Chapter 11
11
ROWAN
I paced in front of Richard. I’d been doing this for a couple days now, and he looked like death. I’d cut every inch of his skin, a pound of flesh for every person. Leaving the mask on him throughout his torture, he was brought to the brink of suffocation over and over again.
I continued to show him how it felt to be on the receiving end of the torture, and the life was slowly fading from his eyes as he sat tied to the chair, soaked in his own blood, but it never felt like what I did to him was enough. Not after seeing what happened with Charlotte.
Horrified to find that I was enjoying myself, I couldn’t tell if it was the torture I liked or if it was the fact that I was getting revenge on a man who hurt the one woman I’d ever loved.
Either way, I felt sick to my stomach at the things I’d done, and I was tired. Time to finish this. My eyes glanced around the room and focused on what to look for. There was no sledgehammer down here, so I had to look for the next best thing.
Against the wall stood a steel beam no longer than my arm, so I stalked over to it, picked it up, and held it in my hand feeling the weight of it. It would take a lot of power, but if I mustered enough it would do the job.
“Richard Walker, you have been charged with rape, trafficking, and being a complete dickhole. How do you plead?” This would feel amazing.
Met with an arrogant silence, I shrugged, lifted my arm over my head, and brought it straight down onto his right knee. Years of pent-up anger and frustration used to brutally shatter this man’s body, and I loved every minute of it.
“How. Smash . Does. Smash. It feel? Smash .” I said through each breath as I destroyed his other knee.
“How does it feel to know YOU will never walk again!”
Instead of throwing down the beam I brought it hard across his face and watched his teeth fall to the floor.
“You took everything from me!” Smack . “She’s never going to be the same again. She didn’t deserve it!”
My emotions were starting to get the best of me; he would suffer, one last time. With heaving breaths, I fixed the mask onto his face again, and I could hear his labored breaths through the filter.
“Charlotte will never love you, Rowan,” Walker mocked. “Not after this. So, moldable at this point aren't they? Give her a bone or two and she will be back where she needs to be. On her knees.”
Growling, I flicked?the dial on the remote and watched as he struggled to draw in a breath, smashing it in front of him. The look of realization on his face was priceless, and I gave him one last upturned smile as he struggled weakly against his restraints.
Kneeling to his level watching his face turn purple I said, “How does it feel to know you’re going to die? Is your life flashing before your eyes?”
Playing with him was the most satisfying thing about the whole ordeal. “I got down on my knees and crawled to her, you know? She grabbed my cock so assertively, and she claimed me. And I let her. Did you ever think I would be the one to kill you?”
“You are indeed the monster I’d always thought you were. You just needed to be placed in the right situation to fully embrace it.” He croaked out.
When he stopped struggling and a cold, dead look overcame his face, the situation became surreal to me. I’d killed people before, but they were quick deaths; I never stared into their faces as the life left their bodies.
It set a whole different aura about the room, and about me. I felt numb and I didn’t know what to do next, what to do about Charlotte. How could I help her? She’d looked so damaged, so hurt, when I saw her just a few hours before dealing with Walker. Now that the biggest threat was out of the way, and I didn’t know what to do.
Closing the door behind me, I headed toward the main staircase and smirked. “I’m only the subject of my creator.”
Any light that Lottie brought back diminished the moment I saw what they did to her. The Walkers had been judged, and I was the executioner.
Ascending the stairs I headed directly for the kitchen needing to clean myself up. A few people noticed my state and backed away or gasped, but quickly went along with their other duties. There was no stopping me now and they would all pay.
Letting the adrenaline settle, I turned on the kitchen sink and ran my bloody hands under it making sure to scrub at my forearms and dug under my fingernails furiously. Watching the red water swirl down the drain, I felt as though I were caught up in a whirling tide myself. The last time I’d felt so lost, I found my escape with coke, and as I cleaned my hands off, I found myself yearning for a hit.
I’d promised Charlotte I would never touch them again, I promised myself too, and I'm going on five years sober, to ruin everything would be asinine. She’d be so devastated if she knew I even thought of it. The longer I stood there, the more I craved the high, and that was what I needed just then. I think.
