Chapter Thirty-One Charlotte
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CHARLOTTE
Y ou are stunning,” I said, my voice cracking. Penny stood before me. Her wedding dress was perfect, and my eyes stung. “You are absolutely gorgeous.”
She sniffed and fanned her hands over her eyes. “I can’t believe I’m marrying him. It’s happening. We’re doing this.”
“You are.” I held her hands and squeezed. “You deserve the world, Pen. You’re it for each other. You got this.”
Her jaw trembled. “I’m insanely nervous even though it’s just Christian. He’s seen me at my best and worst, so it’s silly I’m shaking.”
“This is a huge day, so be nervous. Have your feelings and let them flow. Christian is going to be a blubbering mess.”
“No.” She laughed, sniffing. “He’ll hold it together while I’ll be a hot mess.”
“I assure you, he won’t. He’s going to see you, this dress and veil, and lose his mind. And you’d be a beautiful mess.” I nodded, like that point would make her understand. “Now, are you ready? Your dad is outside the door.”
She took another breath. “Yes.”
This was her moment, and I wouldn’t take a second from her, but my own nerves were going off like fireworks. Hayden and I didn’t get to talk last night, not with all the wedding events, his parents’ flight delays, and Penny’s pre-wedding plans with me. We left last night with the promise to talk after the wedding.
That meant… he hadn’t seen me since we had kissed goodbye. Now we’d walk down the aisle together, arm in arm. This was like prom on steroids. No, more than that. I gulped, doing my best to be strong for Penny. We held hands as I opened the door, squeezing one last time before letting go. “She’s all yours.”
“God.” Penny’s dad choked up, bringing his fist to his mouth. “Honey.”
“Dad, stop.” Penny’s voice cracked too.
“Look at you.”
“No. We’re gonna lose it.” Penny laughed.
I veered away from them, letting them have their father-daughter time. My mind wandered, briefly dreaming about what my wedding day would look like. Would I do the same holiday theme? Or something more subtle? I smiled, picturing Hayden wearing a Santa suit and Gwen in a Christmas tree costume.
She’d be the cutest, best flower girl ever.
I shook my head, scolding myself for daydreaming. Hayden and I hadn’t even talked yet, and here I was, planning our wedding. The entrance to the main sanctuary came into view, and Hayden stood there, staring right at me. He wore a dark gray tux that brought out his eyes and holy shit . Wait—could I think that cuss word in a church?
“Charlotte.” He pressed his lips together as his jaw clenched. “You are stunning.”
“Thank you.” My face prickled from his attention.
He stalked toward me, his long, confident strides so flipping attractive that I swallowed. I missed him so badly. My stomach ached with longing, and even though I knew we both wanted to be together, our conversation would still be painful.
“Baby,” he said, his voice cracking as he cupped my face, “look at you. How am I…” He stopped, shaking his head as he stared deep into my eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I leaned into his hand, my stomach doing back handsprings and somersaults and cartwheels all at the same time. It was an Olympic performance at this point. “It would be remiss to not say how gorgeous you look too.”
“No.” He snorted. “I don’t care about me. You are… I won’t be able to look away from you. I need you to know—”
“You ready?” Penny said, joining us in the foyer.
Hayden sucked in a breath as his gaze landed on her. “Penny, you are beautiful.”
“Thanks, Porter.” She smiled wide, all traces of her nerves gone. “Now, I know you two have to figure your shit out, but I want to go get hitched.”
“AKA, move your ass down the aisle,” her dad said.
We all laughed, and Hayden held out his arm. “Ready?”
“Let’s do this.”
I looped my arm around his and took a deep breath. A different type of nerves took root. What if I tripped? Or ran into someone?
“I got you,” he whispered. “I won’t let you fall.”
“Can you read my mind?”
“Sometimes? Yes. I know every expression on your face. I know when you’re nervous or scared, or when you’re happy and excited. You do this eyebrow and lip thing when you’re anxious, like right now, and I know you hate wearing heels.”
He knows me.
He loves me.
I was dizzy with my feelings for him, however messy they were. I squeezed his bicep. “Wanna know a secret?”
“Yes.”
We were at the doors. The wedding march began. Our instructions were to wait ten seconds and then open the door.
Ten.
Nine.
“I was picturing our wedding,” I whispered.
Eight. Seven. Six.
“And how I want small. Intimate. And Gwen to be a part of it.”
Five. Four. Three.
Hayden gulped, his throat bobbing as he stared down at me with hope and longing in his eyes.
Two.
One.
I winked at him before pushing the doors open. I had flustered him—which was still one of my favorite pastimes. His grip on my arm tightened, and I ignored his stare. We had to walk down this aisle without causing a scene, and that took all my focus.
Hayden led us down the aisle, his calm and confident presence the push I needed to get through this. Once I saw Christian standing at the end, I teared up.
He smiled at us as we slowly walked toward him, but his eyes watered. His hands shook. I knew it. He was gonna lose it when he saw Penny.
Hayden stopped at the front of the church, shaking hands with Christian and kissing me on the cheek before we went our separate ways. I stood on Penny’s side, he on Christian’s.
