Chapter Twenty-Four Ryan
“Imiss you. I want you. I need you.”
I tighten my jaw as Emma rocks herself on my lap, her breathy, whispered words filling my head. My hands slide up her back, holding her close to me as our bare bodies move together. The heat rolling through my body grows hotter and heavier, clouding my mind with a hot haze.
“You have me. Always,” I tell her as I grab her hips, helping her grind down on me as we both get closer to the edge.
Her moans crest higher, her body trembling against mine, and when she gasps my name—
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
I bolt upright, heart hammering, the dream still clinging to my skin like smoke. My sheets are twisted around me. Cold. Empty.
The alarm keeps shrieking like it’s mocking me.Emma’s gone.I slap at my phone to shut it off, jaw clenched, chest aching. Of course, it was a dream. It always is.
Today’s the first day back at work without her—and I already want to crawl out of my own damn skin.
I snatch my phone off the nightstand and turn off the alarm, frustration simmering within me. Today has barely started, and it’s already a shit day. It’s like my brain wants to torture me, even in my sleep.
Despite the urge to call the guys and tell them that I’m working from home today, I haul myself out of bed and get dressed to head into the office. It’s stupid, but there is a sliver of me that hopes Emma will stop by for some reason.
As expected, Max and Josh are already there when I step off the elevator. Without all the Christmas decorations that Emma put up, the office looks empty and boring. It doesn’t help that it’s quiet like we’re in a library.
Max glances over at me and nods before going back to work, his fingers dancing over his keyboard as his eyes lock onto the screen. Looks like he’s burying himself in work to take his mind off things.
Off her.
“Not much to do today,” Josh says as he swivels around in his office chair to face me. “There are people asking questions about the update on our social media pages. You can answer some of those and clear any confusion up.”
“Right,” I reply as I drop down into my seat, my body feeling weighed down.
I like my job, but being in the office was so much better when she was here. Anywhere is better with her there, and more and more, I hate our decision to forget that night and go our separate ways. It’s not fair.
It’s not right, but I’ll do what she wants, even if it kills me on the inside.
A few hours of near silence passes, and I’m ready to crawl out of my skin. I can’t help but wonder what she’s doing right now. Is she thinking about us? Is she regretting that night?
“Any plans for New Years?” Josh asks, his voice jarring as it breaks through the silence.
I barely glance up. “No.”“Might see what my parents are up to,” Max says, rubbing his temples.
He sounds as dead inside as I feel.I don’t answer.
Even if Andrew and Ethan try to drag us over to watch fireworks like we used to, I’m not going.
Not if she’s there.Not when I know what it feels like to hold her.Not when I let her go.
Josh clears his throat. “Stacy invited me to this ball happening in Manhattan. Supposed to be a bunch of bigwigs there.”
And just like that, my chest starts burning again.Is he serious?
“You should go,” Max mutters without looking up.
“No, he shouldn’t,” I bite out as my narrowed eyes dart over to Josh, who gives me a confused look. “He should grow a pair and stop doing everything that Stacy tells him to do.”
Josh’s jaw visibly tenses. “I don’t do everything that she tells me to do.”
“She tells you to be somewhere, and you’re there. She calls, and you answer,” I tell him, my expression looking as displeased as I am with his stupid decisions. “If you still want to fuck her, go right ahead.”
Josh pushes out of his chair, hard enough that it bangs into the desk behind him. “That’s not what this is about, jackass.”
“Isn’t it?” I rise too, anger pumping through my veins like adrenaline. “You’re her damn puppet, Josh. She says jump, and you show up in a tux.”
“You think I want to deal with these people?” he snaps. “I’m the only one keeping our company relevant in front of investors. Stacy points out the events, I go. That’s the deal. Business. Period.”
“Bullshit,” I growl. “You think she’s helping us out of the kindness of her heart? She’s using you, and you’re letting her. You’re letting her in when we just lost Emma.”
“Don’t pin your heartbreak on me, Ryan.” Josh takes a step closer, his voice quieter but steel-hard. “You’re not the only one hurting.”
“No?” I scoff, bitter heat rising in my throat. “Then why am I the only one still drowning in it?”
“All right, guys. Let’s just cut today short,” Max says as he steps out from behind his desk, making sure that he’s between Josh and me.
Josh runs his hand over his head with a sigh. “Maybe we should. We’ll start again tomorrow.”
As if tomorrow is going to be any easier than today. They say that time heals all wounds, but how in the world can I get over someone like Emma? She was literally in my hands, and I still lost her.
“Ryan?” Max says, trying to get my attention.
I wave him off and turn back to my desk. “I’m heading out.”
Their footsteps fade a little as they head back to their own desks. I knew that today would be difficult to get through, but finding my groove again without Emma feels damn near impossible. She’s not here to talk to or bounce ideas off of.
Hell, her presence soothed me when we were working quietly.
Now, I can’t see her at all.
I grab my things and leave the office without another word to my friends. Their radiating misery isn’t helping me feel better in the slightest. Is Emma suffering too?
Or is she happier now without us?
When my feet hit the sidewalk outside of the building, I dig my phone out of my pocket, immediately bringing up Emma’s contact. My thumb hovers over the call button, my heart thumping wildly as I stare at her contact picture.
It’s a photo of her sitting across the conference table from me. I was just playing around, snapping pictures of her as we waited for Josh and Max to join us for a meeting. When she stopped laughing, she finally posed for me, placing her hand on her cheek as she smiled at the camera.
I couldn’t stop admiring that picture. I still can’t.
Right now, I just want to hear her voice. I want to know if she’s okay. If she misses us. If she’s better off.
But she must be, right? We’re no longer around each other, so she doesn’t have to worry about her family finding out about our desires for each other. She doesn’t have to stress over anything anymore.
Am I really going to mess that up for her?
“Fuck.” I sigh in defeat as I turn off my phone. The urge to throw it across the damn street to keep myself from going back on my decision flashes across my mind, but I tuck my phone into my pocket instead.
The point of all this pain is to avoid worse consequences. I have to remember that.
But it’s so hard when she haunts my mind day and night.