7. Gage
SEVEN
GAGE
It was almost eleven o’clock on Saturday morning, and I was still lazing about in my bed. I should have been up ages ago and been working already. Any other time, I would definitely be out in my workshop well before this time. But today, I just hadn’t been able to get motivated to do it. My mind was fixated on my time with Cooper at the bar. Last night was intense! I’m glad I could be there to help him with his panic attack, and I’m beyond honored and touched that he trusted me with the story of his fallen comrades. I felt like we connected on a much deeper level than I ever intended to, though. I can’t believe I held him in my lap! And I kissed the top of his head for god’s sake. I called him ‘gorgeous boy’! Seriously, what the hell am I doing?
I can’t let myself get closer to this man. I can’t let myself need him. I know I could fall for him so easily. And that simply cannot happen. Cooper is a good man, too good for me. I ruin everything I touch, and I couldn’t handle it if I ruined him. My life is often lonely, yes. And it’s isolated, but it’s safe—for me and anyone unlucky enough to be associated with me. I had to remind myself that I couldn’t afford to fall for Cooper’s charm and his wit and his goodness and his gorgeous face. And that dimple. Oh, my god! The dimple. It’s the absolute most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. When he smiles and that dimple pops, I just want to melt. And I want to lick it. I really, really, want to lick that damned dimple!
I probably would have still been lying in my bed spiraling out over Cooper had my doorbell not been rung. Repeatedly. Seriously, what is this person’s problem? I pulled up the doorbell camera, and there was Cooper in all his deliciousness practically leaning on my doorbell. Sweet baby Jesus, why does he have to look so damned good? Is he preening for the camera? Little shit knows I’m watching him, and he’s showing off.
I clicked on the microphone feature for the camera app and spoke to him. “I’m all set on girl scout cookies, so you can go.” Instead of getting offended or laughing like I expected him to, Cooper put his face right into the camera with probably the most solemn and serious face I’d ever seen on him and said, “You have girl scout cookies? Do you have thin mints? Please tell me you have thin mints.”
I cracked up. I couldn’t help myself. This man… merciful heavens, how was I meant to resist him? I composed myself (mostly) before I answered him. “I cannot confirm or deny the existence of thin mints in this house. I can tell you that if there were thin mints here, they would definitely be in the freezer and most definitely all mine! I do not share my thin mints.”
He smiled into the camera, that damned adorable dimple in full effect, and seductively whispered, “Please share your thin mints with me, sir. I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”
Fuck me! I bet he could make it worth my while. I’m not usually into d/s play, but something about him calling me sir had my cock perking up. Down, boy! I knew better than to do it, but it seemed the wrong head was in control of my actions as I walked to my front door and opened it wide for the sexy man lounging against my doorframe.
In response to that sinful taunt he’d thrown out on camera, I said, “Worth my while, huh? We’ll see about that.” Like I said, the head that knew this was a very, very bad idea was clearly not running the show right then.
Cooper’s smile turned wicked as he entered my home carrying what looked like a picnic basket. My house is open concept, so you can see all the common areas as soon as you step in. Brash as can be, Cooper proceeded to stroll right by me—winking as he passed—and walked straight into my kitchen and over to my refrigerator. He then opened my freezer and came out with a sleeve of thin mints in his hand. He came back and stopped right in front of me, entirely too close for my comfort.
“Just had to make sure you really had the goods,” he all but purred at me.
“Oh, I have the goods, alright. Don’t you worry about that,” I shot back at him. My voice had gone all husky. Why am I flirting with this man? Abort! Abort!
Then his smile went impossibly wide as he said, “Good, because I’m kidnapping you and your thin mints. Good thing I brought a cooler so I can keep this manna from the girl scout gods nice and chilled.”
I furrowed my brow in confusion. “Kidnapping me? What the hell are you on about? And give me back my thin mints, you thief! I never actually said I would share them with you, you know.”
