11. Chapter 10
Scottie
I try to take steady breaths as I scrub my hands and arms, my body trembling slightly, my mind unable to stop running wild.
I just did that, I mean, it really did just happen.
“You did good, Scottie,” Doc says as he leans against the wall behind me, watching my every move with concern while Dr. Thomas goes with a still unconscious Bradley to his room.
Did good? Really? I think the man is delusional because I didn’t –at least I don’t think I did…
Every step I’ve just done, I am second-guessing myself, and I feel like I’m about to go into panic mode.
Am I going to lose my job because I used the wrong technique? I mean, I did, didn’t I?
“Scottie, I’m telling you, you did amazing,” he tries, his tone soft and full of concern, and I choke, “Did I though?” unable to keep my thoughts to myself, “Was the incision correct? Was it below five centimeters like it should have been? Did I decompress the nerves correctly and reposition them in the right place? What if they move back and he ends up requiring a nerve graft because I didn’t place them in the correct position?
What if his knee nerve tears? What if he’s always going to be in pain? ”
Panic hits me so hard I struggle to breathe and my eyes tear up, my emotions that I can’t seem to control are running high.
I don’t even know what is wrong with me. I’ve been in the OR several times with Dr. Thomas. Heck, he calls me his prodigy, yet I’m terrified I’ve messed up Bradley’s surgery. He pushed for me to do it when I didn’t feel comfortable for reasons I refuse to understand.
“Scottie, look at me, darling,” Doc says softly as I roughly dry my hands and arms and I shake my head.
I’m going to cry, I can feel it, I want to cry.
“Dr. Aimes!” he says more firmly in his presidential voice, and I turn around without thinking, locking eyes with his. They soften as my tears fall because I can’t stop them, even if I wanted to, I can’t because like I said, my emotions are running high.
“I don’t even know what is wrong with me,” I choke as I roughly wipe away my tears, and Doc sighs as he pushes off the wall and takes two large steps before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest. The first sob escapes as I tremble, causing him to hold me tighter.
“I-I don’t understand why I-I I’m acting this way,” I sob, and the man sighs as he pulls back and gently cups my cheek, wiping away my tears.
“You’re acting this way because you feel Thunder is yours,” he whispers and I instantly shake my head in denial, but he presses, “You do and it is okay, it’s okay to feel this way, it’s okay to feel confused.
It’s also okay to question your every step in there which was perfect I may add, because of how you feel,” he gives me a smile, “He is yours and you are his and it’s scary.
Believe me, I should know I’ve been there with Brit, but this reaction is completely normal. ”
“But I barely know him,” I whisper, fear consuming me.
We’ve had one long conversation. Before that, I can admit to keeping my distance, so these feelings are not valid, they can’t be.
“And sometimes, like with Brit and I, all it took was for her to admitting to stealing a cat for me to fall for her,” he says with a small smile, “There is no handbook or lessons on how you know you are meant to be with someone. There is no book on how long it is supposed to take to fall in love with someone because in my experience, all it takes is one act. One look to know that person belongs with you and Thunder, he is yours and he does want you, you’ve just got to push your fears back and let yourself fall for him because I can promise you, he will catch you. ”
A few more tears fall, and I sniffle, “I never felt this way with Kavan, even when I caught him with my sister. When she gloated about being pregnant, I never felt this scared of my feelings. If anything, I was more hurt because of her actions, her determination to hurt me when I did nothing to deserve it.”
“And that should tell you not to run now, to not let your fears take hold,” he whispers, “And as for in there,” he nods to the OR behind me, “It was amazing, and if I didn’t know you were at the end of your intern year, I would have thought you were an attending.”
My bottom lip wobbles and I confirm, “I didn’t do anything wrong?”
He grins and admits, “You didn’t, and I want you in Wincher, working for me. I don’t care what Doc says, you’d be better off in my department.”
I snort before taking a deep breath, and I wipe my face as he demands softly, “What do you do next, Dr. Aimes?”
Taking another deep breath, I answer, “I go and inform your wife of her brother’s condition, then I go and check on my patient.”
“Then off you go,” he says, then adds, “but make sure you tell her and the rest of them that Thunder is to have no visitors until he wakes up.” I frown as I look at him with confusion, and he adds, “When Thunder wakes up, he’ll just want to see you,” then adds a wink, and I know my cheeks are heating at the smirk that stretches across his face.
Ass.
Shaking my head, I walk out of the OR, down the hallway full of doctors and nurses and head to the double doors that lead to a waiting room for families who have a loved one having surgery.
Knowing the nurse would have explained that someone would be out momentarily, and I shake my hands, trying to still calm my emotions.
“Kathleen, sit down, the doctor will be here in a moment!” I hear someone snap, and I wince when the woman I know who cannot stand me, replies, “That woman is not a doctor, she should not be operating on my son!”
Well, that wasn’t very nice…
“Mama,” I hear, and I quickly open the door and walk inside before anything else can be said.
I’ve already had one little breakdown out of fear that I messed up, I don’t need another one.
All eyes come my way, and I smile slightly as three men and four women crowd around me, hoping my nerves aren’t showing or worse, blotchy eyes from crying.
“How is he?” Brittany asks, and I gently squeeze her arm, hoping to settle her a little.
She’s clearly pregnant, and I don’t want her stress to affect her baby.
“He did really well,” I begin, “The surgery was a success with no complications, and he should be awake within the next hour.”
A man I learned is Anchor steps forward with a petite woman under his arm, and he asks, “What about his recovery?”
“As soon as he wakes up, the goal is to get him up and moving immediately. We don’t want his body to seize up.
