Chapter 14
Celia
Spanking Lanie, even that little bit, was fun. Not the kind of fun I usually had with random submissives at the club, but a different kind of fun. The light spanking added some playfulness to our intimacy, which in turn made me even more comfortable with her.
Watching her face while she came was a gift. She’d thrown herself into it, submitting not to a punishment but to me taking care of her body, wringing out her pleasure. It was incredible.
When we were finished she suggested switching places, but I wanted some time.
As strange as it felt to say that, I wanted to continue to get to know her, not just have sex.
So after she came down from her orgasm, we cleaned the table, had our coffee, and ate some of the cookies that Lanie had brought over last night as an impromptu dessert.
Then I spent the day with Lanie, doing nothing really.
It was a foreign concept to me. We sat side by side on the couch reading, had a late lunch, then something happened that was most unexpected – I fell asleep.
On the couch. I was not a napper, but somehow I’d ended up tangled with Lanie, laying together on the couch with Arthur at our feet as we all succumbed to sleep.
But when I woke up, it was just after four o’clock, late enough that the winter light was already fading.
I was totally discombobulated. I never slept during the day, not even when I was sick.
I didn’t want to analyze why I was able to relax like that with Lanie, mostly because I was freaking out.
I’d known this woman for two days now and I was putting up Christmas trees and taking naps and thinking about moving in together and living happily ever after.
What was wrong with me? Was I having a mental breakdown? I knew better than anyone that love was conditional and happiness never lasted. My breathing became fast and shallow.
“You woke up grumpy, huh?” Lanie was studying me carefully from the other side of the couch and I realized I was not only frowning but muttering under my breath.
“I’m fine,” I snapped, trying desperately to hide the panic welling up inside me.
It was like I’d been in some kind of a Lanie haze, and now that I’d woken up, I realized how ridiculous I was being. I felt trapped. Out of control. Scared.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Lanie asked.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” My voice was harsh even to my own ears.
“Do you need some space? Arthur and I can skedaddle.”
I didn’t want to think about how she could read me so well. That would just freak me out more.
I debated for about ten seconds before I said, “Yes, actually I have a lot of things to do. I wasn’t planning on sleeping away the afternoon with you and wasting so much time. I need to get busy.”
I was a liar. I had exactly zero things to do. There was a flash of hurt in her eyes that disappeared so quickly I thought maybe I’d imagined it.
“Okay then, thanks for… hanging out. I’m sorry I wasted so much of your time.”
God, I was being such a bitch, but somehow I couldn’t help myself. I needed to protect myself. I needed to stop this ridiculous fantasy of a happily ever after before it was too late.
Lanie jumped up off the couch and tapped Arthur, waking the puppy up.
“Come on little dude, it’s time for us to motor. Celia has very important things to do.”
I’d never heard her voice be so dull. Meanwhile Arthur woke up like someone had pressed his ‘on’ button, leaping off the couch and heading for the door.
“Have a good night Celia, and if I don’t see you, have a nice Christmas.”
They were gone before I could find the words to make them stay.
I wandered around my condo restlessly, wanting to do something but unsure what it would be.
Instead I just paced back and forth, alternating between telling myself I was smart to protect myself and that I was an idiot for kicking out the only woman I’d ever loved.
I was such a mess.
A while later I was standing by the window, staring at the street when I saw Lanie exit the main door with Arthur, no doubt taking him for another walk. She seemed a little hunched over, her sadness telegraphing itself even from several floors away.
With a deep sigh, I found my phone and texted my friend Lauren. We’d met at Club Surrender when she helped teach my “Intro to Being a Dominatrix” class and while we didn’t spend a lot of time together, she was the closest thing I had to a bestie.
Celia: Hey, how’s it going? Are you busy?
Lauren: I’m good. Kristina and I are getting ready to head down to Portland tomorrow to spend the holiday with family, but I’ve got time. What’s up?
Celia: I met someone.
Ten seconds later my phone rang. I grimaced. I hated talking on the phone.
“Hello?”
“Tell me everything,” Lauren demanded.
I sagged to the couch, realizing I needed to talk. I told her the whole story from beginning to end, and Lauren listened without interrupting.
“Have you talked to her since you kicked her out?” she asked when I stopped.
“No, it was a few hours ago,” I said. “And I didn’t kick her out. She asked if she should leave and I said yes.”
“Semantics,” she said dismissively. “Now tell me what’s really going on? We’ve been friends for years and you’ve never mentioned any woman you’re dating. Not once.”
“Because I don’t date,” I said. “I play at the club, have the occasional one night stand, and that’s basically it.”
“What’s special about Lanie then?” she asked. “It sounds like you two got closer in two days than most people do in months.”
When I started listing all of her positive attributes, Lauren interrupted me with a laugh.
“No, I mean, why is she different for you?” Lauren asked. “What is it about her that has you riled up enough to ask me for advice?”
“I don’t know. It’s like the instant I locked eyes with her, I felt something shift inside me. Like things were out of place, and then they all slid together with her in the center stabilizing everything. It was almost like she was the missing piece of the puzzle or something.”
I paused, grabbing my hair and giving it a hard tug.
“I know it sounds ridiculous. Maybe I’m having a fever.” I moved my hand to my forehead, but it seemed to be the normal temperature. “People don’t fall in love this fast. This isn’t some stupid movie.”
“It doesn’t sound ridiculous,” Lauren said softly. “I felt that way the first time I saw Kristina, like something had shifted inside and I’d never be the same again. And I wasn’t. It was love at first sight.”
“I’ve known Lanie for two days.”
“That doesn’t matter, does it?” Lauren shot back. “Not if you both are on the same page.”
“She’s ten years younger than me,” I said.
“I’m older than Kristina,” she reminded me. “And you’re certainly both old enough to know how you feel. So tell me what this is really about, Celia.”
Lauren was using her domme voice now, and despite my own alpha tendencies, I found myself wanting to obey her.
“I’m scared,” I said in a soft voice I didn’t even recognize. “My parents had a shitty relationship. Growing up, I didn’t know anyone who was happy. I learned early on that love doesn’t exist, not for people like me. What if it doesn’t work out between me and Lanie?”
“What if it does?” Lauren challenged. “Don’t you think you deserve happiness? You already know what doesn’t work in a relationship, that’s half the battle.”
“She might not be interested in anything else anyway. We technically only agreed to have a Christmas fling,” I said, although my mind immediately flashed on the memory of her looking downtrodden when she was walking Arthur.
That was the look of a woman who was sad and heartbroken, not someone who’d had a casual fling end early.
“Or she might be interested in everything you can give her,” Lauren said. “Love doesn’t come around every day you know. It’s a precious gift. Now put on your big girl panties and figure out how to fix this.”
“It might be too late.”
Lauren made an impatient huff. “I had no idea you were such a quitter.”
“I’m not.”
“Okay then, make a plan.”