Chapter 1
Chubs
I’m racing down the highway on my CVO Tri Glide Harley trike and trying to enjoy one of the last rides she and I will have together. It’s a beautiful, dark red bike with subtle flames throughout the paint, and it’s been the best bike I’ve ever owned. I know it sounds strange that I’m going to miss my bike when I’m leaving so many things behind, but it’s become a part of me, and I hate knowing I’m abandoning her too. Shaking those thoughts off, I crank up the music and try to clear my mind. Not long after, I’m pulling into a used car lot. I made sure to pick one several towns over so I wouldn’t run into anyone I know. Shutting off my bike, I step off and approach the car that caught my eye last week when I was driving through this town on club business. It’s the most non-descript one on the lot and perfect for what I need. Walking around the car, I peek inside it and confirm my decision. Leaving my shades on, I pull on a ball cap and approach the office.
“Nice bike,” says the young salesman as I pull the door shut behind me.
“Thanks. How much for the silver Toyota?” I ask, not wasting time with niceties.
“$4,900.00,” the salesman answers immediately.
I’m guessing he’s figured out that I’m not here to chat but want to get shit done fast.
“Okay, thanks. I’ll have to think about it,” I say before turning abruptly and leaving the office without another word.
I knew before I even entered the building that I was going to get this car, but I’m not the one who’s going to do the actual buying. I have a few friends that are willing to help, so they’ll be here within a few days to buy it with the cash I’ll be giving them. One more thing completed, and now it’s time to get some others done too.
Pulling out of the lot, I pull my phone from my pocket and make the call. After I disconnect, I pocket my phone and hit the throttle.
“You working at New Horizons today?” I ask Lucy as she brushes her hair while standing in the bedroom doorway.
“Yeah. I’m helping Pippa apply for more government grants.”
“Not sure when I’ll be done today. Are we spending the night here or at the clubhouse?” I question while sipping my coffee.
“Here, I think. You like the smells we wake up to, with the bakery being below the apartment. Besides, I need to start going through my clothes tonight too. Not sure what all I’m taking on the trip, but I may need to pick up a few things before I leave,” Lucy answers as she takes a seat next to me on the couch.
“Works for me,” I mutter as she steals my cup for a sip. The coffee I’ll share, but if she makes a move toward my donut, it’s game on.
“I’m happy that I get to spend time with my family, but I hate leaving you,” Lucy murmurs as she hands the cup back to me.
“Me too, Lucy, my love. Enjoy the time with them, though. When you get back, I want to show you the piece of land I’m buying from Vex for us to build our home on. It sits against a section of the club property. No houses in sight but only a few minutes’ drive to the clubhouse. Vex’s house is in the other direction but still a short drive. We’ll be isolated and yet close.”
“Love that idea, Chubs. How soon before we can start building?”
“I’m hoping before fall. I’d like to get the driveway built, well drilled, and maybe get the garage done. I took the house plans to Gunner’s contractor, and he said they could probably get a good start on things before snow hits.”
“That would be great!” Lucy responds enthusiastically.
“We better get going. I have Church later and have some things to do first,” I say as we stand, drop my cup off in the sink, and leave the apartment.
Giving Lucy a long, hard kiss goodbye, I watch silently from the back door of the bakery as she walks to her car. I watch as she waves at me before maneuvering her car out of the parking lot and to the street. I continue watching her car as she drives away down the street, and my heart hurts. I hate myself for giving her hope of us building a home, a life together, when I know the odds are slim of that happening, but I have to keep her from getting suspicious.
I’ve kept so many things from her, the woman I love more than life, and the guilt is crushing. Some days the weight of it is just too much to keep carrying, but my choices are limited. If Lucy knew everything, she’d risk her life for me. I can’t go through that kind of fear again. I still have nightmares from the time we were both shot, and she nearly died. She’s tiny but fearless and has no self-preservation when it comes to me.
Closing and locking the back door, I walk to the kitchen area. Spotting Ava, I walk to her, drop a kiss on her smiling cheek, then reach for a cinnamon roll. Taking a bite, my eyes nearly roll to the back of my head. Even after having eaten thousands of them, her cinnamon rolls still have this effect on me. To be honest, most foods do, though.
