Chapter 25 #3
"Are you sure you don’t want to come in with me?" Blue asks.
"I’m sure. I have a feeling you’re safe there, so I’m asking to be relieved of my bodyguard duties for the time you’ll be spending with your family."
Blue opens his mouth as if to add something, but stops himself, giving only a short nod before walking toward the brightly lit entrance, where a butler greets him.
I sit there motionless for a long moment, staring blankly at the illuminated front of the building.
Soon more limousines arrive, and other Lowens begin getting out, along with some regular cars. At one point, emerging from one of them are none other than… Storm and Damien Lowen.
Wow. I somehow forgot that Damien is one of them.
On impulse, I step out of the car and wave at him. Storm turns, surprised.
"Oh, wow, Gabriel. You came here with Blue?" he asks with a wide grin, walking up to me and extending his hand. I shake it firmly. I wave to Damien as well in greeting.
"Yes," I say. "And you’re heading to the family gathering, I assume?" I add, stating the obvious, since it’s clear why they’re here. Damien is Sebastian’s son, the head of the Omega Red Line Agency, the same one Blue lends his jet to.
"Have fun," I add after clearing my throat. "Blue’s already inside."
"Thanks, man. So… spill, gossip time. What’s it like working with Blue?" Storm suddenly asks, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
His eyes move over my face, amused.
A strange irritation suddenly rises in me.
"That’s a funny way you put it back then at the fair: ‘controversial,’ and it really is. You felt it yourself, didn’t you? That it’s strange, almost impossible, almost illogical, that Fate would choose such a zero like me and Blue as fated mates."
Storm blinks, surprised by my rant. He knows a completely different version of me. Quiet, nervous Gabriel, who never talked back to anyone, suddenly has an attitude? Damien glances at him and then at me.
"I’m not sure I understand…"
"Come on. You knew from the start, right?"
Silence.
"With your gift, it must have been obvious. You had to see that we’re True Mates."
"I did, yes, and I also knew you’d never believe me. It’s the story of my life. My own brothers doubt me, even though they were proved wrong on more than one occasion," Storm smiles helplessly and spreads his hands. "But isn’t it a good thing, now that you know?"
"I know, but I still don’t understand it, Storm! It’s crazy! Why would Fate pair us together? It doesn’t make any sense."
I’m aware that I’m dumping my frustrations and negativity on Storm, who has done nothing to deserve it, but it’s boiling inside me.
Unexpectedly, it’s Damien who answers me.
"I don’t think it’s that strange. Our families have a high level of compatibility, the Nolans and the Lowens."
"Maybe, but…" I cut myself.
It doesn’t pull me away from my original line of thought, because it still changes nothing. Out of all the Nolans, I shouldn’t be the one paired with Blue. Plenty of my cousins would deserve that more.
I’m about to add something, but one of the arriving cars stops, and a shor man with a youthful face steps out.
I recognize him as Sebastian Lowen. Beside him is a tall alpha, both of them looking no older than thirty, even though I know they’re much older.
After all, they’re Damien’s parents, and they’re True Mates too.
Yeah.
Will that be my future too? Will I stay undeservingly young after all those years?
They immediately notice Damien and call out to him, waving happily.
Storm leans toward me and says quietly,
"Sorry, I can’t talk now, I need to greet my in-laws," he winks. "If something’s wrong, call me, we’ll talk.
And keep your head up. I can see you having some little…
crisis. But if Fate chose you, Gabriel, there’s no mistake here.
Even if you think the match is strange, nothing happens without a reason. "
He winks again and walks off with Damien toward his mate’s parents, who greet them warmly, hugging both of them, including Storm.
Interesting.
They accepted him into the family… despite his criminal past, despite his dire financial situation at the time? That gives me a small pause.
I get back into the limousine, feeling stupid. I didn’t need to bother Storm or dump my inner struggles on him, but all of this is ripping me apart.
What I want… is to be close to Blue. I desperately want him, but am I even capable of allowing myself to truly be his alpha?
Claim him in front of his family?
Am I the main problem here? My low self-esteem? Do I need to grow into this relationship?
Earlier, I thought Blue was the one who had the hardest work ahead of him, that he’d spent years trapped inside his fortress while I had easy mode and could just throw myself into the rush of love.
Now I’m realizing there’s something holding me back too.
Years of feeling… like I’m not enough, like I’m lesser than other people.
In truth, everyone has their own battle to fight.
As the time for dinner approaches, Axel arrives as one of the last guests.
