Chapter 12 Renard
TWELVE
RENARD
I was half-dozing when I heard it. It was faint and a sound that didn't quite belong. I tried to identify it. It wasn’t the refrigerator humming or the neighbor's TV through the wall. It was closer than that and it was coming from Julian.
My wolf was curious. What is that?
The rhythm was fast and light and reminded me of a heartbeat. But it wasn’t Julian’s. His was steady and strong. This was different and it was tiny and very fast.
My wolf was still. Pup.
No. That couldn't be.
But the sound was unmistakable. It was a faint second heartbeat coming from Julian's body. Gods it was our baby. I gasped as something coiled around me and squeezed my heart. Julian was pregnant with our child. We were going to have a baby.
I blinked rapidly, trying to process the surge of emotions washing over me. Terror and wonder and overwhelming love.
Julian has a pup inside him. My wolf was already protective of the tiny life we'd created.
"Renard?" Julian rested his chin on me. "Your heart just started racing. Are you okay?"
"I'm—" My voice was croaky and I tried again. "I'm fine."
He sat up and studied my face. "You don't look it. If I had to guess I’d say you’re about to cry."
Was I? I touched my face and my fingers came away wet. "Sorry. I was just thinking."
"About what?"
"Us." I pulled him closer, needing the contact. "Are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah, why?" He looked confused. "Should I not be?"
How did I ask this? "Have you been tired lately? Or feeling off?"
"I'm always tired. It’s an occupational hazard of walking dogs all day." He was watching me carefully now. "What's going on?"
I needed to know where his head was at. Was this something he wanted or would it send him running again?
"Do you ever think about having kids?"
Julian tilted his head to the side, clearly not expecting that topic.
"Kids? Like, in general?"
"Yeah. Is that something you want someday?"
"I don't know." He settled back against my chest. "I mean, the dogs I walk are enough for now. They're basically children with fur."
I experienced pain in my chest as though something was clawing it. Enough for now. That sounded like he wasn't interested in children yet.
Tell him anyway, my wolf urged. He needs to know.
But what if he wasn't ready and this destroyed what we'd been building?
"What about you?" Julian asked. "Do you want kids?"
I struggled to find words. "I never really thought about it before. My career has taken up so much space." I tightened my arms around him. "Lately I've been thinking maybe I do with the right person." I paused. "With you."
Julian faced me, and there was uncertainty in his eyes. "That's a big thing to think about. We've only been together a few weeks and you're already considering having kids with me?"
I couldn't tell if he was pleased or terrified or somewhere in between.
"Shifters mate for life," I said carefully. "When we find our person, we know. I knew you were mine from the first day and if that includes children someday, I'd be honored."
"Stop." He pressed his finger to my lips. "You're twisting yourself in knots.”
"I just need to know if you're open to the possibility. Because—" But I couldn’t stall any more. "Because I can hear a second heartbeat." The words tumbled out. "And it’s coming from you. It's faint, but it's there."
Julian went very still and put his hands over his ears. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm a shifter and I can hear things humans can't. And I'm hearing two hearts right now." I placed my hand over his stomach. "Yours and another one."
"And because of that, you think I'm pregnant."
He pulled away and stood up. His hands were shaking. "How long have you known?"
"I just figured it out. Maybe five minutes ago."
"And you thought what? That you'd ease into it by asking if I wanted kids?"
"I needed to know if you'd be okay with it and if this was something you'd want."
"That's not how this works, Renard." He was pacing now, running his hand through his hair. "You don't get to decide whether to tell me I'm pregnant based on whether you think I'll react well."
"You're right." I stood too. "I was scared of how you'd react and whether you'd want this."
He stopped pacing. "You were scared I wouldn't want our baby."
The way he said our baby gave me hope, despite how I’d fucked this up. "Yes."
"When you said you wanted kids, were you testing me?"
"No. I want this baby, Julian." I took a step toward him. "But only if you do." The words were coming out all wrong. Damn maybe I should have just blurted out that he was pregnant but I’d never done this before.