“Chubs loves Ava,” I state as I lift what’s left of my roll in a salute to her skills.
“Ava loves Chubs. You hanging with us for a while? I have a new recipe for strudel you can taste test,” Ava says with an impish grin.
I groan miserably because I can’t, and it physically hurts knowing that. Sadly, I shake my head no.
“I’ll save you some. Trudy packed you some snacks for later. Grab them on your way out.”
This perks me up some, and I give Ava my best smile before making my way through the swinging doors that lead to the front of the bakery. Trudy’s busy with customers, but I spot a bakery box with my name on it, so I grab it, wave to Trudy, and head outside to my bike. Swinging my leg over the seat, I open the box, eat a few of the treats before putting the box in a saddlebag. I do this carefully so nothing gets crushed, even though I’d eat them anyway. I have before, and I would again because there’s no sense in wasting food. The thought of wasted food causes a shiver to run up my back. Shaking off the bad thoughts, I start my bike.
Pulling into Cash’s driveway, I shut off my bike and let myself into the house. Hearing voices in the kitchen, I walk in that direction. Cash is wiping off the counter while Livi’s feeding Liam in his highchair. The baby is a toddler now and is absolutely adorable. Chubby with blond hair and big blue eyes, he’s the spitting image of his dad, only in miniature form. Taking a seat next to him, I briefly wonder what his food tastes like.
“Hey, Chubs. How’s it going?” Livi asks with a smile while trying to aim a spoonful of food at Liam’s moving head.
Liam giggles, smears the food on his mouth around his face with his hand before grabbing the spoon and pulling it within reach. He doesn’t eat the food as expected but instead blows on the end of the spoon, causing the food to spray at Livi. Laughing, Livi grabs a napkin and cleans her shirt and Liam’s face.
“Liam’s latest trick with applesauce,” Livi says with a grimace.
Now I’m wondering if his applesauce has cinnamon in it, but I fight that thought and turn to Cash. Watching him disinfect an already spotless counter, I grin. Cash doesn’t realize every single one of us in the club knows about his OCD. We do, but most of us are smart enough not to mention it to the very large, very quiet club enforcer. Pooh and Axel—not so smart. I’ve watched, gleefully I might add, both getting their asses handed to them by Cash for even mentioning it. I like my head attached to my body enough that I keep my mouth shut.
“You working today, Cash?” I ask.
“Going in later. Pooh opened today,” Cash answers before putting his cleaning tote under the sink. “Why? What’s up?”
“Wanted to talk with Livi,” I answer quietly and look away when Cash swings his head in my direction.
“Talk,” he orders.
“Have the Feds approached you lately?” I ask Livi, knowing there’s no way Cash is going to let me speak with her privately.
“Not lately. Not since the last time I told you about,” she answers softly.
“I don’t want you to take any heat from them over me. They come at you, send them my way. I’ll deal with them, but it’s not right they’re pressuring you and James,” I say with a tinge of anger in my voice.
“Be easier if you just told us what the problem is, Chubs. We’d both help, as would the club,” Cash says as he takes a seat across the table from me.
Standing, I pour a cup of coffee and raid the fridge until I find some string cheese. Sitting back down, I look at Cash and answer, “Can’t do that, brother. My problem and I’ll deal with it, but I’m not putting you, Livi, or the club at risk for me.”
“Pissing me off, Chubs. Club would have your back, no matter what,” Cash bites out.
“Know that. That’s exactly why I’ll deal with this on my own,” I state as I stand to leave, wanting to get away from Cash before I give in to the urge to share too much.
“What about Lucy, Chubs? Is it fair to keep her in the dark?” Livi asks, still using a soft voice.
“No, it’s not. Nothing about this is fair, but that’s life,” I answer as I give Liam, then Livi a kiss on the cheek and walk out.
As I’m closing the door behind me, I hear Cash mutter a few choice words. I grin because I know he’s only cussing me out because he cares.
I ride to the garage and swap my bike for the wrecker. Leaving there, I head to the clubhouse, and when I enter, I find Craig waiting for me. Scattered around the main room are several of the pets, with Mac singing from the top of the bar. I laugh when I realize he’s singing the John Jones song “I’m Only Human After All,” and without missing a beat, he wing-waves at me. Giving him a thumbs up, I turn to Craig.