Walking beside him is a tall omega with red hair, and although I assume he’s Axel’s boyfriend, they don’t look particularly close. They’re not holding hands, and Axel has a slightly sour expression, just like the omega beside him. A tiny spat?
I watch as Axel disappears into the house, his boyfriend following slowly, almost reluctantly, like he doesn’t want to be there. I can relate for sure.
I try to calm the chaos in my head, my thoughts racing in every possible direction. I tap my fingers against my knee, bounce my foot, my nerves drawing tight like pulled cords.
Eventually I can’t sit still anymore. I get out of the limousine.
"I’m going to take a walk. I hope that’s not a problem," I say to Gerard.
"Alright, but I need to call the security team on the grounds," he replies, slightly displeased.
"Uh, sure…"
A moment later he calls someone and informs them that I’ll be entering the garden area around the estate.
I sigh, listening to the exchange, because this is what the Lowen lifestyle looks like. Security everywhere, controlled access, everything is monitored and protected.
Eventually I get the green light.
The garden is elegant, every blade of grass perfectly placed, the plants carefully arranged into geometric shapes, illuminated ponds, white pathways, marble, all of it creating an impression of luxury. But my eyes drift toward the house.
It’s a massive mansion in an old style, with columns, wide double wings, and a separate section for staff.
So this is where Blue grew up… This is where he spent his teenage years, a lost boy struggling through the aftermath of his accident. Was it in this garden that he met the butler’s two sons, the ones who brought him alcohol and drugs?
The thought that Blue went through days like that, when he wasn’t at the top, when he was nobody, a teen stripped of the ability to go through sexual maturation, to form an identity as an omega, makes something in my chest contract.
For years afterward, he lived searching for ways to regenerate what he had lost, fighting for it until that hope slowly faded over time when he kept hitting an insurmountable barrier.
And in the meantime, he denied himself relationships with men.
He didn’t have what others did. All his brothers found partners, and he alone did not, even though he once wanted that, dreamed of having a family.
The kind of pain he must have carried, the way he had to rebuild himself to eliminate that longing…
So much self-denial, even to the point of lying to himself?
Eventually I make my way to the back of the house, where through wide glass panels I can see a massive living room with a huge dining table stretching from one end of the space all the way to the glass doors leading out onto the terrace.
The sight nearly knocks the air out of my lungs. The Lowen family is enormous. The patriarch had five children, and Blue is the youngest son.
I spot him too, the patriarch himself, a broad, silver-haired figure seated at the head of the table with undeniable authority. On his left sits a white-haired omega, his husband and the dad of all the Lowen children, and on his right, interestingly, sits Blue.
The rest of the sons are surrounded by their families crowded around them. I see the patriarch speaking, but even though I could probably make out his words through the glass, I have no interest in listening.
My eyes lock onto Blue.
He sits in silence beside his father, staring at his plate.
His hands rest on either side of it near the cutlery, his fingers moving slightly, and as I watch that small, absent motion, I just know…
…that he is thinking about me.
There is something dimmed in his expression, a kind of hidden heaviness.
I can feel that sadness even from here. Did what I said earlier, my sudden spiral of insecurity, hurt him somehow?
But why?
It was not about him, not in a negative way.
Maybe he feels that he failed at explaining it to me, to convince me I should not feel inferior. Perhaps even he, a genius, ran out of arguments when it came to my chaotic emotions.
Or possibly it is because I refused to come inside and sit at the table with him, even though we both already know I am his True Mate, and the other True Mates are sitting together while I am not, excluded on my own request, scared he would be ashamed of me, of who I am.
Because let’s be honest: I’m a worse case than Storm, whom they accepted. He was accused by his ex-husband, but never proven guilty. It had nothing to do with the Lowens.
I, on the other hand, am a man who attacked Blue’s company, got caught, was thrown in prison, judged, put on display at a contract fair… and now walks around with an ankle monitor.
Can you blame me for cowering in front of all those people, their eyes ready to judge, to show contempt? What a ‘great’ candidate for a new member of their closed group I am. A truly disastrous match.
And yet, through all these self-degrading thoughts, I cannot take my eyes off him.
My heart still aches for him.
Undeserving as I am, I still crave him, I stare at his delicate, beautiful face, because to me it’s so perfect, at his slight figure, and I feel this desperate urge to go inside, pull him into my arms, hold him close, tell him everything I feel, beg for his forgiveness.
But I am ashamed, afraid.
I sink down onto one of the low stone planters and press my hands over my face.
I know this evening is going to be painful and lonely.
Before I will grow into myself.