Chapter 17
JED
La Gazzetta dello Sci
Is it all over for Jed Murray?
Coach tells all!
‘That was good, lad,’ Jed said as Scott powered back down the steep incline of the snowy running trail a day later, grunting as he reached the bottom before he bent and pressed his hands to his knees, trying to catch his breath.
Wind howled around them as Jed glanced towards a cluster of sparkling pine trees.
He knew Holly Berry Lodge was a mile behind it, even if he couldn’t see it from here.
But it had been difficult to concentrate this morning because his head had been filled with thoughts of Mairi – who was probably working in the kitchen about now.
He couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss they’d shared and how it had felt to touch her again. Or what might have happened if Greer hadn’t caught them half naked with all that heat pressed against his crotch…
He’d told Mairi their kiss was a mistake, but who was he kidding? He didn’t even know how he’d stayed away from her for so long. Now she was in Aberlinnie, under his nose, he wasn’t going to be able to keep it up.
‘I know you probably want to be careful of your knee, but what about me actually doing some skiing?’ Scott muttered, righting himself and frowning as he darted an angry look towards the black run, which Jed had informed him earlier was off limits today.
‘My knee’s fine,’ Jed said. It still ached but there was no sign of permanent injury.
‘So we can do the run?’ Scott’s face lit.
‘Nae. That’s for another time,’ Jed said firmly, ignoring the way the teenager’s face twisted and his mouth zigzagged as he tried to suppress a pout.
If he had his way, it would be at least another week before he let the boy anywhere near a slope when he was wearing skis. He wasn’t going to be responsible for pushing him so hard he got hurt.
‘I’m not your da, so those expressions don’t work on me,’ Jed said flatly, starting to enjoy himself when Scott huffed.
‘Aye, well, they don’t work on him either, but he’s a lot nicer about it than you,’ he grumbled.
Jed nodded. He’d noticed the easy flow between the two of them. Was ashamed to admit he’d felt a small nip of jealousy too. Conversation had never been easy between Jed and Boyd. He’d always felt like an inconvenience. Unless he was winning…
‘You need to work on your endurance so you don’t get injured – that means up and down this hill as fast as you can go.
You’ve got to improve your speed and power – the exercises will build up your stamina and increase your lactic acid tolerance,’ he explained.
They’d also make him less vulnerable to injury.
Scott’s face puckered. ‘I already have plenty of endurance.’ He stamped his trail shoes, making the ice grips mash the snow. ‘I’m seventeen and in my prime. Didn’t you compete professionally when you were my age? I bet no one told you not to ski.’
Jed shrugged. Scott had raw talent, but it wasn’t the same. Jed had trained for years – nothing had been as important. Let’s face it, he hadn’t had much else to fall back on, aside from his aunt Effie. And he’d been ready. But that hadn’t saved him in the end.
‘I remember you once saying, “If you can dream it, you can do it.”’ The boy’s expression turned wily. ‘I had a dream last night, it was brilliant, I was—’
‘So did I,’ Jed interrupted, guessing where the story would end.
‘It was of you stacking it and ending up sliding down the mountain on your backside,’ he lied, his voice dry.
At least he would have had that exact dream if he hadn’t been thinking about Mairi half undressed, of him tugging the silky nighty over her head…
Suddenly his whole body hardened, and he contemplated dropping to his knees and doing a snow angel on his front.
‘That didn’t happen,’ Scott said, sounding annoyed.
Had Jed been as cocky and implacable at the same age?
He supposed the answer was yes, only he’d probably been worse.
It was interesting having his faults reflected back at him.
He’d have to be careful, or he might start feeling sympathy for the myriad collection of coaches who’d had to put up with his constant complaints.
He’d been just as irritated, just as impatient as the boy.
He'd been reckless too – but he knew part of winning was being bold and not worrying about taking risks.
You had to be single-minded and fearless if you wanted to come first. Even if that same focus could take you away from the one thing that defined who you were and made you let down the ones who mattered most…
‘Aye, well, you ending up on your rump with a broken hip could be a very real possibility,’ Jed said roughly, trying not to smile when Scott bristled, clearly offended. ‘That’s why you train and train to make sure when you do fall –’ because he would, ‘– you don’t get badly hurt.’
‘Like you did, you mean,’ Scott shot back and then flushed. ‘Sorry.’
Jed looked out over the glittering slopes and pulled in a long breath. ‘You’re not wrong.’
‘But running is boring.’ The boy sighed, his attitude returning as quickly as his embarrassment had fled. ‘I thought we’d be skiing together down Devil’s Run today – I know I can do it.’
Jed jerked his chin. ‘You’re nowhere near ready for that,’ he said roughly.
And neither was he. Yet. But he had to be.
There were only a few days until the Aberlinnie Winter Wonder Ski Championships, and he had to get a good result so he could pay the debt for his da.
‘And running is not as boring as hoovering – which you’ll be doing as soon as we’re back at the lodge, remember. ’
‘I know!’ Scott said, darting a look back up the hill again. ‘How about you race me? Show me what you can do?’ he said, his eyes bright with challenge. ‘If your knee’s really up to it.’
