Chapter 23
LIAM
Liam hadn’t slept a wink. He paced around his sitting room and swiped his gritty eyes.
He felt terrible. He hadn’t seen or heard from Clara since she’d left The Mistletoe Magic Shop yesterday.
He probably shouldn’t have expected to. He knew he’d hurt her and was finding it difficult to shake the feeling that he’d made a mistake.
But she was probably already planning her trip back to New York and would be out of his life after the Christmas fayre.
His stomach turned over as he imagined Hudson meeting her at the airport, imagined them being together.
But it’s what he’d wanted and it had been the right thing to do – even if just the idea of them being a couple turned him inside out.
He couldn’t risk his son getting hurt. Clara was wrong – this wasn’t about protecting himself.
He'd had a difficult evening with Charlie, who’d asked for Clara repeatedly. In the end, Liam had encouraged him to snuggle in front of a movie. They’d had hot chocolate and brownies, but that had reminded him of Clara too.
How long was it going to take before he stopped thinking about her? He had to stay busy, had to get back to work and focus on something practical. Jenny had taken Charlie to preschool and the morning stretched ahead of him, which meant he had to get on or he was going to go mad.
The doorbell rang and Liam’s stomach leapt as he imagined Clara on the doorstep. Imagined her telling him he was an idiot before insisting she wasn’t going to leave. He charged across the sitting room and was in the hallway in seconds, but when he opened the door, his stomach sank.
Because it was Graham standing in the porch with his hands shoved into his pockets. ‘Can we talk?’ he asked.
Liam thought about what Clara had said about him holding onto his hurt and for the first time allowed himself to accept that she might have a point. Although it didn’t mean she was right about everything… ‘Okay.’ He stood aside as Figgy barked from the other room.
Graham glanced around as Liam guided him into the sitting room. ‘I’ve not been here in so long,’ his brother said sadly as he took in the furniture and Christmas tree, then the photos on the mantlepiece – none of which included him. ‘Is Charlie here?’ he asked hopefully.
‘No. What do you want to say?’
Graham twisted his hands. ‘I saw something on my walk this morning and it made me realise that life’s short and I need to try harder to apologise. I’m so sorry for what happened, Liam…’ His voice wavered. ‘And I’d really like the chance to explain.’
Liam stared at his brother. He’d missed him.
Missed looking into the face that so resembled his own.
He tried to hold onto his resentment, all the anger he’d powered himself with.
But he didn’t have the energy. Telling Clara to leave had drained him.
Imagining a life without her in it was devastating.
‘Do you want a cup of tea?’ he asked abruptly. He needed one. ‘Or do you still prefer coffee?’
‘Tea’s great, thanks,’ Graham said, relaxing a notch. ‘I gave up coffee a while ago.’
Liam nodded. He didn’t share that he had too, but it was unsettling that the two of them were still in sync.
When he returned with the drinks, Figgy had dropped the scrap of material Clara had given him and his head was resting on Graham’s knee. Was his dog’s quiet acceptance of his brother a sign that Liam should move on?
He cleared his throat as he handed Graham a mug. ‘So, you said you wanted to explain?’
Graham shut his eyes for a beat and nodded.
‘Thank you,’ he said as his whole body sagged.
‘I’ve wanted to say this – to apologise to your face – since it happened,’ he said roughly.
‘I want you to know I’m not asking for forgiveness, but I also want you to know how much I’ve missed you.
How much I know I’ve lost because of what I did. ’
Liam nodded. He’d missed his brother too.
It had been so easy to shut everything out.
To keep his feelings locked down but then Clara had walked into his life and his heart had opened like a flower waiting for sunshine.
Now he wasn’t sure he’d be able to shut it again even if he wanted to.
But that didn’t mean he was going to make it easy for his twin. ‘So?’
‘I’m going to have to caveat this by saying I know there’s no excuse, no explanation that’s going to make what I did okay,’ Graham said, stroking a hand over Figgy’s head, making his ears twitch.
‘I’m not going to tell you it was all Mia’s fault.
We both knew what we were doing was wrong but—’ He sighed.
‘It was one moment of madness, one horrible mistake. She was unhappy.’ He shook his head.
‘Struggling with motherhood. But you know that.’
Liam nodded. He did know, but hearing it again didn’t explain anything.
‘She came to talk to me, to share her feelings. We had a few drinks and somehow ended up kissing.’ He winced.
‘I don’t know why and I’m not blaming alcohol for what happened either.
Liam, it was wrong and I’m never going to forgive myself.
’ His voice trembled. ‘I felt… I don’t know…
sorry for her.’ He blinked. ‘But I was also flattered – she was beautiful.’ Wings of red spread across his cheeks.