“Nope,” he said, popping the p in nope, “I’m confiscating them for our picnic. I’m taking you on a hike to the lookout tower. Best view on the whole mountain! Now, go get dressed and put your hiking boots on. Not that I don’t appreciate this whole low-slung grey sweats moment you’ve got going on, because you are definitely making that work.” His appreciative gaze slowly swept over me from head to toe, lingering just a bit too long in the crotch area.
Oh, holy hell! Did this man just eye fuck me? I cleared my throat, ignoring his grey sweats comment and his obvious perusal of my body. That was not a rabbit hole I could afford to go down right then, not when I was commando under those grey sweats. And if I let myself think too much about his appreciative stare, I was going to have a major problem that my sweats would do absolutely nothing to hide. So, I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him, though there was no real malice in my glare.
“So, this is how you’re going to make stealing my thin mints worth my while? By taking me on a forced march up the mountain?” This was not at all what I thought he meant by making it worth my while. Although, this is certainly the smarter and safer option. So, why am I feeling so disappointed?
“Forced? I’m not forcing you, Gage. I’m inviting you. It’s not like I’m dragging you up the mountain by your hair caveman-style or anything. I am holding your thin mints hostage, though.” He put his hands in the pockets of his cargo pants and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, smirking at me. He knew damned well I was going to go with him. And it had nothing to do with him taking my thin mints.
I sighed loudly as if his invitation were a major imposition. “Fine, I’ll go. But only because you have my thin mints.” I turned to walk toward my bedroom and called back to him over my shoulder. “I’m going to go get dressed. I’ll be right back. Make yourself at home.”
When I came back out to the living room, Cooper was bent over looking at some photos on my side table—photos of Jonah and me. And Claire, too. Crap! I forgot about those. I was not ready to talk about Jonah with him yet, maybe not ever. With the anniversary of his death right around the corner, it was all too raw. I plopped down onto the couch and loudly dropped my hiking boots on the floor in front of me to put them on, making sure Cooper heard me. I started babbling about the hike, trying to get his attention off of the photos, hoping he wouldn’t ask me who the boy in the photo was. I didn’t want to have to lie to him, but I wasn’t up to telling him the truth yet either.
“Just got to get my boots on, and I’ll be ready to go. So, how difficult is this hike anyway? Not all of us were Army Rangers whose bodies were honed to perfection, you know. I haven’t hiked in a long time. And I’m a lot older than you, too.” Cooper’s head whipped around toward me at that comment. Good, that got his attention.
“What makes you think you’re a lot older than me? How old are you anyway? You look like you’re maybe in your early thirties.”
“I’m thirty-two,” I told him. “How old are you? I had you clocked for mid-twenties at most.”
“I’m twenty-eight, grandpa. We’re only four years apart, so hardly a generational gap or anything. You can’t use advanced age to get out of this hike. And maybe the military didn’t hone your body to perfection—thanks for that, by the way—but you clearly take care of yourself. You forget, I’ve seen you shirtless. You’re not exactly sporting a dad bod with those chiseled abs of yours.”
He gave me what could only be termed a lascivious grin and stared at me as if he could see right through my t-shirt to those aforementioned chiseled abs. For as much as his stare made me uncomfortable, it also turned me the fuck on. And when I met his eyes, they were blazing with the same desire I was sure were shining in mine. Standing up from the couch with my boots now on, I cleared my throat and stammered out, “All done. You, uh, ready to go?”
Probably seeing my obvious discomfort with the situation, Cooper took pity on me and let me off the hook. “Yep, all set. Let’s hit the trail, old man. If you have any trouble traversing the trail, let me know. We’ll find you a nice branch to use as a walking stick.”
I rolled my eyes at the cocky little shit—the sinfully sexy cocky little shit. “Thank you for the kind offer, but I think I’ll be fine. I’ll be sure to alert you, though, if my advanced age or poor physical condition catches up to me enough to warrant you combing the woods for a walking stick.”
