Chapter 5 #2
“Meaning your father can go home, and you can wash your hands of me by dumping me on Sean Blackbourne’s doorstep?”
His face darkens before he turns away. “That would be best.”
“For whom?” I challenge, furious to the bone with his oblique answers. “You, certainly. You could rid yourself of me, guilt-free and—”
Raiden pulls me close, making my pulse trip. “I have tried every way I know to spare you more heartache. I was a bastard to you, yes. I seduced you with every intention of walking out the door. I don’t mate. I am my father’s son.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“To your detriment, then. I’m trying to do the right thing. Instead of seducing you again, I’m warning you. Which do you think I’d rather do?” He raises a golden brow, his blistering gaze wandering down my body.
I flush hot. “You’re trying to scare me, but you held me with such tenderness. The way you made me feel so secure and whispered to me when we were together was—”
“Designed to separate a pretty female from her knickers. It’s a skill I’ve spent decades perfecting. Your parents knew that when they threatened me out of your life.”
I blink, my eyes wide and astounded. “Threatened you?”
“To step aside or have the Council Chancellor, your mate-to-be’s uncle, censure and incarcerate me until you were happily mated.”
That would have left the Doomsday Brethren down a warrior.
Had Raiden allowed that to happen, he might as well have signed his twin’s death warrant—along with the rest of the Doomsday Brethren.
They’re already woefully outmanned. Does that mean that Raiden didn’t want to leave me, after all?
Even though he was convinced he couldn’t make a genteel witch like me happy?
His desires run deep, dark. He barely unleashed his wants on me before I was breathless and overwhelmed.
He was convinced he would have shocked me eventually, and that I would realize what my parents already knew: that he isn’t good enough for me.
“You didn’t fight for me at all.” I don’t ask because I know the answer, but the hurt in my voice is unmistakable.
“No. In good conscience, how could I?”
I step back, dropping a protective hand over the gentle swell of my belly and shielding our baby from him.
Pain tightens Raiden’s face. “Deep down, I made the right decision.”
“Then why are you helping me now? Because of the baby?” If he says yes, I might break into a thousand pieces.
Raiden’s gaze softens. “I’m not cruel. It would devastate me to see Mathias hurt you and our youngling. And if you remain near me, he’ll certainly try. Besides, I’ve been quite clear; I’m not built for mating or commitment. The sooner you accept that, the happier you’ll be.”
I stare at him as if he’s a stranger, my eyes wary and tear-filled. “Then you’re right. We should find whatever is in this building quickly so we can part ways.”
Without another word, I try to tug open the door. It refuses to budge.
Bram must have given him the heads-up on accessing buildings once used by Council officials and their ministers. Raiden closes his eyes and mutters an unfamiliar spell. Seconds later, the latch in my hand clicks. Then he cocks his head. Using his magic to sense if anyone is inside?
“Quiet. We’re not alone,” he whispers.
My breath catches. “Mathias?”
“I hope not. Let’s go.”
Raiden leads me up the stairs, his hand gripping mine. My heart pounds. I don’t see anything dangerous, but I sense it.
Something is off. No, wrong.
“Tabby?” Raiden slides a gentle hand to the small of my back, looking down at me with concern.
“The air here feels…off.”
“Indeed. But we may not get a second chance to search this place.” He continues on, then eases open the first door we encounter. After peeking inside, he sidles in and tugs me against his side. “Anything look familiar?”
I scan my surroundings, matching what I see against my hazy memories. “No.”
He takes my shoulders in his grasp. “What do you remember about your father’s office?”
Closing my eyes, I try to envision that night so many decades ago. “We walked up several flights of stairs, then through a big brown door. There was a lovely reception area with marble floors…”
We both scan the surface beneath our feet. It hardly fits that description.
With a curse, Raiden pulls me back into the stairwell. “Let’s keep going. Tell me the moment anything looks familiar.”
