Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
The news spread so quickly and with such enthusiasm, I was nauseated. It wasn’t like me to resent someone else’s happiness, but I just couldn’t muster up the energy to pretend to be happy.
I wasn’t needed for a few hours, so I cloistered myself off in my room, busying myself with a simple clean-up of my personal space.
I unfolded and refolded every article of clothing I’d brought to Barry Park.
I wiped off the bathroom mirror, reorganized my toiletries and set the bathmat neatly in front of the shower.
All this as I clung to the hope the circulating news would abate by the time I pulled myself out of my self-imposed seclusion.
But for all my effort, at the back of my mind songs about marital bliss and heading to the church and saying special vows played repeatedly.
Late in the afternoon, I finally emerged from my room. I had to face it. Matthew was going to marry Susie and there was nothing I could do about it.
Once in the hall, I met the one person I definitely didn’t want to run into; Susie herself, the bride to be, the newly engaged. Would she flaunt her flashy ring? Did she have the faintest clue how I felt about Matthew?
“Hey,” she called out, all smiles. “I haven’t seen you all day. Is everything all right?”
“Sure. Fine. Never better.”
“Abbie was looking for you earlier. I think she wants to discuss the final scene between you and Matthew.”
“Oh. All right. I’ll go down and find her.”
With just a gentle and almost shy tap on my arm, she stopped me. “Can I ask you something?”
My breath caught in my throat as I turned to her. What question? What could she possibly have to ask me? How I feel about her and Matthew?
I smiled. “Sure. What is it?”
“I’m usually good at picking up on people’s... you know... their vibe... how they...”
She stopped as if I should understand what she meant, but I just shook my head, not understanding her at all.
“Lately, I’ve gotten the sense that you’re... well, a little distant when I’m around. Have I done something to offend you in anyway?”
I let out a nervous laugh. “Offend me? No. Of course not. And I’m so sorry if I did anything to give you that impression. You know how it is on and off set. Your head gets into a particular space and... you know... you’re Mary Crawford and...”
She smiled. “Oh. Right. Yeah. I know what you mean. Well. I’m glad I cleared that up, because I’m really fond of you.”
My eyes misted over, but I didn’t know why.
“Well, I’d better let you go down to see Abbie,” she said as she continued on past me, most likely to Matthew’s room.
I suddenly felt awful for not reciprocating. Aside from her relationship with Matthew, I really was fond of the woman she was, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. The pain of her with Matt was simply too much.
I shook it off and headed down the stairs to find Abbie.
“Good,” she let out on seeing me. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“I got caught up reading my lines in my room,” I fibbed. “I know we have a big scene tomorrow.”
“Indeed.”
She led the way to the large room that housed many of the costumes for the movie.
“Keely is re-thinking how she wants this scene to play out.”
“Oh?”
She pulled out a heavy velvet cape and a thick woolen dress. “This may need altering. It wasn’t meant to be worn by you, so if you could try it on.”
“I don’t understand,” I said, not wanting to argue, but truly not seeing the purpose of the heavy garments.
“Sorry. I know I’m not being clear. Keely wants to shoot this final scene outdoors.”
“Outside?”
“Yes. I’m sure you’ve noticed the way Keely has taken a slightly darker approach to this book than to others.”
I nodded. I had, indeed, noticed.
“If you’ve read the book, you know Fanny did not have it easy as a child. Many today would call it abuse or neglect leading to trauma. She was clearly bullied.”
“I agree.”
“This final scene is meant to really frame Fanny’s strength of character; how she overcame her childhood trauma.”
“And this will be best captured outdoors?”
She nodded heavily as she casually draped the cape over my shoulders.
“It’s to be a cloudy and damp day. The weather will perfectly match Fanny’s mood.
If we’re lucky, we’ll get just a bit of rain.
Failing that, Keely is prepared to artificially fill the void.
” She adjusted the cape. “How does that feel?”
“Heavy.”
“But not enough to hinder your steps, right?”