On the trail to the fire lookout tower, Cooper talked practically non-stop, telling me all about Fire Mountain. It was obvious how much he loved the place, and his eyes lit up when he talked about it. He pointed out natural landmarks and the homes of other Ashwood residents that lived on the mountain—many of whom I’d seen in the bar but never actually spoken to. He told me about the local wildlife, and he shared stories about camping on the mountain when he was a child, first with his parents and later with his grandparents. Everyone in his family loved the outdoors, he said, and went camping every chance they got. And they all loved the mountain. When his grandmother had died a couple of years ago, they had even scattered her ashes on the mountain in the spot where his grandfather had proposed to her. They had been high school sweethearts and married right out of high school. He said he’d never seen two people more in love.
“I can only hope to find that kind of love someday,” he said, glancing over at me.
Sensing this was headed in a direction I did not want to go down, I changed the subject to ask him something I’d actually been wondering about since the first time I saw him in the bar. “Hey, Cooper? Why does your grandfather call you Sunny?”
He rolled his eyes and groaned. “Ugh. It’s a little embarrassing. My grandmother started that when I was very young. It’s supposed to be because I have a sunny disposition, or so my grandmother thought. She used to say I was her little ray of sunshine. And once she started calling me Sunny, it stuck. Everyone in the family called me Sunny after that. I tried to get my grandmother to retire the cutesy nickname when I was in middle school, but she steadfastly refused. She called me Sunny right up to the day she died.”
“And now your grandfather calls you Sunny. I think it’s cute,” I said, smiling at him.
“It was cute when I was four, not so much at twenty-eight. Honestly, Pop never even really called me Sunny much when grandma was alive. I don’t know if he does it so much now to honor my grandma or because he wants to mess with me. I’m guessing it’s a little bit of both, honestly,” Cooper said. He had a soft, slightly sad smile on his face, no doubt due to missing his grandmother.
“From what I know of your grandfather, I’m thinking you’re probably right.”
By the time we reached the lookout tower, I actually was a little winded and my calves were screaming. Maybe I do need that walking stick, not that I’ll ever admit that to Cooper. The trail definitely got steeper as we neared the tower, and I was happy there were a couple of chairs there for us to fall into. Not that Cooper needed a chair. That super-fit, gorgeous asshole had barely broken a sweat and actually jogged the last few feet up to the tower. I did enjoy watching that bubble butt of his bouncing up and down as he did it, though. The man really was too sexy for his own good.
Once inside, after I’d drunk some water and rested my weary body a few minutes, Cooper took me over to show me the near-panoramic view from the tower, and I think I might have actually gasped. The view from the top of the mountain was absolutely incredible! It was well worth the hike. He then walked me through what he does when he’s on shift at the tower. He showed me how to use the Osborne Fire Finder and the elevation mapping software to accurately pinpoint the fire’s location for emergency responders. I found it all fascinating. And I was inordinately proud of Cooper for volunteering to do this for his community and as a way to honor his fallen brothers.
“Is no one on shift here today? You’re not supposed to be on shift right now, are you?” I asked him.
“Oh, no,” he replied, “I’m not on shift. No one is. We actually don’t have enough volunteers to cover this place all the time, and there is no full-time ranger employed to cover it anymore. We just try to ensure we have all the shifts covered on red flag days, but that’s the best we can do.”
“Maybe I should volunteer. You could show me the ropes, right?” And the more I thought about it, the more I really wanted to volunteer.
Cooper’s face lit up with excitement. “Yeah, for sure. That would be great, actually. There’s not that much to learn, just how to use the equipment and what the proper procedures are if you see something. If you decide to do it, just let me know. I’d be happy to show you everything you need to know.”
“I really think I want to. I just need to check my work schedule to see what projects I have coming up. I’ll let you know soon,” I told him.
“We should probably exchange phone numbers then, don’t you think? I mean, unless you want to just drop by the bar and hope I’m there every time you need to ask me a question. If I’m going to be showing you the ropes for volunteering, you really should be able to reach me if you have any issues while you’re on shift, at least at the beginning.”
