Chapter 20
MAIRI
Mairi didn’t know how long they stared at each other. But she could hear her heart beating like a steel drum and wondered how long it might be before the whole thing came bursting out, or if Jed would know how much he affected her.
She wrote about sex in her books all the time – about chemistry and the irresistible pull of longing, the seemingly unending ache of need. But this was real and so much more powerful than anything she could have put into words.
‘This is a bad idea. I can’t let myself get distracted,’ Jed rasped even as he reached for her hand and tugged her closer. Then he tipped her head until she was gazing into his blue eyes. His were filled with so much heat and confusion that she swallowed.
For the first time since Mairi had come to Holly Berry Lodge – before she’d started to wonder if there might be a chance for them to find their way back to each other, after all – she began to have her doubts.
Was she really ready for this? Could she survive another knock to her heart – what would happen if Jed changed his mind again?
‘I feel like I’m at the top of Devil’s Run again, staring into the abyss.’ He swallowed, his eyes swirling with indecision. ‘I want to jump, but…’
‘You’re not sure you’ll make it to the bottom without crashing,’ she guessed.
‘I’m not asking you to—’ She began, but that was as far as she got – because suddenly she was in Jed’s arms and his mouth was on hers in an explosion of need, heat and frenzy.
He teased her lips open before starting to explore.
Mairi moaned, because it had been too long.
Almost eleven months of craving and wishing – of waiting for him.
And now he was here, pressing his fingers into her hips, dropping them lower so he could knead her backside before he found his way underneath the waistband of her trousers, searching for bare skin.
She could feel herself trembling, could feel the same eager need reflected in Jed.
He'd always been so adept at locking down his emotions, of hiding how he felt. But he couldn’t hide the way she affected him now.
Mairi could feel him shuddering, could feel the hard bulge of his erection underneath his jeans as it pressed into her stomach, filling her with a familiar need.
‘I have to face what scares me,’ Jed muttered and Mairi wasn’t sure if he was talking to himself or her.
Wasn’t going to ask. ‘I need you to touch me,’ he said roughly as he lifted her onto her tiptoes, and she shoved her hands into his hair and held on.
She wrapped her legs around his hips and pressed herself into him – reminding him of what was waiting for them both.
He let out a shaky breath. ‘I know I shouldn’t. I know this is a bad idea for you, for me, but I’m not sure I can do the right thing anymore.’
‘I don’t want you to,’ she said, her voice scratchy. The right thing wasn’t walking away. The right thing wasn’t depriving them both of each other because he didn’t think he was worthy – or whatever other reason he was still hiding from her.
Mairi wanted Jed wild, she didn’t want him to think – so she’d do what needed to be done to show him that they fit, like pieces of a puzzle that should never have been separated.
She finally had his attention, and this was her chance to remind him of how things had been between them.
Of how things could be again if he’d just let them.
He deepened the kiss as he carried her across the room, before pressing her down into the bed, making an imprint in the mattress with his knee as he leaned over her.
He was big and hard bodied – everything she’d been craving.
So she didn’t let go, she wouldn’t have been able to make herself, even if she wanted to.
Instead, she pulled him on top of her and held on.
After all this time, Mairi was afraid of letting Jed think. Scared he’d have second thoughts and back away, closing the tiny slither of hope that had just emerged. She could already imagine him jumping up and grabbing his skis, of him running for the hills and never coming back.
She pushed her fingers under the T-shirt he’d just pulled on and ran her hands over the skin and muscle on his back, guiding her fingertips over every inch of him. She could remember each curve and dip, all the hard planes and soft edges – knew without asking exactly where he liked to be touched.
‘I dreamed of you.’ He broke off the kiss for long enough to whisper the words before he began to pepper soft, open-mouthed kisses across her collarbone and neck. Then he shifted his body so he could start to work her shirt up and over her head.
Mairi took the opportunity to strip his damp T-shirt all the way off too. Then she threw it over her shoulder, not caring where it might end up. She had plans for him now, plans that didn’t include any of his wardrobe.
