Chapter 15
15
ROWAN
I listened to the sound of her breaths as she slept. She didn’t snore but was on the verge of it, safe and relaxed. She was adorable, to say the least, she was being far too unkind to herself, and needed to give herself a break. Sleep gave her a peaceful aura, and her relaxed expression gave me hope for brighter days. She needed to let that out tonight and I was grateful she felt safe enough to be so vulnerable. When she said she wanted them all to pay, it gave me endless motivation to do what I needed to do, and my eyes moved to the files that sat on my dresser.
Charlotte had revealed just how deep her pain went, and I knew I could do nothing to save her from it. It was something she’d have to survive on her own, inside her head. Because though I yearned to be her protector, she was shielding me from the real pain, putting up a false front in order to protect me.
It was infuriating. I needed her to be vulnerable with me, and she had been tonight, but as soon as we left her father’s office, she shut down again. Will she ever let me in? I ground my teeth together, listening to the harsh squeak as enamel rubbed against enamel. Anxiety rose within me, and I knew I needed to leave the room if I wanted to make sure she got her sleep.
I slipped a shirt on and quietly exited the room, padding down the hallway until I reached the kitchen. I filled a glass with water and sipped at it before setting it down on the counter with a sigh. I flattened my palms against the cool surface and stared at the half-filled glass, wondering if that would forever be our life together, watching as the moonlight from the windows danced with the thousands of water droplets that spit out a mural of light onto my hands.
I can’t do this anymore, I thought bitterly, my eyes darkened and rage took over. I swept the glass off the counter and listened to it shatter against the floor. Making a fist, I began beating on the cupboards as if it were their fault everything happened the way it did. Pressboard and wood crunched under my unrelenting hand, and I ignored the pain in my knuckles as I went, growling my frustrations until I reached the end of the row of cabinets, punching, kicking, and ripping until I had nothing else to hit.
My breath heaved in my chest and my rage subsided as I realized what I’d done. Someone would ask questions. I ran a hand through my hair. Fuck it…. I thought, grabbing my stash and bringing it to the table.
Rummaging the drawers, I found a collection of straws and brought it to the table. I poured the contents of the bag out and used my pinkie to push the white powder into a straight line before placing one end of the straw in my nostril, I leaned over the neat line I’d created and breathed in deeply.
The feel of the fine white powder was like sandpaper to the soft tissue inside my nose, and it made my eyes water. But the sensation that followed was what I hoped it would be. As my heart raced in my chest, my mind cleared and I felt more rested than I had in a long time. The clarity of everything after the hit was what I sought, though I tried for so long to resist the urge.
I sat down in the chair and relaxed, letting my head fall back as I sniffled. I didn’t know how I could help Charlotte get on the right path, but all seemed right with the world at that moment, and I didn’t want that to change.
“So we’re back to this, are we?” The sudden voice startled me and I lifted my head. Thomas stood at the other side of the table staring at me. Of course.
He looked calm, not a crease showed on his face, and it was terrifying. I knew he was disappointed in me.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I defended.
“Don’t play dumb, Rowan. I saw what you did. Are you really willing to throw away all the hard work you’ve done to get clean? What were you thinking?” he scolded.
My cheeks heated and I knew it was too late to try and hide what I’d done. I mean, the evidence was still clearly on the table, and I didn’t know how long he’d been watching me. I knew I was going to cry, and I choked back a sob before speaking.
“I don’t know how to help her, man,” I said, letting loose. “I can’t protect her, and it’s killing me.”
He pulled a chair out and sat down, sliding a beer to me, which in my opinion was counter-intuitive.
“The only way to help her is to become the monster that Walker created. You can’t be the bodyguard that she hired you to be and that's fine, look at it from a different perspective. You have to protect her as the man who loves her and would kill for her. You must eliminate everything and anyone in her way. Make sure that everyone knows what will happen if they even look at her the wrong way.”
I nodded, listening to his words intently, and the simplicity of them was not lost on me. I couldn’t believe it was as simple as loving her, and I’d missed it.
Thomas continued. “She’s trying to process so many different things at once, and it can be overwhelming for anyone. So right now, she needs to know that you support her and will back her up in any decision she makes.”
And I would. The ring I’d bought her in Hawaii came to mind, and I knew that it was the same thing I’d have to do if I was her husband. Charlotte needed me to love her, not to tiptoe around her like she was damaged goods.
