Chapter Forty-Five Ryan
Ididn’t think that the group chat between me, the brothers, Josh, and Max would ever be used again, but three days after I rushed Emma to the hospital, a text from Andrew comes through.
As I lay in bed, rotting away in my own damn misery, I read the message over and over again. Like the other guys, I should be ecstatic and grateful. Their messages pop up under Andrew’s, thanking him and promising to be there.
My thumbs hover over the screen, but I can’t bring myself to type out a message. A sharp ache hits me in the chest when I think about going over there, only to be rejected or forced to let her go. Andrew’s text might seem promising, but we don’t know the full situation.
We might get there just to be broken up with because she chose her family over us. Or she decided that being with us isn’t worth the trouble or the risk. Maybe we’ll still get to be in the baby’s life, but she doesn’t want anything to do with us romantically.
I swallow hard and shut off my phone, my red eyes shifting up to the ceiling. I have been stabbed in the back and tossed aside by the people who I thought cared about me so many times, and I don’t think that I can handle going through that again.
Especially if Emma is the one turning me away.
I love her so damn much that it’s hard to breathe sometimes, and I already love the baby she’s carrying, even if I haven’t met them yet. Just the thought of them makes my heart beat out of control.
My eyes slowly close as I hear my phone buzz and ring from incoming calls and texts. I don’t know if I can get out of this bed. I don’t know if I can go to that house and face a possibly heartbreaking situation.
The potential pain of that scares the hell out of me. How am I supposed to recover from that? How do I bounce back from losing the love of my life and the family we could’ve had together?
I don’t know if I could.
Time crawls by slowly as I sink into the depths of my conflicted thoughts, listening to my phone go off over and over again. I ignore every message and every call, not wanting to have to explain myself and why I’m not rushing out of my apartment to see Emma.
It’s too hard to find the words right now. I can barely understand my own thoughts and fears. I just know that they’re there, and they’re paralyzing.
The only thing that pulls me out of my own head is the sound of someone knocking on my door. I ignore the first two series of knocks, but when the third comes, I scowl and haul myself out of bed.
“Who the hell is banging on my door?” I grit out as I cross my apartment to reach the foyer. I unlock the door and yank it open, only to freeze in surprise at the sight of Ethan standing outside. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you doing here?” Ethan questions me. “You’re supposed to be heading to my parents’ house to see Emma.”
I stare at him, still reeling in confusion about him being here. “Why did you show up here?”
“No one heard from you for hours,” Ethan replies before pushing past me to get into my apartment. “I felt like I needed to check on you.”
I scoff a little. “Oh, you care now? Even though you think that I’m some manipulative asshole who would knock up your sister and break her heart for kicks?”
Ethan sighs and holds his hands up. “Okay, okay. I deserve that.”
I narrow my eyes as I cross my arms over my chest. “I got plenty more where that came from. You and Andrew spewed a lot of bullshit. Do you really think so low of us? After all these years?”
Ethan shakes his head. “We don’t think you’re bad guys. We just thought you were bad for our sister.”
A frown tugs at my lips. “We could be the best thing for your sister if you would let us.”
“She was insinuating the same thing,” Ethan replies. “She was really talking you guys up.”
“She shouldn’t have to,” I tell him pointedly.
Ethan glances away from me. “Look, I’m sorry about the things that Andrew and I said. They were out of line and said out of anger. We should’ve never said them.”
I quietly nod. He seems genuinely sorry.
Ethan breathes in deeply before turning his head to look at me again.
“Aside from it being weird that our best friends are with our little sister, we know that you’re good, caring guys.
You wouldn’t hurt her on purpose, and you would be around for the baby no matter what. You wouldn’t just leave her.”
“She’s very special to all of us,” I say, my heart aching at the thought of her. “And she’s very loved. Her and the baby.”
Ethan drags his fingers through his hair. “It’s a lot for me and Andrew, you know? It’s a big change.”
We’re not just their best friends anymore. We’re with their little sister. The one they vowed to protect and care for. The one they have even spilled blood over.
Everything will change.
“We didn’t want to hurt you,” I assure him. “And we don’t want to lose you as our brothers. Trust me. That’s why it took so long for you guys to find out the truth. We were worried.”
“I guess we confirmed your concerns with how we acted,” Ethan replies with a small wry smile.
I smirk and shake my head at him. “Yeah, but if we can just move forward, it’ll all be in the past.”
Ethan nods. “You should come talk to Emma. She’s been wanting to talk to you guys. It’s about something big.”
My stomach flips. Even if her brothers accept us, what if she decides to change her mind? What if this whole situation has been clarifying for her, and she doesn’t think that we’ll take care of her?
She already ended up in the hospital once because we failed her.
“I just need some more time to think,” I tell him, feeling rooted to the spot as tension winds around my chest like a rope.
Ethan frowns in confusion. “To think about what? Do you not want to be with her?”
“Of course, I do. I love her,” I say. “I just… need to get my head together.”
His eyebrows knit together in concern, but he nods. “Don’t overthink things too much, Ryan. Don’t scare yourself away from something that could be really good for you.”
Or something that could break me completely if it goes wrong.
When I nod, he turns and leaves my apartment, tense silence enveloping me. Josh and Max should be arriving to see Emma any minute now, and I’m still stuck in my apartment, weighed down by the fear of pain and rejection that has haunted me since I was young.
Some cycles are easier to break than others. This is the one that could break me.