Jed settled back over her, rubbing skin against skin, aside from her bra.
‘Was it always like this?’ he rasped, his voice filled with surprise as he leaned down to kiss her again and she impatiently shoved her hands between the two of them and started to work on the top button of his jeans that he’d somehow fastened when she wasn’t paying attention.
‘No, it was better,’ she said as she managed to undo it. ‘Because usually at least one of us was naked by now. You’ve lost your touch, or at least you’ve slowed down.’
She felt him smile against her mouth. ‘That’s what eleven months of celibacy will do to a man,’ he joked. ‘I’m just out of practice and I want to take my time,’ he whispered. ‘I believe in doing things properly. I’m not going to make mistakes with you again, Mairi.’
‘That’s good to hear, but you can still speed things up,’ she grumbled, ripping at his jeans as her insides began to pulse. ‘Live up to your nickname – Turbo works just as well in the bedroom as on the slopes.’
He laughed as she lifted her body, encouraging him to do the same, so she could work his trousers down over his hips, then she pressed her fingertips into the muscular globes of his backside.
‘Ouch,’ he complained even as he pulled her trousers down too, leaving her almost naked aside from her underwear.
Daingit. He was just as perfect as ever. He hadn’t changed. There were a few more scars, although Mairi knew he had far worse on the inside. Hopefully, this might be the start of healing some of them. The first step in his path to recovery.
‘You’re so beautiful,’ she murmured and gasped as he suddenly rolled them both over until she was sitting on top of him.
She straddled his hips and gazed down into his face, before tracing a fingertip over a huge yellowing bruise on his bicep and a long, puckered scar just above his collarbone. ‘These are new.’ She frowned.
She’d known his body so intimately that it felt strange finding something she didn’t recognise. It was like he’d somehow changed when she hadn’t been able to see him – or at least it reminded her of how much she’d missed. Of all the injuries she hadn’t been able to help him to heal.
‘I fell, again,’ he admitted, his mouth pinching into a thin line. ‘It’s a new habit of mine.’ His mood had darkened and Mairi cursed herself for bringing it up.
‘Do you want me to kiss it better?’ she joked, keeping her tone light, before she leaned down and pressed her lips to both without waiting for his response. She squeezed her thighs as she moved, relishing the heat of him between her legs, of the feeling of having him under her again.
‘I don’t know how I stayed away from you for so long,’ he said roughly, as she began to kiss her way down his torso, pressing her mouth to his cool skin, inhaling the familiar scent of pine forests and man.
‘Neither do I,’ she muttered, trying to keep any blame from her voice. She understood he was hurting but knowing that didn’t quite take the sting out of the long, lonely months. She began to work his pants down over his hips, shoving them to his knees before pushing them towards his feet.
He quickly tugged her up before she managed to get them all the way off and rolled them again until he was on top. It meant he could stare into her eyes. His were broody and made her insides swirl.
‘I missed you,’ he said, swallowing. ‘I’m sorry if I hurt you.’
‘If?’ She raised an eyebrow. She wasn’t going to let him off the hook completely.
He nodded, absorbing the blow, looking stricken and she reached up and stroked the hard edge of his jaw. ‘That doesn’t mean you can’t make it up to me,’ she murmured. ‘This is an excellent start. If I was naked too, it would be even better.’ She grinned.
They would have to talk again, but now wasn’t the time. Now was the moment for seduction and connection – for reminding them both of what they’d missed.
‘Aye,’ he croaked as his eyes ran downwards from her face, and he lifted his body so he could look at her again.
‘The bra unfastens at the front. Not that I’m rushing you or anything.’ She flushed when his eyes immediately dipped to the spot between her breasts and he inhaled sharply.
‘Perfect.’ He traced the edges of the pink lace with his index finger and nodded.
‘Will you just take it off already?’ she moaned as he stroked a thumb over the top of one of the cups, making her body squirm.
‘So impatient,’ he chuckled. ‘I almost forgot that about you. I do remember liking it, though. How incredible it was that you were so hot for me.’