She was the only person who got me—all of me, inside and out— and I intended to be that same kind of person for her.
“I think you're in the wrong line of work, buddy.” I chuckled.
“I’m warning you now Rowan, if I catch you again, I won’t be helping you. I will put you in a car and have you dropped off at a random facility; and you will never see her again,” he warned.
He thinks he can keep me away from her, it didn’t work before and if I kept true to the words he had just spoken then I would take care of him too. My jaw tensed and knuckles cracked as I straightened them out.
“I’m not scared of you Thomas. I have no problem using your intestines as a jump rope if you try to keep her from me.” I chuckled and sat back, cracking the beer open with my teeth. “After I strangle you with them of course.”
“I love it when you talk dirty to me,” he chuckled deeply, chugging his own drink. “The fear almost made me come in my pants.”
I watched as Charlotte’s eyes fluttered open, matching the feeling of butterflies I had in my stomach. I grinned childishly at her as she woke, and she knitted her eyebrows together.
“Why are you being weird, Roe?” she asked with a weak smile as she stretched.
“I have something that I want to do, just the two of us. Do you trust me?” I asked, taking her hand in mine and raising it to my lips.
She nodded and snuggled deeper into her soft comforter. “Of course I trust you.”
“Good, I laid out an outfit for you, get dressed and come with me. I’ve already got everything prepared,” I said, peeling the blanket from her protesting form.
I threw open the curtain, drowning her in warm sunlight, and she playfully threw a pillow at me as she rose from the bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a white tank top. I was vibrating with excitement, but I let her slip on her shoes and then I took her by the hand and pulled her out of the room.
“Where are we going, Rowan?” she asked, confusion clear on her face.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and kept walking. “Just trust me, Princess. We’re going to have some peace and quiet for a couple of days,” I said, as I opened the front door and stepped outside. “I have no idea why I didn’t think about it before.”
My bike was ready to go, with two helmets resting on top. I had asked a couple of the younger kids if they could bring our stuff out before us, so we had everything needed and they obliged.
“We’re going for a ride?” She asked, and the unmistakable sound of frivolous excitement came with her words.
I nodded and handed her a helmet, helping her secure the strap under her chin before lifting her onto the backseat. I climbed on after her and started it up.
“Hang on for me. It’s a long ride,” I said.
Charlotte
My thighs were sore and stiff from squeezing onto the bike for hours. The sun was meeting the horizon in an array of purples and oranges making for a beautiful view. I didn’t know how much longer I could hold on. How the hell do bikers do this on the daily? I thought, gritting my teeth and squeezing harder as we rounded a curve. I could ride for a good while, but not hours.
The road weaved through trees covered in lush green foliage, and it seemed to be narrowing the further along the road we went. The forest was getting thicker, and the hilly road was lulling me to sleep. Leaning my helmeted head against Roe’s shoulder my eyes closed momentarily, letting myself focus on the vibrations of the bike beneath me. I was so tired from riding the whole day with only two short stops. I needed to get off, but exhaustion kept my mouth closed.
Just before sleep overcame my senses, the gentle motion of the bike coming to a complete stop woke me, and Roe’s hand found my thigh.
“Don’t fall asleep, Princess. It’s dangerous,” he said, climbing off the bike.
I stretched and let Roe hoist me off the seat. My legs felt like jelly, and I knew I’d be feeling it worse by morning, but it was completely worth it.
“Where are we?” I asked, glancing around.
We were surrounded by trees and thick underbrush, but the clearing we’d stopped in also had a small cabin. It was a cozy, beautiful sight, but I still wasn’t sure what Rowan had planned.
“This is the cabin my mom used to take me to when I was younger. It was my grandparents; she would tell me so many stories of her childhood here. When they passed, they wanted her to have it. Whenever she wanted to get away from the pace of life, she’d bring me here,” He said, giving a sorrowful gaze to the little wooden house.
“It’s so peaceful,” I said, following Roe to the door.
He placed his helmet on a small table just inside the door and pulled me inside after him. I followed suit, ditching my helmet and taking a moment to snoop around. It was a quaint cabin, with a living room, kitchen, dining table, and a single bedroom off the main space.
Roe’s arms circled around me and his lips traced the outside of my ear. “I wanted to bring you here to get you away from the stress for a few days. We can leave if you want, but I wanted to show you something that’s as beautiful as you are,” he crooned.
