Chapter 16
16
T he sound of birds chirping pulled me gently back to the real world, and my eyes fluttered open. I hadn’t noticed it the night before, but the wall wasn't a wall at all, it was a beautiful window. It couldn't open, but it allowed me to enjoy nature’s view. I could see through the sheer white curtains into the backyard.
Rowan must have hung a bird feeder just outside the window, and I could see birds of every color pecking at the little seeds as they fell from the swinging feeder. A flash of red caught my eye, and I bolted upright to see better. Sure enough, a cardinal landed safely on the feeder. But he paid no heed to the food in front of him.
Instead, he seemed to peer straight through the window and into my eyes.
“Dad,” I whispered. The cardinal chirped, stole a crumb from a smaller bird next to him, and took flight once more.
Clambering out of bed, I rushed to the window to try and see the bird again, and my action stirred Roe.
“Is everything okay?” he asked groggily, sitting up.
I turned from the window with a longing etched across my face, I wanted the small bird to come back. “Yes, I just saw a cardinal, that’s all.”
Cardinals had significance to the Bennett family, and I had no doubts that my dad was looking after me; it was the first time I’d seen one in years. I had no idea why dad used a cardinal in the family seal, but that was just another significance it held for me. He never told me, but I still smiled.
A warm feeling spread through me. Dad’s looking over me. What would he think? ?I knew exactly what he would think. He would scold me for being so weak and vulnerable. Then he’d remind me that the enemy looks for weaknesses. I had to be strong and keep my head up.
I remembered that last meeting Roe and I had with him and blushed at the thought of my father giving his blessing to us. And I was taking that all for granted. I looked at Roe as he stared at me. Chucking to myself at how messy his hair was, it brought me back to the night before. It was another part of his body that was always clean cut and parted, but right now it sat in a messy wisp at the top of his head, hanging slightly off the side of his face.
There was a twinge in his upper lip, tugging the rest of his face into a smile and I knew I was ready, but?worried that he wasn’t attracted to me like he was before. I’d spent the last however-many weeks pushing him away from me. My hands were clammy just thinking about bringing it up. I didn’t know if I could handle that kind of rejection.
I walked into the bathroom to relieve myself. As I washed my hands, I stared at myself in the mirror. I had turned into an empty shell of a woman. I was thin, almost gaunt-looking, and my hair was stringy and oily.
This isn’t me. I was clearly damaged, and now that Roe knew how I truly felt about what happened to me, how could I be sure he still wanted me? For all I knew, he was only doing all the romantic stuff to ensure he kept his job, or maybe out of guilt for what happened. Exhaustion overtook me; not physical exhaustion, but the kind that overtakes a person who was trying too hard to achieve something.
It was just out of reach, and I fought the urge to give up. Another thought briefly crossed my mind, that I was doing this to myself. It makes sense, if I remain undesirable, nobody can hurt me again. But how long can I do this to myself? To him? I resolved to try and that started with a shower and brushing the knots that collected in my once healthy hair.
Once finished, I left the bathroom and crawled back under the covers. Rowan was reading a book, and I lay on my side, trying not to disturb him. I could still feel everything that those men did to me, and it made my skin crawl, but I took a small step today, and now, I think I'm ready to take a larger one.
My mind started drifting within the quietness, and I started to feel unsafe as the silence surrounded me. I squeezed my eyes shut against the memories threatening to surface, hoping it would stop them in their tracks. Nausea overcame me, and I swallowed against the urge to throw up. I only want to feel Roe’s touch and remember the way he makes me feel….
As I changed the track of my thoughts, the urge to vomit subsided and vivid memories of Rowan and me in bed came to my mind. The way he always looked into my eyes silently asking for consent even when I had already given it. He took care of my needs during, and after, he knows my body like a roadmap; kissing, caressing, and loving all the right places. I want him, he won’t hurt me, and I'm ready.
My pulse raced and the horrible thoughts threatened to derail me again.
“Rowan,” I whispered.
I heard him close the book in his hands and set it down on the nightstand. The bed vibrated gently as he repositioned himself, propping his elbow on the pillow beside me and brushing a strand of hair out of my face. I rolled over to face him. Here goes nothing.
