Chapter 21
JED
Jed. I hope you’re out on the slopes now. Remember, lad, we’re almost back. Don’t screw it up again, son. Boyd.
Jed woke to the sound of a mobile ringing and tried to shift his arm before he realised Mairi was curled into his chest, spreadeagled over his left side. She looked so perfect that he didn’t want to wake her, so he stayed frozen, staring into her face.
How had he managed to live without this woman for so many months – and how could he possibly let her back into his life now? She deserved so much better – and nothing had really changed. Everything he’d said in the dining room yesterday still applied. His life and career were a total mess.
But things could change. He squeezed his lips together thinking about the last time he’d been out on the slopes with Scott.
Jed was skiing again and so much stronger than he’d been in months.
His confidence had improved too. The Aberlinnie Winter Wonder Ski Championships could just be the start of his comeback.
For the first time in a long time, he’d begun to have hope.
Being with Mairi again was just another link in the chain to reclaiming his old life.
If he could just win or place well, he’d be in with a chance of getting his coach and agent back, maybe his sponsorship deals too?
Then he could wipe out his da’s debt, and they’d tell Quinn and Aunt Effie everything.
Then they could restart their marriage, properly this time.
Mairi sighed and shifted her body, releasing his arm, giving him a chance to grab the phone from the bedside table which had stopped buzzing and then restarted again.
‘Hi,’ he whispered, pulling a face as he heard Mairi sigh behind him.
He pushed back the duvet and got up, stepping away so he didn’t wake her.
Then he searched the floor for his clothes before glancing back to find a pair of heavy-lidded green eyes staring at him.
Her hair was tussled and she looked so kissable that Jed had to stop himself from climbing back into bed and rolling her under him.
‘Who is it?’ she mouthed, yawning.
‘Quinn,’ he mimed and saw the flare of distress cross her face.
‘What’s up?’ he asked his friend, grabbing his jeans from the pile of clothes on the floor and wincing when he realised they were covered in black fur.
Midnight had clearly slept on them, seemingly donating most of his body hair in the process.
The puppy was now curled under the chair beside his bed, sleeping again – this time on one of his jumpers.
The dog had pawed at the door sometime in the early hours and Mairi had taken him out for a while before returning to bed and waking Jed.
Jed swallowed, remembering the feel of her mouth on his body – how much he’d missed having it there.
‘What are you up to?’ Quinn asked and Jed winced, feeling a ripple of remorse as he tugged on the trousers and Midnight woke and his tail began to thump.
‘I’m just getting ready for work. Might have to walk the dogs first,’ he said, trying not to look at Mairi.
‘You’re running late, aren’t you?’ his friend accused. Jed eyed his watch and grimaced. He had to get going. ‘Is something keeping you in bed – is it the chef, her name’s Bonnie, isn’t it?’ Quinn sounded pleased.
‘It’s no one,’ Jed said, as his eyes darted back to the bed where Mairi was still watching him. His stomach growled, signalling hunger but also a reminder that this conversation was making him uneasy.
‘Whatever you say,’ Quinn teased, with laughter in his tone. Jed felt loathsome – his friend wouldn’t be laughing if he knew who was really in his bed.
‘I spoke to someone named Douglas earlier,’ Quinn told him. ‘Strange man, he asked what I thought about attaching mugs to ski poles for carrying peppermint mocha. I said I thought something like it had already been done…’
Jed sucked air between his teeth. Hopefully, the older man hadn’t tried out his latest idea.
He’d have to check his poles before going on the slopes.
With his aunt still out of action he had no idea what Douglas might get up to once he’d finished hanging the lights.
His intentions were good, but he needed to stick with his usual jobs.
He couldn’t do anything to upset Greer. ‘Why?’ he asked, glancing around the room before he spotted a clean T-shirt on the chair. He pulled it over his head.
‘He mentioned something about giving skiers extra energy,’ Quinn said.
Jed shut his eyes. ‘I mean why did you speak to him?’
‘I wanted to book a room at the lodge.’
‘You tried to book a room?’ Jed checked, his stomach sinking.
‘Aye – don’t worry, I got one. I’m arriving tomorrow.’