We’ll start off slowly because of the pain he will be in,” I explain, “He won’t be allowed to drive for at least the minimum of four weeks, including riding his bike.
Then he will have to slowly get back to operating any vehicle. ”
“What room has he been taken to? I want to see my son,” Kathleen demands as she steps forward, trying to intimidate me, and I give the woman a tight smile.
She’s going to kick off, I just know it, but Doc's orders.
“He’s currently still on this surgical unit where he will stay until he wakes up,” I lie, “As soon as he is awake, a nurse will come and get you.”
I turn and walk out before they can say anything else, but Kathleen's, “That is not acceptable! Someone get Doc right now!” just hits my ears, and I wince as I walk towards another set of double brown doors.
“Dr. Aimes, wait!” I hear, and I swallow my sigh of defeat as I turn and lock eyes with Brittany’s tearful ones.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, and she gives me a tight smile.
“I’m going to be completely out of line right now,” she admits, “My brother has felt lost these past few years, hasn’t been himself and I now understand that the pain is what caused most of his emotions.
He’s also mentioned missing something, and I will admit, I’m seeing a little bit of my brother coming back because of you. ”
I cut in and mention, “We’ve only just met…”
She shrugs and says, “Sometimes meeting the right person is all it takes,” before she continues, “I know you feel something towards my brother, it’s why you didn’t want to operate on him.
I know he sees something with you. Don’t make him stay here, don’t be selfish and take my brother away from me, my children’s uncle away from them. ”
I’m sorry what?
My mouth parts in shock as she looks behind her at the surgical waiting room door before she looks back at me and says, “You have your nephew, and even I can see you won’t leave him, so don’t be selfish and make my brother leave his family, to leave me for you.”
With that said, she turns and walks back into the waiting room, and I lock my jaw as I head towards the room Bradley has been taken to, ready to check on my patient.
I don’t know how to feel about what was just said, so right now, instead, I’m going to ignore that it even happened because honestly, my head is scrambled.
She doesn’t even know me, yet she believes I’d force someone to leave their family behind?
Judgmental much?
Walking into room one thirty-four a few minutes later, my eyes go to Bradley, seeing he’s still asleep before they go to his monitor to see everything is normal. I grab his chart before rounding the bed, and I begin my checks, not looking at his face again, trying to be professional.
He’s just another patient, I repeat, he’s just another patient.
Whatever you say, the devil cackles, and I grit my teeth as I grab my stethoscope, but just before I can listen to his heart, I hear, “Treasure,” and I lock eyes with Bradley’s deep hazel ones, and I know I am so goddamn screwed with how much they suck me in.
***
I try to ignore the pull to go back to the second floor, where Bradley is with his family, and I head for the exit, my feet dragging, tiredness filling me ten hours later.
I’ve spent the last three quarters of my shift flittering in and out of his room, unable to stay despite every fiber of my being wanting to. With Brittany watching my every move and her words swimming, I knew I had to leave. I didn’t want to, but I had to.
She made it perfectly clear earlier, she doesn’t want her brother to stay here, and she knows I have Sammie.
She told me not to be selfish while she was, and I’m mad her, but I shouldn’t be right? Her brother doesn’t know me, we’ve had one real conversation, so why am I angry at her words? Why am I hurt?
You know why, the voice in the back of my head whispers and I swallow hard as I put my head down and walk towards my car with my heart in my throat.
I don’t know how to control my feelings.
I don’t even understand them, so her words, for some reason, hurt me, I can’t comprehend right now.
I just, I’m confused because these kinds of feelings don’t exist out of the story books.
I never felt like this with Kavan, the undeniable feeling to run back inside that hospital to be close to the person I seem to want but to also want to run far from.
The feeling like I can’t breathe the longer I’m away from him, I never believed in them, yet here they are.
I’m scared, because Bradley has the ability to destroy me, something Kavan never did.
Squeezing my eyes tight, I pick up my speed before I say screw it and head back inside, but I freeze when I hear, “Who is that biker to you?!” snapped forcefully and I look up and lock eyes with a very pissed-off Kavan who is standing by my car.
Mention his name, and he shall show…
“Don’t you know it’s creepy hiding out in a dark parking lot?” I mock as I unlock my car, then open the driver’s door, trying to act unbothered when I am very much bothered.
Trying to corner me in the hospital is one thing, but outside in the dark? Yeah no.
“Answer my question, Sapphire,” he demands as he grips my car door, stopping me from climbing inside, and I raise a brow at him because really? And he scowls harder as he says, “I just need to know.”
I could lie to him, but you know what? He never saved my feelings when he cheated with my sister. Something tells me he won’t allow me to leave until I answer his question, and I have a demon cat to feed.
“He’s someone I could have a future with,” I admit, and his hand drops from my door as his mouth drops in shock.
I quickly climb into my car, using his stumped state against him before I shut my door and lock it from the inside just as his face reddens with realization – I’m not his but I never was because he was always going to be my sister’s.
He bangs on my window after he tries my door and demands, “Open the fucking door!” but I ignore the crazy man as I start the ignition before putting my car in gear.
He bangs harder on the window, and I quickly pull away before he smashes the glass, hoping I run over his foot, completely confused by his behavior lately.
Even before he began working at the hospital, he would try to get wherever I was, tried touching my arm or hand, tried calling me.
The idiot cheated with my sister, knocked her up, then married her and has stayed married to her for seven years. Why in the hell does he keep trying to talk to me?
Shaking my head, I speed down the road again, ignoring the feeling of returning to Bradley, and I head home, trying to forget the tiring day.
Brittany, Kavan, Kathleen…
I’m ready for bed.