“You babysitting everyone today?”
“No, Gunner’s in his office. He’s on babysitting duty. He even said he’d watch Bart while we do my learning things,” Craig answers.
“Where’re the twins?”
“At Axel’s. He’s got all three of the girls today because Bailey’s doing books at the garage. They’re doing a spa day. Whatever that is,” Craig says with a mild look of confusion.
“What that is, is a good video opportunity for me and you. You in?” I ask with a grin.
“Hell, yeah!”
“Where’s Luke?” I ask, looking around the room.
Luke’s usually anywhere that Axel’s at or with Craig, but he’s not here, and Craig didn’t say he was at Axel’s with the girls.
“He’s with Bella at the Aunts’ house today. I don’t think he wanted to do a spa day,” Craig answers with a laugh.
We take the path through the woods and veer off to Axel’s backyard instead of following it to Craig’s fort. Creeping silently, we climb the steps of the deck and stop next to the sliding glass doors. Keeping tight to the building, I pull my phone out and get the camera opened and set to video. I smile when I hear Craig smother a giggle at the conversation coming through the opened kitchen window.
“But you’d look better in pink, Uncle Axel,” Mia states decisively.
“Gold!” argues Zoe.
“Pwink!” says Alexia in her little girl voice.
“Which one is best for my skin?” Axel questions the girls in a serious tone.
That being the comment that caused Craig’s smothered giggle.
“The gold one. That’s the one Mommy uses the most,” Zoe insists.
“But he’s a pink ballerina!” argues Mia.
Leaning my head out far enough to see through the glass door, I spot Axel. Jerking my head back, I bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud and alerting him to unwanted visitors. When I get myself under control, I peek again then turn on the video. Holding the camera to film inside the house, I keep my head out of sight. Craig drops to his knees, peeks around my legs, and then does the same as I did. Sitting on his heels, holding his hands over his mouth, he looks up at me, and I can see the laughter in his eyes. This is priceless and much more fun than towing cars.
“Gwold!” Alexia says, changing her mind.
“Okay, gold. Put it on thick, though,” Mia orders.
“Why’s the container shaped like a gold pig?” Axel asks.
“Mommy likes pigs, I guess,” Zoe answers with a shrug.
“And it will make my skin smooth?” the big bald biker questions.
“It makes Mommy beautiful,” Mia answers confidently.
“You have to lay down, Uncle Axel. Yes, like that. Close your eyes. Mia, put the cucumbers over his eyes. Here, Alexia, you can put the gold stuff on. Smear it all over because that’s the best way,” orders Zoe.
I have a moment of concern that Craig’s going to piss his pants when I see him grab himself. After a moment, though, he gets it under control. Grinning, he peeks through the window again. Still holding the camera up, I lean enough to see the spa day going on.
Axel’s laying on the couch, head resting on the arm. Little Alex is smearing some thick, bright metallic gold concoction all over his face. His eyes have slices of cucumber over them, and Mia is busy painting his fingernails a bright, sparkly purple color. Zoe is supervising while smearing her own face in gold too. Next to the couch is a small children's table set up, complete with a tea set. Sitting next to the plastic teapot is a plate of cookies, and my stomach grumbles in protest of not being able to reach them.
All three of the little girls are wearing princess-type dresses and toddling around on plastic high heels. That’s not surprising for three young girls. What’s surprising is that Axel’s wearing a pink tutu around his waist with navy blue Nike basketball shorts underneath. The tutu doesn’t really go with The Devil’s Angels t-shirt he’s got on but matches perfectly to the high-heeled sandals that he’s wearing, even though they only fit on about half his foot. My guess is Bailey’s not going to be happy if his huge feet stretch out her shoes, but that’s his battle to fight.
Craig and I wait patiently while the girls finish up on Axel and then add the facial stuff to their own faces. Since Zoe already did hers, she helps the other two get theirs as covered as Uncle Axel’s is. Each girl puts cucumber slices over their eyes and lays down on the floor around the couch.
