Chapter 26
MAIRI
‘Don’t stress, he’s going to be fine,’ Quinn reassured Mairi as she watched the members of the ski patrol help Jed limp off the end of the slope as a crowd of onlookers gathered, trying to get a better look.
He was conscious but hadn’t even glanced in her direction and Mairi had an awful feeling she knew what that meant.
He’d told her he’d walk away if he crashed and burned, but she couldn’t believe he’d actually do it.
Surely their marriage meant more to him than that?
He’d told her he loved her – then again Mike had done the same, and so had Harry.
Were Jed’s words just as empty as theirs?
Her stomach twisted. Jed had been doing so well. It had been like the old Turbo had returned. He’d been bombing down the decline, sliding left and right demonstrating textbook tight turns. His movements had been smooth, and his speed, she gulped – she didn’t even drive a car that fast.
The crowd had been roaring and all Mairi had been able to think about was the conversation they’d have after Jed had picked up his trophy.
Of how she’d be able to be honest with Quinn for the first time in a year, and how it would feel to hold and kiss her husband in public for the first time.
It had felt like a rerun of the thoughts she’d had at the start of the year, when she’d been so full of hope.
Only now she had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, an overwhelming fear that he was going to ask her to wait.
And she couldn’t do it. She had to make him understand that fame and glory didn’t matter.
They were in this together or not at all.
They had to step into the light. For the first time in years, she was ready to walk away from love with no safety net to catch her.
‘I need to see him,’ she said, her voice tight like an elastic band stretched to breaking.
‘Why?’ Quinn asked, looking surprised. He patted her on the shoulder. ‘He’s being taken care of, he’s conscious. Everything’s okay.’
‘Why do you need a reason for everything?’ Kenna asked Quinn impatiently, before pointing a finger at the medical van Jed had just been guided into.
‘He looked fine, but if you need reassurance, why don’t you go and see him now?
I’ll keep an eye on everything here.’ Kenna tipped her head in Quinn’s direction and blinked slowly as if trying to convey she’d keep her brother occupied.
‘I still don’t get it,’ Mairi heard Quinn say as she took off, trying not to slip or trip on the ice as she headed towards the ambulance.
‘You don’t need to understand everything,’ Kenna told her brother patiently and she almost smiled. Would have if her heart wasn’t halfway to smashed.
Was Jed going to turn her away again? Her stomach pinched, a bundle of raw nerve endings.
Mairi lifted a hand, wondering if she should knock on the ambulance door, but decided not to.
She’d spent too many months worrying about what everyone else wanted.
Now it was time to grab what she needed with both hands.
To be more difficult and demanding as Effie had advised.
She’d waited too long for Jed already and wasn’t going to do it again.
She had to show him she wasn’t going to be forced out of his life – that she was strong enough to stay.
‘Is he okay?’ she asked, tension in her throat as she peered through the open crack in the ambulance doors.
She could see her husband lying on a stretcher with the top of his suit pushed to the waist. There was a paramedic tending to his leg and he had a blood pressure monitor strapped to his bare arm.
‘You need to leave me to handle this,’ the paramedic said sharply. ‘This is no place for fans.’
‘I’m his wife,’ Mairi said, opening the door wider and climbing inside.
‘Is that true?’ the paramedic asked Jed, her forehead creasing. She was skinny with dark hair that had been tied back in a ponytail. Mairi couldn’t see much of her face because she wore a mask, but she’d have guessed the woman was middle-aged.
‘Yes,’ Jed said gruffly.
‘Is he alright?’ Mairi asked, stepping closer and hungrily scouring Jed’s limbs for injuries. His boots and beanie hat were lying with his helmet on a bench in the corner. He stared at her, his face emotionless.
‘I’m okay. Nothing’s broken. You should go.’ His voice was dull.
‘I’m not leaving you.’ Mairi folded her arms around her waist. She could see withdrawal in his eyes, the tell-tale sign that he was cutting her off.
Was he trying to protect her, or did he think the accident was her fault?
She had put pressure on him. Her stomach ached like someone had added acid to it and stirred.
‘When can he leave?’ she asked the paramedic.
She had a sudden urge to bundle Jed into her arms and kiss away the hurt.
But a kiss wasn’t going to fix what was broken here.
‘I want to keep him under observation for a while longer,’ the woman told her. ‘He doesn’t seem to be concussed and nothing’s broken, but…’
‘I just got knocked out for a second,’ Jed said, jerking his chin so he could meet Mairi’s eyes. ‘We should probably talk later…’
‘I want to talk now,’ Mairi insisted because she wasn’t going to be fobbed off. She’d been there, done that and spent months waiting, but he hadn’t turned up.
‘Let me.’ The paramedic tipped her head towards the back of the ambulance.
It was a tiny space and she’d be able to hear every word, but she went to shuffle through a drawer of supplies, making plenty of noise.
‘I’m not listening,’ she told them. ‘But if you start to feel unwell, then I need to know.’
‘Aye, I’ll be sure to mention it,’ Jed said dully, his eyes fixed on Mairi’s face.
She blew out a breath and took a step closer to the bed, saw Jed ease away. It was the tiniest movement, but Mairi felt something inside her break.
‘So that’s it?’ She swallowed.
Jed scrubbed a hand over his eyes. ‘I told you if I can’t ski…’ He let out a long breath.
‘You’re nothing?’ she asked, her voice low. ‘Because you didn’t win and no one’s clamouring around, telling you how incredible you are that means our marriage is over?’
He sighed. ‘Or on hold.’ He grimaced. ‘If you’ll wait.’
She shook her head. ‘You’re a winner just for getting back out on the slopes. For facing what scared you. I don’t understand why that’s not enough.’
