Chapter 3
MAIRI
Mairi yawned and pushed her long auburn hair out of her face as she put the kettle on in the Holly Berry Lodge kitchen the following morning. She glanced up when she heard the pad of heavy footsteps in the hallway, and felt her pulse notch up.
She hadn’t seen her husband last night and had barely slept a wink anticipating their first encounter. She swallowed a wave of yearning when Jed suddenly strode through the door and all the careful words she’d planned to say evaporated from her mind.
‘Jed,’ Mairi croaked instead. She hadn’t seen him for eleven long months, and she drank in every perfect inch of him. Everything inside her wanted to sprint across the room and leap into his arms, but his face paled and his body looked rigid, telling her everything she needed to know.
‘Mairi,’ Jed choked and he immediately tugged off his black beanie hat, releasing a tangle of sandy brown hair that she’d run her hands through more than once. Then he folded his arms over his large body in a gesture that told her nothing had changed. There was no fairy tale ending here.
‘Jed,’ she repeated. The name felt wrong in her mouth now, it had been so long since she’d last used it.
Today it was as if she’d swallowed a bunch of wire wool and Mairi lost her ability to speak for a moment.
She was going to have to force herself to go through with talking to him, though.
If she could just make herself form a coherent sentence.
Jed continued to gaze at her, his expression brooding – his eyes, that face, so gorgeously familiar and yet so distant.
He cleared his throat and his eyes glittered with emotion.
‘What are you doing here?’ he ground out, his voice rough like he’d just been out on the slopes – as if the cold had stripped his vocal chords bare and they were trying to renew themselves.
Mairi reached out and leaned on the stainless-steel kitchen top as her legs liquified. She’d always found the sound of his voice sexy.
‘I came to talk to you.’ She forced herself to speak naturally, forced herself to hide how thoroughly he affected her. Time hadn’t dulled the visceral pull, the powerful urge to jump into his arms.
‘I thought I’d imagined seeing you yesterday,’ he said, squinting as if he couldn’t quite believe she was in front of him.
‘I’m sure you’d prefer it if you had,’ she said, allowing her hurt to shine through for the first time. Although she immediately regretted it. She wasn’t here to make Jed feel bad.
His eyebrows shot up and he looked surprised. ‘That’s not what I was thinking,’ he said, scraping a hand across his brow in a gesture of confusion, his full lips contorting as if he were fighting a smile. ‘I…’ He shook his head.
Was he pleased to see her? The thought came from nowhere and Mairi dismissed it.
This wasn’t a hero in one of her romance novels – this was Jed.
The man who blamed her for ending his career.
The same man who’d barred her from visiting him in the hospital after his accident and had ignored her ever since. There were no mixed messages here.
She sighed wearily. ‘You’ve not been in touch with me since—’ She faltered.
‘My catastrophe on the slopes?’ he asked, looking pained.
‘Aye,’ she mumbled, trying to keep the raw pain from her voice, turning away so she could pour them both a cup of peppermint mocha from the pot Effie had left on the stove earlier.
She needed to do something with her hands, needed to calm down so she could coolly explain to Jed what she was doing here.
It was way past time to put an end to their marriage. To let the fantasy go. Once she did, she could leave as soon as Rhona returned to work – before her heart was totally shattered. Or worse, before she talked herself out of speaking with Jed again.
When she turned back to hand Jed his drink, he was still standing in the same place. His expression thoughtful.
‘Quinn called me looking for you,’ he said, taking the jolly Christmas mug and still staring at her, his eyes turbulent.
She sucked in a breath. She should have expected that. She’d been hoping her brother wouldn’t notice that she’d left Edinburgh. She’d only intended to be away for a few days. Then again, this was Quinn – a man whose protective instincts had been hard-wired into his DNA.
‘I didn’t tell him I was coming,’ she admitted.
‘I think it would be better for you if he didn’t know I was here, in case he gets suspicious.
’ She shrugged. She didn’t want to see Jed hurt.
She knew how much her brother meant to him.
‘He still doesn’t know we got married. It doesn’t make sense for him to find out now. ’
Jed jerked his chin. ‘I won’t tell him,’ he promised. ‘After all, what’s one more lie?’ He looked unhappy, and Mairi had to put her hands behind her back, forcing herself not to reach for him. It was just a reflex. She guessed he’d hate it if she touched him anyway.
‘So, what do you want to talk about?’ His voice came out thready, and the warm flames she’d thought she’d seen in his eyes earlier were still burning.
Or perhaps that was just wistful thinking – if he was affected by her, why wasn’t he sweeping her into his arms?
Instead, he was clutching the jolly mug like it was his sanctuary.
She swallowed. ‘I’ve got some papers upstairs in my room.
I want you to sign them.’ She stared at him, her eyes searching behind him for a moment to ensure Effie wasn’t within hearing distance.