As quietly as possible, I slide the door open, and Craig follows me in. Walking up to the couch, I make sure to get a shot of each person, especially a good close-up of Axel. This is pure gold—no pun intended. Craig earns my love when he snatches up a few of the cookies and hands all but one to me.
“How long do we leave this stuff on?” Axel asks.
“Don’t know. At least until we’re beautiful,” Zoe answers with authority.
“Every one of you young ladies are already beautiful,” Axel assures them, and I have to admit, warms my heart with his words.
“Loves you, Uncle Axel,” Mia answers while the other two girls nod their heads.
“Love each of you,” Axel returns.
Our fun ends when my phone pings with an incoming text. Mia lifts a cucumber off her eye and spots Craig and me standing near the couch.
“Hi, Chubs! Hi, Craig! Want to have a spa day with us?” she asks innocently.
Axel’s body freezes for a moment before his hands push the cucumber slices up, and his eyes land on me. Axel bolts to his feet but, unfortunately, forgets he’s half-wearing high heels. His ankles twist sideways, and his large body crashes to the floor, nearly taking out his two nieces. Kicking the heels off, he stumbles to his feet. The gold facial stuff must be really thick and sticky because the cucumber slices are now stuck to his forehead above his eyes like forgotten goggles. It’s a sight to see.
With the girls giggling and Axel glaring, I stop the video and pop a cookie in my mouth. Grinning around the cookie, I look down at Craig and see he’s ready. He knows what we have to do, no explanation necessary. We turn and haul ass for the door with Axel right behind us.
Craig’s smart and leaps over the steps, landing on the lawn and never looking back. I grab the rail, sling my feet to the side in a smooth jump, and land a few feet behind Craig’s fleeing body. We make tracks and don’t stop until we reach the clubhouse.
Rushing through the back door, then the kitchen door, we slide to a stop inside the main room. Gunner is sitting at the bar with Pigeon, both watching our wild entrance.
“I don’t even want to know,” Gunner states while holding up his hand to stop any explanation we might offer.
“I do!” Pigeon says with a wide smile.
“Ballerina Axel spa day,” Craig chokes out, laughing and trying to catch his breath.
“Video?” Pigeon asks hopefully while holding his hand out.
“Of course,” I answer while handing my phone over.
I’m proud of the video we got, but prouder still that I did that run with a cookie in my mouth, two more in my hand, and I never dropped a crumb.
Being a foodie and a wrecker truck driver, I know every inch of Denver and its outlying suburbs. Being a people person, I’ve chatted with every form of human working or living in those areas. Race, sex, financial status, political beliefs—none of that matters to me. Everyone has an equal chance with me until they prove otherwise. I don’t judge based on anything other than someone’s actions. Because people seem drawn to me, open up to me, I believe they can sense that, and it’s earned me trust and friendships with people others might avoid. I’ve also learned to keep my ear to the ground for tidbits of information that may someday be useful. Today is one of those days.
Pulling the wrecker to a stop in front of a Chinese take-out joint I love, I shut it off and jump out. Forcing myself to walk past the door of the restaurant, I aim myself to the alley that runs alongside of it. I’m in luck and spot the few men playing dominos that I was hoping would be around today.
“Hey, guys. How’s it going?” I ask as I come to a stop next to an aged white guy who goes by the street name of Black. I don’t know why or how that became his nickname, and I don’t ask those kinds of questions. I quit asking about the story behind street or road names after my club brother Pooh was tagged with his. That incident still brings on a laugh and an icky feeling in equal strength when I think about it.
“Hey, Brother Chubs. Fancy seeing you in these parts. On a call?” Black asks with a grin while the other men give me nods or a chin tip in greeting.
“Not yet. Heading out to one shortly,” I answer while sniffing the aroma floating in the air. Damn, I should have stopped inside the restaurant before hitting the alley. “Thought I’d drop by and see how you’re all doing.”
That simple comment opens the men up, and they each give me a rundown of the happenings in their worlds. I listen closely, respond when needed, and make a point to ask questions so they know I’m sincere about checking in on them. And I am sincere about it. I enjoy my time spent with people I’ve come to know that others might tend to look down upon.
