Chapter Thirty-Two Hayden
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
HAYDEN
M y stomach churned, and my palms were clammy, slick with nervous sweat as I shoved them in my pockets. Today was the day. Gwen was going to meet her grandparents—
Sarah and Phillip Barringer. Simone had opted out, which was probably for the best.
We exchanged five text messages, had one phone call, and agreed to meet at one of Gwen’s favorite parks. Anderson Park was located about ten minutes from our house. It was a safe location, one she knew well, which mattered. She knew she was meeting her grandparents, but that meant she had a lot of other questions to ask.
So will I ever get to meet my mom? When? Will I call her Mom? My best friend Paxton has two moms. They are nice. I have two Gigis then.
Will they like me? Do they like dinosaurs?
Explaining the complex reality to a three-year-old was hard as hell.
“Breathe, Hayden.” Charlotte ran her hand up and down my back. It was a rare mild day in December, with a high of fifty. Gwen wore her bright pink coat and no hat as she ran around chasing birds. “She’ll be okay.”
“I know Gwen will.” I swallowed. “I can’t help but feel this overwhelming, heart-wrenching fear of someone hurting her. Or disappointing her. Or wanting to be in her life but then leaving it. I wish I could ensure no one would hurt her for the rest of her life.”
“That’s all valid. I don’t want that for Gwen either.” She reached for my forearm, pulling my hand from my pocket and interlocking our fingers. Her palm pressed against mine, her hand soft and warm, and then she kissed the back of it. “But that is unfortunately life. We can’t control who or what happens, but you can be Gwen’s rock. We all can be. She has a tight circle around her, always there to lift her up if she’s sad. Sarah and Phillip might want to be a part of her life, or they might not. She deserves the chance to know them though.”
Hearing those words, I immediately recalled the way their voices cracked on the phone, the way they cried when they asked questions about their granddaughter… They were already in love with her, and they had only seen the photo I sent. “They want to be in her life. I can tell. They sounded so pleased when I agreed to meet in person.”
“Look at you, defending them already.” She laughed softly just as Gwen screamed with glee as she stomped in a puddle.
“Footprints, Daddy! Watch!” She ran onto the sidewalk, slamming her feet down and laughing at the marks she had left. “I have big feet.”
“Yes, you do, Gwennie.” Charlotte bent down and ruffled her hair. “You are so cute. Could you be any cuter? Any more creative and wilder?”
“Nope. I’m perfect. That’s what my daddy says.” My daughter beamed with her toothy smile.
I snorted.
“I love your self-confidence, missy. It’s super important to be proud of yourself.”
Gwen spun in a circle, just as a car door shut. I glanced toward the parking lot as a man and woman walked toward us. Instantly, I knew it was them. My skin prickled with nerves, and my heart thudded. Sarah had the same dark hair that Gwen did, her eyes brown, and the same chin.
Gwen didn’t resemble my mom at all, so it was cool to see the resemblance immediately.
“Hey,” Charlotte said to me, “I’m going to take her to the swings. I love you. You can do this. Just find my hand if you need it, okay?”
I swallowed and then nodded.
Charlotte picked up Gwen and spun her around, the sounds of their combined laughter echoing off the sidewalk. My girls ran to the red swings, where Gwen dove onto one, gripping the chains as she tried swinging herself. Charlotte made a big scene, pretending not to be able to push her because Gwen was so big.
I waited. This was more tense than any game I had ever played. Even though I knew they would be safe, it was my instinct, my need, to protect my daughter. Most baggage came from Simone, that I knew, but as Sarah and Phillip approached, I tried my hardest to put myself in their shoes. They had missed out on so much already. This had to be just as hard for them.
“Hi, Hayden.” Sarah greeted me with a shy smile. “It’s so nice to meet you in person.”
“You too.” I shook her hand and then her husband’s. “Both of you. Thank you for agreeing to meet here where Gwen loves to play.”
“Phillip Barringer. And that little girl is our…” He trailed off, his voice cracking. “Granddaughter.”
“That’s her. Gwen Sarah Porter.”
Sarah gasped. “That’s her middle name?”
I nodded. “Simone might not have told you about her, but she obviously cared for you enough to include you in your granddaughter’s name.”
Sarah sniffed, and Phillip put his arm around her. “I can’t believe we didn’t know. I hope you believe us. We never would’ve missed out on… Look at her. She is beautiful.”
Gwen squealed as Charlotte pretended to get hit with the swing. Gwen was into play kicking right now, and this was no different. Charlotte flailed her arms, her brown curly hair going in every direction as she played with my daughter.
“She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You might’ve missed some moments, but you’ll get all the new ones,” I said, watching as their eyes filled with moisture.
“You want to go meet your grandparents?” Charlotte said, her voice carrying over the park with the breeze. “They look super nice. Hey, what should we call them? Gigi and Geepaw are taken, so you gotta come up with supercool names.”
“Oh yes!” Gwen clapped and waved. “They are here! For me! Do you think they’ll like me?”
“Honey, they are going to love you.” Charlotte got onto her knees and brushed my daughter’s hair behind her ears. I loved how she always met Gwen at eye level, speaking kindly to her and never making her feel small.
“Who is that with her?” Sarah asked softly. “She’s so good with her.”
“My future fiancée, Charlotte.”
Sarah smiled. “I’m so happy you have someone, and someone who clearly loves Gwen. I hope you know, Hayden, that Phillip and I want to be a part of Gwen’s life for the long haul. I know it’ll take some time to trust us, but we’ll be here. We aren’t going away. You’ve clearly done an awesome job with her. She’s lucky to have you.”
I nodded, the emotions swelling in the back of my throat. “Thank you for saying that.”