I couldn’t stifle my smile. “You’re such a romantic, Roe,” I said. “We can stay.”
“I’ll bring our bags in,” he said, releasing me and disappearing out the door.
I walked around the small couch and sat down, taking note of the few pictures hanging on the walls of a younger Roe with his mother. Picking up a framed photo from the coffee table, I held it in my hands. It was a picture of them standing in front of the very cabin we were at.
They both looked so carefree, and I could see the bond they had with each other. Wow, it must have really hurt when she died, I thought, wiping a tear from my cheek that appeared suddenly. The whole cabin was filled with memories of Rowan and his mother, memories of his childhood hidden in plain sight for me to see.
I heard the door open and turned to Rowan, his silhouette darkened by the setting sun outside. He clambered through the door and dropped the bags in a heap, and topped it with a wooden frame. I stood and looked at it. My easel.
“You brought my paints?” I asked, puzzled.
“You took them with you to Hawaii, so I figured it was an essential for you,” he said, shutting the door. “Besides, the view out the back door is beautiful, and I knew you’d want to capture it forever.”
It was too much, but I was grateful for his thoughtfulness. “Roe, you did this all for me?” I asked bewildered.
He did everything possible to ensure we could just be…normal for a few days. Why did I ever think this man would hurt me? I felt terrible for the way I’d treated him. I’d been cautious around him, but it hit me hard when I realized I was only pushing him away. I needed to push my fear aside and give him a chance. After all, he’s the one who saved me— multiple times. Our eyes met and I found he was already staring at me.
His eyes held a childish glint and I smiled walking into his embrace. It was my favorite part of him, even in the most serious situation; I could look into his eyes and see the same sparkle. He immediately wrapped his arms around me and I was engulfed in his scent. It felt foreign and sweet, but I needed it;? I needed him. I clung to him, perhaps too tightly, and wanted the moment to last forever.
“I’m sorry for everything, Roe. You don’t deserve this,” I whispered.
He pulled back and stared at me. “For you, I’d do anything. I love you,” he said, kissing me softly on the lips.
I missed the feel of his mouth on mine, and though short, it gave me the first glimmer of hope I’d had since everything happened.
“Can we go lay down? I’m tired,” I asked.
“Sure. Why don’t you go get in bed, and I’ll be along shortly. I just want to put a few things away while we’re here,” he said, releasing me.
Snuggling up with him and letting him touch me seemed like a daunting task, but I felt I was ready. Maybe not for sex, but I longed to feel his arms around me again. I hastened through getting ready for bed and climbed under the covers just in time for Roe to come in and get ready himself.
“Motherfucker,” I heard him mumble from the bathroom, so I decided to investigate.
I pushed the door open and giggled seeing him, shaving cream half, on his face and half in the sink.
“You're a mess, do you need help?”
“It’s just really hard to use my right hand,” he said with irritation.
Spreading the shaving cream over the stubble on his chin, I ran the razor under the water and brought it to his face. He stared intensely at me as I worked against the grain, he always liked a closer shave.
“You know,” I mumbled, tapping the razor against the sink before resuming. “You could always grow it out, I like the rugged look. Plus we’re getting older, you don’t need to look perfect.”
He grabbed my hand lightly and his breath fanned over my face. “You did not just call me old, Princess.”
“Do you want to do this yourself?” I retorted. With a smirk. He let my hand go and I finished up, using the towel to wipe the remaining white foam from his face.
He ran his finger gently over my bottom lip and I let him, releasing a breath as his mouth took mine softly. “You’ll have to tell me how it feels against your lips.”
Smiling devilishly, I backed out of the bathroom and headed toward the bed with Rowan in tow. Peeling the blanket back, we climbed in bed, and I pressed myself into him. “I love you, Roe.”
The fatigue I’d felt while on the way here had never fully left me, it had only lingered over my shoulder. As I warmed up underneath the blanket with Roe by my side, my sleepiness returned, and my eyelids felt heavy. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I’d fall asleep.
Cherishing the moment, I reached up and gave him a peck on the cheek running my thumb along the healed scar lovingly.
“Thank you,” I said, my eyes already closed. I didn’t have to say it, he knew what I meant.
As I drifted off to sleep, the sound of his chuckle hurried me along, and I was soon drifting off.