We trek up another flight, before peering out the stairwell door into another floor of empty, shadow-drenched offices. But nothing here looks like anyplace I’ve seen before, either.
I shake my head. We repeat the process a couple times over, with the same results. Finally, when I scan the next dim, empty space, I nod emphatically. “Here. My father’s office was on the other side of the fountain, near the tiles shaped like the rune for Truth, that giant Y-looking symbol.”
Before Raiden can stop me, I race in that direction.
Thankfully, we haven’t seen anyone yet, much less been spotted.
I pray it remains thus. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep me safe and protect the tree my father was willing to die for.
Once he’s done that, he’ll force me out of his life again.
Then he’ll leave me to give birth alone while he fights a battle I fear can’t be won.
After I cross the tiled floor, I reach the door and grip the knob.
Raiden closes the space between us in a blink and claps his hand over mine. “Let me.”
With a sharp turn of my head, I scan his expression. He’s hard to read, but I feel his disquiet. “Do you…sense someone on the other side?”
He frowns. “Can’t be too careful, especially when it comes to you two.”
Tears well when he caresses my distended belly with one hand and cradles my cheek in the other.
Against my will, my heart melts. On some level, Raiden cares.
I feel it. He doesn’t want to, just like I’m certain he doesn’t want me to know.
But I see that same yearning that lured me back to his bed time and time again on his face now.
“Tabby…”
My breath stutters. Raiden Wolvesey does not soften. He does not plead. Yet he’s all but begging me now. His silent admission that I matter.
More reasons I can’t resist him.
I step aside. “Be careful. Please.”
Suddenly, his expressionless mask returns. “I’ve trained for this. I should have left you behind.”
“No. It’s my family we’re burying. My father who pushed me to safety and trusted me with his dying secret.”
He lunges into my personal space, eyes burning. “That’s my youngling you’re carrying—the only one I’ll ever have. And you shouldn’t be bloody following me into danger.”
Because Mathias or the Anarki could kill him tomorrow and leave me in mourning, leave our coming child without a father. And because I’m a target in my own right. But this is a risk I must take. Our youngling has no future if I cower and let evil win.
Even when Raiden behaves like a bastard, I can’t stop myself from caring. I’ve tried to hate him, but it’s useless.
He admitted once, when he was well into his cups, that he never knew genuine emotion growing up. Most Brits have a stiff upper lip, but Raiden’s heart always seemed frozen…until that first fantastical night we shared. Then I saw the real him. Or what I thought was the real him.
Now, in the cold light of day, months later, I don’t know. But…my stubborn heart wants to believe that the tender lover who once treasured me considers me the mate of his heart. Yes, my hope is ridiculous. Foolish. How many ways does he need to tell me that only the youngling matters to him?
And yet, there are times I’d swear—like when he cupped my face—that he only let me go for my safety. For our child’s.
Or maybe I’ve gone mad. I don’t know if he’s even capable of caring for one woman for the rest of his life. I’m not convinced he knows either.
Raiden shoves the door open to reveal a fairly standard, if outdated, office. A clunky desk with a fake wood-grain top and chrome legs. An old desk phone. Empty file folders. A picture frame. A plant, curiously alive.
“Does anything look familiar?” he asks me.
But I’m already rushing into the room and lifting the picture frame filled with an image of a happier time. The tears filling my eyes now run down my cheeks. “Dad and Mum. Javen and Russum. I can’t believe they’re truly gone.”
Feeling lost and alone, I meet his gaze across the room. Raiden scowls, looks at me as if he’s…annoyed. Angry. Something. I half expect him to yell or browbeat me. Not that he ever has, but the way he’s looking at me…
But instead of a tirade, he closes the distance between us, grabs me in his arms, and hauls me against his solid body.
Stupid or not, what’s left of my anger and resistance dissipates. All that’s left, all I want, is Raiden.
Like a life preserver saving me from drowning in a sea of grief and guilt, Raiden alone keeps me afloat.
I know he’ll leave me again soon. He always does. But I need him so very much right now.