Chapter 6
Chapter Six
I’ve tried to hold myself together since the attack, but now?
All these feelings I’ve been ignoring are overwhelming me.
I feel as if I’m falling to pieces. Every terrified part of me needs to feel safe right now.
I crave comfort, sanctuary to grieve in peace.
And even if Raiden broke my heart…he’s the only one left who can give me that.
Unfortunately, it will have to wait until we’ve figured out what my father was protecting.
Wiping my tears away with impatient hands, I push out of his embrace. “We don’t have time for this. Let’s start by looking in the desk—”
“Tabby…” Raiden clutches my shoulders, refusing to let me move more than a meter away. “You’ve suffered an incredible loss.”
“It’s Tabitha. And Mathias doesn’t care about my feelings. He’s likely plotting to kill me, too.” I drop my hand to my rounding belly. “Us. Because of what I might know. We’ll be safer if we figure it out and tell the world.”
He nods grimly. “But you’ve been so strong since the attack. Let me be your pillar.”
What is he implying, that he’ll be here to support me? Shelter me? Grieve with me? I study his too-handsome face, trying to discern the answer. But he looks carved from granite, unreadable as a statue—except his blue eyes, which radiate an unexpected warmth. Compassion.
He claims he’s here for me now, but I know it’s not because he loves me. Raiden wanted me once. Now he merely pities me. What a bitter pill to swallow.
“I’m fine.”
But I’m lying. I’m not fine. My hands shake as I set down the picture. The metal frame clatters face down onto the desktop. My family’s smiling faces disappear. Sadness and frustration crash down on me as loss deluges me again. Angry tears flood my eyes, slide hotly onto my cheeks.
Raiden curses, hauling me closer. “That’s it. Cry. I’m sorry I’ve been a bastard, and I’m probably the last person in the world you want comforting you. But I’ll be damned if I’ll watch you bleed inside and do nothing. So don’t shut me out.”
I do need to cry. I hate to admit that, and it’s horrible timing.
But after shoving down my shock and grief to deal with the danger, emotions are unavoidably catching up with me.
But if I burden Raiden now, he’ll only leave me faster.
He’s made it plain he’s not interested in love, and he’s never going to commit.
Availing myself of his momentary compassion will only hurt more when he walks away for the final time.
I look down, try to hide my crumbling expression from him. Raiden is having none of that. He tips my chin and forces me to meet his stare.
Suddenly, I can’t hold in my choking grief anymore.
As the first sob wracks me, I try to avert my gaze. But he sees straight through me, probably because he knows me too well. He simply doesn’t love me the way I love him.
With a curse, Raiden crushes me against his chest. The steady beat of his heart under my ear is both a joy and a sorrow. I need him too much to push him away, so I cling, throwing my arms around his neck and burrowing closer.
“Raiden...”
A moment later, he brushes the tears from my face and cups my cheeks, his gaze penetrating mine, full of a thousand emotions.
I catch my breath. I’ve seen many expressions cross Raiden’s face, but in nearly every one, the windows to his soul have been closed. Hot, challenging, alluring, yes. But never revealing, stark. Haunted. Open. Like now.
He lowers his head—slowly. I can stop him at any time…but my aching eyes and my bleeding heart take over. Stopping him is the last thing I want.
My heart thumps so hard that it threatens to beat out of my chest. Raiden does this every time he touches me. I can’t fight the rush of feelings and sensations. They pull me inexorably toward him. I know, even without a wizard’s mating instinct, that he is the mate of my heart.
Too bad that he lacks the instinct—or love—to believe I’m his mate as well.
But none of that matters now. He’s giving me the very comfort that’s suddenly my air. I don’t have the will to stop him.
The first brush of his lips over mine pushes all thoughts aside. He lingers, breathes, urges me to open with a touch so soft I nearly weep. Then he waits until I’m breathless, rising on my tiptoes and grabbing his biceps, silently begging as I press myself against him.
An instant later, he plunges deep inside my mouth, stealing my sanity and reclaiming my soul. His familiar taste haunts me. He’s so male. So Raiden. So irresistible.
With a moan, I open myself up for more of his kiss. He samples me gently…yet takes what he wants in that subtly commanding way of his.
Unable to remember why I shouldn’t, I lift my fingers to the hard breadth of his shoulders, then caress my way across his chest until I loop my arms around his neck.
Raiden grips my hips and presses closer, demanding.
He is so solid—in every way. He’s the anchor in my storm.