‘I’m about to combust,’ she rasped, wriggling under him. ‘You need to think roasting, flaming, blistering heat. You need to get on with it before I go up in flames. You’ll be sorry if I do.’
He laughed as he eased backwards and quickly undid the bra and tugged it off, his movements more hurried and clumsier than they had been until now.
Then he kissed his way down her torso, mirroring what she’d been doing to him only moments earlier – until he tugged off her pants and threw them over his shoulder.
‘Where’s Midnight?’ she whispered, suddenly remembering the puppy was in the room somewhere, possibly buried under a pile of their clothes.
‘Don’t care,’ he said. Although he did glance over his shoulder.
‘He’s asleep. The game with your shoe obviously wore him out,’ he said before dabbing gentle kisses up her calf as he pushed her legs open and settled himself on his knees in front of her.
‘Beautiful,’ he murmured, making her insides melt like butter in a hot pan.
‘Is this okay?’ His eyes glittered as he looked up at her again. They were filled with humour – he was enjoying making her ache. He knew exactly what he was doing to her. He always had.
‘It would be better if you’d just speed things up,’ Mairi sighed.
‘Now you sound just like my old coach,’ he said easily.
Mairi’s stomach was bunching and her legs were trembling as she watched him ease himself down, closed her eyes as he touched her and her body began to shudder and squirm.
‘Oh!’ she gasped as he continued to work.
‘You’re so good at this. You should do it more, especially now.
’ She felt her orgasm start to build. ‘Yes…’ she groaned, losing the power of speech.
She was quivering and pulsing, her insides thrumming with demands that only he could meet as she began to climb.
It had been too long and she wanted Jed so badly.
This wouldn’t fix what had gone wrong between them, but it was the first step to making things right. To showing Jed that he was good enough for her. That she wanted him regardless of his success on the slopes.
She moaned as she suddenly flew over the edge in a hot, fast ride that left her body quaking. Jed quickly found his way back to her mouth, kissed her again more gently this time. ‘I missed you, I’ve missed this,’ he said again, although he didn’t look happy about it.
‘I missed you too,’ she whispered. ‘But this isn’t over.’ If she had her way, this would never be over.
She tugged him down so he was laying on top of her and stared into his eyes. ‘Now it’s your turn,’ she said huskily, shifting them both around until she was straddling him again.
He was a big man, and she couldn’t have moved him if he hadn’t wanted her to.
She gazed down at him, relishing the fiery heat in his heavy-lidded eyes.
His forehead pinched and he opened his mouth, but she moved quickly, pressing her lips to his before he could say a word. When she drew back, she frowned at him.
‘If you’re going to tell me this is a mistake, don’t,’ she said quietly.
‘Because from where I’m sitting.’ She wriggled her hips making him moan.
‘It’s exactly where I want to be. You need to stop running, Jed, you need to stop telling me that you’re not good enough.
Whatever you’re holding back, you can tell me. Maybe I can help?’
‘I—’ he started. Then she took him inside and began to move, saw the hot flutter of emotion cross his face as he shut his eyes, gritted his teeth, and began to slowly move with her.
This position gave her an excellent view of every expression as it slid across his face.
He couldn’t hide from her here, she could see everything he was feeling.
What started as regret quickly morphed into wonder.
When he opened his eyes again, something was shining through them – if she were writing a book, she might have called it love.
But she wasn’t ready to put a name to it in case she was wrong.
She’d spent too many months building up her hopes only to have them dashed again and again.
She had to protect herself, even as she went after what she wanted.
‘Damn,’ Jed groaned as she continued to rock and his hips jerked, merging their bodies with every move – as if he were trying to make them one.
Then he was flying and she was joining him on the ride.
She leaned down so she could kiss him and absorb all his loud curses, felt herself go as he stiffened and joined her.
When it was over, she lay on his chest, as they both floated back to earth and shut her eyes. Because this is exactly where she wanted to be – and whatever happened, however much Jed tried to pull away, she was going to do everything she could to keep him close.