Chapter 7
A n hour later, when her body had depleted itself of tears, she picked up her phone from the coffee table.
She would have to tell her family. Over the last few years, so much had been shared between them, both good and bad news.
Whatever it was, despite how different all the sisters were from one another, they were always there on the other end of the phone.
For better or worse, Alissa thought, as a wave of bitterness washed over her.
She called Mom and held her breath, waiting for her to pick up and hear what a total failure Alissa was, and that all the money for the wedding would be wasted.
When Mom and her sisters suggested they all meet at Cedar Mountain Lodge regardless, Alissa agreed. She was comforted that part of the financial investments they had all made wouldn’t be wasted.
And I need my family , she thought, as she packed for the lonely trip.
Being with them was the only way she would be able to get through the holidays.
She couldn’t help but think of how she’d been looking forward to celebrating the love between her and Jed with them.
She’d been so sure of him. Calling off the wedding had never crossed her mind. Not once.
What would she do after? How could she go on?
The only thing she could think of was how much she needed Mom and her sisters. They were the part of her life that never disappointed or failed her. No matter what, they were there for one another. Mom had always said that although they weren’t blood, they were family. Right now, she needed them.
With an aching chest, Alissa walked into the honeymoon suite in Cedar Mountain Lodge. Her wedding gown greeted her from the closet, like an uninvited guest. The lodge staff had steamed it already. The filmy white dress hung there, perfect and beautiful.
She placed her suitcase on the wooden stand and went to the window, avoiding the open closet and the dress.
The curtains were open to the view of the outdoor Christmas tree, decorated in white lights.
How had she forgotten the dress would already be here?
She and Mom and Hailey had had such a wonderful time shopping for just the right one.
The moment she’d come out from the dressing room, both of them had squealed and agreed that this was the exact dress for Alissa.
Despite her resolve to remain strong, Alissa collapsed on the bed and gave in to her tears, burying her face in the pillow. She’d kept it together on the flight from Seattle to Boise, and even in the rental car as she drove to the lodge.
Mom had texted that she would be there sometime that evening. It was just one now. Alissa knew she should eat something. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate, other than coffee at the airport. Nothing wanted to stay down. It was like her stomach was the epicenter of her grief.
She was an idiot. That was the takeaway from this whole situation.
Who was she to think she could have Jed?
He was from another world. One of wealth and privilege.
Whereas Maddie had counted pennies and sacrificed to keep the four girls in clothes and well-fed.
She’d somehow managed to get them all through college.
Granted, the other girls had all gotten scholarships because they were talented in specific areas.
Stevie and her exceptional cooking abilities, Jo with her quick mind, Hailey’s artistic talent.
They were special. Alissa knew she was not.
All she’d ever wanted was to be with little children in a classroom.
Fortunately for her, she didn’t need to be super smart like the others to fulfill her dreams. When she’d met Jed, she’d thought he was the last missing piece of the puzzle of her life.
They would be together and make a family.
A family like the one she’d had with her mother and father before they passed away.
She rolled over on her back, staring at the ceiling.
Finally, like a kid tearing off a bandage, she got up from the bed and went to the closet. She fingered the flower-pattern lace overlay and the empire waist made of tiny cloth flowers. The veil hung next to the dress, shimmery and attached to a thin, faux diamond headband.
What would she do with this beauty now? Since the day Jed had proposed, she’d imagined herself walking down the aisle, her arm linked with Mom’s, heading toward the man she loved.
The dress had been altered to fit her petite frame.
There was no returning it to the shop. Her hands balled into fists.
Should she tear it apart? Toss it out the window?
Send it to a charity? Where did all the dresses of the brokenhearted go?
After dinner with her sisters, a new level of exhaustion came over Alissa.
Stevie and Hailey had decided to go to the bar after their meal, but she had begged off.
She had just enough time for a short nap before her mother’s arrival.
Just a blissful few hours where all this went away, and at the end, her mother would be there.
She undressed, putting on her old flannel nightgown from when she was a teenager.
The soft fabric always comforted during times of stress or homesickness.
Nothing compared to this, though. She knew in her bones she would never get over this. Over him.
She crawled under the covers and lay on her stomach, letting the tears slide from her eyes, too tired to sob any longer. After a time, she fell asleep.
A buzz on her phone wakened her. The text was from Mom; she was finally at the hotel. There was a delay in check-in, but she’d be there in a few minutes. Alissa sighed with relief. Having her mother here would make it easier to breathe. Finally, she heard a soft knock at her door.
“Mom?” she said, as she opened the door.
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”
Alissa burst into tears and threw herself into her mother’s arms.
“Come sit on the bed with me and tell me everything,” Mom said.
Alissa cuddled into the room’s soft bathrobe and joined her mother on the bed. She took a deep breath and, without looking at Mom, blurted out her secret. “There’s something I have to tell you. I’ve had a second job for the last few years. At a gentlemen’s club.”
“What is that exactly? What do you mean?” Mom shifted to her side. “Sweetie, look at me.”
Alissa turned her face toward her mother. “Ladies dance on a stage. For men.”
Mom’s eyes widened. “You’ve been dancing at a strip club? ”
“No, just cocktail waitressing. But I wear what’s essentially not much bigger than a bathing suit.”
