Chapter Seventeen Charlotte
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHARLOTTE
H ayden liked me. His mom said so. That felt important. Also Hayden had told me he wished he could take back that night three years ago. He kissed me hard and brought me my favorite coffee, without even asking my order. That gesture meant a lot to me.
“So, we kissed last night,” I said, the same squawking sound coming out. “And your mom thinks you like me.”
Hayden’s lips twitched. “I do like you.”
“Cool. Cool. Great.” I stood and wished I wore something sexy or at least better than plaid pajamas. I wasn’t even wearing a bra, and we were about to have quite possibly the most important conversation of my life. No one had prepared me for this situation. “You like me.”
“I always have, Char. I know that’s hard to believe after what I said, but it’s true. My mom also said something that’s pretty relevant. I’d never use being a single parent as a reason not to date, but I want to be someone who can give you what you need. Time, attention, dedication, all of the things you deserve. With a demanding job and a daughter who I’d drop everything for, I’m not at a place to be a good partner in any capacity. I can’t offer weekends away or date nights unless I find a babysitter. I don’t even have someone lined up to help with the season.” Hayden held up his hands and sighed as they dropped in defeat. “You have no idea how much I want this with you, but I don’t know if I’ll be what you need.”
I twisted my fingers together, the sensation grounding me in the moment. A blip of irritation formed in my gut, growing and doubling in size. “Have you thought about asking me what I need?”
He licked his lips, his eyes widening as his hands hung in the air.
“You’re right. What do you need?”
“I don’t need weekends away or date nights or all this attention that takes you away from Gwen.” My throat tightened with emotion. Attempting to be together wouldn’t be easy for Hayden and me. Our lives were so intertwined that everything was complicated. That meant we had to be careful. “I want to spend time with you, and I want you to be honest with me. That’s it.” My voice broke a little at the end, the tension in the room surrounding me.
It wasn’t a bad tension, but it was thick and evident. Whatever we decided in this hotel room would determine our future or lack thereof. “Do you—” I started, unable to finish. I couldn’t put my pride on the line. It had hurt too much last time.
I wouldn’t survive this if I asked to be with him only for him to turn me down yet again. Even if his reasons were valid. I totally understood them. I played with the end of my shirt, focusing on the landscape through the window. “You have to take the leap, Hayden. Not me.”
He breathed deeply, the sound of his stress causing me to look at him. He frowned and ran a hand over his jaw a few times before nodding. “That’s fair.”
“What do you want then?” I let my hands fall, standing to my full height as his gaze moved from head to toe. This was me. Pajamas and bedhead and no makeup. “What are we going to do? Pretend we didn’t kiss? Continue being friends? It’ll be hard, but if that’s what you want, I’ll find a way to do it.”
“No.” He pinched his nose. “I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. I want this.”
“And what is this ?” I pointed to him and then myself.
“I want to be with you.” His tone shifted to Coach Hayden, where his words were firm and left no room for misunderstanding.
The command in them had me standing up straighter. I liked this Hayden.
“I want us to be together. I don’t know what that means. Fuck.” He ran a hand through his hair before closing the distance between us. He looped one arm around my waist, the other pulling gently on my hair to tilt my head back. “God, you’re gorgeous.”
My knees almost buckled at his words. Hayden said the words I had dreamed about hearing my entire life. I smiled so hard that my face hurt.
“I love your smile.” He touched my dimple with his finger before trailing his hand toward my waist. He stared at me with hooded eyes. “I’ve thought about being with you for half my life, but I’m nervous as shit.”
“Me too,” I whispered. My limbs tingled, and my heart pounded against my ribs. Every nerve ending was in tune to this moment. The way he smelled like coffee and aftershave, the softness of his grip on my hair, the possessive way his fingers dug into my hip. I felt protected and safe while also hot and ready to climb him like a tree.
“We could mess everything up, but what if we don’t?” He ran his nose against mine. “We work in a field where .300 of success gets people into the Hall of Fame. I’ll take those odds with you.”
Then he kissed me again. He wasn’t gentle this time either. No probing or teasing. He slid his tongue into my mouth and groaned like he’d been waiting years for it. I gripped his hoodie as he kissed me deeper.
Kissing Hayden was my favorite thing ever. I decided then and there that I never wanted to stop. He didn’t just kiss with his mouth. He put his whole body into it.
“Fuck, your mouth is trouble.”
“Yeah?” I arched a brow, absolutely giddy and overwhelmed by him. “What are you gonna do about it?”
Heat flashed in his eyes before he used one arm to hoist me up and toss me on the bed. I wasn’t a petite or fragile woman. I had more muscles than average and was thick and curvy. But he tossed me like it was no big deal, and holy cow, it was sexy. He licked the corner of his lip before he played with the strings of my pajamas. “You are so damn hot right now.”
“I’m in plaid pajamas.”
“Yes.” His nostrils flared as he massaged my calves. “Doesn’t matter. Everything you wear is sexy, Charlotte. You are my own personal aphrodisiac.”
I gulped. “That’s… unrealistic.”
He shook his head as he ran his hand up my knee, over my thighs. “These make me think of waking up with you and how that’ll feel. Or wondering if you wear anything underneath them. Or how it’d feel to slide up next to you and take this off. That’s what I think when I see you in them.”
“Oh.”
He winked before dipping a finger into the waistband and sucking in a breath. “No panties?”
I shook my head as my entire body heated. He looked at me like he wanted to eat me for a snack. No one had looked at me with this much heat and care. Not one other person. Even if .300 were okay odds, it was gonna be easy to become obsessed with Hayden. He had never stared at me like this, and I already wanted more.
