Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
“Where’s Lady Iris?”
Codie’s question cut through the tense silence that had settled over the dinner table. Elijah had been staring at his untouched plate for the past ten minutes, acutely aware of the empty chair beside him.
“I daenae ken, lad. Probably with her sister.” He forced himself to take a bite of beef though it tasted like ash in his mouth.
“But Miss Lydia’s nae here either.” Codie looked around the great hall. “Neither is Mairie. Where did they all go?”
“How should I ken? I’m nae their keeper.” The words came out harsher than intended, and he saw Codie flinch. “Just eat yer supper.”
“Aye, Faither.” The boy’s voice was small, subdued.
Damn it. Now I’m takin’ me foul mood out on him too.
They ate in silence after that, the scrape of utensils against plates the only sound in the cavernous hall. Usually, Iris would be filling the quiet with conversation, asking Codie about his day, making plans for tomorrow’s activities. The absence of her voice made the space feel hollow, empty.
She’s just avoidin’ me. Makin’ a point. She’ll come down eventually when she’s hungry enough.
But even as he thought it, doubt crept in. Because Iris was stubborn, and she’d been furious when she’d left his solar. The kind of furious that didn’t fade after a few hours.
Twenty minutes passed. Then thirty. The servants began clearing plates, and still, Iris hadn’t appeared.
Elijah’s jaw tightened. This was ridiculous. She was acting like a child, starving herself to avoid him. Well, he wouldn’t stand for it. She could be angry all she wanted, but she needed to eat.
“Aliana.” He gestured to the nearest maid. “Take a tray to Lady Iris’ chambers. Make sure she eats somethin’, even if she says she’s nae hungry.”
The maid looked at him oddly, confusion crossing her face. “Me laird, I daenae think…”
“Did I ask ye to think? I asked ye to take food to me wife.” His voice sharpened with irritation. “Now.”
“But me laird…”
“What?” The word cracked like a whip, making several nearby servants jump.
Aliana swallowed hard, her face pale. “Lady Iris isnae in her chambers, me laird. She left the castle this afternoon.”
The world seemed to tilt sideways. “What?”
“She left, me laird. With Miss Lydia and Mairie. They took one of the carriages about four hours ago.” Aliana’s voice was barely above a whisper. “I thought ye kent. I thought... I assumed ye’d given permission for the journey.”
“Journey?” The word felt foreign on his tongue. “What journey? Where did they go?”
“I daenae ken exactly, me laird. But I heard them talkin’ about the Douglas lands. About going home.”
Home, she’d gone home. Iris had actually left.
“Me laird?” Aliana’s voice seemed to come from very far away. “Are ye all right? Should I fetch some water?”
“Get out.” The words came out flat, dead. “All of ye. Leave me.”
Codie’s eyes snapped up, and his brows furrowed together. “Da, are ye alright? Where did Lady Iris go?”
“Aye, lad.” He forced his tone to be gentle. “Go with the servants to yer chambers. I will see ye later.”
The servants scattered like leaves in a storm, taking Codie with them. The boy shot him one last confused, worried look before disappearing through the doors.
And then Elijah was alone in the great hall, standing beside an empty chair, staring at a half-eaten meal that would never be finished.
She left. She actually left.
She hadn’t been making empty threats to get his attention. She’d meant every word she’d said, and now, she was gone.
Four hours. She’s been gone for four hours, and I’ve been sittin’ here like a fool thinkin’ she’d come crawling back.
He moved without conscious thought, his legs carrying him through the corridors to their chambers. But when he burst through the door, the space was empty. Cold.
Her things were still there, her dresses in the wardrobe, her brushes on the vanity, but something essential was missing. He could feel the absence of her like a hole where warmth used to be.
On the bed lay a single piece of parchment, folded and sealed with wax. His hands shook as he broke the seal and unfolded it.
Elijah,
I’m taking Lydia home as she’s afraid to travel alone. I’ll return for my things once I’ve decided what to do next. Don’t worry, I won’t cause a scandal by seeking an annulment. You’ll have your convenient wife back eventually, properly chastened and knowing her place.
Iris
The formal tone, the cold words, felt like daggers. But worse was what she hadn’t said. No anger, no accusations, no emotion at all. Just clinical distance, as if she were writing to a stranger instead of her husband.