The safe harbor in the raging sea of my grief.
“I’m here, Tabby,” he murmurs against my lips. “I’ll hold you. I’ll keep you safe.”
It’s probably foolish, but I nod. “I need that. Need you.”
“I know.” He drags his lips up my neck.
The electric sensation of his breath feathering over my sensitive skin, of his lips claiming the flesh he’s claimed so many times before, makes me gasp. But I feel a new urgency. A new something. A possessiveness he’s never exhibited.
I roll my head to the side, allowing him all the access he craves.
“And I’m here.” He strokes his hand up my body—to my waist, my rib cage, the sensitive side of my breast. When I gasp into his ear, he groans. “That’s it, Tabby. Feel me. Let me take your pain and give you pleasure.”
I shouldn’t; I know that. I’ll be leaning on him too much. It’s unlikely he’ll be here later when I need him in other ways. I shouldn’t lean on him to cope with my grief.
Then, through my blouse, he drags his thumb over my puckered nipple. My entire body pings with tingles. With knee-weakening desire. He’s both arousing and comforting. Despite my confusion, I arch into his touch.
Suddenly, he’s nuzzling my nipple through my shirt…even as he begins to undo the buttons, slowly unfastening the one after the other, in a seductive, measured cadence. Seconds later, my shirt gapes open, and the only thing between him and my breasts is a flimsy lace bra.
“Raiden…” I breathe. “We shouldn’t. Not here. We don’t have time now. We—”
“Shh. There’s no one on this side of the building, and your expression is killing me. You need someone to hold you, and I’m dying to be that man.”
How am I supposed to argue with that?
He doesn’t say another word, just presses reverent kisses to the swells of my breasts, his lips hovering inches above the scalloped lace. Fighting him is no use. The feel of his mouth on me all through my body, his hot breaths warming my skin… It’s too much to fight.
Instead, I fist my hands into the hair at his nape and let my head fall back, opening myself to him totally.
Raiden moans his appreciation and pushes the cup of my bra aside, exposing one mound. His thumb scrapes across the sensitive surface, bringing it back to screaming, turgid life. His mouth follows suit.
Sensations bombard me, sucking me under, into a world of pleasure. Tingles abound. My skin tightens. I’m restless and dying inside every moment I’m not melded with Raiden.
Without thought, I shove aside his trench, attack his sweater, and bare his broad, ridged chest to my needy stare. His bronzed skin, brown male nipples, light dusting of pale hair, his corrugated abs… He’s pure male animal power. And he’s all mine again.
At least for now.
As his teeth scrape my nipple, he pushes the rest of my bra aside with his free hand and inhales my distended bud in his mouth, pinching the first with devilish fingers.
The pleasure zings straight down between my legs, where I’m already wet and achy.
Waiting for him to fill me, take away my pain, and make me whole is an exquisite torment.
Only Raiden does this to me. Every time. Yes, every grown witch or wizard relies primarily on sex for their energy, so I haven’t made it through my thirty-six years without physical recharging. But until Raiden, I’d never lost my body to a lover, much less my heart.
Today is no exception.
He rips into the rest of my clothes and shoves them down my hips, falling to his knees so he can worship my breasts whilst stripping me bare. And I let him, gladly.
Once he’s peeled away my skirts and knickers, he remains crouched, staring at the aching flesh between my legs. He glides a finger through my slick furrow. I gasp.
“Always so wet and ready, Tabby. Just for me?”
I don’t dare answer that question.
“Touch me,” I say instead. “I want to feel you deep inside me.”
“You will,” he murmurs, coming closer, closer...
A moment later, he lifts my leg with one powerful hand, opening me to his delving stare. He licks his lips, and my heart stops. My world narrows to his mouth and my shaking breaths. Is he really going to…?
We’ve exchanged energy in a frenzy of passion more than a few times, but Raiden has never tasted me. This behavior is common among mated wizards. They sample their mates, indulging in the very taste that drew them to Call to her.
Raiden never will. So…why is he doing this with me now?
Suddenly, he’s on me, mouth open—hot, open, starving. He rakes his tongue up my slit in one long, possessive lick. The shock of it rips a broken cry from my throat.
Then he spreads me wider with his thumbs, exposing every secret fold, and sucks my clit between his lips like he’s claiming it—claiming me.
Only his iron grip on my hips, pinning me to the desk, keeps me upright.
My heart slams against my ribs. My legs threaten to give out.
And I stop seeking the answers to my questions.