That’s obvious. My wolf wasn’t impressed.
His hand drifted to his stomach. "How sure are you that I'm pregnant?"
"I can hear the heartbeat."
"We should take a test."
"Okay. I can go get one."
"No." He grabbed his jacket. "Let's go together."
Julian stood in the pharmacy pregnancy test aisle, staring at the options. I stayed close but gave him space.
"Which one?" he asked in a wavering voice.
I picked up the box closest to me. "This one says it’s ninety-nine percent accurate."
"Okay." He took it from me with shaking hands, then reached for a second box. "Just in case."
Back at his apartment, he disappeared into the bathroom. I waited on the couch and my wolf was as anxious as I was.
What if he doesn't want the baby?
The bathroom door opened. Julian emerged holding two plastic sticks. His pale face wasn’t reassuring.
"They’re both positive." He held them out. "I'm pregnant."
"How do you feel?"
He set the tests on the coffee table. "Not sure. Will the baby be a shifter?"
"Most likely."
"And you said shifters mate for life. That's what you said earlier. What does that mean exactly?"
"It means we're bonded. I recognized you as the person I'm meant to be with. The bond isn't complete yet—that requires a ceremony—but the connection is there."
He touched his stomach and he was quiet for so long I thought he might ask me to leave. "I need to see your wolf again. I'm carrying a baby who's going to be a shifter. I can't be a parent who's terrified of what their child is. And I can't love half of you while being scared of the other half."
"You love me?"
"I'm getting there. Even when everything was confusing, part of me knew I was falling for you. All of you."
"We can wait. You don't have to do this tonight."
"I do. Because if I wait, I'll build it up in my head until it's worse than reality." He grabbed his jacket again. "Take me to your place and show me."
Julian's hand found mine on the drive, and I held on tight, feeling his pulse against my palm.
The woods behind my house were dark except for moonlight filtering through the trees. I led Julian to the clearing where the stream ran. The water running over rocks filled the silence.
"I'm going to shift now but it won’t be scary like last time."
"Okay." His voice was barely audible.
I stripped and let my wolf take his fur. Within seconds, I stood on four legs, looking up at Julian.
Julian was breathing hard but he didn't run. He took a step forward, then another. "You're really in there," he whispered. "I can see it in your eyes."
I let him approach at his own pace. His hand shook when he reached out, but his fingers touched my wolf’s head. I could smell his fear but he didn’t run or scream.
"You're beautiful like this." His voice broke. "I was so scared before." He stroked my ears, and I leaned into his touch. "Now I can love both versions of you."
I pressed into his hand, making a soft whine.
Tears streamed down his face. "I'm sorry I was too scared to see this."
I shifted back and pulled him into my arms. "You're here now."
We sank to the ground together, holding each other in the moonlight. The stream burbled nearby and the woods were alive with night sounds.
"I'm pregnant," he whispered. "We're having a baby." He looked up at me as moonlight reflected in his eyes. "I want you and our baby.”
My wolf was content. This is everything.
"I love you and our little one.”
"I should call my parents." Julian stared at the positive tests.
"Now?"
"If I wait, I'll chicken out." He pulled out his phone. "They're going to freak."
His dad answered on the second ring and Julian put it on speakerphone. "Julian! It's late, is everything—"
"I'm pregnant, Dad."
"You're what?"
"Pregnant. With my boyfriend's baby."
"Julian Michael Yarrow, you cannot just drop a bomb like this at 11 PM on a weekday."
"I know. But I wanted you to know. I'm really happy."
There was another pause. "Do you love him?"
Julian glanced at me and I grinned. I hoped he was going to say yes. "Absolutely."
"Then congratulations, sweetheart. When can we meet him?"
"Maybe we’ll come up this weekend."
They said their goodbyes and Renard and I kissed.
"Teach me about shifters, mates, and being a parent to a shifter child. I want to know everything."