Mom had paled but her expression remained calm. “Why would you do this?”
“I needed the money, Mom. My salary doesn’t cover everything, and then Sophie got hurt.” She explained how her plans to quit had changed. “And then I met Jed.” Alissa explained all of it then, including the cold response from his mother and father, and ending with what Mrs. Marsh had done.
Mom didn’t respond except for a slight wrinkling of her forehead.
“And then he walked out,” Alissa said. Was Mom getting this? “My life’s ruined. My reputation. I don’t even have my apartment now.”
“Okay. First of all, your life is not ruined, and I’m not so sure your relationship is either.”
Alissa stared at her mom, unsure of what to say. “Well, I mean, how can I marry into a family that would go to such lengths to destroy me? What if we had children and Jed died? She’d probably try and prove I was an unfit mother.”
Mom watched her for a moment. “That’s a leap.”
“How is it a leap? Losing people happened to both of us. You know how it can happen in a split second.”
Mom took in a deep breath, clearly gathering her thoughts. “All right, let’s run through this. Mrs. Marsh is a heinous woman, and she did a bad thing.”
“A horrible thing. She’s cost me my dream job.”
“Put a pin in that for a moment. We’ll circle back to that in a second.”
“Fine,” Alissa said, feeling like a petulant child. Why wasn’t Mom on her side?
“Jed’s in a real tough spot, and I see that frown—don’t think that I’m defending him or that I’m okay with how he’s handled this, but I am asking you to see things from his perspective.
He’s being forced to choose between the woman he wants to marry and the woman who gave him life.
No matter how horrible his mother is, she is still his mother, and it would be very hard for him to turn his back on her, even for the woman he loves.
And yet, from what you’re telling me, he’s willing to do just that.
To walk away from his family and give up the job he loves and, from what I gather, a ton of money.
And on top of everything, he’s convinced himself that this is all his fault? ”
“That’s right.”
“Do you think this is all Jed’s fault?”
“I can’t marry into a family that hates me,” Alissa said. Even as she said it, she wasn’t sure that it was true.
“Be careful of the lines you draw in the sand, sweetie. Life and love sometimes make them blurry. Look, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that it wouldn’t be difficult.
People say you marry the person and not their family, but the fact of the matter is, his family is important to him, and it’s not realistic to think that he won’t ever want them in his life.
I think the more important issue is, how do you and Jed learn to stand together and face difficulties, rather than either blaming each other or giving up when it gets tough?
You both made choices that brought you here.
Now, how do you get through it together? ”
Alissa tried to keep up with what Mom was saying, but a ringing in her ears was making it nearly impossible to do so. “I didn’t say it was rational, but somehow I feel like he should’ve protected me.”
“I agree. That’s not rational. You made the choice to waitress in a club where women dance in front of men for money.
It was your decision to risk your reputation by working there.
” She raised a hand. “I’m not judging you or the women who dance there.
People have to make hard choices for survival or to meet life goals.
But your error is in thinking that your actions might not have consequences.
You weighed the risks and decided that helping your friend and paying off your debts were worth it, right? ”
“That’s right.”
“You’re a survivor, Alissa. Just like your sisters. You don’t need help from anyone, and you sure as heck don’t need a man to protect you.”
“I’m not sure I’m following.”
“Your decision may have cost you your job, but you don’t answer to anyone but God,” Mom said.
“If you believed in your heart it was the right thing to do, then I support you one hundred percent. Mrs. Marsh’s actions may have hurt you, but you chose to work there.
Thus, you have to own that. I didn’t teach you to be ashamed, did I? ”
“No.”
“Then, it’s pretty simple. If the school fires you because of something you do outside of their property, then so be it. You’ll get another job. You’re a wonderful teacher and any school would be lucky to have you.”
“I guess so.” Was Mom right? Could she get another job?
“As far as Jed goes, only he can set the boundaries for his relationship with his mother and decide what influence he’ll allow her to have over him.
It sounds like he’s trying to do that, but it also sounds like he’s taking responsibility for her actions, and in letting him do so, you’ve done him an injustice. ”
“I have?” Her voice trembled. Mom had always been firm but compassionate when she or her sisters had made mistakes. But this felt different. Like she’d let her down in a way that couldn’t be forgiven.
“I’m sorry, but I think so. He came to you and offered to walk away, not knowing what else he could do. Instead of meeting him with love and assurances that you could weather any storm together, you confirmed his worst fears.”
Alissa looked down at her lap, twisting her fingers.
“Sweetie, what you and Jed have is rare. Does your relationship have challenges? Yes. Whenever family doesn’t support a marriage, the union is harder to preserve. But you two have to fight for each other.”
“What do I do?”
“Do you want to be his wife?” Mom asked.
“Yes.” She did. Of course she did. A weight lifted from her shoulders. What was she doing? Mom was right. This wasn’t Jed’s fault. He’d sacrificed everything for her, and she’d treated him terribly.
“You talk to him. You share what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling.
You encourage him to do the same. And you both have to listen to each other.
Really listen! If the two of you are committed to your love, then you have to move forward unified together.
You can’t let outside forces tear you apart, and you can’t just walk away or let him walk away when it gets hard.
You have to dig in and stick it out until you find a way.
Love will always find a way, sweetie, but you have to be willing to fight for it. ”