‘There are things you don’t know. Things I don’t want you to be part of.’ He looked pained.
‘Is this because you blame me?’ she asked, hearing raw hurt in her voice.
‘No,’ he said simply. ‘I told you before, none of this is your fault. I just…’ He sighed.
‘Mairi, I love you, but sometimes that’s not enough.
’ He shrugged and she could see the movement hurt him.
There was a bruise on the side of his face and he looked exhausted and her heart filled with sympathy, but she pushed the feelings away.
‘So you want me to wait or walk away, is that it?’ she croaked. ‘Because if you want me to leave, you need to say that to my face.’
She heard a rattle at the back of the ambulance as the paramedic dropped something.
Jed let out a breath and met her eyes. ‘I think you should go.’ He delivered the blow in a low voice, but it had enough power to stop the breath in her throat.
‘Perhaps you’re right,’ Mairi choked, stepping away, her legs wobbly. ‘But you need to know, this time I’m not coming back.’
‘I just need more time.’ Jed swallowed and his body shuddered. ‘I told you, there’s another event in February. If I can win that…’
‘I’m not waiting, Jed,’ Mairi sighed. ‘I told you when I got to Holly Berry Lodge that I wanted a divorce and you wouldn’t give it to me.
I’m not going to settle for staying a secret until you finally get to the end of a run.
Until you prove yourself to god knows who.
I need to know I mean more to you than your career.
’ Her eyes filled and she fought the tears.
‘I’m not prepared to play second best, not anymore. ’
‘You’re not second best.’ He frowned and tried to sit up, pain flashing across his face.
‘I’m sorry, you don’t have the full story.
’ He let out breath. ‘I didn’t want to tell you, but…
’ He paused, contemplating. ‘My da owes money because he placed a bet on me and I didn’t win.
I need to put it right. I can’t have you pulled into this situation.
If people knew we were married, knew you were an author they’d make assumptions that you could pay off his debt… ’
She gazed at him, searching his face. Was he telling the truth?
She couldn’t tell – but even if he was, it shouldn’t change anything.
‘You’re looking for more excuses,’ she said softly.
‘If your da owes money because of you, I will help.’ She had some savings; she’d give it all up if it would give Jed some peace.
‘I knew you’d say that; that’s why I didn’t tell you.’ He shook his head, his expression fierce. ‘This isn’t your problem. It’s mine.’
‘Not my problem,’ she said as the ground under her shifted.
‘You’re my husband – all your problems are mine.
At least they should be.’ A tear trickled down her cheek and she swiped it as grief settled in her gut.
She couldn’t do this. She had to walk away, even if it would break her heart.
Because staying and having him continue to push her away, would pulverize it.
He tried to move again, looking uncomfortable. ‘Perhaps you’re right.’ He looked miserable. ‘It would be better for you if we cut ties.’
She gulped as more tears slid down her cheek – watched him track them, waited to see if he’d reach for her, but he didn’t. ‘I suppose you’ve still got Bonnie. She’s far less complicated than me,’ she said quietly.
‘At least she’s not related to my best friend.’ Jed tried to sit straighter. Mairi heard the paramedic shut the drawer, guessed their time alone was coming to an end.
‘That’s not my fault.’ Mairi shook her head. ‘You knew what you were getting into when we married.’
‘But you didn’t. You didn’t sign up for any of this,’ Jed shot back. ‘Quinn’s right – you are na?ve. If he ever finds out about us, who do you think he’s going to blame?’ He looked stricken. ‘He’s my family – my best friend.’
‘And I’m your wife,’ Mairi said softly. ‘At least I was supposed to be. But we never really got to that stage, did we?’ She blinked.
This wasn’t going anywhere and more tears were threatening to fall.
Tears she didn’t want Jed to see. What would he do anyway?
Tell her that he was wrong. Beg her not to walk away?
He wasn’t going to do either of those things.
She’d come to Holly Berry Lodge to find out how Jed really felt about her and now she knew. ‘I’m leaving.’ Mairi swallowed, turning away.
‘Mairi,’ he said desperately as she strode back to the ambulance doors and opened them. When she looked back, he was staring at her and there were tears in his eyes too. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I think in time you’ll see this is for the best. You deserve better.’
She gulped. ‘I’ll leave the divorce papers in your room at the lodge,’ she choked, swallowing the waves of grief as they hit, almost flooring her. ‘Make sure you sign them.’ Then she hopped out of the ambulance, into the snow.
Mairi couldn’t see through her tears. All she wanted to do was get away.
She had to leave Holly Berry Lodge. She loved the people she’d met, the cast that had turned her trip into something wonderful, but none of it was real without Jed. Her little community, her new family, had been a lie.
‘Mairi!’ She heard Kenna shout as she blindly strode through the snow.
Her vision tunnelled on a copse of trees in the distance, and she began to head for it. She had to be alone – had to take a moment or she was going to break down in front of everyone.
‘Not that way!’ Kenna screamed as Mairi sped up. She was wearing snow boots, but she still tried to run.
She’d stop. She would. Just as soon as no one could see the emotions of the last year come spewing out.
‘Mairi!’ Quinn echoed Kenna, but Mairi shook her head. She couldn’t handle her brother at the moment. She had to get away. Otherwise, she’d tell him about Jed – or he’d guess.
She ran through a gap in some tape, almost tripping over a sign. Then continued to run blindly until something suddenly hit her hard on her right side, and she went flying.
Mairi didn’t have much time to think or talk. All she could do was gasp as she spun through the air, twisting and yelling, before she hit the ground with a loud thwack and the world went black.