Jed frowned. He was supposed to be training the boy, showing him how important fitness was.
So far, all Scott had seen him do was fall on his backside or stand staring into the icy abyss.
Some role model. It wouldn’t hurt to show him what these kinds of exercises could achieve.
He’d spent hours on his physical training, working to get himself back to full fitness after the accident, filling his mind with it so he could forget Mairi.
Which clearly hadn’t worked. This was just one exercise in a hundred he’d pushed himself to do over and over.
Forcing his body to heal as he ignored the pain and anxiety the accident had created.
‘It’s up to it,’ Jed said, bending so he could unclip his skis. He quickly tugged on his snowshoes and started to stretch. ‘If I beat you, then you have to promise to vacuum upstairs as well, maybe you can make a start on the Christmas decorations in the dining room too?’
‘Okay, but you won’t beat me,’ Scott snorted, wriggling his hips and doing some stretches.
‘The confidence of youth,’ Jed muttered, but he found himself grinning, delighted. ‘On three, last one down is the vacuum king!’ he shouted before beginning the count down on his fingers.
‘One, two.’ He could feel a charge in his chest, a buzz of excitement and laughed. ‘Three!’ he yelled and took off, sprinting up the hill, feeling his muscles immediately engage as his legs punched the ground and he practically flew.
He heard Scott holler something but didn’t look back – he knew now not to let himself get distracted.
When he reached the top and turned, the boy wasn’t far behind, but Jed was faster.
He took off back down the hill, almost tripped, but just kept his balance and managed not to slide.
It had been a while since he’d competed against anyone – had let himself enjoy the excitement of winning.
The feeling burst through him, filling his lungs and heart — and as he reached the bottom, he practically bounced on his heels and let out an almighty roar just as Scott stampeded up to join him.
‘That was…’ The boy leaned onto his knees, too out of breath to finish the sentence.
‘Proof that you need more practice?’ Jed said, grinning as he fought to catch his own. He was pleased with his fitness level. He’d been training constantly from the moment he was back on his feet. His knee ached a little today, but it hadn’t held him back. His problem definitely wasn’t physical.
‘You’re pretty good for an old man,’ Scott teased as he righted himself, his chest heaving. ‘I can’t wait to see you do a run up close.’ His cheeks were bright pink and his eyes were filled with elation.
It was a good feeling knowing you’d made someone feel the same; it was like sharing a part of yourself.
Jed knew he’d become closed off since the accident – had kept everyone at arm’s length.
But this proved it – showed him what he’d been missing.
Perhaps he’d done it because he was afraid of engaging, of letting anyone know how much he was hurting?
Or maybe it was because he just hadn’t felt like letting anyone in because he couldn’t afford to screw up their lives too.
Were things changing because Mairi was here, was she the catalyst?
Jed cleared his throat, trying to clear the barrage of emotions. ‘Aye, well, you’re pretty good for a wee laddie,’ he said, earning himself an eye roll.
‘Shall we do it again?’ Scott asked, pointing up the hill as he hopped from foot to foot like a toddler begging for a bedtime story. ‘Best of three?’
Jed’s mobile suddenly pinged in his pocket, and he pointed to the slope. ‘Not this time, lad, you do it again on your own, twice this time and faster,’ he ordered.
‘You’re just scared I’ll win.’ Scott’s shoulders slumped, but he spun around and began to power back up the incline muttering. ‘I’ll beat you next time.’
Jed watched him for a moment, admiring the boy’s form.
There was something about the way he moved, the sheer elegance of his long limbs, the effortless speed and careless regard for any danger that reminded him of himself.
Or at least of the way he’d once been. He might be faster, but Scott had the advantage of youth.
All the possibilities, but none of the dread that would hold him back.
Or the overthinking he just couldn’t get a handle on.
Jed sighed and got his phone out of his pocket, wondering if Mairi had contacted him. Hoping she had. When he’d left the lodge with Scott so early this morning he hadn’t seen her. He wasn’t sure what to expect.
Would she regret what had happened, ask him for a divorce again? He swallowed a wave of bile. Or would she have changed her mind, want to give their marriage another chance?
He was in two minds about what he wanted.
Scratch that. He knew exactly what he wanted.
He just wasn’t sure if he could let himself have it.
Mairi deserved so much better, and he didn’t want to pull her into the crapfest that was his life.
He watched Scott power back down the hill before heading back up again – unafraid, daring, a powder keg of possibilities, unencumbered by guilt and a need to put things right – and tried not to feel jealous.
He scanned the phone and winced when the name Boyd Murray popped onto the screen.
I’m running out of time, son. The wolf is at the door and he’s showing his teeth. It’s time for you to get over whatever’s holding you back – you need to win that championship. It’s been too long.
Jed frowned and shook his head. If he told Boyd he didn’t know if he’d ever get back to professional skiing, let alone win anything, he wasn’t sure what would happen. He frowned.
He had to get back out there. His eyes drifted towards the black slope, and beyond it to Devil’s Run. He had to win, or he was going to lose everything that had ever mattered to him…