‘I don’t know, maybe if I’m honest, I was a little jealous of you too. ’
‘Jealous?’ Liam asked, shocked.
His brother nodded. ‘Of you, of your beautiful wife and new son. Of how your life was so sorted while mine was just stuck. Perhaps –’ He squeezed his lips together.
‘– I wanted that for myself. Wanted to feel just for a moment like I was as sorted as you. We were always so close, so in tune and suddenly I was years behind.’ He pulled a face.
‘I know how it sounds – like a lot of bad excuses and I’m aware nothing can justify that level of betrayal.
’ His face blanched. ‘All I do know is after it happened –’ He gulped again.
‘– I felt so guilty, so utterly wretched, I wanted to tell you, to explain, but Mia said you’d be angry and it would be better for both of us if we kept it to ourselves. ’
‘Then she told me,’ Liam said. ‘Because she wanted to hurt me.’ And the fact that his brother hadn’t told him first had made it so much worse. It was the lack of honesty that had destroyed him. Made him more unwilling to forgive.
Graham jerked his chin. ‘I think she wanted to hurt us both, perhaps because she wasn’t happy.’ He shrugged. ‘Who knows what she was thinking.’
Liam sucked air between his teeth. It was a horrible story.
He’d have preferred something that would justify what had happened, but the unvarnished truth was simply that his brother had made an appalling decision.
Betrayed him in the worst possible way and now Liam had to decide if he was going to let go of his anger and allow him back into his life.
He knew what Clara would do and for the first time appreciated the power of accepting something that wasn’t perfect.
Of learning to forgive. ‘I’d have preferred it if you’d had a good reason to excuse what you did,’ he said.
‘I would have too.’ Graham winced. ‘But I’m not going to lie and say it was anything more than an unforgiveable mistake.
’ His voice broke and he looked at his feet before drinking the rest of the tea.
‘I… I should probably go now. I wanted to tell you my side of the story. I wanted to be honest. I’m not expecting anything from you.
’ His voice was rough. ‘Just… maybe one day you could consider letting me be a small part of your life. I won’t rush you, though. ’
He stood, his eyes shining, and in that moment, Liam knew Clara was right and it was time. Time for him to let go of his resentment. Time to face what had happened and move on before it destroyed him and perhaps in time Charlie too. Hadn’t it already ruined his relationship with Clara?
‘How about you come over for tea tomorrow? You can meet Charlie properly and… maybe we can talk some more.’
Graham’s face lit. ‘I’d love that. Thank you,’ he said. ‘For listening. It can’t have been easy.’
Liam averted his eyes. It hadn’t been easy, but neither had pushing everyone away.
‘I should go,’ Graham said, heading for the hallway.
Liam followed. ‘What did you see when you were walking?’ he asked suddenly. ‘What made you decide you had to talk to me now?’
Graham turned and gave him a half smile. ‘I think to understand you need to take a walk down the high street and see for yourself…’
Liam half ran, half walked as Figgy impatiently tugged at his lead.
‘We’re almost there,’ he said, glancing up the cobbled high street wondering what his brother had been talking about.
His steps faltered as he spotted Nora in the distance.
She was standing on the pavement outside The Reading Room Bookshop with her jaw hanging wide.
‘Well, I thought I’d seen it all,’ she gasped as he approached, taking her mobile from her pocket and switching her hearing aid on before taking a couple of photos of the shopfront.
‘Seen what?’ Liam asked.
‘That.’ She nodded to the bookshop window where multiple sheets of white paper had been pinned to the inside of the panes – essentially covering all the glass.
The pages had been stuck with suckers which were held in place by toy elves-on-the-shelves.
Each of the sheets had been written on in black capital letters.
Liam slowly read the words and widened his eyes.
So that’s what had inspired Graham to seek him out.
‘Do you think Eleanor’s seen it?’ he asked.
The older woman shook her head. ‘She hasn’t left her shop all day.
I think I’ll go and get her now. She should read this.
’ She stared at him for a beat. ‘I don’t know what happened with Clara yesterday afternoon, but I could see she was upset.
’ Her eyes bored into his. ‘I wonder if you should take a leaf out of Ezra’s book.
’ She stroked a hand over Figgy’s ears before heading up the high street towards The Cosy Christmas Shop, leaving him staring after, wondering if she was right.
Eleanor emerged from her shop moments later wrapped in a thick red coat. She frowned as she approached, first at Liam and then at the window. ‘What’s all this?’
‘I think Ezra has something to say to you,’ Nora replied.
