Chapter 15 Darling
FIFTEEN
Darling
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THE SECOND I OPENED my eyes the next morning, I felt awful. What had I done? I’d broken his heart, and it’d been the least of my intentions. The pained look in his eyes haunted me and the guilt that accompanied it was unbearable.
I’d never hurt anyone in my life; physical or emotional. I’d always been mindful, thoughtful, considerate. I was always the one to go out of my way to avoid hurting even perfect strangers.
And now I’d broken my own unwritten rule. I’d not only hurt someone, but someone I’d grown so fond of.
I got out of bed, threw on my robe and headed out to find him and apologize. It was early and I suspected he had no early morning scenes to shoot.
Tiptoeing to his door, I gently knocked as I turned the doorknob. The door was unlocked, so typical of Ricky to not be preoccupied with that sort of thing.
I smiled at the sight of his clothes on the floor, just thrown about so carelessly, also so typical of Ricky. But then I saw something that wasn’t so typical, at least not in the conventional way.
A bra, bright pink with lace overlay. Pink panties, French cut... also lace.
My heart jumped up to my throat at the realization; he’d already moved on. He’d already forgotten about me and moved on.
“Who’s there?” a familiar feminine voice said as she sat up.
Our eyes locked; mine wide with shock, hers narrowed in wicked amusement.
I gasped.
“Good morning, Dar-r-ling,” Britney said. She pulled the sheet back, exposing her complete nudity. “Care to join us?”
Devastated. How silly of me to think that for one minute Ricky Stone could be devastated by little old me rejecting him.
No. No, of course not. Truth was, he’d probably been waiting for a way out.
He’d been planning this hook up with Britney since.
.. Damn it! No doubt since the very moment he set eyes on her.
“Don’t look so shocked, Darling,” she quietly said as Ricky stirred slightly then continued to snore at her side. “You had to know that you weren’t enough woman for a man like Ricky. This is a man who needs a real woman, a hot woman. A woman who knows what a man needs.”
Gagging, I pulled back and closed the door, burning tears coming instantly to my eyes.
How could I have been so stupid. So gullible. So na?ve!
I wanted to scream at my foolishness.
I turned to head back to my room and crossed a few of the actresses from the movie. They nodded and smiled and quietly said ‘good morning’.
Did they know? Did they know what a complete fool I was? Were they simply being kind and discreet?
When had Ricky hooked up with Britney? Was it a public affair that everyone witnessed? Was I the last to know? Or did he have an ounce of decency, and he’d kept his attraction to Britney to himself?
I rushed to my bedroom door, fumbled with the key to unlock it, then hurriedly threw the door open and finally breathed once the door was closed.
Gritting my teeth, I bit down on the scream that threatened to escape. I had to vent. I had to find a way to rid myself of this anger, of this self-hatred.
My room was quiet and still. Too quiet. Deafeningly so. I had to get out. I ran to my closet and grabbed a pair of jeans as I threw off my robe. I shimmied into the tight jeans and swapped my nightshirt for a green and blue checkered flannel.
With careless motions, I twirled my hair into a bun that I simply tucked under a ballcap, then threw on a pair of sneakers.
Although my vision was still blurry with tears, I hurried out of my room, down the stairs and out the door. Once outside I finally breathed freely. Thankfully, I’d crossed no other cast members or crew.
I couldn’t bear their sympathetic gazes.
Poor Darling, they must surely thought. She played around with the wrong playboy.
You’re such a silly girl. It was clear to everyone that he was just toying with you, just as he has always done.
I ran to the stables. Foregoing saddles or reins, I pulled Betsy from her stall, brought her outside and, with the help of a short stool, got atop her.
“Yah!” I shouted as I gave her ribs a solid kick.
She shot into a quick gallop, her hooves thundering on the soft ground. My heartbeat followed the rhythm of her steps, pounding ever faster, harder.
With tears blurring my vision more and more, I abandoned all control and let Betsy lead the way.
“Take me where you want,” I said. “Take me away from here. Anywhere.”
Anywhere that I don’t have to watch Matthew and Susie cozying up. Anywhere that I won’t feel the burn of Ricky’s betrayal.
And with Britney of all people!
Britney!
Really? He couldn’t find anyone else?
Betsy slowed her pace as we reached the outer limits of Barry Park.
“Good thing you know your way around, old nag,” I said as I ran my hand down the side of her neck.
She whinnied and seemed prepared to receive another nudge in the ribs.
But I was happy to just sit atop her and let her wander, nibbling grass here and there.
In the stillness of the morning, I reviewed the events of the past days; my blossoming relationship with Ricky as well as the evident love growing between Matthew and Susie.
“Looks like I have some growing up to do,” I told Betsy.
She snorted in response.
“Yeah. That’s what I thought you’d say.”
Another snort.
“Well, then, tell me. What should I do? Should I confront Matthew? Tell him how I feel?”
Betsy smacked her lips and shook her head, her mane swishing back and forth.
“No? You don’t think that’s a good idea? What am I supposed to do then? Let him marry someone else?”
She punched the ground with her hoof.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “Well, what would you know?”
We walked on in silence, her gentle steps just a whisper as her hooves brushed through the long grass. Pensive and hurting, I played with her mane, braiding and unbraiding it.
Emotionally exhausted, I finally abandoned myself to the entirety of the situation and lay my head on Betsy’s neck. Her wanderings brought us to the pond, the same pond we’d visited with Ricky and Buster.
“Thank you,” I said with a touch of sarcasm. “Thank you for bringing me back to where it started.”
She whinnied and shook her head, forcing me to sit upright. As I did so, I let myself slip off her back and down to the soggy grass. I walked to the edge of the pond and ran my hand through the cold water, then cupped my hands to gather enough water to splash my face.