“I need you,” I whispered, running a hand down his arm and over his torso.
He grabbed my wrist as I reached for his waistband and closed his eyes tightly, shaking his head no, and remained silent.
“Please, Rowan. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to feel them. All I want to feel is you,” I choked, trying not to cry.
I wasn’t ready for the rejection, and I fought the urge to run away. Stick with it, maybe he’s not ready…. His jaw clenched and he dropped his forehead to mine. Sighing, he shook his head.
“Please take it away…” I tried. His head rose rapidly, and he stared at me intensely, taking my breath away.
The pain and hurt that swam in the depths of his eyes was heart-wrenching, and it confirmed my thoughts.
“I’m not ready,” he mumbled. “What if I hurt you?”
I could see the genuine fear in his eyes, but there was something else, a glimmer right in the corner of his brown irises, that was where I needed to be. That was where his want for me paraded. Admiring his thoughts I was thankful, but that was not what I needed right now.
Letting my hand travel down to my thigh, I rubbed the pads of my fingers over the W that was engraved into my skin. “I don’t feel like I’m yours anymore,” I choked. “They branded me as their own, and it’s the worst feeling.”
He tugged my hand away from my scar and placed it firmly on his shoulder, allowing me to feel the raised edges of his own brand. I ran my fingers along it before moving it around to the back of his neck and tugged him downward.
“They don’t own anything Lottie. Do you understand me?” he whispered over me. “You are mine.”
My lip quivered, jutting out into a pout as he leaned down, capturing my lips in his. At that moment all of our worries became meaningless, and I remembered why I fell in love with him. I smiled gently against the feel of his tongue tracing my lips before tangling with my own. The stitches he’d had had been gone for a while, but his tongue felt rough and coarse as it found its way through my lips massaging against mine.
The taste of him invaded me and I melted into him.
“More,” I whispered against his lips.
Rowan’s hands began wandering over my curves, and I arched my back as his thumb brushed under my breast, teasing me before his hand swung around to my back.? For what seemed like an eternity, we slowly stripped each other of our clothes until our naked bodies pressed together.
Everywhere his hands touched was freed from the abusive hands of my captors, and I yearned for him more than I ever thought possible. He was being so gentle, almost too gentle, and even though his touch was heavenly, I wanted my Rowan back. The Rowan who showed no mercy in the bedroom. I had the feeling that he was treating me like porcelain, and I hated it.
It only reminded me that there was a reason he should be reserved, and I needed that reason to disappear. He sucked my nipple into his mouth and twirled his tongue around it and I tried to focus on his touch again, but the anxiety running rampant in my thoughts kept coming back, and it was making me angry.
I was struggling to keep my head above water and enjoy the intimacy, but unwanted tears leapt to my eyes. Roe’s face swam into my line of sight as his hand gently cupped my face.
“I- I can’t…” I breathed.
Rowan
My eyebrows knit together as I watched her eyes slowly shift back to mine, brushing a tear from her cheek.
“Come back to me,” I whispered as I held her gaze.
I needed her to be okay. I couldn’t lose her, not now, not ever. I had only said no at first because I didn’t want to be the cause of the pain I was witnessing at this moment, and my guilt came crashing down on me. Her eyes soon refocused, and she let her hand rest against my cheek.
“Please keep talking to me,” she whispered, and those words gave me hope.
“Should we stop?” I asked, all too willing to do anything she wanted me to.
“No, don’t stop,” she swallowed hard and drew in a sharp breath.
Reaching between us, she took me in her firm grasp and stroked my shaft until it was ready and waiting to give her exactly what she needed. My breath caught in my throat as she rubbed her thumb through the precum on my tip and shifted her hips to line me up at her entrance.
“Please, Rowan,” she whispered.
I cradled her needy face in my hands as I slowly pressed into her, filling her in exactly the way she wanted. Our eyes locked together as we moved and I paused every few thrusts, letting her adjust to all the sensations, and she reassured me that she was okay each time. When her body relaxed into mine and her legs wrapped around me, I picked up my pace, resting my head against the crook of her neck as I moved.
“Oh God, yes,” she moaned breathily as her hips matched my pace effortlessly.