‘Tomorrow?’ Jed cried, his eyes widening as he turned to look at Mairi.
‘What’s happening?’ she mouthed, sitting up in bed. The duvet dropped to reveal the top half of her body, which was gloriously naked. Jed’s body hardened and he had to drag his eyes away before he did something stupid, like hang up or tell Quinn she was here.
‘You’re coming to stay at Holly Berry Lodge?
’ he asked loudly and heard Mairi’s sharp intake of breath as he bent to search for socks.
When he turned, she was shaking her head and gesticulating that he couldn’t.
‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Aunt Effie’s still sick, you don’t want to risk getting flu.
’ Mairi nodded encouragingly. ‘Who’s going to rescue all the lost skiers if you do? ’
It was the best Jed could manage at short notice, but he suspected Quinn would need a better reason not to visit. He was obviously still worried about his sister. It was surprising he’d stayed away for so long.
Quinn snorted. ‘Someone else will do it. It took me a while to swing things, but I’ve arranged cover for mountain rescue.
I’m coming to see Mairi. It’s Christmas the day after tomorrow and I want to be there with her, since she’s clearly not going to be back in Edinburgh.
Something’s going on with her. I can feel it.
’ He sounded worried, which made Jed feel worse.
‘I need to get her to talk to me face to face. It’s the only way she’ll open up. ’
Jed’s breath quickened as Mairi rose from the bed and went to pick up her T-shirt and trousers. She was still naked, and he wished he could wrestle her back into bed – preferably with him on top.
He twisted around to stare out of the window.
It was snowing again, and he could see the sun was starting to rise.
He checked his watch. It was almost time for them to get breakfast organised; he had to get downstairs and sort the dogs.
Bear had spent the night with his aunt and he’d be stirring soon.
Mairi must have realised the same because she began to search for her underwear, tearing through the pile of clothes on the ground.
‘You need to give your sister time to finish her book. I think she plans to work over Christmas right up to New Year.’ Jed tried another tack as he put the socks on and went to grab some shoes, smiling as Mairi threw a pair of his boxers and a T-shirt over her shoulder before locating her bra.
‘She won’t be happy if you just turn up without warning. ’
She shook her head at the mobile, proving his point.
‘Don’t tell her I’m coming,’ Quinn ordered. ‘I want to surprise her.’
Jed’s insides roiled. He hated lying to his best friend – but here he was doing it all over again. What kind of man married his best friend’s sister and kept it a secret from him? What kind of person slept with her and then pretended she wasn’t in his bed?
If he wanted to question his suitability as a friend or husband, then just that was enough to prove he wasn’t good enough. When you added in his inability to ski competitively and his father’s debt, there really was no coming back. How would Quinn ever forgive him if he found out?
Jed swallowed. ‘I won’t tell her,’ he promised – because what else could he say? ‘But I really don’t think you should come to the lodge.’ He tried to think of more reasons why it was a bad idea. ‘She’ll be mad at you.’ Weak but it might work.
‘It wouldn’t be the first time,’ Quinn said darkly. ‘I feel like everything I say at the moment is wrong. She’s been like this for almost a year.’ He sighed.
‘Maybe she—’ Jed pulled a face, caught between wanting to tell the truth and not wanting to lie any more than necessary. ‘I don’t know, maybe she wants to take responsibility for her own life?’
‘Do you know something?’ Quinn asked suspiciously.
‘No,’ Jed shot back as his insides twisted. He hated this. But it was all his own doing. He’d spun a web of lies that he’d have to untangle at some point – but now wasn’t the time.
‘I can’t help feeling she’s in trouble and needs my help,’ Quinn said, sounding calmer.
‘You know how close we were. She always came to me when she had a problem. At least she did until a year ago. She says it’s time for her to stand on her own two feet, but I can’t help feeling there’s something else going on… ’
‘Aye.’ Jed swallowed. He knew exactly what that was. The sooner he could be honest with his friend the better. Hopefully, it would only be a couple more days.
Remorse ate at him as Quinn continued. ‘Once Mairi gets over the shock of me being at the lodge, she’ll come around. I’ll help out. I won’t get in the way of her writing. It’s going to be okay,’ his friend promised. ‘You’ll see.’
