Chapter Twenty-One Ryan
Pain radiates through my body when I wake up, my eyes stinging from the bright light of a snowy Christmas morning.
I grit my teeth and stifle my groan as my back aches from my uncomfortable bed of two cushioned seats pushed together. My childhood bed always felt too stiff as well. On Christmas Eve night, I tossed and turned not just because I was eager to see what Santa brought me for Christmas.
At one point, I started thinking that Santa hated me because the gifts under the tree weren’t exciting or anything close to what I wished for in my letters. Socks and school supplies. Maybe some sweets that we already had in our pantry.
When I found out that Santa didn’t exist and my parents were the ones filling my stocking with a bunch of nothing, things made a lot more sense. As sad as it was, it was kind of relieving to know that I didn’t disappoint someone else.
I don’t even know why I tried to do Christmas with my family this year. All I know is disappointment. It’s all I’ll ever know with them.
The sound of someone stirring coaxes my eyes to the left where Emma is laying on the couch, stretching her arms and legs out with her eyes still closed. The same couch where we acted on our desires without holding back.
I wait for the snap of guilt and regret, but it’s so faint that I barely feel it.
It almost feels forced because, truly, I’d do last night over again.
I wouldn’t change what happened because getting to be with her made me happier than I’ve felt in a while, even with having to share her. It didn’t taint my feelings at all.
The fact that I get to wake up on Christmas morning to the sight of her face already makes it a better Christmas than all the ones in the past. She makes everything better.
But I’m not a fool or an idiot. If anyone finds out what we did last night, we’re fucked. I can’t see anything good coming from it, which rips into my soul harsher than I expect.
“Morning,” Josh murmurs as he sits up, rubbing his eyes sleepily.
“Merry Christmas,” Max says from my left, his voice bordering on cautious.
Emma brushes her fingers through her hair, her face growing pale as she fully wakes up. “We have to get to my parents’ house. Are the roads clear?”
I push myself to my feet, ignoring the ache shooting up my back as I stumble to the nearest window. I look down to see that the roads are already much clearer than yesterday. “It’s drivable. They must have scraped sometime in the night. We’ll be able to make it to your parents’ place.”
“Should we still go?” Max asks, making everyone tense. When no one responds, he shakes his head and gets up. “Never mind. That was a stupid question.”
None of us want to be the first to say it out loud. Because if last night becomes real, then so do the consequences. Maybe it’s best that we forget last night for right now and just focus on getting through Christmas.
Emma hurries off to the bathroom and shuts herself inside, leaving me and the guys to awkwardly stand around and adjust our clothes. It’s not like we have anything to change into, and we don’t have time to go home because we’re supposed to be at her parents’ place within the hour.
There is a sliver of me that wants to say something to at least get a gist of where everyone’s head is at, but judging from Max’s stiff expression and Josh’s unusual silence, they’re probably as wary as me about what will happen if anyone found out about last night.
It seems like Emma feels the same way too. She might even regret what happened.
I really hope she doesn’t.
When Emma comes out of the bathroom, her hair and makeup are touched up. Her sweater and pants are a little wrinkled, but it’s the best that she can do in these circumstances. “Ready? Don’t want to be late.”
The three of us nod, and I lift my hand. “We can ride in my car. I just got new snow tires.”
Everyone nods, and we head out, able to take the elevator now that the power is back on. It must’ve come back on while we were asleep.
After we pile into my car, I drive out of the city and to the suburbs, going to the nice neighborhood that I halfway grew up in. Just the sight of Ethan’s and Andrew’s cars parked in the long driveway makes my stomach flip.
Here we fucking go.
I park behind Andrew and shut off my car, silence surrounding us. I don’t think we’ve ever been this quiet around each other before, but I guess we better conserve our energy for this performance that we’re about to put on.
“Let’s go,” Emma says from the passenger’s seat. She pushes open her door and strides up to the porch, knocking a few times before letting herself in. “Mom! Dad! I’m here! Well, we’re here.”
Tension sits in my chest like a heavy rock, putting pressure on my lungs as her parents and her brothers greet us in the attached dining room and kitchen.
“Oh, honey. What are you wearing? Yesterday’s clothes?” Catherine asks Emma as she pinches Emma’s slightly wrinkled sweater.
“Did you guys arrive at the same time?” Ethan asks us with a confused look on his face.
Emma’s eyes widen for a second as she pitches us a stiff expression. We were so caught up in our worries that we didn’t even consider coming up with a reason for why we’re together in this state. We look so damn suspicious.
“You know, the funniest thing happened yesterday,” Josh replies as he casually shakes Terry’s hand before fixing himself a glass of spiked eggnog. “We were working at the office fixing problems for our update in the middle of the storm, and the power went out.”
My heart hammers in my chest as I watch Emma’s parents and brothers direct their attention to him. I don’t know if we should be getting into any details about yesterday, but it’s too late to stop him.
Max makes himself a drink and pretends to be interested in the covered pans of food on the kitchen counter and stove, keeping himself busy.
“Wow, really? You know, I did hear someone say something about a power outage,” Terry says with a nod.
“We were literally stranded at work,” Josh continues with a lighthearted chuckle. “The last place you would want to be stranded.”
“I’ve been stranded at the hospital a few times. It’s not fun,” Ethan mutters in agreement.
Emma remembers to breathe when her family seems to be chill with Josh’s recount of yesterday’s events. She puts space between herself and us, and even if I don’t like that, I understand why.
It’s for the best right now.
“That storm was insane,” Josh says after sipping on his eggnog, dosing himself with some liquid courage.
We’ll all need some to get through today.
“We couldn’t leave. We ended up camping out in the office all night.
The power didn’t come back on until this morning around the time when the roads were cleared. ”
“You all spent the night at the office?” Andrew asks as he lifts an eyebrow at Josh. “You could’ve called someone for help.”
Of course, the lawyer is going to be asking questions and trying to poke holes in our story.
“The roads were packed with snow. We didn’t want to endanger anyone when it wasn’t totally necessary. We had plenty of work to do to keep us busy,” I speak up, my blood running cold as all eyes move to me.
Josh is better at working crowds than me. Maybe I should just shut up and let him do the talking.
“Anyway, that’s why we’re still in yesterday’s clothes, and Ryan gave us all a ride because he has the newest snow tires,” Josh finishes. “We’ve had a crazy Christmas so far.”
“Well, it certainly sounds like it,” Catherine replies with a laugh before hugging Josh. “I’m just glad everyone made it.”
I accept a warm hug from her, forgetting about last night for a moment and feeling like the young boy who came here for a sense of family. I hope I don’t destroy that. For myself. For the guys. And for Emma.
“I hope you guys are hungry! We cooked a feast this morning,” Catherine says once she releases me. She motions for everyone to head to the dining table, which is already set with silver utensils and red placemats and napkins.
I glance over at Emma, trying to make sure that she’s okay. She has a stiff smile on her face that anyone else will believe, but I see right through her. She’s panicking on the inside.
What if her brothers sense something is up? What if they start piecing things together?
If they find out the truth, nothing will ever be the same. The family that we’ve created with each other will be fragmented, and I don’t even know if Emma will want anything to do with us once the dust settles from the destruction.
As we all sit at the table together, my stomach twists and turns, leaving me without much of an appetite at all.
If things were different, I wouldn’t be worrying about what Ethan and Andrew thought about us.
I would be holding her in front of the fire or in front of the Christmas tree, making memories with someone who feels like home to me.
Instead, I’m just a few seats down from her, and it feels like she’s miles away.