“Are you my grandma?” Gwen walked right up to Sarah, her nose scrunching as she grabbed Charlotte’s hand. “Lotte said I have to come up with a name for you. I have a Gigi already.”
Sarah crouched down, mud getting on the hem of her pants, but she didn’t seem to care. “I am your grandma, and this is your grandpa. We can go by many names. Grandma Sarah, Grandpa Phillip…”
“Sarah. My middle name is Sarah.” Gwen grinned, her slight shyness disappearing. “Gwen Sarah Porter.”
“I know! You have a wonderful name.”
“Thanks, Grandma.” Gwen tugged Charlotte’s hand down as she attempted to whisper. “Can I play with them?”
We all heard, and Phillip chuckled. He lowered himself too. “Your dad told us you love the swings. Could you show us how high you like to go?”
“Yes!” Gwen let go of Charlotte’s hand and held it out to Phillip. “Come watch! Watch me!”
“She called me Grandma.” Sarah’s eyes watered as she shared a look with Phillip. Gwen just had a gift of bringing people together, and my chest swelled with pride. My daughter was fearless and kind.
“Yes, come on, Grandma. My Gigi takes forever too sometimes.” Gwen held out her other hand to Sarah, who took it.
“It’s nice to meet you, Charlotte.” Sarah smiled at her and then focused on Gwen.
The three of them walked toward the swings, leaving Charlotte standing next to me. I put my arm around her, holding her close and breathing in her comforting perfume. “Thank you for being here.”
“Hayden, there is nowhere I’d rather be than with you and Gwen. Look at how happy she is!” Charlotte rested her head on my shoulder, squeezing around my middle. “Sarah and Phillip look smitten with her. I mean, can you blame them? Gwen is the cutest thing in the world.”
“I like them.” My voice came out gruff, but I didn’t care. Charlotte was my person, the one I could show feelings to and express what I felt without judgment. Since falling in love with her and being open about it, things just fell into place, like my life needed her in it to make sense.
“They seem so genuine,” Charlotte said.
I sighed, content watching Simone’s parents play with my daughter. It was strange. Simone had called me yesterday and thanked me for letting her parents meet her, which was silly. Simone still didn’t get it. I’d never keep people out of Gwen’s life who wanted to be in it. I just had to trust them, and I didn’t trust Simone.
She’d either want to stay or not, and with Charlotte by my side, I wasn’t worried about it anymore. I wouldn’t pressure Simone, and the day she opted in, I’d work out a plan with her.
“We should invite them over for dinner next weekend. Christian and Penny will be there, and I think it’ll make Sarah and Phillip happy to see Gwen being loved by everyone. I can make those appetizers you like, and Gwen can show off all her stuff. Wait, that’s at your house though. If you’re not ready for them to come to your place, I can host!”
“You’re amazing.” I kissed the top of her head. “That sounds like a great idea, and I think my house is fine. I wish you lived with us already.”
“Hayden.” She swatted my chest, her smile widening. “It’s been like five seconds. We’ll get there.”
“I’m selfish and want you around all the time.” It was true. My attraction and love for her only deepened, and while I hated every time she wasn’t at home, I respected her space. Our house just felt different without her there. Gwen missed her; I missed her. She had somehow ingrained herself into our damn souls within a few weeks, and wouldn’t it be easier for us to just live together?
“Is it because you want my closet? You can have it.”
She rolled her eyes, her lips quirking up. “I plan to, even if I don’t live there.”
“Fuck, I love you.” I wanted to kiss her, but it didn’t seem appropriate with Sarah and Phillip just a few yards away. Phillip pushed Gwen on the swing while Sarah stood to the side, cheering her on.
“I love you too.” Charlotte gave me that look, the one she reserved just for me that made me feel a million feet tall and like I could do anything in the world. Her eyes widened, and her cheeks reddened, and her gaze swirled with love and pride. My heart always skipped a beat when she stared at me like that, and I twisted my pinky around hers.
One day, she’d be my wife. One day, she’d move in with us. And maybe, one day, we’d give Gwen some siblings to love on.
“Don’t cry, Grandma! Swings are fun.” Gwen stood in the mulch with her face twisted with worry. “Why you sad?”
Sarah sniffed and kneeled, her watery smile visible even from where we stood. “I’m so happy to meet you, sometimes joy makes me cry.”
“My daddy gives me hugs when I cry. Do you need one?”
Sarah’s voice shook when she said, “I’d love one.”
Gwen launched herself into Sarah’s arms, and fuck. My eyes prickled with tears too, as my baby girl had already given Sarah her heart. Sarah cradled my daughter’s head, her eyes closed as she squeezed her back, and I just knew. I knew they were good people.
“This was the right move. It might be hard and weird feeling, but it’s the right choice, and I admire your strength. You’re a good father, Hayden.” Charlotte squeezed my pinky before letting go.
Gwen asked everyone to play tag, and Phillip was the first to chase her. Sarah, Charlotte, Phillip, and I let a three-year-old boss us around, but man, she was a cute, little bossy thing. She laughed harder than I had heard in a while, and after twenty minutes of it, my smile grew.
Family was such a strange word. Some of it was by blood, by birth. Like Gwen and me. And Sarah and Phillip. But other times, it was the Calhouns, choosing to be a part of Gwen’s life. It was funny how a month ago, I had been stressed about my parents leaving and how Gwen was going to do, and look at her now. Surrounded by people who loved her.
I meant what I told Sarah and Phillip—Charlotte was my future wife, and seeing her now, with the parents of my ex? Laughing and encouraging me? She was an angel. She was the perfect woman for me, and I was gonna spend the rest of my life showing her how much I loved her.
I just had to plan the right time to propose…