I needed to be able to think in order to help Charlotte through her own head. I may not ever find out what exactly was done to her, but I had an idea, and they branded her like everyone else. The fact that she pushed even myself away at the slightest touch, with a fear tinted in her eyes, told me what I needed to know, and how badly she was violated. The way her mind worked, the emotional turmoil will be her downfall, over the abuse itself. Her mind was no doubt a minefield and I had to help her before she imploded.
The video Lacey forced me to watch crossed my mind, and I quickly shook it away. I knew that it had only been the tip of the iceberg. I needed to forget. I needed to help Charlotte. I need coke. Slamming the heel of my hands on the counter, I pushed myself away from the sink and grabbed the keys to the bike as I dialed a number in my phone.
The diner was dim, and smelled of fresh coffee, or perhaps?it could have been the two cups that sat in front of me as I sat and waited in the window seat. He walked past and I sat up straight in the booth, the bell chiming behind me.
I haven’t spoken to Demitri in years, not since Thomas saved me from the Walkers. Chasing the high wasn't really important anymore, it was the option of its availability that lured me in, and I had unfinished business with him anyway. Meeting D was a risk in itself. The man was a rat, always out for himself, and that's what he will always be. That was why he still worked with them, too bad the hand that fed him was gone.
He asked me to meet him in Walker territory, and my heart skipped a beat as he slid into the booth across from me with a sketchy smile etched on his face. It led me to believe this was a trap and I was on high alert.
“Rowan,” he said, moving back and forth trying to get comfortable. “You’re the talk of the town right now. I can’t believe you called me.”
I stared blankly at him. “I can’t believe I called you either, D,” I said, not wanting to continue the small talk. That's not what I was here for.
“You’re a wanted man, Rowan,” he continued, twiddling his thumbs. “I could collect a pretty hefty reward right now.”
I rolled my eyes. “You know as well as I do that I could kill you without anyone in this diner even knowing,” I said gruffly. “Do you have it? I’m not going to sit here all day.”
Demitri searched my face, and then he acquiesced. He reached into his coat and drew out a small baggie sliding it across the table to me.
“Here,” he said, and I gave him a wad of cash. “Don’t call me again, Rowan. I won’t be so chill next time.”
“Trust me, I won’t,” I said, slipping the bag into the pocket of my jeans.
My eyes slowly watched him take a sip of the coffee like the stupid fuck he was and a smirk slowly painted my features. “Because there won’t be a next time.”
“What did you do Anderson?” He panicked.
“Awe, nothing you’re not used to. Now, you can gag on your vomit like all the others.”
The paraphernalia burned a hole in my pocket instantly, and I glanced around the diner, suddenly suspicious that he hadn’t come alone. Shimmying out of the seat, I listened in satisfaction at the grunts and whimpers behind me, quieted, then came a thump as he hit the floor hard. Doesn't he know you can’t trust anyone? Not in this line of work . As soon as the door closed, I whistled a tune taking off down the street.
Upon returning?home, I promptly looked for a place to stash my hidden secret when my eyes fell on a bread box on the counter that looked as though it had gone unused for a very long time. Using some tape from one of the drawers, I attached it to the underside of the bread box, out of sight. When I was sure it was safely hidden, I shucked my jacket off and headed to her room hoping no one would find it.
I’d been gone from her for too long, and the guilt I felt over turning to the drugs was eating me alive. Will she know? She can’t know… Being so weak-minded, and giving into my urges weighed heavy on me.
I pushed my way through her bedroom door and became instantly irritated. Nikki stood from a chair next to Charlotte’s bed and approached me.
I glanced at Charlotte; she seemed to be asleep, and Nikki looked like she wanted to fight.
“Rowan,” she whispered, tapping her foot in annoyance. “I wanted to let you know that I would never hurt Charlotte. I promise you that I didn’t know what Jace was involved with. For you to think I had something to do with it is absurd . ”
“Yeah?” I growled, accusing her. “Then where the fuck were you when the others were saving our skin?”