From a distance, a pounding sound broke into my thoughts. I ignored it at first, too concerned with my pain to consider anything else. But as the sound got closer, I looked out into the field to find the source.
A horse galloping towards me.
I frowned at the sight.
Then I noticed the rider.
Ricky.
My frown deepened as my fingers curled up to form tiny fists.
“Darling,” he called as he got closer.
I glanced at Betsy with the thought of hopping onto her back and charging away. But without a saddle, stirrups or a stool to help me up, that wasn’t an option.
“I was hoping I’d find you here,” he said as he deftly stopped Buster just feet away from Betsy.
“I can’t imagine why,” I said. The need to flee was overpowering and I felt trapped. “You have a lovely woman to bed, Ricky. You have no need for me.”
He got down and came to me. I instantly recoiled and stepped back, my foot now in the cold water of the pond.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me from the water’s edge. “There’s no need to run away from me, Darling. I wanted to find you simply to talk to you.”
“I still can’t imagine why, Ricky. You owe me no explanation. You’re a free man, free to do as you will, free to be with whomever...” I choked, still smarting at the thought of him with Britney of all people.
“I certainly didn’t intend to hurt you in any way, and though it’s no justification, you have to know that I was devastated by your rejection.”
I nodded but remained skeptical. “You have a reputation, Ricky. Women are just playthings to you. Trophies, I guess. You pile up women the way some men pile up medals. Is it not your favorite game to break a woman who refuses your advances? Just as I initially did? I have no doubt that the more I pushed you away, the more intent you were on getting closer to me.”
“I’m quite aware of my reputation, Darling, and I’ll admit that I deserve all the negative thoughts you have of me. But this is different and...”
“No,” I said, stopping him abruptly. “Please do not try to tell me ‘but you’re different from all the rest’. It will not work, Ricky. Besides, the point is moot all the same.”
“But you are different,” he said, persisting in his argument.
“Proof of that is Britney’s reaction to the whole affair.
She was there at the house, waiting, her claws out and ready to pounce on me.
I knew she wanted me, just by the way she’d been hovering around me lately.
She was an easy remedy to erase the pain of.
..” He stopped just short of blaming me for his pain.
“None of that matters anyway.”
“But you came to my room this morning. Why?”
“You saw me?” I said softly, surprised by this admission.
“I heard a commotion and raised my head to see what was going on just as you walked out.”
I nodded, wondering what Britney had told him.
“Why, Darling? Why did you come to my room, and so early in the morning?”
“All right,” I finally said with some indignation. “If you must know; I felt bad about yesterday. I didn’t like the idea of... well, of hurting you. It wasn’t my intention. Not at all.”
“I know that. I know you enough to know that you would never intentionally hurt anyone.” He chuckled lightly. “Not even your sworn enemy, Britney.”
I smirked, not sure how to respond.
“She’s nothing to me, Darling. Nothing. And she’ll surely be sore when she realizes that, if she hasn’t realized it already.
I ran out of that bedroom so fast. She tried to hold me back.
She knew I wanted to go after you, and she did everything she could to latch onto me.
By the time I broke free and went to the door, I couldn’t see you. ”
He laughed again and raked his fingers through his hair. “When I tried to get dress to chase you down the hall, Britney gathered up my clothing and threw them all in the bathtub. Then she went to my closet and tried to grab everything there as well.”
I had to giggle at the thought. I could just imagine Britney, upset that her new conquest wanted to go back to his previous girl. She was sure to hate me all the more for this.
“When I finally managed to throw a decent amount of clothes on, I ran out to your room, but you were already gone. On my way down the stairs, I spotted you through a window rushing to the stable.”
I glanced at Buster. “You saddled him all on your own?”
He shrugged and smiled, then shook his head. “I had a little help.”
Nodding, I looked down at his wrinkled t-shirt, worn out jogging pants and sockless sneakers.
I wanted to smile. I wanted to cry. Part of me wanted to apologize for everything, and another part of me wanted to slap him for letting Britney win. Not only had she won a night with him, but she did so knowing how much it might hurt me.
“Are we good?” he said with a tentative grin.
I shrugged and looked away, unhappy. “I just wish you’d picked someone else. Anyone else.”
“I understand.”
“Other than that, I’m not really sure why I’m upset. I’m the one who ended it with you.”
“Perhaps a part of you is more attached to me than you’d like to admit.”
I pressed a tired smile. “I’ve grown quite fond of you, it’s true.”
“No!” he shouted in feigned offense. “Not fondness! That’s almost worse than ‘let’s be friends’.”
We were quiet for a long moment with only the sounds of Buster and Betsy whinnying at one another and flapping their lips.
“I don’t wish you any ill, Darling,” Ricky finally said. “I’ll even admit that I did initially chase you just for a win. I’m not accustomed to being refused and your standoffish manner only pushed me to chase you more. You were a particularly worthy challenge.”
“It wasn’t my intention to play hard to get.”
He took my hand in his. “The worthy challenge turned into deep affection. I think in part because I never really allowed myself to become interested in women like you before... serious, conscientious... of high morals.”
I brought my free hand to my heated cheek. “You’re going to make me blush.”
“As well you should.” He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it as a true gentleman would. “You’ve taught me so much more than just how to ride a horse, Darling. You showed me what a woman can really be, and I do hope to find another jewel like you someday.”
“I guess all is not lost if that is your takeaway from our time together. I guess I feared you’d hate me for leading you on.”
He grew solemn and looked down at our clasped hands before meeting my gaze again. “I think I’ve known from the start that your heart belongs to another. I guess I thought I’d be able to steal it and make it my own. I was wrong. You love someone else and have from the start.”
I stared at him, marveling at his insight. I’d never let on, not for one moment, that I might love another. I was barely aware of it myself until so recently.