I couldn’t miss his cocky grin. He’s slick. “Makes sense.” I pulled my phone from my pocket and handed it to him. “Here you go, just put your number in my contacts. Then I’ll text you, so you have my number too.”
As Cooper was handing the phone back to me, his stomach growled loudly. And as if it started a chain reaction, mine growled too. We both laughed, and Cooper grabbed up his picnic basket.
“Right, I guess it’s time I fed you, huh?” He dug into the basket and pulled out a chilled bottle of white wine with actual wine glasses (no red solo cups for this dude), an honest-to-goodness charcuterie board that looked incredible, some sandwiches, fresh fruit, and a garden salad with what he said was homemade raspberry vinaigrette.
I was flabbergasted that he’d done this. It was fantastic and so thoughtful. “You did this yourself?”
He nodded and bowed his head, actually looking a little sheepish. I’d never seen Cooper look sheepish. It was so out of character for him. “Even the homemade raspberry vinaigrette?” I asked.
He raised his head and looked at me then, meeting my eyes. “I did all of it, Gage. I wanted to do something nice for you. I wanted to take care of you.”
No one had ever taken care of me. It had always been the other way around. I was more touched by this gesture than he would ever know. I didn’t have the words to tell him that, so I just smiled softly at him and said, “Thank you.”
The food was excellent. All of it. Cooper had done a phenomenal job with it. I looked over at him and noticed he had a big dollop of hummus on the side of his mouth. I tried to point it out to him, but he just wasn’t finding it. So, I moved closer to him to wipe it away for him. But after I’d done that, I found that I didn’t want to move away from him again. I wanted to get even closer to him, so I did. And when I got within a couple of inches of his face, his breath hitched. Before I could talk myself out of it, I leaned over and kissed him ever so gently, almost chastely, on the mouth. But when I broke the kiss and leaned back, he grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me back in, deepening the kiss.
My whole body went up in flames, and before I knew it, I was lying on top of him, both of us grinding against the other. Cooper’s breathy moans drove my desire even higher. The last thing I wanted to do was stop, but I grabbed onto what little control I had left and pulled away from him. When he smiled, all lust-drunk, and reached for me to pull me back down to him, it took every bit of my resolve not to go.
I looked into those chocolate-brown orbs of his, which I could then see actually had tiny gold specks woven in, and I smiled sadly. “Cooper, this has been lovely, really. You have no idea how much it meant to me for you to do this.”
Cooper sighed. “I hear a ‘but’ coming, don’t I?”
I let out my own sigh, as I nodded. “But, we need to slow this down. I’m not in a place where I can date you, Cooper. I’m not good with relationships. I’m selfish, and I hurt people.”
He shook his head vehemently. “I don’t believe that. I may not have known you long, but I can tell that’s not who you are at all. No one who is inherently selfish and hurtful would have done what you did for me last night.”
How could I make him understand I was no good for him? “Just because I have occasional moments of being a decent human being doesn’t make what I said any less true. It doesn’t change the things I’ve done. I don’t want to hurt you, Cooper.”
“Then, don’t,” he said as he stared earnestly into my eyes.
I was starting to get frustrated. “It’s not that simple, damn it! I’m not good for you. I’m not good for anybody. You should steer clear of me.”
Cooper hung his head for a second, then gathered up the leftover food and put it back into his basket. As I watched him, he got up from the ground, dusted himself off, and extended a hand to help me up. I took it. When I got to my feet, though, he didn’t let go of my hand.
“I don’t know what has happened in your life to make you feel this way about yourself, but I’m going to prove to you that you’re wrong. Now, come on, it’s getting late. And as beautiful as the sunset is from this vantage point, we don’t want to be trekking down that trail in the dark, especially since you’re unfamiliar with it.”
He grabbed up the picnic basket with one hand and kept his other hand latched to mine as he pulled me down the trail. And right then, I was content to let him do it… for now, at least.