I walked around suddenly feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders, much as Fanny might have felt.
“It’s perfect,” I whispered, amazed by how a simple piece of cloth could bring out such emotion.
“Good.” She pulled the cape off and handed me the thick woolen dress. “Could you go and try this on?”
I took the dress and walked behind the partition set up in the corner to offer a modicum of privacy. The dress fit but was scratchy and so uncomfortable. I stepped out from behind the partition and Abbie instantly smiled when she saw my feeble attempts at relieving the itch.
“We tried to soften up the fabric. It’s been washed three times, but there’s something about this dress that tells the audience of the cold and damp, and of Fanny’s pessimistic outlook on her future.”
“It’s heavy, but it moves with surprising ease,” I said, twirling from side to side.
“Of course you’ll have a petticoat to help diminish the itchiness.
” She turned my back to her and gripped the excess fabric at the waist. “It’s a little loose at the waist, but we can just pin that back.
The length is perfect.” She turned me around again to face her. “That’s all. You can change now.”
I returned to the partition, got back into my street clothes, thanked her and headed out. For all the times I’d envied women who’d lived in the past and the beautiful gowns they got to wear, I was now thoroughly happy to have modern clothing that was comfortable and easy to wear.
As I headed to the dining room to pick up a snack, Ricky came up beside me.
“Where have you been all morning?”
He picked up a pear while I grabbed an apple.
“Up in my room reading my lines for my final scene.” I headed to the doors leading to the garden.
“Ah, yes. You are quite the diligent actress, aren’t you. I admire your dedication to your role.”
“You’re in a good mood,” I said, sensing he was mocking me somewhat.
“Why shouldn’t I be? I love movie wraps. The bittersweet endings to these movie shoots tugs at your heartstrings. You get to know some fabulous people, and for a time they’re like family, then you part and start all over again with another cast and crew.”
Once outside, I stopped to look at him.
He smiled and ran his thumb over the crease between my eyes. “Erase that worry, Darling. I’m fine. I’ll always remember you and will always be fond of you, but my heart will mend.”
I returned his smile and walked on.
“And speaking of matters of the heart,” he said as he walked beside me. “Susie is on cloud nine. I’ve never seen her so happy.”
“Yes, I can imagine.” Why did he have to bring the conversation back to Susie and Matthew again?
“Marrying into the Barry family is a big deal, a big change.”
“I can imagine.”
“I had to ask her if she was truly prepared to leave her life in America behind. She hadn’t really thought of it... you know how things are when you’re falling in love.”
“Yes. Of course.”
“But she thought it through, and she’s prepared to make the move. She’s already become a huge fan of Jane Austen, and she loves British culture.”
“How nice.”
“Maybe you could give her a few pointers,” he said with a chuckle. “You know, teach her a few British terms, British ways.”
I almost choked on my apple. No. Susie was going to have to figure all that out on her own.
“And it’s going to come fast, this wedding. I heard they’re preparing to tie the knot as soon as we wrap up here.”
I stopped walking, frozen in place and unable to hide my shock.
“You okay?”
I coughed up a piece of apple then shook my head. “Yeah. I’m just... Gee, that’s awfully fast, don’t you think. I mean, with the exhaustion of working on this movie at such a pace and to plan for a wedding.”
“Susie is a cyclone of energy. I hear she’s already picked out a dress, and she’s talked to the gardeners here about what she would like.”
The girl thinks of everything.
“I really am happy for her,” he went on. “She deserves her true Prince Charming.”
Prince Charming. Matthew. My Matthew.
Crunching on my apple, I turned to look up at Barry Park. Would she be mistress here? How would she get on with Britney? Would the two become good friends?
Movement in one of the windows caught my eye and I nearly gasped as I spotted Susie parting the drapes. She smiled happily and seemed to be singing.
I stared at her until she turned and walked away, that blissful smile still on her face. And all I wanted to do was crumble right there.
“I have to go,” I blurted out.
I ran away before Ricky could say anything.