This is what ye wanted, isn’t it? To push her away before she could hurt ye?
The thought made him want to destroy something. He crumpled the letter in his fist then smoothed it out again, reading the words over and over as if they might change.
They didn’t.
“Ye bloody fool.” His own voice sounded strange in the empty room. “Ye absolute bloody fool.”
Because this was his fault. All of it. He’d been so terrified of being hurt that he’d lashed out like a cornered animal, saying the cruelest things he could think of just to make her leave before she could choose to leave on her own.
And it had worked. She was gone.
But she said she’d come back. She said she’d return for her things.
The thought brought a flicker of hope that died almost immediately. Because she’d also said once she “decided what to do next,” which meant she hadn’t decided yet. Which meant there was a very real possibility she wouldn’t come back at all.
Four hours. They’ve been gone for four hours. If I left now, I could catch them by tomorrow evening.
The urge to chase after her was overwhelming, primal. To ride through the night, to find her and drag her back, and—
And what? Apologize? Beg forgiveness? His pride balked at the thought. The Laird of Clan McMurphy didn’t chase after runaway wives. Didn’t grovel. Didn’t show that kind of weakness.
But she’s only runnin’ because I drove her away.
He sank onto the bed, the letter still clutched in his hand, and he tried to think clearly through the panic clouding his mind.
Going after her now, in his current state, would be a disaster.
He’d probably just say something else to make things worse.
And she clearly needed time away from him, time to calm down and think.
The possibility made his chest tight, made it hard to breathe, because somewhere over the past weeks, Iris had become essential.
Not just convenient, not just useful, essential.
Like air or water or the beat of his own heart.
And he’d thrown it all away because he was too much of a coward to admit he cared.
I have to fix this. Somehow, I have to fix this.
But sitting alone in their empty chambers, surrounded by the ghost of her presence, Elijah had no idea how.
“I still cannae believe he said that to ye. The absolute nerve of the man!”
Lydia had been ranting for the past two hours, ever since they’d climbed into the carriage and begun the journey back to Douglas lands. Iris let her sister’s words wash over her, responding with appropriate murmurs when required but not really listening.
Her mind was still back at the castle, replaying that terrible conversation in the solar. The cold dismissal in Elijah’s voice. The cruel words about her being convenient, about not expecting love, about her being naive.
Naive. As if wantin’ basic decency from me husband makes me foolish.
“Are ye even listenin’ to me?” Lydia’s voice cut through her thoughts.
“Aye. Ye were sayin’ Elijah’s an arse.”
“I was sayin’ he’s worse than an arse. He’s a cruel, heartless beast who doesnae deserve ye.
” Lydia reached over, taking Iris’ hand.
“But daenae worry. Once we get home, I’ll explain everythin’ to Faither.
I’ll tell him it was all me fault, that ye shouldnae have been forced into this marriage. He’ll find a way to get ye out of it.”
“Will he?” Iris’s voice was flat, emotionless.
“Of course! He cannae force ye to stay married to a man who treats ye like that. It’s... it’s barbaric!” Lydia squeezed her hand. “Ye can stay with us until we figure somethin’ out. Maybe we can find ye a nice husband who’ll actually appreciate ye. Someone gentle and kind.”
“I’m nae stayin’ with Maither and Faither.”
The words came out sharper than intended. Lydia blinked, clearly taken aback.
“But where else would ye go?”
“I daenae ken yet. But I’m nae going back to that house, to those people who spent me entire life tellin’ me I wasnae good enough.
” Iris pulled her hand away, looking out the carriage window at the passing countryside.
“I’m only comin’ with ye to make sure ye get home safely. After that, I’m leavin’ for a while.”
“Leavin’? To where?”
“Anywhere. Maybe I’ll go to the convent with ye. Maybe I’ll find work somewhere as a housekeeper or a governess. I daenae care as long as it’s away from both me parents and me husband for now, at least.”
“Iris, ye’re nae thinkin’ clearly. Ye’re hurt and angry which is understandable, but ye cannae just do that.”
“I can do whatever I want.” She turned to face her sister. “For the first time in me life, I’m free to make me own choices. And I choose nae to go back to either place that made me feel worthless.”