Nikki’s eyes filled with tears. “I was so scared when I heard gunshots, Rowan. It caught me completely off guard. Jace told me not to come here that night, and I felt like something wasn’t right. Charlotte has a small room she uses…well used to hide away in, look I’ll show you. That’s where I hid. Who knows what would have happened if they found me.”
Nikki pointed to one of the bookshelves that were built into the wall before pulling a few books out of the shelf activating a series of clicks and pulls before the door popped open. “You have to believe me, Rowan.”
I glared at her, stepping into the room, and sure enough it was small, but big enough to include? a small futon and a half-bathroom, her safe haven. Nicole was telling the truth; she’d never betray Charlotte, and I could see the sadness in her eyes over losing Jace. I looked away, unable to face the hurt that swam within her. My eyes scanned over the small desk with four to five small screens. I locked eyes with Nicole and she laughed quietly.
“She followed you from the moment she got wind you were home, but she didn’t want to reach out and have anything to do with you going backward.”
“Jace is gone, but he’s not dead,” I said bluntly, opening the bedroom door for her.
She walked through and then turned to face me. “Rowan, I need your help. We have to help her,” she looked past me at Charlotte. “She hasn’t said a word to me, and her eyes…I’m afraid we’ll lose her if we don’t intervene. Lottie needs you.”
I nodded, letting her words soften my demeanor. “Okay. I’ll see what I can do.”
I closed the door against her empathetic gaze and went to Charlotte. She was sleeping so peacefully, and I didn’t want to disturb her. She needs all the rest she can possibly get, and sleep pricked at my eyes as well. I tucked her blanket around her before climbing into bed, being careful not to let our skin touch out of respect for her feelings.
Charlotte
I bolted awake, my sweat-slicked skin sticking to the comforter. The nightmares were so vivid, and I just wanted them to end. Every time I closed my eyes, I felt Walker’s?hands on me, I felt all of them inside me, and it made me sick to my stomach. It was so dark in my room, and from the dip in the bed I felt, Roe was fast asleep next to me, though it seemed like he’d put the blanket between us on purpose. His soft snores calmed me and I ran my finger along his cheekbone, wishing to be close to him again. His hand grabbed mine and I pulled away quickly.
Bile rose, falling over my lips and down my oversized T-shirt, so I swung my legs over the bed and stumbled toward the bathroom. I felt so weak, my limbs numb with the phantom feeling of the drug they’d kept me under for so many days, and I dropped to the floor, sobbing in between dry heaving.
Hands rested on my shoulders, and suddenly I was being lifted in the air, my body floating on a soft yet firm cloud. Rowan set me down in front of the toilet and lifted the lid for me before sliding down the tile wall of my bathroom. His touch, though gentle, made the nightmare I’d had come to life. My skin crawled as he held me and the soft sound of his voice sounded abrasive to my ears, when weeks before, it’s all I yearned for. I love him, but right now he makes me sick, but I can’t tell him that, I don’t even want him to touch me, let alone see me like this.
I leaned over the toilet, trying to focus on the feeling of throwing up rather than the feeling of phantom hands on my body. Rowan pulled my hair back as I let loose, spilling what little contents were in my stomach, I was done; but I kept heaving. Maybe if I threw up enough it would make the dirty feeling go away. I just want it to go away .
As I wiped my mouth, Rowan spoke.
“Charlotte, are you okay?”
A tear slid down my cheek as I turned and sat on the floor. He joined me, keeping a safe distance reassuring me that I wasn’t alone.
I choked on my words as I spoke. “I tried to pretend that it was you every time,” I said. “I thought that it would help me rationalize the abuse, but it never worked.”
Rowan reached out with his bandaged hand, withdrawing?it before he could touch me. I imagined that he’d thought better of it, and I moved my hand closer, meeting his halfway and giving it a tight squeeze.
“Rowan, I would have never stabbed you, I’m so sorry.”
I couldn’t hide the sorrow and guilt in my voice. He sighed sadly and leaned into me, holding me as I cried and stroked my back in his own way of comforting me. We sat like that for what seemed like hours.
He never left.