What turned him on? What did he like? Was he as aggressive in the bedroom as he was on the field, or gentler like he was as a dad? I needed to learn the answers to these things immediately. “Hayden,” I whispered as he slid a hand over my waist, under my sleep shirt. I moaned as his calloused fingers teased circles beneath my belly button. It wasn’t even that naughty a touch, but my body was in hyperdrive.
“Char.” He let out a frustrated groan, one that didn’t sound like pleasure. He fisted my shirt as he repositioned himself to sit at my side.
The absence of his touch cooled me, and I shivered. He’s pulling away. Fear clawed at my throat. He had changed his mind. I couldn’t even look at him as he spoke.
“We should go slow.”
“Hm? Slow what?” I willed my heart to settle down and my stomach to stop clenching in dread.
“I don’t know what this is yet, so I don’t want to compromise anything by going too far.” He released my shirt and rubbed my calves, almost like he couldn’t stop touching me as he stopped whatever this was.
“So if it doesn’t work out, we can say we at least didn’t sleep together?” Come on, filter, where are you?
He tensed. “No. I just—” He ran his finger over his eyebrow like I’d seen him do a hundred times before. “I don’t want to hurt you, and no matter what choice I make, there’s a chance I will.”
“You’re trying to be a martyr then.” He was trying to do the right thing, even if it felt like the opposite. “It sounds like you’re in your head too much.”
He nodded as he gazed at me. His gray eyes swirled with lust and longing. I realized that maybe he was right. I had my own insecurities to deal with too. “You’re right. Going slow might be a good idea for us. I need to figure out some of my own things too.”
“I’m glad you agree with me, but now we have a new problem.” He pushed up from the bed and paced near the fire. With his hands on his hips, the hoodie stretched across his chest, and the glasses, I was completely gone. My feelings sure as hell weren’t slowing down.
“Which is?” I asked.
“What does slow mean? Because I’m fucking struggling not to touch you right now.”
I blushed. “We can touch? Slowly?”
A buzzing sound interrupted our moment, and I glanced at the clock. Dang it. “Brunch is in twenty minutes.”
Hayden stared at the ceiling before saying, “What are the chances we skip it?”
“And deal with Christian and Penny? Absolutely not. I need to change before we head down there.” I jumped up from the bed and dug into my suitcase for a chunky red sweater that had a snowman and gingerbread man hugging. It fit me well and was cheery. A double win. I also grabbed my red bra and underwear.
“I’ve been thinking about your bra and panties a whole lot, Charlotte.” Hayden neared me, his nostrils flaring as he reached out and ran his fingers over the fabric. “I want to see it on you. Is that slow?”
“You want to watch me dress?” I asked, my voice a whisper.
He nodded. “Please?”
Oof. My thighs clenched at his low voice. I had never been shy about undressing, but I wasn’t one to feel superconfident strutting around naked. Statistically, we had both seen naked people often with the amount of time we spent in locker rooms. This wasn’t a big deal.
Yet. The way he stared at me like he couldn’t breathe without me. His lips parted, like I was the sexiest thing he had ever seen. It was intoxicating to know I could do this to him. He watched as I laid my clothes on the bed. My pulse freaking skyrocketed as nerves rooted my feet to the ground. I could do this. I wanted to do this, to push him.
I lifted the edge of my sleep shirt and tossed it onto the floor. Hayden sucked in a breath. Meeting his gaze, I took my time putting the bra on. My nipples tightened with need and from the cold, and Hayden turned to a statue. His chest heaved, and he fisted his hands at his sides. But his face. My goodness. He seemed transfixed with me, and it was the sexiest feeling I had ever had.
“Christ, Char.” His voice cracked, like he was on the edge.
I did the hook and adjusted the straps. This bra made my tits look great, and Hayden seemed to appreciate it a whole lot. “Still think slow is the right choice?” I teased.
“Fuck if I know. You’re stunning.”
He didn’t blink. Not once. I slid my pajama pants down, and my breath caught in my throat at Hayden’s growl. “Come here.”
I didn’t think about disobeying.
He slid his hands up and down my sides, his thumbs teasing my nipples as he kissed the center of my chest. “I have never wanted anyone the way I want you. I need you to know that and believe it. Tell me you understand.”
I nodded, my eyes prickling from the overwhelming emotions. He covered one breast with his mouth, sucking the fabric into his mouth as I squirmed from the pleasure. Without thinking, I ran my fingers over his hair, and he groaned.
He cupped my breasts and buried his face between them before he jumped back, almost like he was struck by lightning. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?”
He faced the window. “I told you I was going to go slow, then watched you undress and wanted to devour you. I’m being an ass.”
I quickly put on my jeans and slid the sweater on. “You’re not being an ass, I think we’re both struggling a bit. It’s hard not acting on this attraction.”
“Yeah.” He faced me, a half smile on his face. “Maybe we just… do what feels right.”
“It felt right with you touching me.”
His tongue darted out on his bottom lip, and his eyes flared. He closed the distance between us and placed a quick, sweet kiss on me. “I need a few minutes before I can head to brunch with you, but this conversation isn’t over, okay? We’ll figure it out before we leave tomorrow.”
I nodded. I added hoop earrings while Hayden stared out the window, his stance still rigid. Living in the moment wasn’t something I did well, but I really needed to. Figuring this out before heading back to reality felt heavy, because what if we didn’t? What if we gave in to our attraction after years of fighting it and nothing came of it?