back slightly, searching his face. “Truly? Ye’re nae leavin’ for good?”
“Truly. I promise ye, lad. I’m comin’ back, and I’m bringin’ yer stepmaither with me.”
“But what if she doesnae want to come back? What if she hates us now?”
“She doesnae hate us. She could never hate ye.” Elijah brushed tears from Codie’s cheeks. “She’s just hurt because I said some terrible things. Things I dinnae mean. And I need to apologize and make it right. And tell her to come home.”
“What if she says nay?”
“Then I’ll keep askin’. I’ll beg if I have to. I’ll do whatever it takes.” He set Codie down carefully. “Because she belongs here with us, and I’m nae givin’ up until she realizes that.”
Codie was quiet for a moment then his small chin lifted. “Promise me ye’ll bring her back. Promise me ye’re nae just sayin’ that to make me feel better.”
“I promise.” Elijah crouched down again, holding his son’s gaze. “On me honor as yer faither and as laird of this clan, I promise I’m comin’ back with Lady Iris.”
He pulled his son into one more embrace. “Can ye be brave for me while I’m gone? Can ye trust that I’ll come back?”
“Aye.” Codie’s voice was muffled against his chest. “But hurry, Faither. Please hurry.”
“I will.” Elijah stood, ruffling his son’s hair. “Henry will watch over ye. And I’ll be back before ye ken it.”
He remounted Thunder, acutely aware of Codie’s small figure watching him from the yard. The boy looked so vulnerable standing there in his nightshirt, his face still wet with tears.
I’m doing this for both of us. For all of us.
“Faither?” Codie’s voice stopped him one more time.
“Aye?”
“I love Lady Iris. Tell her that. Tell her I want her to come home.”
The simple words made Elijah’s throat tight. “I will, lad. I promise.”
Then he was riding, Thunder’s powerful strides eating up the ground as they headed toward the gates. Behind him, he could hear Henry speaking quietly to Codie, leading the boy back inside.
And ahead of him lay the journey to the Douglas clan, to Iris, to whatever chance he had of making this right.
Please let me nae be too late. Please let her still be willin’ to listen.
The morning sun climbed higher as he rode, but Elijah barely noticed. His mind was already racing ahead, planning what he’d say, how he’d apologize, what words he could possibly use to undo the damage he’d done.
That, and the determination to ride through hell itself if it meant bringing his wife home.
“We’re here.”
Mairie’s voice pulled Iris from her thoughts as the carriage rolled to a stop in front of Castle Douglas. The familiar stone walls should have felt welcoming, but instead, they just made her stomach clench with dread.
This is nae home anymore. It hasnae been home for a long time.
“Oh, thank God.” Lydia practically threw herself from the carriage the moment it stopped. “Solid ground. Beautiful, blessed, non-moving solid ground.”
Despite everything, Iris felt her mouth twitch. Her sister had been miserable the entire journey, insisting they stop at every village, every inn, every remotely comfortable-looking patch of grass. What should have been a day and a half journey had stretched much longer.
“Come on.” Iris climbed down more sedately. “Let’s get this over with.”
The castle doors burst open before they’d even reached them, and their mother came rushing out, her face a mixture of relief and fury.
“Lydia! Oh, me darlin’ girl! Ye’re home!” Catherine Douglas pulled her younger daughter into a fierce embrace. “We’ve been so worried! Where have ye been? Are ye hurt? Did anyone harm ye?”
“I’m fine, Maither. I’ve been at a convent near Inverness.” Lydia’s voice was muffled against their mother’s shoulder. “The sisters took care of me.”
“A convent? What on earth possessed ye to run to a convent?” Catherine pulled back, cupping Lydia’s face in her hands. “Daenae ye realize what ye’ve done? The scandal ye’ve caused?”
“I’m sorry, Maither. I was just so frightened.”
“Catherine? Is that her? Is that our Lydia?”
Edward Douglas appeared in the doorway, his face lighting up when he saw his younger daughter. “Thank God! Come here, lass. Let me look at ye.”
Iris watched from several feet away as both parents fawned over Lydia, checking her for injuries, asking questions about where she’d been and who she’d seen. Neither of them had acknowledged her presence yet.
Of course, they havenae Why would they? I’m just the disappointin’ daughter who ruins everythin’.
“And ye’re certain nay one hurt ye?” Edward was asking. “Nay bandits on the road? Nay inappropriate advances?”