Then it was Penny’s time.
She beamed as she made her entrance, and my tears leaked over. Christian choked and released the sweetest squeak before a full-on cry escaped.
Penny’s hold broke too.
They were two weirdos so in love that they bawled in front of everyone, and collective sounds of sniffles carried throughout the church.
I glanced at Hayden, who stared right back at me. Almost like he had been waiting for me to turn his way. Garrett stood next to him, but I couldn’t look away from my man.
Next year. You and me , he mouthed.
My heart swelled, but I couldn’t make it too easy. I shrugged.
His eyes flared with amusement.
Christian met Penny and her dad, shaking his hand before reaching for her. They complemented each other and had a beautiful, quiet moment, just the two of them. Sure, we all watched them, but the absolute love and tenderness in their expressions was riveting.
They settled in their position at the altar, and the rest of the wedding flew by for us in attendance. They did traditional vows despite how goofy they were because they “couldn’t handle the pressure.”
I couldn’t blame them. They were crying and laughing and sniffing like crazy. Hayden caught my gaze every so often, and each time, the same bolt of lightning went through me.
He’s so beautiful.
Once the pastor said they were officially Mr. and Mrs. Calhoun, the room erupted. They bulldozed down the aisle as Hayden and I followed. People hugged, cheered, and cried.
It was a blur of joy and feelings, and I floated. I was so happy for Penny and Christian, overcome with so much happiness. My parents hugged me and then Hayden. My aunts all lined up too, but Hayden never released his grip on my hand.
Gwen burst through the crowd toward us, hugging our legs before Hayden picked her up. “Hey, sweetie, I’m going to have Gigi take you to dinner, okay? Daddy needs to help Charlotte with something for a little while.”
“Okay! Gigi said she has a puzzle for me.”
“How fun!” I said, leaning over to kiss her. “You look beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful, Aunt Lotte!”
“Char, can you give me five minutes? Then, can we talk?”
“Sure.”
He parted the crowd as he moved toward his parents, his large frame automatically clearing a path for him. I wanted to be alone with him, to talk about his notes on his phone and what happened between us. I needed an update on Simone and us.
Plus we had an hour before we were due at dinner.
It took less than two minutes before he was back, a determined look on his face. “Let’s go.”
“Oh, nice manners.”
“No time for manners.” He weaved us through the crowd and down the stairs. Penny and Christian didn’t want the traditional send-off. They didn’t want staged photos besides the two of them. They wanted candid reception photos instead. That meant we had some alone time.
“Where are we—Did you get us a limo?”
“Yes.” He scanned the parking lot before sighing. “There it is.”
“A limo? For you and me?” I tore my attention from the crowd to the parking lot.
“Yes.” He faced me, his expression softening. “I wanted to make sure we had a little time just you and me tonight, so I rented it for us. Figured it’d be nice to not worry about driving.”
“That is nice.”
“Plus, I’d like to kiss you after we have this overdue conversation. I’d prefer to do that without all our noisy friends and family watching.”
I gulped, a little breathless. “Okay then.”
Snow covered the ground, and I slid on my heels. “Shit.”
“I got you.”
Hayden swooped me into his arms, tucking me tight against his chest as he walked toward the limo. Instead of protesting, I cuddled against him and breathed him in. His spicy cologne filled my nose, and man, he smelled so good. We had a lot to discuss, but I wasn’t nervous anymore. I ran my nose along his neck, and he shuddered.
“Careful, Char. I don’t want to drop you, and I need to focus.”
I chuckled. “Sorry. I’ve just… missed you.”
His muscles tensed at my words. “You have no idea how much I missed you too. Almost to the limo.”
He took a couple more steps before carefully setting me down. He ran his hands from my shoulders to my hips, his nostrils flaring. “There really aren’t words for how beautiful you look in this dress.”
My face heated. “Thank you.”
He opened the door and gestured for me to get in. I slid in and sighed as the warm air greeted me. A bottle of champagne sat to the right and a bouquet of flowers next to it.
He shut the door and tapped the window. “Can you drive for thirty minutes and shut the partition?”
“You got it, boss.”
The window made a mechanical noise, and after ten seconds, it closed, leaving us alone. My pulse raced at the base of my neck, the urge to demand answers from him conflicting with the desire to kiss him.
He slid over to me, on his knees as he cupped my face. His gray eyes filled with worry as he swallowed. “I know we need to talk, but can I kiss you?”
I nodded.
He didn’t wait a second before closing the distance between us. He kissed me softly, like I was precious to him. He ran his fingers into my hair as he explored my mouth with his tongue. This kiss felt different. Felt more… felt… like he loved me. I pulled him closer to me, wanting to feel his heartbeat against mine, but he stilled. He kissed down my jaw, over my neck, and to my shoulder before pulling back.
His gaze was heated as he sighed. “I want to keep going, but we know our chemistry isn’t the issue at all.”
“No. It’s not.” I cleared my throat and ran a thumb over my lip. “I do love your mouth on me though.”