Lydia was quiet for a moment, studying her face. “Ye really care about him, daenae ye? Despite everythin’ he said.”
The question hit too close to home. Iris felt her throat tighten, felt the tears she’d been holding back threaten to spill over.
“It doesnae matter what I feel. He made his position clear.”
“But what if he apologizes?”
“He willnae.” The certainty in her own voice surprised her. “Elijah Craig doesnae apologize. Doesnae chase. Doesnae show weakness. He’ll probably be relieved I’m gone. One less complication to deal with.”
“Iris.”
“I daenae want to talk about it anymore.” She wiped roughly at her eyes. The thought of Codie waking up to find her gone made her stomach clench with guilt, but she pushed it away. She couldn't think about that now. “Please, Lydia. Just... let it be.”
Her sister nodded reluctantly, and they fell into silence. Mairie, who’d been sitting quietly in the corner, finally spoke up.
“If I may say so, me lady, I think ye’re makin’ a mistake.”
“Mairie, daenae start now.”
“I ken ye daenae want to hear it, but someone needs to say it.” Mairie leaned forward. “The Laird cares about ye. I’ve seen it in how he looks at ye, how he acts around ye. Whatever he said today, it came from fear, nae truth.”
“Fear?” Iris laughed bitterly. “Elijah Craig isnae afraid of anythin’.”
“Isnae he? Because it seems to me he’s terrified of exactly one thing, and that’s losin’ ye. And he lashed out to protect himself before ye could hurt him.”
“That doesnae excuse his behavior.”
“I’m nae sayin’ it excuses his behavior. I’m sayin’ ye should at least consider his reasons before ye make any permanent decisions.” Mairie’s voice was gentle but firm. “Ye love him. I can see it on yer face. And throwin’ that away because of one terrible argument seems... hasty.”
“It wasnae one argument. It was him showin’ me his true feelings.” Iris’ voice cracked. “He called me convenient, Mairie. Said I was only his wife by coincidence. That I’m naive for thinkin’ he could actually care about me.”
“And ye believe that? After everythin’ ye’ve experienced together?”
“What else am I supposed to believe? Those words came from somewhere.”
“Aye, they came from a damaged man who doesnae ken how to handle his own emotions.” Mairie settled back. “But that’s between ye and him. I just wanted to make sure ye kent what ye were throwin’ away before ye threw it.”
Iris turned back to the window, watching the landscape blur past through tear-filled eyes. Deep down, she knew Mairie was right. Knew that Elijah’s words had come from fear rather than truth.
But knowing why he’d hurt her didn’t make it hurt less.
He pushed me away. Told me to leave. I’m just doing what he wants.
Except she knew that wasn’t entirely true either. He’d wanted her to leave so he could feel in control, so he could convince himself he was protecting his heart.
Well, she’d given him what he wanted, and now, they’d both have to live with the consequences.
“We need to stop.”
Lydia’s voice broke through her thoughts. Her sister had gone pale, one hand pressed to her stomach.
“What’s wrong?”
“The carriage is makin’ me sick. All this bouncin’ and swayin’.” Lydia looked genuinely miserable. “Can we stop at the next village? Please? I need solid ground under me feet for a bit.”
Iris wanted to refuse, wanted to push through to Douglas lands as quickly as possible, so she could deposit Lydia and figure out what to do next. But her sister looked truly unwell, and she couldn’t be cruel enough to ignore that.
“Fine. We’ll stop at the next village and rest for the night.”
“Thank ye.” Lydia sagged with relief. “I’m sorry, I ken ye want to get this over with, but I really cannae handle much more right now.”
“It’s fine.” Though it wasn’t, not really, because every delay meant more time to think, more time to second-guess her decision, more time to wonder if she was making a terrible mistake.
But she’d made her choice. She’d left. And the thought of going back, of facing Elijah after what he’d said, of being the “convenient wife” he’d accused her of being, was unbearable.
So, she’d keep moving forward. Even if forward meant away from the only place that had started to feel like home.
Even if it meant leaving behind the man she’d been foolish enough to fall in love with. The carriage rolled on, carrying her further from Castle McMurphy with every passing mile. And with each mile, the ache in her chest grew sharper, more insistent.
But she didn’t look back, She couldn’t. Because if she did, she might not have the strength to keep going.