‘Sure.’ Jed pulled a face. It would be anything but okay, but he’d run out of ways to delay Quinn. If he’d been the one to answer the phone instead of Douglas, he might have been able to tell him there were no rooms available. But now it was too late…
He glanced at Mairi – she was almost dressed. He had no idea how they were going to keep their relationship a secret. He should stop things before either of them got in any deeper, but knew it was already too late…
Jed followed Mairi into the hallway after she’d checked no one was around. It was early so most of the guests were still asleep, but they didn’t have long until they started to rise.
He knew Mairi planned to go back to her room so she could shower and then they’d meet in the kitchen to ensure breakfast was covered. Jed had arranged for Scott to help out and Douglas would be around somewhere – assuming he wasn’t fixing travel mugs to everyone’s skis. He grimaced.
‘I don’t want to tell Quinn about us when he arrives,’ he whispered as they made their way along the hallway.
She turned to face him. ‘Why not?’ She looked dismayed. ‘I thought… after last night. I thought…’ She gulped, her eyes shining. ‘Are you backing out again?’ She folded her arms, and Jed could see hurt on her face. ‘I thought we were back together,’ she murmured, her forehead creasing.
‘We are.’ He took her hand, pressing it between his palms. It felt so good to touch her again, but he wasn’t ready to articulate how good. ‘I’m not going anywhere, Mairi,’ he said, hoping that was true.
He couldn’t stand seeing worry in her face, the imprint of what he’d done to her over the last eleven months. One night wasn’t going to eradicate it or mend the trust he’d lost either. But he wasn’t going to leave her again. Not unless he messed up at the championships.
But he couldn’t do that – there was too much riding on it. Even more now. ‘I know you’re going to find it hard to believe me for a while – but please know I never want to walk away from you again.’ Jed swallowed.
She nodded slowly, but her eyes still betrayed her fears. ‘Then why can’t we tell Quinn?’ she asked. ‘If our marriage is back on, if we’re together for real. Why do we have to keep it a secret? You know how much I hate lying to him.’
His mouth pinched. How could he explain something he didn’t know how to articulate? He had to try, though. ‘I don’t want anyone thinking I’ve taken advantage of you, especially my best friend.’ He let out a long breath. ‘You’re a successful author. I’m a—’
‘If you say a washed-up has-been, I might smack you,’ she said, her eyes flaming.
He found himself smiling. ‘I was going to say I’m on my way to getting back to who I was.’ He paused. ‘This is difficult to explain.’
She frowned. ‘I’ll try to keep up. I don’t need you or anyone else to protect my feelings. You need to give it to me straight.’
‘I know that,’ he said. Maybe better than anyone. This was a woman who’d stood by him through everything. Probably the first person in his life – aside from his aunt Effie – who had. He’d been an idiot to throw that away. He wasn’t going to do it again. Not unless he had to.
He heard voices downstairs and winced. ‘We need to get to the kitchen. The guests are stirring. I don’t want Greer complaining about breakfast being late.’
She put her hands on her hips. ‘Not until you tell me when we can tell my brother about us.’
‘I want to win or at least make enough of a splash in the Aberlinnie Winter Wonder Ski Championships that people will take me seriously again.’ He shoved his hands into his pockets and watched her face, wondering what she’d say if he told her about his father’s debt.
About his part in it. But he didn’t want to bog her down in his problems – especially when he was about to solve them for himself.
‘If I do, I’ll have a good chance of securing a coach, agent, the sponsorship deals I lost…
I’m hoping everything else will follow.’ He watched her face, but her expression remained blank.
‘Mairi,’ he said, his voice soft as he pulled her closer. ‘I need to get my life back. If I do, then I’ll shout about our marriage from the rooftops.’
She shifted closer, but her attention darted over his shoulder when Greer grumbled in the hallway downstairs. Then her eyes found their way back to his.
‘I don’t know what to think.’ Her expression softened. ‘I only know I want to be with you. So I’ll wait. Just…’ Her lips pinched. ‘Please don’t hurt me again.’ With that, she marched down the corridor leaving him wondering, hoping, that he wouldn’t have to.