“Nay, Faither. I was perfectly safe. Iris brought me home.”
Finally, their parents’ attention shifted to where Iris stood. Catherine’s expression immediately soured.
“Of course. We should have known ye’d be involved in this mess somehow.” Her mother’s voice dripped with disdain. “I assume ye helped yer sister run away? Encouraged her to abandon her responsibilities?”
“Actually, Maither, I dinnae even ken she’d left until I went into her room.”
“Daenae lie to us, Iris. Ye’ve always been a terrible influence on yer sister.” Edward stepped forward, his face dark with anger. “Puttin’ foolish ideas in her head about independence and choices. Look what it’s led to!”
“I dinnae put any ideas in her head. Lydia made her own choice.”
“Because ye encouraged it! Ye’ve always been jealous of her, always tried to drag her down to yer level.
” Catherine moved to stand beside Edward, presenting a united front of disapproval.
“And now look what ye’ve done. Ye made yer sister flee her weddin’.
And knowin’ ye, ye’re probably here because ye’ve somehow ruined yer marriage. I hope ye’re proud of yerself.”
The familiar accusations, the same old criticisms, they should have hurt. Should have made her feel small and worthless like they always had.
But instead, Iris felt something else. Anger. Clean, bright, liberating anger.
“Ye ken what?” She stepped forward, her voice steady and clear. “Ye’re right. I am proud of meself.”
That caught them off guard. Catherine blinked. “What?”
“I’m proud that I had the courage to end a betrothal to a man who was cheatin’ on me.
I’m proud that I survived bein’ forced into a marriage I dinnae choose.
I’m proud that I took care of Lydia and brought her home safely even though I could have just let her find her own way.
” Iris’ voice grew stronger. “But most of all, I’m proud that I’m finally seein’ ye both for what ye truly are. ”
“How dare ye speak to us that way?” Edward started.
“Nay. Ye daenae get to interrupt me. Nae anymore.” Iris felt years of pent-up frustration pouring out.
“Ye want to ken who the real disappointments are? It’s ye.
Both of ye. Ye’re terrible parents who spent me entire childhood tellin’ me I wasnae good enough.
That I was too much of everythin’ wrong and nae enough of anythin’ right. ”
“That’s because ye were difficult! Ye never listened, never behaved yerself.”
“I was a child! A child who needed her parents to love her unconditionally, nae constantly compare her to her twin and find her wantin’!
” The words came easier now, like a dam breaking.
“Ye made me feel worthless me entire life. Made me think I was lucky anyone would even look at me, let alone want to marry me.”
“We were tryin’ to help ye,” Catherine said though her voice had lost some of its certainty. “Tryin’ to prepare ye for the real world.”
“By destroyin’ me confidence? By makin’ me doubt me own worth?” Iris shook her head. “That’s nae help, Maither. That’s cruelty.”
“How dare ye.”
“And ye want to ken the worst part? I started believin’ ye.
Started thinkin’ I really was worthless.
That I should be grateful for whatever scraps of affection anyone threw me way.
” Her voice cracked slightly. “But ye were wrong. About all of it. I’m nae worthless.
I’m nae too much. I’m just different from what ye wanted, and that’s yer failin’, nae mine. ”
Edward’s face had gone red. “Ye forget yerself, girl. We’re still yer parents.”
“And ye’ll always be me parents. But that doesnae mean I have to accept yer treatment anymore.
” Iris turned to Lydia, who was watching with wide, shocked eyes.
“I never told ye to run away. I never encouraged ye to abandon yer responsibilities. Ye made that choice yerself, and ye need to own it instead of lettin’ them blame me for it. ”
“I... I ken.” Lydia’s voice was small. “I’m sorry, Iris. I should have said somethin’ sooner.”
“It’s all right.” Iris’s voice softened. “Just... be honest with them about what ye want. About the convent, about takin’ vows. Daenae let them force ye into anythin’ else.”
“I willnae. I promise.”
Iris turned back to her parents. “As for me marriage, it’s none of yer business. Ye dinnae care what happened to me after I left with me husband, and ye daenae care now. I only came here to bring Lydia home safely, and I’ll be leavin’ this afternoon.”
“Leavin’?” Catherine looked confused.
“Aye. I want to get as far away from both of ye as possible.”
Aye. But what do I do? Where do I go from here?
The questions echoed in her mind, unanswered.