Jed’s aunt didn’t know about their marriage either and the older woman would be hurt if she found out like this.
‘Papers?’ Jed asked, his voice sharp.
‘Divorce papers,’ Mairi whispered, feeling her heart pound. She watched Jed’s face, searching for hints of emotion. Something sparked behind his eyes – but she had no idea what it meant.
She cleared her throat, feeling another wave of emotion hit, knowing her resolve was fading.
But she couldn’t let it. ‘I know you don’t want anyone to know about our marriage and that’s okay with me,’ she lied.
‘All you have to do is sign them and I’ll sort everything else out.
You won’t have to do a thing.’ She could feel tears building again and blinked them away.
Jed didn’t want her – it was only fair that she release him now.
Holding on wasn’t doing either of them any favours.
Jed’s eyebrows drew together. When she’d practised this conversation in her head, he’d been jumping for joy, reaching for a pen and racing to sign.
She stared at him. ‘This way our secret can stay that way – and your aunt, my brother and everyone else will never find out about our wedding. I know you regret it.’ She swallowed, remembering his father’s words when she’d gone to see Jed in the hospital right after the accident.
He’d blamed her for Jed losing focus on the slopes and in his words ‘ending his illustrious career’.
The knowledge still gave her sleepless nights.
The emotions swirled inside her, making her feel queasy.
‘That’s why I came.’ She sighed as the weight of what she was asking made her shoulders sag.
She still loved him, but this was the only way to move on, the best thing for both of them.
‘I want a divorce.’ Even the words tasted bad in her mouth.
‘Have you met someone else?’ he asked roughly, his eyes glittering.
‘Yes. No,’ she answered, confused. This conversation wasn’t what she’d expected. ‘I’ve been on some dates with someone.’
He nodded, his full mouth pinching.
‘He’s more of a colleague really. We haven’t kissed.’ For some reason, it was important to Mairi that Jed knew she hadn’t cheated on him. That the vows they’d taken had meant something. To her at least.
‘It’s just been a work thing, not serious. But he’d like it to be.’ She flushed. ‘He cares for me.’
After being cheated on by Mike, and then abandoned by Jed, the attention had been a salve to her damaged heart. She might not be able to have her one true love – but having someone care for her was… Well, it felt good.
And Harry was a good man, one she knew she could care for in time.
She had this longing, this hole inside that she wanted to fill.
She couldn’t spend the rest of her life pining over something she couldn’t have.
It was time for her to take control of her future.
When she was no longer married to Jed, she’d be able to let herself have feelings for Harry.
‘I’m sure your new boyfriend wants more from you,’ Jed said with barely disguised annoyance.
‘You’re making it sound like you’re not happy about that,’ she blurted, stunned.
‘And you sound surprised.’ He looked wounded. ‘Last time I checked, I was still your husband.’
‘But—’ Mairi stopped, confused. ‘Quinn told me you’ve been dating someone else.’
Her brother had told her that Jed was seeing a chef who worked in a hotel close to the lodge. The news had devastated her, but it had also proved that any hope she’d harboured that he still had feelings for her were misplaced.
When he hadn’t returned to the lodge last night – or at least not while she’d been waiting up – she’d assumed he’d stayed over. And the idea of that had ripped her in two.
‘You haven’t contacted me since your accident.
You didn’t want to see me when you were in the hospital.
’ Mairi heard the crack in her voice and took in a deep breath.
‘I thought you’d want this, that we’d be on the same page.
I’m setting you free.’ She gazed at Jed, trying to read his face.
Trying to understand what he was thinking.
But he’d always been impenetrable. Even after they’d married, when she’d thought he’d finally let her into his head, he’d kept his distance.
Jed stared at her for a few moments, his blue stare heating to an ultramarine hue.
Then his lips twisted. ‘Actually, we’re not on the same page.
In fact, we’re in entirely different books,’ he choked, clearly upset.
‘My answer is no. I won’t be signing anything today, tomorrow or anytime soon.
Because I want to stay married to you.’ His eyes flashed fire and he carefully put the still full mug on the serving area, his knuckles white.
‘But… why?’ Mairi gasped, shocked as he stared at her for another long moment, his eyes still spitting heat.
She thought he was going to say something else, but then someone started singing ‘(You’re the) Devil in Disguise’ from somewhere deep in the lodge and Jed shook his head.
‘That’s one of our guests. I have to get to work.
’ He swiftly turned and headed towards the closest exit in the corner of the kitchen.
Then he disappeared through it, slamming the door.
Running from her again.
Mairi stood for a moment, eyeing the Jed-sized empty space. Her jaw hung wide, her head spinning as her heart danced in her chest.
‘What just happened?’
Why did the man who’d broken her heart – her husband – who blamed her for ending his career, and had ignored her for the last eleven months, want to stay married? And why was her stupid battered heart telling her she wanted the same thing?