Eleanor folded her arms. ‘There’s nothing Ebenezer can say that I want to hear.’
‘How about you read that and decide?’ Liam suggested, pointing to the sheets of paper. ‘Because he’s trying to apologise.’
‘He is?’ Eleanor turned back to the window and the tension in her shoulders seemed to melt away. ‘This is…’
TO ELEANOR KRINGLE
I’LL START BY TELLING YOU WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE ALREADY KNOWS.
THAT I’M AN EEJIT. SOMEONE WHO’S BEEN USING ANGER FOR A LONG TIME TO HIDE HOW THEY REALLY FEEL.
PERHAPS I’M A COWARD. I HOPE NOT. AND IF I AM, I’VE REALISED I DON’T WANT TO BE ANYMORE. I HURT YOU AND YOU DON’T DESERVE IT. SO I WANT TO TELL THE TRUTH. FOR ONCE, I WANT TO BE REAL.
TO ME YOU ARE PERFECT. DESPITE YOUR OBSESSION WITH CHRISTMAS AND ALL OF THOSE ANNOYING ELVES YOU INSIST ON SELLING – WHICH, IN TRUTH, ARE FAR MORE PRACTICAL THAN I’D EVER REALISED.
AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS, ACTUALLY.
THAT I REALLY LIKE YOU AND I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SUCH A SCROOGE.
EZRA BELL (FORMERLY EBENEZER)
‘Wow,’ Eleanor said after a few moments of silence, her cheeks flushing a luminous shade of pink.
‘It’s quite something, isn’t it?’ Nora said quietly.
Eleanor nodded, then pressed her nose to the bookshop window, trying to see between the large sheets. ‘I can’t see him,’ she said.
‘Well, it would be a lot easier to find him if you actually went inside,’ Nora grumbled. ‘What are you waiting for, girl? If Ezra Bell wrote that to me, I wouldn’t still be standing out here. Get in there, woman.’
Eleanor chuckled, then put a hand on the door, but before she pushed it, she fixed Liam with a disappointed look. ‘You hurt Clara again.’
‘I know, I’m sorry, but I just—’
‘Don’t trust her not to hurt you?’ Eleanor guessed. ‘Are too afraid to take a chance on love in case she leaves like Mia?’
‘I have to think of Charlie.’ He felt his throat tighten. Wondering if his words were really true. ‘When Clara leaves…’
‘That’s just an excuse,’ Nora snorted. ‘What if she stayed, boy?’ She shook her head. ‘What if you could be happy together?’
‘Perhaps it’s time you stopped being so afraid,’ Eleanor added. ‘I know how it feels to be hurt.’ She glanced at the bookshop window again. ‘I’m not alone in that. But sometimes you’ve got to take a chance, like Ezra.’ Her eyes softened. ‘Or you’ll end up completely alone.’
Liam let out a long breath. The thought of having Clara and losing her was terrifying, but was it scarier to think of a life without her in it?
He glanced down the high street in the direction of The Cosy Christmas Shop.
‘Maybe I should talk to her.’ He didn’t know what he was going to say, or if she’d ever forgive him, but in this moment, he knew he had to try.
‘You should, but it might be too late.’ Eleanor tugged the door of the bookshop open.
‘What do you mean?’ Liam asked.
‘Because she just caught a taxi to Heathrow Airport. She’s heading back to New York.’
‘I, but…’ Liam gaped. ‘What about the Christmas fayre?’
Eleanor shrugged. ‘We’re going to see if Tabitha can cover it. I understand her jury service is coming to an end.’
‘But…’ Liam swallowed, overwhelmed by the wave of fear that flooded through him.
They were right. He had been a coward – just like Ezra.
He’d run from love because it was easier to keep himself safe.
And he had used Charlie as an excuse. But now his life was unravelling.
Clara was leaving and he wanted her here.
‘Looks like the penny might finally be dropping,’ Nora said gruffly.
‘I… I need to go to the airport,’ Liam blurted, glancing down at Figgy. ‘But my truck’s back at the house and I...’
‘You can take my car,’ Eleanor offered, giving him a half smile. She dug into the pocket of her coat and drew out a set of keys. ‘It’s parked behind the shop. Nora will take Figgy.’ The older woman nodded and took the lead.
‘Charlie’s with Jenny, I’m supposed to pick him up soon…’
‘And I’ll get him or ask Jenny if she can keep him for longer,’ Eleanor said. ‘You go and find Clara.’ Her eyes flickered to the bookshop window again. ‘And make sure you tell her exactly how you really feel…’
Liam nodded as he grabbed the keys, hoping he’d make it to the airport before it was too late…