After several long minutes of chatter, I join in on a game of dominos, lose twenty bucks to Black, and bow out of the next game. When the laughter of my loss passes, I aim serious eyes at Black and quietly ask my questions.
Gaining the information I need, I hang out for a few more minutes before saying my goodbyes. The best way to gain knowledge is to engage with the older folk who hang out on the stoops or in the alleys. They see and hear everything because the other people don’t see them as a threat. They’re fixtures in those areas, and people overlook them all the while they’re filing away everything that happens on their streets. If you’re on good terms with them, they’re a wealth of knowledge of the goings on in their area.
I pull away with my take-out order and head to the first tow of the day. I only make it a few blocks when I realize I have a tail. Not surprising since I’ve had one most days for the last several months. Fucking Feds are getting on my last nerve. I have things to do, plans to set into motion, and they slow me down.
Just for fun and to annoy them, I start making fast right turns. Speeding up between turns, it’s not long, and I’m the one following them. When they stop at the intersection, looking in both directions for me, I laugh loudly. Honking my horn, I flip them off when each guy looks in their mirror. Whipping the wrecker into the lane next to them, I time my acceleration perfectly when the light turns red, and I leave them in my dust. Fed that, suckers!
“Put the mallet down, Trig. We both know you’re not going to clock me with it,” I say in an amused tone.
“You might think you know that, but I seriously haven’t decided yet, Chubs!” he shouts in my face.
Finally noticing how close he is to the edge, I remove the smirk from my face and eye him seriously. Holding both hands up in a placating manner, I regret my decision to return the wrecker before Trigger’s shift ended today. I’ve been avoiding him a lot lately, and I was a fool to think not seeing me might calm his legendary temper. Now, he has me cornered in the club’s garage, and I’m not seeing an easy escape.
“I’d like to hear some truths too, Chubs. So don’t think I’m going to run for Petey to intervene,” Tessie states as she stops next to Trigger while wiping her hands on a grease rag.
I know better than to assume she’ll side with anyone over Trigger. Those two are joined at the hip most days, and Axel, my club’s vice president, accurately calls them The Dangerous Duo. Most of the guys that work at the garage know better than to cross Tessie because she’ll rat their asses out to Trigger in a second, and he’ll make them sorry they did. Trigger’s not only overprotective of his young protégé but also loves that girl like she’s his own. Knowing all of this, I give Tessie a warm smile and flash puppy dog eyes at her. Her stance softens a bit, and I start to think I may survive, after all.
Still standing nose to nose with me, Trigger lowers the mallet to his side but growls out, “Why are there Feds harassing you? What do they want, and why the fuck won’t you let the club help?”
“Yeah, Chubs. Why?” Tessie semi-parrots Trigger’s questions while placing her hands on her hips.
“I’ll tell you my secret if you tell Trigger yours,” I return, looking at Tessie, and fight a grin at the instant response from both humans.
Trigger’s head swings Tessie’s direction while her body stiffens in alarm. I’m suddenly no longer on Trigger’s radar, and Tessie looks like a deer caught in the headlights. Yep, I may survive this encounter in one piece, after all.
“What secret would you keep from me?” Trigger asks with a confused look on his face.
“No secret! He’s lying! Chubs doesn’t know nothing about anything!” Tessie shouts nervously, with guilt written all over her.
Trigger turns to face her fully, myself forgotten for the moment, and I take that opportunity to slide along the wall toward the big bay door. As I listen to Trigger question Tessie, I feel a moment of pity for her. I too love that girl to death, and I just threw her under the Trigger bus to save myself. Not my proudest moment, but unfortunately, it was necessary. I only need a few more days before putting my plan in motion, and I can’t have it derailed. Hopefully, I can make it up to Tessie someday. If I survive my plan, I’m going to have a lot of apologies to make at some point. Realistically, I know not everyone will forgive me, but life is full of hard choices. I’ll choose every damn time to have the people I love hate me forever if it keeps them breathing. It’ll be hard losing them from my life. Crushing, actually, but I don’t see another way.
I make it to my bike, climb on and start it up. As I’m riding past the open bay doors, I punch the throttle and swallow down my guilt. Again.