“You’re mine, Princess. Always,” I rubbed my hand across her peaked nipple and down her belly, stopping at the base of her abdomen and pushing down slightly.
Driving deep inside her, I could feel my cock inside her underneath my palm and took hers gently resting it in the same place. She moaned and thrust her hips toward me. “You feel that, Lottie? Feel me inside you?”
“Yes,” she whimpered. I practically lost my mind at the feeling of myself moving inside her.
Rolling my hips, the base of my cock brushed her clit, and she cried out in pleasure, a sound I never thought I’d hear again.
“That mark is nothing. You are mine.” I growled.
I moved my hand from her stomach to the back of her head and lifted her face to my chest, rolling my hips, giving her long, slow thrusts. She clung to me as I buried myself to the hilt each time.
“You belong to me. Every inch of you, Lottie. Every moan, every orgasm, every piece of you is mine,” I whispered in the crook of her neck, nipping at her skin, reveling in my own feelings of pleasure.
“Yes. Right there, don’t stop,” Charlotte moaned hotly, matching me stroke for stroke.
“Take your time and enjoy this, it’s okay if you don’t get there,” I encouraged, as I kissed her, sucking her tongue and swallowing her moans. It took some time, but soon she dug her nails into my shoulder as she met her climax, and I followed shortly after.
I leaned my forehead against hers, tracing my finger along her cheeks.
“I was brave, right?” she asked me in a hushed tone with her eyes closed. “It took too long; I'm sorry.”
“So brave,” I responded, smiling as I pulled her into me. “You’ll get there Charlotte, I promise.”
The sun's rays cast their full effect on us today, and I twisted my cap around wiping the sweat from my brow as I watched Lottie swing. It brought back memories of when my mother would push me and I would kick, seeing how high I could go, and laughed when my mom would yell to stop jumping from it. I stopped, but only when I broke my arm. Lottie had been down, realizing tomorrow we would have to go back, and it willed me to just keep her here indefinitely, I don't think she would refuse.
She was my nature girl, always allowing the fresh air and the sound of fresh running creek water to speak to her, it wasn’t fair the life she was dealt, but I would make sure we came out here at least once every couple months to recharge. I needed to teach her something important, and now was the right time, and I knew she would fight me about it.
“Lottie” I called out and she turned around to face me.? I waved her over before I reached into my waistband pulling out my gun.
“What are you doing with that, Rowan?” she questioned cautiously.
I connected the silencer to the barrel and looked toward her.
“You're going to learn to shoot it, Princess.”
Charlotte
“I don’t want to shoot Rowan.”
He looked at me, with an expression I couldn't quite pinpoint before a sigh left him.
“Charlotte, I can protect you if it comes to hand-to-hand combat, or even a knife fight, but I can’t shoot right now; I need to know that if someone is shooting at you, you're defended.”
“So are you saying you wouldn't jump in front of a bullet for me,” I teased, running my hand up his chest.
“Stop being stubborn, Princess.”
He stepped toward me as I stepped back. His hands slithered around my waist, and he turned me around to face the water. “Hold this gun like you hold my cock, Charlotte, tight grip, pretend the trigger is the tip.”
Moaning, I fell into his chest as he placed my thumb on the safety and growled as it clicked, signaling that I was a dangerous person right now, and I felt uneasy.
“Eyes on the tree to the left of the bank.” He whispered.
Gasping as his warm hands roamed around my waist, his touch spread a yearning through me.
He leaned down and his hot breath on my neck sent shivers down my spine.
“When do I stroke it?” I chuckled softly.
“Right now, pretty girl,” He breathed nibbling on my ear. “Shoot.”
I screeched, pulling the trigger, releasing the bullet from the chamber hearing it ricochet off the tree and into the water.
He laughed. “I know you can do better. Focus, Lottie. Try hitting the same spot or slightly to the right.”
Steadying my breath, I narrowed my eyes and held the gun up, facing it in the general direction of where it needed to go, and pulling the trigger; it hit slightly above the target, but was angled to the right. I walked up to the tree and inspected my work. It wasn't perfect, but I did it.
“Do you see that!” I jumped excitedly and he nodded back to me with a proud expression across his face.
“I knew you could do it Princess, let's go a few more times!”