He smiled. “Trust me, baby. I love how you taste. I love everything about you.”
I laughed. “Well, that’s just unrealistic.”
“No.” He kissed my wrist, closing his eyes for a second. “I do, Char. But mostly, I love how you give your love to everyone around you.”
I trembled. His words were laced with passion, and he kept kissing me everywhere. My wrist, my arm, my fingers. “Hayden—”
“I broke your trust, and I’m going to do everything to earn it back. I know it’ll take some time, but I swear to you.” He gulped. “But only if you want this. I hurt you, and if you can’t forgive me, I understand.”
I ran a hand through his hair, waiting for him to meet my eyes. “You hurt me, yes. But I’ve spent most of my life in love with you. Of course I want this, you, Gwen, but you have to work on communication with me. That’s nonnegotiable.”
His jaw clenched but he nodded. Owning his mistakes like the man he was. “I’m so terribly sorry for hurting you, for putting us through this last week. For not being there the day you didn’t get the job. I—”
“Simone came back after three years, Hayden. I’m not upset about you not being there that night. That pales in comparison to everything else. If you were somehow thinking those were comparable—me not getting a coaching job and the sudden appearance of your daughter’s birth mother? They absolutely aren’t.”
He blinked. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Huh.” He ran a hand over his face and stared out the window before meeting my gaze. “I thought… So missing that night is forgivable?”
“I’m already over that. What I’m upset about is you being afraid to work through this with me. That you’d rather do everything alone than let me be with you.” I cupped his face this time, and he leaned into my hand. “I want you. All of you. The messy parts and the hard parts. Gwen, Simone, your parents, her parents, your highs and your lows.”
“You’re fucking incredible.” He closed his eyes and sighed. “Simone still has no plan. She finally told her parents she had a kid. They never knew.”
“What?” I jerked back.
“Yup. She just told them about Gwen last week. I haven’t spoken with them, but we texted a few times, and we’re going to meet tomorrow at the park.”
“Hayden.” I swallowed the ball of emotion in my throat. “That’s incredible.”
He pinched his nose as his voice came out husky. “Gwen deserves to know them and have a relationship with them.”
“Of course she does, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be hard.” I slid onto the floor with him and hugged him. “So even if Simone bolts again, they could want to stay in Gwen’s life?”
He nodded as he dropped his head onto my shoulder. “I told Simone she needs to see a therapist before I’d let her start to see Gwen. She is debating if she wants to. Does that make me a shitty person?”
“No.” I rubbed his back. “That means you’re a good father.”
“Hey.” He pulled back and met my eyes. “Will you be with me when I call them tomorrow?”
“Oh my God, of course I will, Hayden.” My eyes prickled. This was a huge step for him. Not only trusting me to be there on the call, but for him to open up to Simone’s mom and dad. “You’re amazing. Seriously. This is so brave of you.” I kissed his face once, twice, three times. “I think you should hear my list now.”
“List for what?”
“I saw the list you have under my name. You’ve secretly kept those notes on me. You don’t do that unless you care for someone.” I grinned and cupped his face. “You love me.”
“Shit.” His face reddened, and he gripped the back of my neck. “I mean, I do love you, but that list goes back a long time. I should’ve deleted it or something.”
“Hayden Orion Porter. I’m glad you didn’t. Now shh so I can tell you my list to show you that I love you and that I’m all in, okay?”
“Okay.” His lips quirked, and he stared at me with that half smile that I loved. “I’m listening.”
“Your favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip. And cookie dough if you’re having a crap day. Best holiday movie is Die Hard , and favorite movie is Remember the Titans . You hold doors open for people, always are the last one to order if we’re in a group. You remember birthdays and always get gifts that aren’t gift cards. You’re so thoughtful and such a good son.” I sniffed. “You model what being a good human is for your daughter so much it makes me cry thinking about how lucky she is. You gave my brother confidence to love himself when no one else his age did.” My lip trembled. “You’re such a good dad that you’re doing something that is so hard. It’s easy to push people away, it’s tougher to let them in. And you’re letting in the parents of the daughter who left your baby. That is… only special people would do that, Hayden, and that’s you. You have the biggest heart, and I’m lucky I get to take care of it.”
“Char.” His voice was watery. “We can’t go into this crying.”
“I’ve already cried ten times today. Weddings are emotional.” I laughed, cried, sniffed, and snorted. A real sexy combo. Hayden pulled me close, hugging me so there was no room between us. “I love you and want this. All of it. Let’s do this for real. No secrets. No making choices for the other. I think we’ll be happy.”
“More than happy,” he said against my temple and then my lips. “I need to kiss you, touch you. Can I spend the next fifteen minutes showing you how much I love you, please?”
“If it involves you getting out of this tux, then yes.” I wiggled my brows, earning another chuckle from him. “I want to hear that laugh every day, Hayden.”
“I love you. Then, now, always.”
“Then, now, always,” I repeated, finally feeling content. We’d have ups and downs, but for the first time, I knew we were meant to be together. And damn, that felt good.