Chapter 32
The next day passed quietly – which was a relief. A chance for Cath to catch her breath, and potter about at the cottage.
She was sat in the living room that evening, with the log burner on, watching TV, and still she couldn’t shake off thoughts of Will.
She missed him, wanted him, wanted more.
There was a big Will-shaped hole in her heart and her life.
She turned her mind to all the couples, all the families having fun at this festive time, but also all the lonely ones at Christmas – for so many reasons: divorce, loss, grief.
It was like the festive season slaps it all in your face.
The idyllic adverts – oh yeah, if she saw another happy extended family sat around a bloody table full of roasted turkey with all the trimmings, she was going to start firing her Quality Street at the telly.
She took another glug of Baileys, and found the Netflix channel.
Sod it! A list of festive romantic comedies came up.
Where was Elf or The Grinch when you needed them?
She switched the TV off, deciding to put on some music.
‘Alexa, play…’ she began, not sure what to request. ‘Ah, something Christmassy,’ she blurted out, and Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ came on.
Groan. She decided to pour herself another glass of this very delicious creamy-whisky stuff.
As she sat back down, a voice came through loud in her mind.
Her teacher voice: Enough of the self-pity.
She had so much more than most people, she reminded herself.
She just had to find a life for herself.
Work on that happy place to be. She did love her little cottage, her very own space.
And she had already started to find her feet in this rural Northumbrian village.
She just needed to keep on going, one step at a time.
Christmas Day was looming near, yes, but it wasn’t the be-all and end-all of life, it was just a day, sometimes a special day and sometimes a tricky day. She’d get through it, and then move on. With a brand-new year ahead, waiting for her to get stuck in to her brand-new Second Chance life.
*
The snow had melted away, the sky this morning a dull, cloudy grey, but it was mild and dry out there.
It was Christmas Eve, and Cath, in need of some fresh air and space, decided to head out for a reinvigorating walk.
Even better, she thought as she stepped out, she’d call at the shop on the way and offer to take terrier Shirley along with her. Some canine company would do her good.
Ten minutes later, and they were stood outside of the stores.
‘Now then, Shirley, which way do we head today?’ Cath found herself speaking to the dog.
And off they trotted, Shirley leading the way, along the street, through the churchyard and down towards the riverside.
It was a walk she’d done many times since moving in.
The scenery shifting with the seasons. The heron still there, perched on one leg, eagle-eyed in his search for a fish meandering in the shallows.
The trees bare and skeletal, yet still reaching for the skies. She felt nature’s balm as she walked.
Winter was a quieter time, a time for her to rest perhaps, now that the big event had happened. And she’d achieved so much, she could feel proud of herself. She’d gotten to know so many more people here in the local community since starting on that journey too.
Shirley sniffed about, happily trotting here and there on her long lead, as they strolled on.
And Cath took in the here and now. The smells of grass and the earth beneath her walking boots.
The river flowing, ripples of light on iron-brown water.
A pair of gulls swooping and soaring up above.
The sound of a tractor, as it ploughed a nearby field, getting the soil ready to plant new seeds, for growth to come again.
Life could seem big and overwhelming at times, emotions drowning you from within. Two years of heartbreak had taught her that.
But there was still so much beauty in the world, even on a dull winter’s day.
Enjoy the little things, Cath, enjoy the little things.
*
She dropped Shirley off back at the stores feeling far more settled in herself. The walk had done her the world of good, unwinding something in her soul.
Andreas was stood at the counter along with Dan, who was about to whisk the terrier back upstairs.
‘Ah, thank you, lovely. I bet Shirley enjoyed that little outing,’ said Andreas.
‘She did indeed. And it did me some good, too. I don’t know about you two, but I’ve been shattered ever since Sunday’s big bash.’
‘Oh, yes, we’ve been dog-tired too. Not as young and fresh as we used to be. Worth every ache and pain though. What a fantastic day for everyone,’ replied Dan.
‘And what a great idea it was, Cath, your community event here in Tilldale. We keep getting people in saying how marvellous it was, and look here, there’s even a thank-you card from Kenneth.
’ Dan showed her a handwritten note on a card with a view of the village on.
‘Actually, seeing as it was your bright idea to start with, I think you should take it. Pop it on the side in your cottage and feel proud.’
‘Aw, thank you – though it was a team effort for sure – and pass my thanks on to Kenneth, too. With all the mobile phones these days, hardly anyone writes a letter at all.’ And her mind was pulled back to Reggie and Elsie’s bundle of letters and a love that lasted a lifetime.
And her heart was tugged with bruised memories of Trevor, and her battered wings with Will.
‘What are you up to tomorrow, petal?’ Andreas asked, as if sensing her moment of angst. ‘You’re not still spending it alone, are you?’
‘Well, that was the idea. I’ll be fine. I’m going to buy a load of your tasty deli bits, and a treat or two from the bakery section, and I’m planning on a big chill-out.’
‘Oh, it doesn’t seem right. Not to be on you own all day on Christmas Day. And certainly not when there are friends just along the street,’ said Andreas.
‘I’ll be fine,’ she repeated.
‘You may well be, but we’d love it if you’d call in for a festive drink, at least.’ He arched his eyebrows in a plea.
Dan was there nodding vigorously beside him. How did they manage to make it sound like she’d be doing them a favour by coming? But just a drink, she supposed. ‘Okay, and thank you. But only once you’ve finished your dinner and had your own time together.’
‘Wonderful, well come for two-thirty. We can have a toast to Maria and then settle down in time for the king’s speech. Ooh, sounds funny that, saying the king. Still seems a bit odd not to have the queen. Still miss good old Lizzie. Oh, and what was her Christmas tipple?’
‘A “Zaza” gin and Dubonnet cocktail,’ Dan responded with a smile.
‘Oh, perhaps we can try one of those.’ Andreas grinned.
‘Sounds lethal.’ Cath laughed. And being with the lads for a couple of celebratory drinks sounded a grand idea. She was bound to have some fun, after all.
‘Right, I’d better get little missy up the stairs and out of the shop, pronto. Health and safety will be hot on my heels, otherwise,’ said Dan.
‘And I’ll get choosing my Christmas Day nibbles. Thanks, lads, tomorrow for drinks it is, then.’
She felt a little lift. Christmas, with a little help from her friends.